Only a few days left before I dropkick my eHarmony subscription in the face, and already I’m ready to take a vow of celibacy and join Al Bundy’s activist group NO MA’AM.
I get matched to a few lawyers, mental health professionals and other women working in full time careers that keep them ridiculously busy, but still I sent them all communication requests, since they seemed to pretty much have it together and were cute. You think I get a response? Of course not. They haven’t closed the match though, they’re just too busy to do much of anything, see.
And right away I know what they really want. They don’t want a relationship. What they DO want is a weekend boy toy, somebody to fill in those gaps of what little free time they have left over after working their jobs, a secondhand cuddle toy that they can squeeze like a Tickle Me Elmo doll for a few minutes before running right back to work or other commitments, leaving me in the lurch to twiddle my thumbs and wait until they’re finally free to hang out again.
I’ve seen this attitude before, women who would tell me they’ll be right back on IM and then disappear for a day, two days, a week, 2 weeks, before finally popping up again, no apology, no explanation, totally oblivious to their bad manners. What really chaps my Calvin Kleins about it all is that when you call them out on it, they accuse you of being a sissy boy who can’t handle being alone for more than 30 seconds, and real men wouldn’t be so clingy and if I can’t handle it then I don’t deserve them, blah blah blah. They exhaust every excuse to justify their rudeness, honestly believing that I am to sit down, shut up and wait patiently until they’re ready to finally bestow me with the greatness of their presence once again. For a few minutes that is.
It explains the attraction to aloof guys, and the amusing logical result of it when they wring their hands trying to figure out why such a guy doesn’t yearn for them and was so easily able to dump them like bad coffee, having already moved on to his next conquest.
And here’s the thing: if you don’t have 2 minutes of free time to reply to a request to communicate on eHarmony, just how much free time are you going to have for a real relationship? And I’m sorry, I am not going to be anybody’s weekend boyfriend, so if that’s your angle, you can go suck the ass of a moose. That’s not how I roll.
And before people start whining about how men do this all the time to women, I’m not excusing that either. It’s wrong when either side does it, and if it’s wrong when men do it, why would it be ok when women do it too? If you have a busy job, but you want a relationship and someone special in your life but you ain’t got the time, then MAKE time. Simple as that. You want it bad enough, you’ll find a way. I sacrifice my time to be with someone I care about, why can’t you? You say I’m too clingy? *bleep* you.
So women want a guy who is secure and happy without the need for girlie wubs, and therefore not clingy or piney or whatever the hell it is that offends you women so much that we would have the audacity to yearn for your presence. Since that’s the case, where would you expect to find such a secure-without-a-woman dude willing to put up with your mind bending neurosis? Uranus??
So how ’bout this then, I cling to my money and a single life free of your mind games and bull donkey turd, and you can cling to your precious careers and your never-ending search for one-sided wubs. See which one of us will end up happier, biznatches.
I leave you now with this Youtube vid that exemplifies for all time why women these days are just not worth the trouble anymore.