I’m sorry you have been feeling this way lately…. but sometimes when God feels the farthest away, He is closer than you know…

Hang in there… I am praying for you, right now….

Thanks Marshie.

I was kinda in a bad mood when I wrote that, but I’ve been feeling better since, though now I’m in another bad mood because changes I spent an hour making to an article got completely lost when I went to upload it.

Hi Lincoln

I don’t know how I came across your blog, but somehow Ive managed to become a regular reader…

Just wondering, what job is it you do that you hate so much??

Thanks for reading Chris, I appreciate that.

I can’t be too specific about my job, but it is in the criminal justice field, and rife with office politics, ego wars and incompetent people unable to count backwards from ten. Oy. :hair: My duties are largely administrative and usually involves cleaning up other people’s messes.

Linc, have you ever heard of the book, The Secret. It is great to read when we are feeling down and low and think that God is the one who doesn’t care about us. From my own experiences, and I have been where you are, it isn’t God that turned his back on me. God is standing behind me just waiting for me to turn around. If you want to see where I come from, check out my blog. I know what it is like to hate myself and God. I also know the lessons that I learned from it were some of the most powerful in my life. With your words of discontent, you are creating more discontent. What do you like about your life right now? Even small things can help pull you up out of the hole that you feel that you are in right now. Find others that love you, until you can learn to love yourself. God is patiently waiting. Sorry if I sound preachy. Didn’t intend to. I know that I will change only when I am ready. That applies to all of us. Create the life you want by loving yourself. If you love yourself, the rest will come.

@Patricia: Yes I know about the Secret, but I’m not too keen on reading a book written by a scam artist. I can eat whatever I want and stay thin as long as I send out positive vibes into the universe?

My ass.

There might be some degree of truth in it, but such truths are offset by the kind of simple logic that completely demolishes the assertions made by the book’s author. Shall I start blaming the Jews for the Holocaust now because they were thinking too negatively? Because that’s exactly what this book would suggest due to its corrupt and humanistic philosophy. In short, Byrne gives mere human thoughts and “vibes” waaaaaaaay too much credit for both the positive and negative things that happen in this world. We might be able to change the way we personally look at life, but that doesn’t mean Jessica Alba will soon fall into my lap the minute I start thinking Peter Pan-Happy Thoughts here.

I do appreciate your concern though, and I don’t mean to berate you. I just have very little tolerance for scams and B.S., especially the kind propagated by people like Oprah.

Read this article here. You might find it enlightening.

Linc,

Don’t know how life is treating you now, but I can only hope it is better. I know EXACTLY what you were feeling and believe it or not, it helped to see that I’m not the only one. The last three years have been hell on earth. I’ve prayed, fasted, believed, confessed, given sacrificially and well…here I am worse off than before. In the past three years I’ve watched my money dry up, my health deteriorate, my ministry go down the tubes due to an abusive, slanderous ex-husband that I had arrested for domestic violence, my kids lose their faith in God because of what they’ve seen me go through and on and on and on. All the while I’ve cried out to God, continued to praise Him during homelessness and hunger. It gets old. You get worn down. At some point if the train doesn’t reach the station, you think about getting off the train. It’s been a 22 year close relationship with Him, but the last 3 years He got off somewhere and left me on the ride alone. I guess it’s time to realize that and disembark too.

Hi Deborah,

I know it’s encouraging to see we’re not alone in these struggles, but it still breaks my heart to see what you’ve had to endure. I know one of the reasons we go through these things is because God is looking for the kind of faith that can survive any storm. Job had it worst then all of us, and even though he accused God of laughing at the trial of the innocent (Job 9:23), he was also determined to hold fast to the end: “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in Him.”

There is a reason for everything, good reasons too, and just because we can’t see it right now, doesn’t mean it won’t reveal itself in due season. I was so angry with God for ruining my plans to attend law school, but now I’m beginning to understand that He may have been trying to prevent me from what would have been a disastrous decision.

Be of good cheer. We really do serve a benevolent Savior who is touched by our infirmities, and we need only ask Him for the grace and mercy we need to help us endure our darkest hours, until it is finally behind us. I will pray that you reach your station soon.

My Dearest Linc,
What a blessing, what a relief to find your site. You are the first real voice of sanity in my dark dark world of Christianity. I read your blog and began to breathe again. I left my job seventeen months ago because I just couldn’t take it anymore. I worked with a woman-hating, sexual harassing jackass (two months after I quit, he was fired for going over the bosses head) I had been at my job for ten years. I had never had any trouble finding work, and just knew I find something right away, SMOOTH! Ha! what a dumbs…t! I have had 3 interviews in that length of time, two part time jobs (with money to match) and now have a job where I work 2 (count em 2) days a week. The job I left was perfect in so many ways, good salary, insurance etc. My money has completely disappeared. On top of that, I had tithed (with lovely delight) a significant part of my leaving monies (I thought how cool, God and I have a contract, I’ll give and he’ll give and I’ll give more. Well, don’t hold your breath) My mother has been diagnosed with stage four lung cancer, she lives with me as does my brother, who has a disability. Things are sliding away in all directions. (remember Leonard Cohen, The Future? That’s how it feels) I have prayed, I have tried to be a good girl, I have not tried to be a good girl and have the Spirit help me be a good girl.I have tried to love my neighbor as myself. I try not to worry, but I am sick with worry as is the rest of my family. We are shrill with panic. And all the sites I visit harp on self-pity, let go and let God. Telling me I don’t trust enough, or like Job’s friends, I am being reimbursed in full for my sinful ways. I am sorry this is so long. Linc, I love you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being real.

Linc,
Something ate my comment. It was pretty cool, written with a lot of passion. Oh well. Thanks anyway, Linc. Darn it! Oh well, I love your site. I’m going through the same.

Makes me think of Rocky: “It was a great fight, you shoulda seen me.”

It was a good comment, you shoulda seen it. Oh never mind it’s back! Well now it doesn’t look so tremendous. Well, there goes that Pulitzer.

I see your comment, unless you wrote a second one?

All I can say is wow, hearing things like that helps remind me that as bad as I might have it sometimes, there are always others going through even more severe trials.

I don’t know why we have to endure the trials we do. I do know though that there’s a reason for everything, and sometimes the most frustrating thing about all this is knowing what that reason is.

Remember the LORD loves you. Pray without ceasing, that He manifest Himself to you, give you the grace you need in time of need and relieve you from many of the burdens that have been weighing you down.

Extra cookies for mentioning Rocky too.

You know what Lincoln as a minister, so I thought I was. I can understand exactley what your saying. I have given my life to the Lord and lived hard for Jesus all of my youth and to get to my mid 30’s and see that through it all He leaves me, and hurts me, for what reason, i dont know. I wanna say He will come and do some great thing and after hearing all of my prophesies that Im so great and called to the nations to preach His gospel and so many great things that I would do, and I believed it and lived a life to recieve God’s goodness but I believe a lady Patricia wrote something…..well my question to her is after you done all that He has for you do according to the scripture and stood all the slander, persecution, sickness, poverty, homelessness, you name it Ive encountered it even armor beared for a pastor and he along with the whole church came up against me to distroy my name, charachter, reputation and influence and you know what kind of reward Im getting for it…. NOTHING… I need, and dont have, I pray and He wont answer, AlWAYS serving people for the glory of God, and I dont even have basics of life….so to the people that always have an anointed answer, answer that, oh Just wait, oh He’s got a BIGGGGGG blessing, your bout to walk into your purpose……and none of it comes to past. AFTER OBEYING GOD TO YOUR OWN HURT, EMBARRASMENT and DEATH, when He gonna show up and take the curse of my life that He put there! or have we heard this so much, soon as you give up then, ” He was just about to release it or bless you with all you been waiting for”, right so many times after hearing that and pushing to that time then not giving up, then guess what your still going through worst and worst after. What really gets me in Pats article is when she said, that God didnt turn His back on (US) He’s waiting for us to turn to Him, well what about the fact that everything I do is with Him and im in His face constantley and obying Him and He still IGNORES me and He does forsake you, leave you, and so on. Hey if He done it to His son, Jesus, He’ll do it to us. Then you got these stupid religious people talkn He dont leave you, well I think they need to read the bible with some COMMON sense. Even Jesus said Father why have you forsaken me, (Matt 24:46 and Psalm 22:1) Prayerfully–Hopefully—Maybe He might keep to His word and do what He said He’d do for us before we lose faith and hope and get to old till it wont matter anymore. Oh check this out, I got a phrophesy that God was gonna show me He Honors me and guess what….He left me, Im in a worst state then I can imagine, I wouldnt wish this on my enemies that did me in if you see them now, they all have good things happing for them and what they want. But wow what do I have for obeying God and standing this test. They Won and I lost!!!!!! Now if God can make me a Liar of what I just wrote and turn things around and Blow my mind in the positive way He said thenI’ll publically come on here and apologize and tell the story over!!!!

“Hurt, embarrassment, death” All things that Jesus himself suffered. As far as taking God turning his back on Jesus, as saying that he will turn his back on us . . . for a minister, I feel you may need to check out the Bible a bit more. Jesus bore the burden of guilt and sin so we can be free from it. God doesn’t turn his back on us today, if we are covered in the blood of Jesus. We’re not promised to be rich and carefree . . . quite the opposite. We’re promised to experience what it seems you have. . . hatred and rejection. Having people betray us. But God does reward us for that . . .if not in this life, then the next.
And concerning things Biblical . . . you “prophesy” about how great you are? And that God is going to honor you? Come. On. Prophecies are for warnings or edification for the BODY OF CHRIST. It’s a gift to the church. And you want to hi-jack that and attempt to use it for personal gain? Get your eyes off mega-preachers on TV and their multi-million dollar yachts, and put them in the Bible. I can give several personal testimonies about how God has blessed me in my service to him. Am I rich? Far from it…and if I focus on natural things, I could get really upset. Dead-end job, with a boss that makes things miserable. I didn’t get 3 raises I was promised. I’ve gone from making a lot of money and living in a nice neighborhood to bankruptcy and living with in-laws. Looking back I can see I brought a lot of that on myself, and God was judging that. But he’s also brought me back up again. I make half of what I used to, but God meets all our needs, and in learning to be content in all things, I’ve learned what true prosperity is. In getting my eyes off of myself, and my lack, I’ve learned how to really love people…not just minister for the “honor” or “influence,” as it seems you did.
Chances are, if you feel like God is bringing down the hammer on you, maybe he’s judging wrong motives or areas in your life, and it’s a learning experience? Maybe it’s like Job and you’re righteous and you don’t see an excuse for what’s happening. But the picture you’re painting of God as a schizophrenic sociopath with rage issues isn’t Biblical, and isn’t likely to get God to come through for you in the end either.

Whoa.

All I can say to that is that you have my sympathies, and despite what you went through, this is not the end. As long as we remain alive we have hope, but in that we have to learn to trust God and depend on Him no matter what the circumstances. As much as I would like to blame Him for all my travails, I do see His hand in it, and his divine protection as well from those who would have otherwise done me great harm. You need to learn to see things in the spirit and not look with your eyes, a feat that can take an entire lifetime to accomplish. Just be willing, and let the LORD change you from within, and you’ll begin to see it for yourself.

When God Forsakes You – Feeling Lost and Abandoned

I read this and could not stop laughing. You are so honest, and when I am that honest before the Lord, I have to laugh at my silliness in retrospect. It only gets worse my brother. Some of us have opened up our big fat mouths and earnestly prayed to the Lord to make us into holy vessels for His use, and God is only too glad to answer. So He takes this self centered, me myself and I and nobody else carcass and transforms us into Christ-like God centered saints. Been there and done that, and still doing it. My advice [been in this darkness a long long time]: Stay in the Word of God. It is your lifeblood. This will keep you from drifting and falling back into the lust of the flesh. What are you displaying? What am I displaying? Rebellion. Now you can read the Wilderness experience of the Israelites with more understanding and compassion. We are in that wilderness. Their gripes are our gripes. How did Joshua and Caleb maintain loyalty to God through the wilderness iron furnace? They knew God, and that was the difference. Man shall not live on physical food alone, but also on the spiritual food of every word of God. The Spirit, our paraclete, opens the Bible up to us and it becomes honey to our souls. It cleanses us; it generates prayers from us; and by it we know God in ever increasing measure. Also when we learn the incredible sufferings of the Savior, our little sufferings pale in comparison and make them easier to bear when we have a true knowledge of God.

Thanks Pshdsa, I wrote this a while back, but I’m feeling much better now. It helps to see how God continues to care for us even in the wilderness. Eventually you either start to wise up to that or your heart REALLY starts to turn to stone.

Lincoln,
I’m glad to hear you are feeling better. I appreciate your honesty and frankness because many souls relate to your pain, and will learn from you how the Lord helps you. Then their trust in God will increase. It is only when we are open and transparent can we help others.
Not only do we go through trials, temptations and hardship, but the thing that makes them unbearable is the sense that God has abandoned us and doesn’t give a flip about us. The enemy whispers sweet nothings in our ear trying to destroy our trust in the Lord. It is a testing of faith. The devil tells us and gives us the feeling of God abandoning us. If we believe him, then we are where he wants us. Stay in God’s word and that will be the light in the darkest night. God never abandons us, ever. The devil makes us feel like it, but when we trust in God’s word, we have peace. So when dark thoughts assail, just stop thinking, pick up the Bible and start reading. Replace doubts with God’s thoughts. God never abandons us. His word says so. May the Lord bless you richly. After reading about the Wilderness experience in the Pentateuch , the book of Hebrews is a good one to follow it.

Thank you for your kind words and edification. I find Psalms 37 and 139 to be a constant source of strength too.

I just came across your blog because of course I have faith and I feel abandoned by God. I lost my job 4 years ago as a teacher and now the district has blacklisted me. I work as a substitute teacher now. Previously I had worked somewhere else as a teacher for 7 years. Although I wasn’t happy there either, at least I had tenure. Secondly I have been praying for a soulmate for 20 years and I’m now 43. Still no soulmate in sight. I have tried online dating sites to no avail. Sorry for this vent. It’s nice to know there are others in the same misery. Misery loves company! Yet I have learned to wake up every morning and be grateful that I can see, hear and have my health. It helps to think about people in worse condition. I think if this man I saw in Haiti who was missing a leg or a little Mexican boy who hasn’t seen his Mom in three years. And I thank God for what I have. Sure I feel sad sometimes that I don’t have what I want. I tell God what I feel all the time.

Misery does indeed love company.

It’s hard to stay focused on the blessings we do have, especially since there are so many people hurting far more than us, but God has NOT forsaken you. Whatever happens, happens for a reason, and that’s something I’m only beginning to learn now.

Michelle, I recommend you read Andrew Murry’s “ABSOLUTE SURRENDER”.

There is real solace and comfort in the Lord. He says, cast all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Grow in knowledge of God. Learn to love His fellowship. His word is like honey to the soul. Prayer is your heart reaching out to Him. There is no greater desire than to have Jesus. He is the greatest reward. Nothing, no one, compares to Jesus the Lord. Everything and everyone of this life falls so far short. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Only Jesus.

God will refine us, and often severely, for our ultimate good. Refining hurts. The children of Israel walked three days in the wilderness without water. Their kids were thirsty. It was hot and muggy. It felt and tasted like God had deserted them. They complained. This hurt the Lord. Here he puts them in this situation of severe need, and when they complained, it hurt the Lord. To the Israelites the wilderness had no water, and what would prevent them from having no water the fourth day, the fifth day and so on? They had a severe need and the crying children exacerbated the pain. They were angry with God. This hurt the Lord. On one hand we can identify with the Israelites, for sure, but on the other hand we puzzle how God could be hurt and displeased by such a natural response. Obviously they did not know Jehovah. They did not understand His ways. We don’t either. We get angry with God and complain just like they did. How can God be faithful when He allows this stuff to happen to us? How can God be faithful when He abandons us? The truth is that God is faithful to us and deeply cares for us no matter how it seems. He is good and His mercy endures forever. He is a shield to those who trust in Him. that is a pure fact. BUT, one of his ways is to put us in a fiery furnace and leave us there. Oh I have known the dark night of the soul that never ends, year after year. God is faithful. This I know deep in my soul. God is preparing us for an intimacy with Him that we really long for. So necessarily He must put us to grief so in the end He can bless us. Look to Jesus who really went into the fiery furnace and who knew the dark night of the soul far more than we ever will. Even Jesus was perfected by the things He suffered. How much more do we need this! We must respond to God in meekness and learn to say as Job said, though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him. Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good as to a faithful creator, and the God of all comfort will comfort us through His Word.

I can hear someone say, how can God comfort me by His Word. I don’t want words, I want to feel loved and hugged and comforted. The Bible can be lifeless without the Holy Spirit. But when the Holy Spirit teaches us His Word, the Bible ceases to be by the Letter, but becomes by the spirit, spiritual. The word of God becomes like honey to the soul. The written word reveals the living Word, by the Spirit of the Lord, and we begin to know God. Intimacy with God and faith in God is interior, in the heart. When you read of Samuel Lamb who spent over 20 years in a Chinese hard labor prison and could walk with God through it all, you read about a man who learned to remain meek toward the Lord through it all, though it was terrible what he suffered. He knew in his heart of hearts that nothing happens to him but that the Lord allowed it and is with him. God has all power. There is nothing too hard for the Lord. But what is the greatest commandment? To love God with all that is in us. Praise God for His refining fire to enable us to fellowship with Him. I have seen the mighty power of God. I know His power. Yet, the reason we don’t see overt displays of His power is because it is all in the timing of God. We serve a living God and He truly cares for us. Oh that our eyes were opened to see that. Yet we must realize how much we want God to focus on us. He wants us to focus on Him. That is where our peace is. That is where our fulfillment is. Oh that God would slay our self life that the life of God would be revealed in us. He alone is worthy of our praise, love and adoration. Though He is for us, and He is, we need to be for Him. Glory to God for making that happen. Whatever it takes Lord. Give us grace to serve you acceptably like Joshua and Caleb in the wilderness.

Our faith is precious in the sight of the Lord. He says our faith is beyond any earthly assigned value like gold or diamonds or anything we deem valuable. The Lord says our faith is much, much more valuable: “That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perishes, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honor and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ.”

http://www.spurgeon.org/sermons/1704.htm

Click on the above link for a wonderful teaching on the trial of our faith. May you be encouraged. Amen.