There’s no love lost between me and mainstream Christian writers, especially those whose shoddily written books sell a bazoolion copies simply because their audience are complete morons who just vacu-suck in everything their pastor spoonfeeds them without an individual thought of their own.

But every now and then somebody comes along and says or writes something that just begs for a smackdown by yours truly.  Case in point, a relatively obscure blogger named Tim Challies quotes from a book written by an even more obscure Christian author:

“One of the biggest problems in the church today is the failure of young adult men to value and pursue marriage.”

Apparently the quote is lifted from Phillips’s book, “The Masculine Mandate: God’s Calling to Men,” which is yet another book that purports to tell men how they’re supposed to behave and act using disjointed scriptural references and quotes from pop culture TV shows like Seinfeld.  Or was that “Wild at Heart?”

Challies’ endorsement of this quote would typify the behavior that one finds in the modern metrosexual male.  Like clones of Max Lucado, Challies and Phillips seem to me to be the kind of feminized men who write in pink notebooks and breastfeed their own children.  The perpetually and nauseatingly effeminate manner in which they criticize men for every evil in the world demonstrates that “regeneration” apparently did nothing to divorce their attitude towards men from how the rest of the world perceives us.  Which is, as amphibian bio-waste that needs to be neutralized from existence.

Tim Challies’s quote from Rich Phillips is ironic considering the misogynist overtones of Scripture (not that the verses are in fact misogynistic, it just appears that way) especially in Ecclesiastes.  We are told that for every thousand righteous men, there is only one righteous woman in that same bunch, if even that.  And Solomon would know a thing or two about that, having gone through at least 700 wives.    (Ecclesiastes 7:26-29)

Phillips/Challies appear to be too numbnutted to believe that the failure of a marriage might actually involve two people instead of just the man.  Indeed, it seems to me the primary perpetrators of evil in our increasingly feministic society are women, not men. The divorce courts favor women, while our laws give women special status in almost every aspect of their lives.  Women can also falsely accuse men of rape and destroy their lives with absolutely no risk of consequence.  The entertainment industry also constantly denigrates and insults men at every turn.  How could this relentless bombardment of male bashing not seep into the thinking of even well intentioned women (including Challies)?

And they wonder why men might not value marriage anymore?  Seriously?

Personally, I’ve given up on the idea of marriage or even dating.  I have accepted that there is simply no single woman out there left that is worth my time and aggravation.  The neurosis (teh crazies!!1), the self absorption and the utter sense of supremacy gets old after a while.  Who can find a virtuous woman?  Certainly not I.  As a result, I have admittedly become very bitter about it, but I am slowly learning to accept that Paul was right, I am in fact better off single.  Of course women who see this will say the reason I haven’t found anyone is because I’m bitter, or ugly or otherwise undesirable.  They have absolved and divorced themselves of any accountability in regards to their despicable behavior whatsoever.  It is ALWAYS the man’s fault.  I’m single?  Gotta be my fault and my fault alone.  Women are but darling cherubs of light to which it is nigh on impossible for them to do any wrong.  Right.  And I got two bridges in Brooklyn I’d like to sell you.

Since our supposedly Christian stalwarts of the community appear completely vacuous in their analysis of what ails marriages today, I’ll try to fill in the void with my common sense approach to the matter.

Marriage is a two way street.  It’s not about pleasing yourself, it’s about pleasing your spouse and doing what makes him OR her happy.  Women should not go ahead of their husbands and should let him take the lead.  Men in return should not treat their wives as  doormats but with love and respect, and should not be afraid to make command decisions either.  Each spouse should have their due affection rendered them, whether it comes in wumpsy snugglies or other things.  Let the strength of one complement the weakness of the other.

See?  How fricking hard was that?  It certainly beats the advice of telling men they need to camp out a lot in the wilderness like that schmuck for brains John Eldredge does in his book “Wild at Heart.”  Oy.

Maybe I should write a book myself. 

Tags: affection, analysis, books, christian, christian author, church, divorce, effeminate, husband, male bashing, man, marriage, marriages, men, metrosexual, misogyny, relationships, Scripture, wife, woman, women, women suck
Categories: Christians Gone Wild
 
(  Print This Post | | 99 views )

Having one of those blah days (or is it a blah life)?

Did get a whole bunch of errands done though, went on a spending spree on Amazon for some new toys I can use for geocaching and babe watching, got my car washed, the oil changed, the tires rotated, and bought some more winter gear, including cashmere gloves.

Wait, did I say babe watching? I meant BIRD watching.

And now that I’ve cleared my plate I’m pretty much twiddling my thumbs here, waiting for tomorrow when I start my marketing campaign. As part of my brilliant strategy to raise brand awareness for my blog, I’m also having over 100 wooden nickels printed with my name and blog link on it, which I’ll be dropping off at geocaches from time to time. Dude I’m telling you, it’s only a matter of time before I’ll be such a hot commodity that I’ll be working the morning show circuits on a regular basis.

Oh, and women still suck by the way. I was ignored by just about everyone the past weekend, including the waitress at Boulder Creek who would not look at me, talk to me, or acknowledge my existence, despite me being smiley and all kinds of nice to her. Effing whore.

But anyhoo, I’m not too bothered by it, I’ve just come to accept the fact that the Bible was wrong about the origins of women, and that it was in fact the devil himself who created them to destroy man. So you see, the story of the talking serpent deceiving Eve is actually a bit misinterpreted. The way I read it now, they were in on it together. She wasn’t deceived, she knew EXACTLY what she was doing. It was all a grand conspiracy between the mother of all whores and the father of all evil to ensure that man would experience nothing but pain and misery for all his days. And sure enough, the plot succeeded.

What? I’m not bitter. That’s not why I saying this. It’s what really happened, I know it! The science is settled!

Bah, I’m gonna go have dinner now.

Tags: amazon, devil, geocaching, marketing, marketing campaign, spending spree, weekend, women, women suck, wooden nickels
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
(  Print This Post | | 105 views )

I went to the mall on Thursday in my neverending search for decent gloves, starting off with a walkaround inside Macy’s.

I finally found some cashmere gloves but, um, are cashmere gloves supposed to be THAT shiny? Even then they didn’t look like great quality, in some areas you could see the thread was already beginning to loosen. I guess that’s why they were having a sale for them. I found some Isotoners too, but it’s always the same deal: too small, too big, too plush, too thin or too ugly. Bah.

While I was trying out gloves a cute girl also showed up and started looking around as well. I smiled at her but she ignored me as she continued yakking on the phone. I lingered around and glanced every now and then, waiting for an opportunity to see if I could talk to her. I also happened to notice this old lady pushing a baby carriage nearby giving me the dirtiest of looks too. What was that all about? The answer came when the cute girl finally stopped looking and she and the old lady left together. Oops? Was Mommy watching me the whole time?

In hindsight I should have realized if she was looking for male gloves she probably had a boyfriend, and that’s who she was yakking with on the phone. Sigh.

Off to H&M!

I arrived at the store and immediately realized 90% of the clothes were for women, while the remaining 10% for men were stashed on the basement level in a corner somewhere. Yeah this should be productive, and yep of course they didn’t have any gloves at all. I went back upstairs and looked around for a few minutes more. I was just about to leave when I saw this unbelievably GORGEOUS blonde bombshell sifting through one of the clothing racks.

Oh. My. God.

Oh please, oh please, oh please let her see me or notice meeeeeee…

I walked close by and pretended to check out some girlie clothes like stuff, waiting for her to glance in my direction so I could smile at her. Give me a smile, a frown, something, ANYTHING! She continued to look around, but her eyes went past me like I wasn’t there. I stood next to her, walked around, walked in front, waiting for any kind of opening, but she wasn’t biting. It seems the only way I was going to get her attention was to throw a brick at her head, and unfortunately, I had left mine in the car.

Sigh.

I left the store dejected and depressed, checked out a handful of other stores before finally leaving the mall, gloveless and womanless.

You know, I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m not the kind of person who can approach somebody cold when I’m out in public, so there needs to be some kind of context I can work with that would encourage me to go talk to a girl. Even a friendly smile would do it, but nobody it seems wants to do even that. I just see an ocean of stony faced women all going about their business, and it breaks my heart.

So yeah, I give up. I’m just not going to look anymore. I’ll just go about my business in life, and if I happen to bump into a cutie at the supermarket who doesn’t sneer at me, maybe I’ll start a conversation. But for the most part I’m just gonna keep my head down low and stay away from the crowds as much as I can.

If only I could buy my clothes online without having to try them on, then I wouldn’t have to go out at all.

Tags: cashmere, depressed, girl, gloves, mall, women, women suck
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
(  Print This Post | | 104 views )

Yawn.

So, basically, I brought in the new year by watching old episodes of Heroes from Netflix and popping Ferrero Rondnoirs. I hadn’t even realized it was 2010 until 3 minutes past midnight. I also refused to turn on the TV to see the ball go down because I am just not a fanboy of watching stupid, drunken revelers gyrating all over each other to the tune of crap metal devil music. Plus Dick Clark is a weenie.

Next year I hope will be a different story. Instead of gouging myself on chocolates, I hope to ring in the near year with my first ever new year’s kiss. With a woman. It’s going to happen, because if I can’t get some stupid, skanked up, self-absorbed, two-bit whore to cooperate and see what a great, sweet guy I am by then, then I’m just gonna hire me a hooker to give me a kissy wissy when the clock strikes 12.

Oh by the way, women SUCK.

No wait, I’m going somewhere with this. I’ve been having a fascinating discussion on a forum about relations between men and women, and some female newcomer talks about how she hates virgins and thinks they are creepy, dysfunctional, and like, totally uncool, and that only men with experience are worth chasing after. So naturally I called her a whore.

But that got me thinking. I always assumed the reason women who slept around were called whores while men who did the same were called studs was due to the byproduct of living in a patriarchal society. But now I see that women are completely to blame for these stereotypes. Why? Because while men respect women who are chaste/virgins, women however do not respect men for being the same. They in fact HATE THEM. A guy who sleeps with 50 women will be adored in the eyes of these skanks, while a virgin is shunned and derided.

As a Christian, I believe sex outside of marriage is wrong, and therefore chose to honor God and practice abstinence until I found “the one.” I’ve had several opportunities in my life to get on the funky, but I was so repulsed by the women who tried to… seduce me(?) that the decision to say no was easy. Back then I was really an ignoramus, I just couldn’t understand how women could proposition me without knowing anything about me, without any romance, without any emotional bond. They just slept around like it was no big deal.

Nowadays it’s even easier to remain a virgin, because now NOBODY wants me. Only I think part of it was because I so freely talked about my virginal background. I’ve never been with a woman, but I always assumed saving myself for “the one” would endear me to them even more. It never really occurred to me that it had just the opposite effect. Even those that purport to be Christian I suspect still subconsciously shun me and lose respect for me because I am not a player.

So how then can I attract women now? Well it’s simple: LIE. If anyone asks, I have had 20 women in my life, and they ALL want me back.

That’s why I say women don’t want honesty, they want the right answers. I give them the wrong answer because stupid me thinks they might appreciate honesty, and they will run away like a thief in the night. It doesn’t matter who I am as a person, it only matters that I am only desirable to them if OTHER women also found me desirable. That’s why married men are more attractive to women than single. That’s why men with built-in harems are more attractive to women than men who practice monogamy.

The truth is I can’t reveal anything about my past, because I don’t see anything in it that could allure a girl. Everything I say about myself WILL be used against me in the court of romance and wubs. I have to lie, at least until I can get her emotionally invested in me, because the sad truth is, it’s the only way I can get any kind of woman to be interested in me. In the meantime, I might ask some of you to fake call me while I’m out on a date and like, cry on the phone and stuff over how badly you miss me and want me back. I’ll put you on speaker so she can hear it too.

Yep, I can’t see how my revised approach here to lie my way into a new relationship could possibly go wrong.

Tags: abstinence, christian, God, honesty, Netflix, new year, single, stereotypes, truth, virgins, whores, women, women suck
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
(  Print This Post | | 106 views )

So I was on Craigslist… (oh good grief, I know what a toxic wasteland it is, just get off my case already.)

So anyhoo, I was on Craigslist in the strictly platonic section, and surprisingly enough, I find an ad by a girl looking for someone to accompany her for pleasant conversations and the best hot cocoa she could find in the city. She had read an article listing the best 22 places to find hot chocolate and was planning to check them all out, and her ad was an invitation to join her on her chocolatey journey. I thought it was the most adorable thing I ever read, and promptly sent her an email.

You think I got a response? Of course not.

So you know what, hell with it, I’ll go visit these places myself and sip my own damned cocoa. I managed to find the article she was referring to, so now I can make my own chocolatey journey through the city, probably starting New Year’s Day. New Year’s Day is the best time to go joyriding around Manhattan too, practically everyone is in bed with a hangover while the sober, smart ones among us have the whole city to ourselves.

So I’ll just have to dance alone as usual, but I’m not going to let that stop me from having a good time.

Tags: city, conversations, craigslist, girl, hot chocolate, hot cocoa, manhattan, new year, women suck
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
(  Print This Post | | 30 views )

Generally, it takes ten years for a woman to fall in love with a man.  I’m serious people, this is science, look it up.

Things might move along a wee little faster though if you put some muscle into it and work 24/7 to get a girl to fall for you.  Then perhaps after spending enough time, effort, money, (and then a little more money), and much sweating of blood and tears, she will finally deem you worthy of her love.  Maybe.

But in the meantime you have to do all the heavy lifting, huffing and puffing your way into her heart, and if you’re a sensible enough guy you might start thinking somewhere along the way, “What woman short of Queen Esther herself would be worth all this aggravation?”

I mean really.

I look at creation and all I see is an ocean of women who are self centered, fickle, manipulative, ball crushing, man hating hell-beasts that were handcrafted in the bowels of perdition by the iniquitous and the vile.

But for most guys, they’re perfectly willing to traverse this minefield as long as it gets them the BOOTY.  The acquisition of booty has therefore become the driving force of their existence.  But for a Christian guy like me, it’s not the booty I want, it’s the luuuuuuuuuuuuurv.  But women today, for whatever reason seem to be far more willing to give over their bodies than they are in giving over their hearts.  Maybe it’s because they have no heart to begin with? 

I might indeed be the last of my kind, a guy who wants romance and love and lots of wubbly snuggles, but in this day and age, there seems to be no one left who can truly fulfill those needs.  When I look at a girl, there never seems to be anything compelling about her that would make her worth the effort, or worth the chase.  And the thing that really kills it for me is the utter lack of empathy.  There’s just no warmth, no sense of caring, no concern about my life or interest in me as a person.  If I poured out my heart to them they would be unmoved by it all.  They just don’t care.  They’re lukewarm, neither hot nor cold.

So why would I want to fight for a woman like that?  You could be more beautiful than a setting sun, but if you have a heart of stone, if you give me absolutely no incentive to make it worth my while, why should I even bother?  I’m the kind of guy who just wants to hear these words:

It’s hearing that kind of heart, that kind of passion that would tell me you’re worth fighting for, indeed worth moving even heaven and earth for.  But I fear those words will never come.

Yeah, I think it’s time I gave up this silly dream of finding my soulmate and true love and whatnot, and finally moved on with my life, even if that means having to juice myself up with mega doses of Prozac just so I can numb out these feelings and keep them from consuming me.

Living the life of an emotional zombie has never looked better. 

Tags: christian, empathy, love, lukewarm, romance, soulmate, stardust, true love, woman, women, women suck, YouTube
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
(  Print This Post | | 507 views )