Why I’ll Never Be An Affiliate Marketer
Lincoln Adams | March 4, 2008 @ 2:26 amBased on my observations on how people make money online, one of the largest streams of income tend to come from affiliate marketing. I figured if I was ever going to make a living off the Internet myself, most of my attention and efforts would have to focus on generating commissions for affiliate programs I participate in.
After dabbling in this industry on and off for the past few months, I have come to this conclusion: I F*&%ING HATE AFFILIATE MARKETING.
The truth is, I’m not a salesman. In fact I utterly hate and despise everything about the business field, partly because it generally requires that you be a bottom feeding scum sucking scumbag in order to be successful. Not that everyone in this field is, but there’s a temptation to debase yourself and lie your fat baboon’s heinie off to rope naive consumers into buying the products you hawk. How anyone can do this on a full time basis is beyond me, but I guess the dollar signs in their eyes are enough to keep them going.
I tried to understand all the fine nuances of effective affiliate marketing, from running PPC campaigns to creating effective landing pages to formulating effective bidding strategies for high converting keywords, and on and on and on. My brain furiously protested this infusion of insane information, mostly by constipating itself and spiting me by making me forget what I apartment I lived in every time I went out to get the mail. And when I still continued to persist, my brain launched an all out attack by giving me nightmares of a naked Barbra Streisand chasing after me with a bullwhip and a bottle of suntan lotion. Eventually, I got the message.
The thing was, I wasn’t being true to myself. I was trying to learn something I had no passion or love for, and I did it only because that’s where the money seemed to be.
But I’m not a businessman. What I am, is a romantic. Someone who loves to take pictures, tell stories, sing songs, and dance and twirl in the summer rain to the tune of Air Supply. I wanted to celebrate life, not milk it. Affiliate marketing ran contrary not only to my moral structure, but also to who I was as a person. The more I tried to persist in learning all the tricks of the trade, the more miserable I became. It’s not worth it.
In the end I decided to limit any affiliated related marketing I do in the future to products I actually use myself. If people decide to buy through my affiliate links, great, and if they don’t, the sun will still come up tomorrow.
I’ll just have to find nontraditional ways to generate income online, which is fine by me. Whatever sets me apart from the rest, it’s all for the best, and even if I don’t know how I’ll do it, I believe I can make success…
….out of nothing at all.
Out of nothing at alllllll….
Out of nothing at alllllllllllllll…. 
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Tags: affiliate marketer, affiliate marketing, air supply, business, money, rich, right brained, romantic, salesman
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10 Responses to “Why I’ll Never Be An Affiliate Marketer”
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seriously, linc… air supply? i would admit to a couple of REO Speedwagon songs on my playlist but not air supply.
ironically, i probably know the words to more air supply songs than i care to think about right now.
once you’ve found your dream girl, you must promise to ask me for ideas on how to propose… because i highly recommend you do it on the island where i am working right now. this place almost guarantees a “yes!”
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I’m with you on this one. It’s like the snake oil salesman of old. There are so many sites there are out there hawking all this crap - most of which appears to be e-Books. And when is the last time any of us actually found an e-Book with any useful information in it anyway?
Unfortunately, ethics and integrity leave you quite often out in the cold.
But, there are many ways to make money and keep warm. 
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Good luck making your online fortune, Linc! Once you figure out how to do it, be sure to share your secrets.
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@claire: I love REO Speedwagon!! “I can’t fight this feeling anymore… I’ve forgotten what I started for…”
Uh, I mean.. they’re alright.
I don’t know about an island since I’m not much of a beach guy. I’ve always envisioned proposing during autumn season as colorful leaves twirl around us, while the faint smell of apple candy lingers in the background. 
@MrsMecomber: I read about how one blogger made the habit of visiting this small town coffeeshop to blog on a regular basis with a group of friends, and the owner pays him $300 or so a month if he agreed to continue doing so, because he brought in enough of a crowd to keep business booming for the coffeeshop. It just goes to show there are alternatives to making money off your blog if you’re creative (and lucky) enough.
@Michele: Love the use of smilies to illustrate your point.
Truth be told, I was actually thinking of writing an eBook myself, but in my case I would offer something truly useful advice (and expose some of the major frauds regarding those who promise massive traffic and whatnot).
@Tish: I am always one to share what I know… for a price.
Tee hee!
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My REO Speedwagon song is “In My Dreams,” the ult in unrequited love hymns.
Hmmm… that autumn thing might work, too. being a tropical country, i don’t have much by way of autumn memories, but my trips to Oz are usually during their fall, and i must say the colors are just stunning.
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Yeah, y’know, I was gonna take you seriously and commend you for not giving in to the temptation of affiliate marketing (which is great if done correctly, but is a super painful industry to deal with)…
… but then you went and mentioned Air Supply. Yeah, you lost me there.
REO I can deal with. Night Ranger too. But Air Supply? That’s like something my older sister used to listen to… So not cool, man.
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@Andrew: So you’re all out of love, huh?
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Don’t let them bust your chops about the Air Supply thing too much. Air Supply is a guilty pleasure of a good many people… Most are scarce to admit it however.
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Brad Pitt sang Air Supply in the movie “Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” thus paving the way for us studs to admit our softer side while still be considered bad @&&es.
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