You know what I really hate? Humidity. I enjoy humidity the way I enjoy performing a hernia operation on myself using a wooden spoon.

Yesterday we had it really bad though. But come on, it’s close to October now, this heat and humidity crap should behind us as we look forward to cooler (and drier) weather. But nooooooo, summer simply HAS to hold on a little bit longer and vomit its digusting, oppressive moisture on us all. Sheesh. I think the bottom of the ocean has been drier than this.

I like temperate weather. I like seasons (minus summer), and I like being able to wear the kind of fashionable clothes that you can’t wear in hotter climates (especially a nice black leather blazer to impress the ladies). I like leaves changing colors, snow covered streets, and an excuse to snuggle down by the fireplace with my lovely during those cold, dark evenings.

If I HAD a lovely that is.

Great, now I’m depressed again. I think I’ll go to Blockbusters and rent a slasher flick. That always makes me feel better.

This mixture of hellish humidity and heat is sucking the ever living joy joy out of me.

Top it off, the female race found yet another occasion to twist the knife in my back just a wee bit more, this time while I was trying to enjoy a nice quiet dinner at my desk. So I’m sitting here, downing a few bites of cold baked ziti, when in walks this drop dead gorgeous bombshell, asking for help on a court paper she needed to find info on.

My mouth stuffed with ricotta cheese, I barely managed to choke it down as I dropped my fork and managed a friendly, muffled hello.

“Ok, let’s see what we got here.” I recovered slightly and took the paper she had. Her light and pleasant perfume was starting to make me dizzy.

It was something I needed to check in the state database, so I walked over and fired up the box to make an inquiry. In the meantime I tried some small talk.

“So… had enough of this humidity?”

“It’s alright,” she said in a bored tone. “Is this going to take long?”

“Oh.. uh.. no, should come up right away.” I felt my cheeks getting hot and tried so very hard not to stare at her figure. Checking her papers, I tried again to get a conversation going by pointing out a few things I thought might be worth checking out.

She wasn’t impressed. The printout finished, so I tore off the info and gave it to her.

“I haven’t seen you around before, are you working in the new –” I never got a chance to finish as she mumbled a curt “thanks” and quickly walked out.

“Goodbye,” I said wistfully, to no one in particular.