Ok, so I was daydreaming yesterday on having a successful encounter with a cutie at the supermarket, right? Well today reality saw an opportunity to bite me in the wango bangos for daring to pollute its existence with my fantasies.
I was at Starbucks and waiting in line for a gingerbread latte, and I happened to notice a girl two bodies ahead of me in line. Petite, tastefully dressed, wearing adorable winter boots, with long flowing brown hair. Yep, another brunette, just like in my fantasy. I watched her as she placed her order and then moved ahead to the pickup area for her drink. A few minutes later I placed my order, then casually walked up next to her.
Man was she pretty, I was so intimidated by her beauty, but I was right next to her, and it was as good an opportunity as any to try striking up a conversation.
“So what did you order?” I asked cheerfully.
She looked over at me, made a half smile but didn’t say anything. Ok… awkward. I tried again.
“Boy I can’t believe how fast and cold it got this week.”
She glanced my way again and nodded her head, a forced smile again. “Yeah it’s been really cold.” She then looked at her watch.
“So um, do you come here regularly?”
“I have a boyfriend,” she said quickly.
“Oh…. I’m… sorry…” I stammered. “Just trying to be friendly.”
She nodded again, when her drink finally came up. She grabbed her drink and quickly walked out. And that, was that.
I hate my life.
Subscribe to my posts or the kitten gets it:
Related Posts
- Addicted
- Despite hating Valentine’s Day and hoping all who celebrate it die a horrific, violent death, I’m still a sap
- A Love That Is Out of This World
- My 500th Post! And Why I Have The Best Suckiest Job In The World
- I hate everyone and every living thing on the planet and wish death and destruction on all, even puppies
RSS
Get Posts by Email
Twitter
Google+
Facebook
Flickr
YouTube
LinkedIn
Blip.fm
That’s not (just) a bad experience. It’s an experience.
Shy introverts need to learn the social stuff — we weren’t born knowing it, as extroverts were. We got off easy on the book-learning end of things, but there’s this gaping hole where the people skills are supposed to be.
Unfortunately that’s not a recognized meme, the way learning to read is. So nobody sits us down at age two and starts teaching it. Instead we have to grow up, figure it out, and then just DO painful stuff like this. And by that time, everyone else has decades of experience that we utterly lack, and they don’t understand that, so to them we look like space aliens. Thanks, Mom!
(You notice the girl wasn’t exactly graceful either. If she had been, she’d have managed it so you left happy, though girl-less. But no, she was awkward too.)
Anyway, it’s experience, and you came out of it looking pretty good.
Sheesh, you’re entirely too sensitive. Half full glass says You talked to a pretty woman and she was a good choice, obviously, because she was the sort of woman who behaved modestly and let you know she had a boyfriend right away instead of misleading you to think you should waste your time on her.
Good for you!
I don’t know, I felt like a creep, I acted like a creep, and I’m upset because I also feel like I have this creepy vibe about me now.
It sucks to be an introvert. But honestly, I think from now on if I see someone who interests me, she has to give me something. A smile, a wink, SOME kind of body language that would let me know she’s available and not averse to me talking to her. I just can’t approach someone cold. I feel too much like a predator when I do.
But regardless, the boyfriend excuse has been used on me since creation. Apparently every girl I have ever met had a boyfriend. Amazing.
You didn’t act like a creep.
You did something difficult, with a potentially high payoff, and it went fairly well: you didn’t accidentally insult her, then turn to find her hulking boyfriend staring at you. You didn’t trip and crash into her, covering her with latte. You didn’t chase her out of the store or beg for her number or copy down her license plate. You didn’t say or do anything remotely wrong. And you lived through it. Even got a post out of it. : )
She, on the other hand, risked nothing.
It hurts because it does, because that’s the way you’re wired. It sucks to be an introvert.
Job-hunting advice says to do the interviews for jobs you don’t really want first, so by the time you get to the one you do want, you’re more comfortable.
This wasn’t your girl. This was practice. : )
(And it’s entirely possible you made her day. She didn’t realize it immediately, but may well have ended up smiling to herself later. If she got compliments like that all the time, she’d be better at handling them.)
You are making this way too complicated and stressful. Step one: Make eye contact.
Step two, notice how long the eye contact lasts.
Step three:If it lasts longer than usual, go on to
Step four: smile, show a little bit of tooth.
If she smiles back or smiles first, say hello, give her a compliment and back off. Let her make the next move-eye contact, facial expression, being at the same place at the same time tomorrow, or next week etc.
Not rocket science, Eye contact and hello.
Practice on people who don’t intimidate you first. Older women or women with children who are obviously married until you feel comfortable just saying hello to people you don’t know. Look for reasons to make small talk with strangers. Helping someone with a lot of packages, or an elderly person who might have trouble with an icy walk or opening a door. The usual, good manners stuff. This is the perfect time of year to do that stuff too. Plus it makes you appear thoughtful and confident.
Oh, and Merry Christmas! (not on FB, so you can’t unfriend me. :P )
Ok, right away, anything that involves more than two steps is gonna be too complicated for me. That’s why instead of reading instruction manuals I just dive right in and hope for the best. :-D
I think I just need to wait or look for an opening. f course this is going to rule out really shy girls, because their natural appearance is to look withdrawn and antisocial, and yet she could turn out to be a real sweetheart. Sigh, I need chocolate.
LOL :-D
Maybe we should get you some mail order bride catalogs. :P
You didn’t act like the slightest bit of a creep. “Do you come here often” was a little odd to actually say. But There’s not one thing to do other than to keep swinging man.
Good job. You need to keep it up.
May I suggest as a final response: “Well I hope you’re as lucky as he is.” Since frankly, you probably mean it. (Only anything ever if you mean it. That’s what separates you from what you’re afraid of sounding like.)
I’d also suggest starting with “Oh hey, ya know, that sounds good. I usually drink ____.”
There’s a trick they teach writers: Start in the middle. Don’t try to ramp up a conversation from nothing. Start it in the middle.
Keep it up. Give yourself credit for doing it and take that inner “awh, I sounded/feel like a dick” voice, lock it in the gimp cage and don’t feed it.
@Cheryl: If you do, make sure it’s a Ukrainian one. No commies!
@Mike: The gimp cage, LOL. I like the start in the middle idea, and like I said before I think I just need to see if she’ll show interest before approaching too.
Nawh, man don’t worry about that, especially in our city. You can even use a canned line. But start like you’re in the middle of a conversation. You’ll either get the “whatever” hand (in which case you’re clear because you don’t come off as being overly flirty) or someone will engage you, even if it’s a smile, waiting for the next thing.
That watch/wait to see if someone’s interested is something people can smell coming. By the time you say something they’ve already set themselves up in “oh HERE we go…” mode.
I’m still no kung-fu master, believe me. But I’ve come a long way by going out to drink alone.
Lord, I hope I meet someone soon so I never have to do this crap again. Amen.
I will keep this comment short unlike my other ones:
Her: I have a boyfriend…
You: That’s great but what does he have to do with the weather?
^^^ I would explain my reasonings for saying that line but suffice to say some girls throw the boyfriend thing out as a “shield” and the only way you’ll know if it’s a shield is to test it. The line is short, to the point and funny. It also tells her you are just trying to have a conversation not marry her.
LOL, I would have came off snarky if I did that. :-D
Honestly, unless I speak straight from the heart, everything I say is going to feel canned and forced. I’m a romantic, I can’t hit on women or play a smooth game like a player. I can only woo them based on a genuine desire for their intimacy.
lol, I know Linc, but it’s not about being a player it’s about being a good conversationalist. People fail to realize what it is you do when you “meet a woman”, all it is is a conversation to see if there is anything underneath that is compatible. That’s all there is to it, but at least you are putting yourself out there!! I give you kudos for that Linc! Every journey begins with a first step!
Your sooo funny… no worries… practice… don’t let some hussy get you down; she might not have heard a word you said.
Really, I agree; all conversations can’t go smoothly, at least you tried. Some people haven’t a clue what to do with common decency… My guess is that the girl is younger than you thought and might have been even more inexperienced than yourself; there is a time to drop that ‘I have a boyfriend’ bit and (unless you were breathing on her) she might think that is a polite way to interrupt a conversation…. I like the response
Weather is a stretch for a conversation topic and the ‘do you come here often’ question (is over used and) opens you up to many answers or responses.
In using my personal experiences, [in a similar conversation or question about one's java flavor of choice] (without answer) might just prompt me to tell what I’m having… and add a mmmmm (like, say what you want or not- I’ll enjoy it any way. Answer me or not :)
It might have been bad timing…. she was waiting for her cup o’joe… she got it and was ready to leave… personally, I throw in small talk in the line… it gives people something to laugh at while we wait (and many times I hold the eye contact bit), any waiting experience can be turned into a peanut gallery… some people are just wound too tight for humor or small talk.
(and … but… starting a conversation with a woman because she’s pretty enough to be interesting to you with ‘get a girlfriend’ on the mind is or should be not so obivious)… maybe next time; compliment the boots … ask where she got them [like you need to buy a gift for another girl/lady style- that would take that pressure off, I hope] …. and generally, just to throw it in here, include everyone within earshot… didn’t you care what the person behind you was getting? It might have gone over better… speaking 101 speak to the crowd… not just one person.
Best wishes,
Merry Christmas
(and don’t think your the only one spending the holiday with out a snugglebunch)
Oy, my head is going to explode with all this advice. I think I’m just gonna have to pray one day all the planets will be in alignment and I will have my social mojo at just the right time when I need it. :)