Woman = Catty, Rude, Useless, Lying, Unconstant, Succubus From Hell

It never ends, and it seems like no matter what and no matter who, women always manage to do those womenly things that piss me right the hell off and makes me want to join some kind of backwards religion that keeps women locked up in chains or some damned thing in order to prevent them from screwing up the world with their evil woman-ness.

But when I touched bases with a female blogger who seemed to acknowledge that women were inherently evil and worthy of endless flogging, I thought, “Finally, someone who gets me and understands my frustration with this abominable creation of nature that is woman.” After trading a few emails, I ended up helping her monetize her blog with some degree of success (to the tune of a few hundred extra greens a month.) Why? Because I am if nothing else, an awesomely nice, studly guy.

And then I never hear from her again. I send several more emails. Nothing. Months go by. Promises made by her are unabashedly broken. I do her a favor, and in return I get plugged up the bonky boons. Yep, typical woman engaging in typical womanly behavior, only one who admittedly recognized the cattiness and evilness of her gender, and then goes and does the very kind of thing that makes her kind so repugnant and worthy of dropping into a vat of boiling acid to begin with.

Ah well, lesson learned. I will never befriend or help any kind of woman ever again no matter how decent, charming, or sweet she might be. You are all the work of the devil and shall now and forever always be treated as such. Burn in hell, you filthy terrorists of Satan!!!

(Now if you’ll excuse me, my Mommy needs me to pick up some groceries for her…)


25 Responses to Woman = Catty, Rude, Useless, Lying, Unconstant, Succubus From Hell
  1. leoncaruthers
    October 8, 2008 | 10:54 pm

    I have a rule: unless I’m getting some, I’m not moving any furniture. I hefted a few couches before I set that rule, and it never did me any good. Some women flirt to get men to do things for them, and some men lie to get laid. Don’t be that guy, and don’t cater to those women. If you’re doing anyone a favor, do it without expectation or don’t do it at all.

    And they don’t all serve Satan. Just a lot of them ;)

  2. Claudia
    October 8, 2008 | 11:19 pm

    Ahhhh, now it’s all clear. Why you’re still single. By the way, my site could use some tweeking. Maybe you could help??

  3. Nova
    October 9, 2008 | 1:19 am

    who are you? Don’t you know men are evil as well? Yes, it’s true! We’re all damned. And so forth. Also, you sound old..yet sometimes I get the impression you’re young. Which the heck is it?

  4. Casey
    October 9, 2008 | 9:04 am

    He’s an immature old man. Move along…nothing to see here.

  5. Lincoln Adams
    October 9, 2008 | 10:39 am

    @Nova: I am all things to all people.

    @Claudia: Sure, I’d be happy to hel… GAAAAAHHHH I did it again!!

  6. Lincoln Adams
    October 9, 2008 | 10:40 am

    Casey’s the old one by the way. :-D

  7. beej
    October 9, 2008 | 12:25 pm

    Golly! If you helped my website make an “few hundred extra greens a month.” I’d surely fly over to NYC and take your ass out to dinner at the very least!

    Er… maybe I couldn’t afford to do that much… but I surely would try send a buck or two back to you as a thank you… or a gift card :)

  8. beej
    October 9, 2008 | 12:26 pm

    PS – Add me to your list, along with Claudia, over there :-D
    …soon as I get my a$$ in gear and get my blog back up and running again!

  9. Lincoln Adams
    October 9, 2008 | 1:31 pm

    I would have taken a gift card.

  10. Lauren
    October 10, 2008 | 11:22 am

    When you stop doing expecting that things will be returned in your favor you’ll get the woman of your dreams. Stop by my blog. I think we’re neighbors BTW and it’d be nice to know I have a friendly neighbor in the sea of Obomination…minus the untimely woman-hating that is.

  11. Lincoln Adams
    October 10, 2008 | 12:00 pm

    I think everything I post is untimely. :-D

  12. Lauren
    October 10, 2008 | 12:10 pm

    HAHA! I added you to my daily blog roll. Word of warning…I have a lot of female readers so you better buck up on the hating. :-)

    Funny that you only commented on my fun post attached to Carrie’s fiesta today…which I forgot to add a link to. Oops. Hope you’ll check out my political posts too.

  13. Lincoln Adams
    October 10, 2008 | 12:27 pm

    @Lauren: I’ll try to keep the venom-spewing misogyny to a minimum. Thanks for the link love!

  14. Devy
    January 21, 2009 | 10:19 pm

    Well now…
    Not ALL women are that inconsiderately evil and uncaring… Well, I know many many that are, but the ones I share time with Personally are not…
    Are you sure its WOMEN who are that way? Or are you confusing how Women act with the ways MEN act?!
    Hmmm.. thoughts for tonight…
    Just figured I’d drop a comment…
    :)

  15. Lincoln Adams
    January 21, 2009 | 11:00 pm

    Ok… women suck, men suck, the whole world sucks.

  16. Devy
    January 22, 2009 | 1:49 am

    Lol… nice nice… hahaha
    the whole world DOESNT suck thank you… just most of it..
    :)

  17. Angel
    January 22, 2009 | 8:51 am

    Okay, okay…You are right about women! But we were made from the rib of a MAN so we have no choice but to be that way. (and I don’t blog so I will not be needing any assistance…yet)

    XOXO

    • Lincoln Adams
      January 22, 2009 | 11:11 pm

      @Angel: Good because I wasn’t planning on giving you any assistance. So there.

  18. [...] to shiny and sparkly things. I am not an unpredictable and dangerous hurricane. I am not a “succubus“, “bloodsucker“, or a “maneater“. I am not a “different [...]

  19. The "T"
    January 21, 2010 | 10:34 am

    You’re getting a whole lot of compassion eh? I’m sorry that happened to you. I agree. Woman are evil and most especially so to each other but men are evil to women and to each other as well, which is what I think the writers are trying to point out.

  20. Lincoln Adams
    January 22, 2010 | 9:14 pm

    Yeah men suck too, but women are worse. Far worse. A hundred gajillion boolion worse! True story! :-D

  21. Jessica
    June 29, 2010 | 6:53 pm

    Wow i dont understand why so much anger towards women.. If men can also be stubborn and mean… If your not standing for God and his truth then what are u standing for?? I mean i dont know you at all but sounds like u had bad experiences… like we all do

  22. Lincoln Adams
    June 29, 2010 | 7:55 pm

    Jessica,

    Seriously? You can’t even imagine what it is women might have done to me personally that would make me despise them so much? Cute. You females really believe you’re incapable of any wrongdoing, eh?

  23. JT
    August 14, 2011 | 10:13 pm

    Your mother must love you so much.

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