Tag Archives | work

Now and Then

Written by on July 6, 2011
Filed Under Personal Reflections

I rolled over in bed and squinted at the red glow that was my alarm clock: 10:12AM. Ugh.

I don’t want to, but I get up anyway, rubbing my eyes and thinking I really need to lower the temps on the thermostat so the air conditioner will run even cooler during the night. I go through the usual morning routine of making myself look somewhat presentable to the outside world, then head out the door. A wall of humidity slams into me like the angry, oppressive force of nature that it was. I get in my car and quickly crank up the A/C.

Sigh. I hate this time of year. The humidity, the hot air, the unbearable congestion of roads now packed with old folks coming up from Florida for the summer and teenagers who were now off from school. I tap my iPhone and bring up a little U2 to help lighten the mood while I drive to work. A car passes by me and I happen to notice the license plate: Tennessee.

Hmmmmmmm. I’m almost tempted to get off the next exit and hit the interstate due south. Tennessee, indeed! It was only less than a year since I had been there, but it already seems a lifetime ago now. I had rented a log cabin near Pigeon Forge and spent 3 glorious days nestled deep in the bosom of the Smoky Mountains. At night I could feel the crisp, cool mountain air gently breezing all around me as I sat and soaked in a outdoor jacuzzi, then dried out in front of a cozy fireplace while I sipped hot cocoa, sat back, and admired the woodwork of the cabin I was in. Serene, quiet, peaceful. I was home.

Somewhere in the distance a driver obnoxiously sits on the horn. The living room of the log cabin vanishes, and is now replaced by the scenes of a busy intersection. I stop and turn, then turn and stop again before I finally pull into a tight parking space at work. I brace myself as I open the door and the humidity greets me once again, like a loan shark who won’t just leave me alone until he gets paid.

I walk inside and sit down at my desk, ignoring the stains of red ink left over from stamping an endless stack of papers and documents that meant nothing to me. I have an errand to run for the job, so I grab a briefcase, a set of keys for an unmarked car, then head out once again. Somewhere in the office, a map of the United States is posted on the wall, perhaps to cover up the paint that peeled behind it, its once vibrant color long since gone. I stop for a minute to look, then put my finger on Tennessee and tapped a few times. I smiled.

“I’ll be seeing you again very soon.”

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When the only way to be a good employee is to be a really, REALLY bad one

Written by on June 23, 2011
Filed Under My Job

The software I used at my job is finally being upgraded after decades of use. By monkeys apparently, because it is one of the most ill-thought out, illogical, ill-conceived pile of mouse droppings I have ever had the misfortune of using in all my 30+ years on planet Earth. It makes Windows ME look downright competent in comparison.

So basically a task that once took me 5 minutes to complete now takes me 3 hours. Yes, really.

There were few precious accomplishments I could boast about having made at this job, one of them being the ability to keep our massive workload up to date. The people before me couldn’t do it, but somehow I managed, with luck and much toiling (and much crying too.) By keeping things up to speed I was able to keep the caseload at a manageable level and work at a more leisurely pace.

Well, that’s all crap now. Instead, if you let things slide for one day you can literally fall 3 weeks behind. Then there’s dealing with the new system, which inexplicably will delete work, crash without warning, create errors where no errors should occur, and generally screw with the keys on your keyboard so that if you press the number 5, it actually thinks you pressed the escape key.

Even better is dealing with the people who implemented it, a bunch of cronies who like to pat themselves on the back and fondle each other for a job well done in completely hosing us over, then arrogantly suggest that perhaps the reason the new system is not working to our liking is because, gosh darn it, we’re just not brilliant like they are.

So what can a cog on a wheel like me do? It occurred to me that the harder I worked to keep this virus of a new software afloat AND also keep us from falling woefully behind, the less incentive they would have to actually fix the massive problems the new system was causing us.

So how about I just let it all go to hell instead?

Imagine that the only way to make any progress is to actually SABOTAGE (albeit in a passive manner) the work I do. I really don’t know what other option there is, but the reality is that my job has now become absolutely impossible. And yet nobody seems to care.

That’s why in a perverse way I’m actually hoping I get laid off. I can’t function in an environment in which I have no autonomy and where hard work is punished rather than rewarded. Where bad eggs get promoted while good eggs continue to stagnate in the same position for years and years.

Something needs to change.

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I’m still alive! Sort of.

Written by on February 28, 2011
Filed Under Personal Reflections

Since I got back from Boston I was bit by the flu bug, or cold bug, or whatever it was that caused my throat to constrict and me to projectile vomit half eaten cannolis while my head spinned 360 degrees.

But I’m feeling MUCH better now.

Only problem is, this week is a killer. First I have to do a training seminar to learn a new system that will never be implemented, and even if it will be, it has nothing whatsoever to do with my work duties, so I’m pretty much having my time completely wasted that could have better been spent doing you know, actual real work? Especially since I have to catch up after being off for almost two weeks.

Then it’s my mother’s birthday, so I’m running around trying to find balloons and cakes and whatnot so she can have a halfway decent birthday, even though she hates balloons and cakes and all that fanfare. So why am I getting them anyway, you ask? Because the one time I neglected to get balloons when she insisted to me, day and night, that she absolutely did NOT WANT balloons, or a cake, or any kind of decoration whatsoever, her birthday arrives and the first thing that comes out of her mouth is, “Where are my balloons?!?” From that moment on I’ve learned to completely disregard her wishes when it comes to birthdays (or any other festive occasion.)

Then I have to see the eye doctor, to see (no pun intended) if I’m like going blind and stuff, since I have borderline IOPs on account of all the stress that’s been inflicted on my eyes from viewing ugly dating profiles at OKCupid.

And then the very next day after THAT I have to take a promotional exam, of which I’ll need to nail a perfect score on if I’m to have any chance whatsoever of transferring out of this sewage facility of an office and getting a meager pay bump, after oh, only 11 years on the job.

Sigh.

After the exam the worst of it should be over though, and I’ll have a few days to prep for my very next adventure: Crashing SXSW in Texas, baby! YEAH! Maybe I can finally meet me a hot cowgirl who will love me up simply for the novelty factor of having dated a honest to goodness New York Yankee. Ok that may not be true love, but I’ll take what I can get. :-D

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2010 – FINALLY a year that didn’t suck flaming hogballs

Written by on December 31, 2010
Filed Under Personal Reflections

For as long as I can remember, every time a year came to an end I would curse it, spit at it, then kick it in the groin and declare good riddance as I eagerly awaited for the ball to drop to finally put that crap year out of its misery.

But for the first time that I can remember, I’m actually sad to see the year go. Where the Zeros continuously served up one tall glass after another of FAIL, 2010 instead turned out to be a refreshing bowl of WIN, topped off with a sugary dose of AWESOME.

So what made this year so special? Well…

  • It began with my first ever trip to Boston last February. I had so much fun that I was effectively bitten by the travel bug, and I knew my life would never be the same again. My blog would also complete its metamorphosis from a blog where I whined about my failure of a life, to a blog about traveling and geocaching. Although I still whine every now and then, just to a slightly lesser degree. :-D
  • After that trip, I invested in completely upgrading my desktop for the first time in 8 years. I now have a powerhorse that can not only play all the latest games but also makes it SO much easier for me to work on my many blogging projects.
  • By this time (after purchasing my new computer) I was breaking records with the income I was generating from my blog. 2010 would prove to be the most lucrative year I’ve ever had in terms of sponsorships, revenues and giveaways I received as a direct result of blogging.
  • Then came the long awaited GPS cradle for the iPod Touch that I had been pining to get my hands on for months. This was one of the most CRUCIAL purchases I have ever made. It not only made it feasible to use my iPod for geocaching, but it also powered all my geolocation apps from Whrrl to Navigon. It allowed me to do everything I ever wanted to do with an actual iPhone, at least until it finally becomes available on the Verizon network (hopefully next month!)
  • And then came… the MACBOOK. If 2010 had been nothing but a pit of death and destruction, my MacBook’s arrival alone would have ensured that 2010 would still go down as the GREATEST year in history.
  • Although not as important or exciting, It’s still worth noting that this was the year my car received its 60,000 mile service. It’s one of the most extensive (and expensive) service jobs to ever have done for your car, but once it was out of the way I was confident I could rely on my beautiful ride for another 60,000 miles, as well as for the future road trips I was planning.
  • 2010 also marked the first time I ever went to a Drive-In movie theater. The movie sucked, but the food was teh awesum.
  • I would finally, at long last, transform my wardrobe from Walmart drags to Banana Republic/Gap awesomeness. Let it be known that from now on if a girl rejects me, I will at least have the consolation of knowing it wasn’t because I was donning a $5 sweatshirt from Wally World.
  • I also joined Collective Bias, a marketing agency that opened doors for new sponsorships, new possibilities for generating revenue for my blog, as well as a trip to Las Vegas to attend BlogWorld.
  • In October I began my first ever road trip, traveling over 4,000 miles to at least 14 different states. and at least 20 different cities. The experience will stay with me forever.
  • I experienced my first ever car accident too, just outside of Columbus, Ohio.
  • I hadn’t flown on an airplane since I was 14, but that streak was finally broken when I flew to Vegas to attend BlogWorld with my friend Casey. It was also the first time I have ever gone on a flight on my own.
  • And of course, VEGAS! Easily one of the noisiest, busiest and most unbearable cities I have ever been to. Not even the buffets could lure me back there again. The trip to Vegas also marked the first time I’ve ever attended a major conference like BlogWorld as well.
  • After 7 or more years, I would finally meet one of my closest friends, Casey, who discovered my previous blog circa 2003, and has been a thorn on my side ever since. :-D While in Arkansas I had the pleasure of meeting his wife, kids and parents, and in a unusual twist of fate we met up again only a few weeks later, this time on my home turf in New York. For you Psych enthusiasts, I am the Shawn to his Gus, and occasionally vice versa, although we don’t know what started first. It’s like the chicken or the egg, minus the chicken. And possibly the egg.
  • While in Las Vegas I could honestly say the biggest highlight of my trip was meeting Bailey of MakeoverMomma.com. To meet such a beautiful woman who was also hearing impaired like me, but so fiercely determined not to let that keep her down was inspiring. Meeting her family was also a treat and gives me a reason now to visit Virginia in the future. I am so blessed to have her as a friend as well.
  • And finally, I would close the year out with a trip to New Hampshire for an early Christmas getaway, where I took an unbelievable driving tour of the gorgeous White Mountains and feasted on the bestest nachos and pancakes evahs!!11!1 The trip also gave me the occasion to meet yet another Internet friend, who by now I’m sure regrets that decision. LOL, I keed, I keed… I hope.

After all that, it makes me wonder how 2011 will stack up in comparison. Can the new year continue to carry the torch of awesomeness just as 2010 did? There’s certainly a lot expected to happen for 2011 that makes me hopeful. For one, it will mark the arrival of the iPhone on Verizon. YES, YES, THANK YOU GOD, YES.

Not only that but I will probably purchase my first iPad too when the second generation comes out, completing my trifecta of owning an iPhone, MacBook and iPad. I will be an unstoppable force of ubergeekness then.

I also have a few trips and meetups planned already, beginning with a meetup with Bailey in the city in January, then again in February when she comes to attend the fashion show. I trust by then she can sneak me in so I can ensconce myself in a sea of the world’s hottest models, where any one of them could be looking for a downtown man like me. Just like Billy Joel says, so it must be true! :-D

After that I would immediately flee New York (on Valentine’s Day no less) for a trip to Portland, Maine (and possibly beyond), a return to New Hampshire for a day or two, and finally a four day stay at Boston, where everybody knows my name, and they’re always glad I came.

March will be even crazier with a flight to Texas(!!!), where I meet up with Casey again at SXSW for a few days of Texan BBQ, funsies, and possible new networking contacts (read: people who can save me from my current dead-end job.) After SXSW I might rent a car and take a drive from Austin to Dallas for a few extra days of sightseeing around the state before returning home.

In April or May I’m planning another trip to Tennessee for a week long stay in the Smokies, hoping this time around I’ll have a chance to explore Knoxville and some of the surrounding areas before vegging out once again in a gorgeous luxury log cabin. Tee hee. It will also give me a chance to stay in Virginia for a night and meet Bailey and her family again (at which point I have to think that they’re all going to get sick of me by then, lolz.)

After that things get a little fuzzy. There’s a travel blog conference taking place in Vancouver in June and as much as I want to visit the city, I’m not sure it might be worth the investment then. There’s also the tornado chasing expedition I want to join in late June or July in Colorado, something I need to keep hush hush because my mother would be very upset if she knew what I was up to.

I do know it’s a given I’m going to be in either Colorado or somewhere in the Rockies for my 35th birthday in August, because there is absolutely no way in HELL that I am going to be celebrating that here in stinky New York.

2011 could also possibly be the year I travel abroad for the first time. My friend Casey will be traveling to Germany sometime in the fall and I may (permission pending) tag along for the ride, presuming there’s enough room in the trunk to hold me.

The only downside I’m seeing for 2011 has to do with my blog. Despite the record breaking year I had in generating income from it, my traffic level actually went DOWN by 10 percent for the year, and Google reduced my ranking from a PageRank of a studly 5 to a paltry 3, effectively setting all my efforts to bring in traffic back 2 years. Thanks Google! Motherf—- but anyhow, something will have to give in 2011, otherwise my blogging income will eventually evaporate, along with my dreams of becoming a full-time and self-employed blogger AND my ability to travel on a semi-regular basis.

For 2011, it’s make or break time. Bring it, baby.

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My Job Is Out To Get Me

Written by on September 27, 2010
Filed Under My Job

Ok, it’s official. My job (and I don’t mean my coworkers) is a living, breathing evil sentient being that has made it its number one mission to destroy my sanity until all that is left of me is a drooling shell of a man cowering in a corner at the looney bin humming Archies tunes.

Five days left before I undertake the biggest road trip I’ve ever done in my life. And in that five day stretch, my workload has suddenly decided to increase by tenfold, inexplicably. Plus I have to do field work all week long, and of course the weather forecast is rain, rain, pouring rain, more than the rains on the plains of Spain… while the world’s turning circles running round my brain…

And some of my coworkers have taken the next few days off too.

Yep, my disgustingly evil and self-aware job has seen it upon itself to inflict as much pain and agony on me as possible for daring, DARING to take some time off in October.

But if anyone can withstand the violence that is my dead end worthless crap of a job, it’s yours truly. Yep, only a man’s man of a man like this man can take the pain and say, “Thank you, may I have another?”

… … … you are my candy girl!… And you’ve got me wanting you…

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