There’s no love lost between me and mainstream Christian writers, especially those whose shoddily written books sell a bazoolion copies simply because their audience are complete morons who just vacu-suck in everything their pastor spoonfeeds them without an individual thought of their own.

But every now and then somebody comes along and says or writes something that just begs for a smackdown by yours truly.  Case in point, a relatively obscure blogger named Tim Challies quotes from a book written by an even more obscure Christian author:

“One of the biggest problems in the church today is the failure of young adult men to value and pursue marriage.”

Apparently the quote is lifted from Phillips’s book, “The Masculine Mandate: God’s Calling to Men,” which is yet another book that purports to tell men how they’re supposed to behave and act using disjointed scriptural references and quotes from pop culture TV shows like Seinfeld.  Or was that “Wild at Heart?”

Challies’ endorsement of this quote would typify the behavior that one finds in the modern metrosexual male.  Like clones of Max Lucado, Challies and Phillips seem to me to be the kind of feminized men who write in pink notebooks and breastfeed their own children.  The perpetually and nauseatingly effeminate manner in which they criticize men for every evil in the world demonstrates that “regeneration” apparently did nothing to divorce their attitude towards men from how the rest of the world perceives us.  Which is, as amphibian bio-waste that needs to be neutralized from existence.

Tim Challies’s quote from Rich Phillips is ironic considering the misogynist overtones of Scripture (not that the verses are in fact misogynistic, it just appears that way) especially in Ecclesiastes.  We are told that for every thousand righteous men, there is only one righteous woman in that same bunch, if even that.  And Solomon would know a thing or two about that, having gone through at least 700 wives.    (Ecclesiastes 7:26-29)

Phillips/Challies appear to be too numbnutted to believe that the failure of a marriage might actually involve two people instead of just the man.  Indeed, it seems to me the primary perpetrators of evil in our increasingly feministic society are women, not men. The divorce courts favor women, while our laws give women special status in almost every aspect of their lives.  Women can also falsely accuse men of rape and destroy their lives with absolutely no risk of consequence.  The entertainment industry also constantly denigrates and insults men at every turn.  How could this relentless bombardment of male bashing not seep into the thinking of even well intentioned women (including Challies)?

And they wonder why men might not value marriage anymore?  Seriously?

Personally, I’ve given up on the idea of marriage or even dating.  I have accepted that there is simply no single woman out there left that is worth my time and aggravation.  The neurosis (teh crazies!!1), the self absorption and the utter sense of supremacy gets old after a while.  Who can find a virtuous woman?  Certainly not I.  As a result, I have admittedly become very bitter about it, but I am slowly learning to accept that Paul was right, I am in fact better off single.  Of course women who see this will say the reason I haven’t found anyone is because I’m bitter, or ugly or otherwise undesirable.  They have absolved and divorced themselves of any accountability in regards to their despicable behavior whatsoever.  It is ALWAYS the man’s fault.  I’m single?  Gotta be my fault and my fault alone.  Women are but darling cherubs of light to which it is nigh on impossible for them to do any wrong.  Right.  And I got two bridges in Brooklyn I’d like to sell you.

Since our supposedly Christian stalwarts of the community appear completely vacuous in their analysis of what ails marriages today, I’ll try to fill in the void with my common sense approach to the matter.

Marriage is a two way street.  It’s not about pleasing yourself, it’s about pleasing your spouse and doing what makes him OR her happy.  Women should not go ahead of their husbands and should let him take the lead.  Men in return should not treat their wives as  doormats but with love and respect, and should not be afraid to make command decisions either.  Each spouse should have their due affection rendered them, whether it comes in wumpsy snugglies or other things.  Let the strength of one complement the weakness of the other.

See?  How fricking hard was that?  It certainly beats the advice of telling men they need to camp out a lot in the wilderness like that schmuck for brains John Eldredge does in his book “Wild at Heart.”  Oy.

Maybe I should write a book myself. 

Tags: affection, analysis, books, christian, christian author, church, divorce, effeminate, husband, male bashing, man, marriage, marriages, men, metrosexual, misogyny, relationships, Scripture, wife, woman, women, women suck
Categories: Christians Gone Wild
 
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And not just a girl, an LA Girl!

Omigosh, omigosh, I’ll have to get my hair and nails done! Maybe buy a new dress too! *hyperventilates*

I don’t know how it happened either, I was just talking to a nice Chinese girl on a conservative blog, and next thing I know we’re set to meet on the Upper West Side for dinner and ice cream after she decided to visit the city for a week. Sometimes my locale does have its upside.

It’s a weird feeling though, I haven’t had a get together with a girl since… um… since…

.. … … … .. … .. … … *counts fingers*

7 years? 7 YEARS?? I had no idea that much time transpired since then.

Ah well. It should be fun… I hope, as long as I don’t do something silly, like throw up on her boots or anything. If we can manage to stand each other for the entire evening, I might also tag along with her to the Met and Museum of Natural History the day after. Maybe. I’ve been to both before, but I’d like the experience of seeing the exhibits and getting a different perspective on it for once, instead of having conversations with myself and drawing the attention of security, as is usually the case.

Besides, it gives me a chance to test my theory that I will be far more attractive to the ladies here if they see me hanging out with another girl, especially one from LA. It is a sad testament to state of affairs today that I am only seen as attractive to the wimmins if it already looks like I have someone.

So if y’all can light a candle for me and pray she doesn’t like, eat me or something, I’d be much obliged.

Tags: experience, girl, history, LA girl, ladies, Links, museum, upper west side, women
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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Decided to do a combo of urban caching and hot cocoa sampling in the city on Sunday, starting out at Battery Park and working my way uptown. BooYAH!

Here’s the thing though, whoever said this was a city that never sleeps was stoking one up. Three of the cafe/chocolate shops I wanted to check out was closed, including Jacques Torres, which have these seriously cool Willy Wonka type machines that you can get your chocolates from. And it was CLOSED. Son of a

But of course Starbucks was open.

Only way to get there today was to swim. Mmmm, nah.

I hung out at Battery Park enjoying the view of the Statue of Liberty for a while, then worked my way uptown to Tribeca. There was a cache there that takes you from the Tribeca Clock to the firehouse building that was used in the movie Ghostbusters, one of my all-time favorite movies. I hugged the building too, just cuz I like to emote on inanimate objects, and stuff. Sometimes I think the buildings here show me more affection than the women do. Actually I don’t think it, I KNOW they do.

There's a scene with this clock in the movie You've Got Mail, so obviously nobody would know that.

We're ready to believe you!

After that I decided to get back to my car and take a drive towards Washington Heights for the New Leaf Cafe, stopping along the way at an espresso bar on the Upper West Side that was also on my hot cocoa checklist. By some miracle I got a parking space nearby and went in from there. The bar was called Aroma, and at first glance it seemed like an upscale Panera Bread to me. There were a lot of students inside, coming from I guess either Columbia or John Jay, the only two schools I could think of that were within walking distance.

I ordered my hot chocolate and could not stop admiring this girl who was chatting it up with some metrosexual dude. She… was… GORGEOUS. Tastefully dressed, with long raven black hair and bright hazel looking eyes. Sigh.

I did my best not to gawk, taking in the general scenery instead, and decided that I definitely looked out of place. The students here looked well groomed, wearing fashionable, preppy clothes, while I was sporting a five o’ clock shadow and a Walmart jacket. I was polluting their existence with my very presence, and I felt the weight of that reality come over me like a heavy cloud, so I took my hot chocolate and left, instead enjoying a walk on the streets. I got back in my car again and headed for Fort Tryon, but New Leaf Cafe was closed as well, so I pulled off to the side somewhere to enjoy a view of the GW Bridge.

You know, I really do love the city, but I only wish some of that love was reciprocated for once. Everywhere I walked no one would look at me, and no girl wanted to even acknowledge my presence, much less smile at me. Honestly, if I already had someone in my life I wouldn’t give a rip one way or the other, but I have to deal with this every day, hoping some how, some way, one sweet, pretty looking girl will finally SEE me. But it would never happen.

Instead I walk around the city like a ghost. I sort of exist, but not really.

I wonder how much more of this I can take before I end up doing something really stupid, like surgically attaching myself to some neurotic man-faced freakshow that I met on Craigslist because she/it was the only one who ever paid any attention to me. Seriously, I can feel myself getting thisclose to giving up, throwing my standards and self-esteem out the window and settle for the first thing that comes along, because that’s going to be as good as it gets.

It’s not even a question of IF I wind up doing something like that, but a question of WHEN. The clock is ticking down. Something needs to give… at least until I finally get my mail-order bride catalog.

No need to put out flames today. Women have killed the fire of wubs.

Tags: battery park, chocolates, ghostbusters, hot chocolate, hot cocoa, loneliness, starbucks, statue of liberty, tribeca, upper west side, uptown, women
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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Having one of those blah days (or is it a blah life)?

Did get a whole bunch of errands done though, went on a spending spree on Amazon for some new toys I can use for geocaching and babe watching, got my car washed, the oil changed, the tires rotated, and bought some more winter gear, including cashmere gloves.

Wait, did I say babe watching? I meant BIRD watching.

And now that I’ve cleared my plate I’m pretty much twiddling my thumbs here, waiting for tomorrow when I start my marketing campaign. As part of my brilliant strategy to raise brand awareness for my blog, I’m also having over 100 wooden nickels printed with my name and blog link on it, which I’ll be dropping off at geocaches from time to time. Dude I’m telling you, it’s only a matter of time before I’ll be such a hot commodity that I’ll be working the morning show circuits on a regular basis.

Oh, and women still suck by the way. I was ignored by just about everyone the past weekend, including the waitress at Boulder Creek who would not look at me, talk to me, or acknowledge my existence, despite me being smiley and all kinds of nice to her. Effing whore.

But anyhoo, I’m not too bothered by it, I’ve just come to accept the fact that the Bible was wrong about the origins of women, and that it was in fact the devil himself who created them to destroy man. So you see, the story of the talking serpent deceiving Eve is actually a bit misinterpreted. The way I read it now, they were in on it together. She wasn’t deceived, she knew EXACTLY what she was doing. It was all a grand conspiracy between the mother of all whores and the father of all evil to ensure that man would experience nothing but pain and misery for all his days. And sure enough, the plot succeeded.

What? I’m not bitter. That’s not why I saying this. It’s what really happened, I know it! The science is settled!

Bah, I’m gonna go have dinner now.

Tags: amazon, devil, geocaching, marketing, marketing campaign, spending spree, weekend, women, women suck, wooden nickels
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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I went to the mall on Thursday in my neverending search for decent gloves, starting off with a walkaround inside Macy’s.

I finally found some cashmere gloves but, um, are cashmere gloves supposed to be THAT shiny? Even then they didn’t look like great quality, in some areas you could see the thread was already beginning to loosen. I guess that’s why they were having a sale for them. I found some Isotoners too, but it’s always the same deal: too small, too big, too plush, too thin or too ugly. Bah.

While I was trying out gloves a cute girl also showed up and started looking around as well. I smiled at her but she ignored me as she continued yakking on the phone. I lingered around and glanced every now and then, waiting for an opportunity to see if I could talk to her. I also happened to notice this old lady pushing a baby carriage nearby giving me the dirtiest of looks too. What was that all about? The answer came when the cute girl finally stopped looking and she and the old lady left together. Oops? Was Mommy watching me the whole time?

In hindsight I should have realized if she was looking for male gloves she probably had a boyfriend, and that’s who she was yakking with on the phone. Sigh.

Off to H&M!

I arrived at the store and immediately realized 90% of the clothes were for women, while the remaining 10% for men were stashed on the basement level in a corner somewhere. Yeah this should be productive, and yep of course they didn’t have any gloves at all. I went back upstairs and looked around for a few minutes more. I was just about to leave when I saw this unbelievably GORGEOUS blonde bombshell sifting through one of the clothing racks.

Oh. My. God.

Oh please, oh please, oh please let her see me or notice meeeeeee…

I walked close by and pretended to check out some girlie clothes like stuff, waiting for her to glance in my direction so I could smile at her. Give me a smile, a frown, something, ANYTHING! She continued to look around, but her eyes went past me like I wasn’t there. I stood next to her, walked around, walked in front, waiting for any kind of opening, but she wasn’t biting. It seems the only way I was going to get her attention was to throw a brick at her head, and unfortunately, I had left mine in the car.

Sigh.

I left the store dejected and depressed, checked out a handful of other stores before finally leaving the mall, gloveless and womanless.

You know, I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m not the kind of person who can approach somebody cold when I’m out in public, so there needs to be some kind of context I can work with that would encourage me to go talk to a girl. Even a friendly smile would do it, but nobody it seems wants to do even that. I just see an ocean of stony faced women all going about their business, and it breaks my heart.

So yeah, I give up. I’m just not going to look anymore. I’ll just go about my business in life, and if I happen to bump into a cutie at the supermarket who doesn’t sneer at me, maybe I’ll start a conversation. But for the most part I’m just gonna keep my head down low and stay away from the crowds as much as I can.

If only I could buy my clothes online without having to try them on, then I wouldn’t have to go out at all.

Tags: cashmere, depressed, girl, gloves, mall, women, women suck
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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For those who have been reading this blog for some time, you’ll know that I occasionally like to use cute terms like “wubs” and “snuggles” and “sugar pot bon bon bunny cakes.”

I do it because it’s silly, it lightens the mood, and it tends to evoke more than a few laughs.

But who knew the darkness and virulent hatred that could spring forth just from using what I THOUGHT were innocuously harmless terms.

For this, I blame women.

I knew something was amiss because I had been using the same terms on a message board a few days ago, and this woman just went off on me on how she is not a child and could never respect anyone who said he “wubs” her and that men who did that are sex depraved, immature, stupid or some such thing.

So naturally I called her a whore.

Anyhoo, I always assumed (there I go assuming again) that the girl of my dreams would appreciate these terms of endearment, and that when you’re so in love with someone it’s only natural to start using silly terms of endearment. I didn’t expect that women could take such offense at it to the point that they’d start tearing their hair out and writing naughty things about me on bathroom walls.

So, in order to settle the matter, I’ve decided to take a poll!

Depending on the results, if it’s readily clear that I am perceived as being something less of a manly man because I “wubs” just a bit too much, then I vow that I will never make use of such terms again. After all, far be it from me to scare away the girl of my dreams for saying “cuddly lumps boom boom honey pie” one time too many.

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Tags: girl of my dreams, hatred, immature, message board, stupid, terms of endearment, women, writing
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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