So hey, I finally took the plunge and made a reservation for Boston, just in time to see a forecast for a storm coming to New England Tuesday night, a forecast that was confirmed juuuuuust late enough to ensure I couldn’t cancel my reservation in time. Yaaay!

But whatever, I was born during violent weather, so this will be a mere walk in the park for me, even though my dear Mommy threw a fit about me traveling under such adverse conditions. If this is how she reacts to me being in mildly bad weather, then I probably shouldn’t tell her about my plans to go tornado chasing in a few months.

So this is how I’m gonna kick it: I’ll be spending a large part of the day driving the scenic byways in Rhode Island and geocaching along the way like a fanatic monkey who has no life whatsoever, mainly because I do in fact have no life whatsoever. In the course of doing so I may come across hot babes at rest stops and whatnot prior to my arrival at Boston, in which case I will walk up to them and use my world renowned pickup line: “I think you’re beeeooootiful! Will you be my love snuggles?”

After having been solidly rejected by the entire female population of Rhode Island (all 6 of them), I will spend a few minutes crying over hot cocoa at the border of Massachusetts, then continue on my journey until I arrive at long last at Beantown, for the first time evah! I will then check in, discreetly inquire about escort services, then decide I would never make enough money in this lifetime or the next to afford it, and opt for a slice of pizza at the North End instead.

Good times, baby, good times.

Wish me luck! I probably won’t blog at length until I’m safe and sound at my hotel tomorrow night.

Tags: Beantown, boston, geocaching, hot babes, hotel, journey, Massachusetts, New England, pizza, scenic byways, storm, travel, weather
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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It was a dark and stormy night.

Actually no, it was a sunny and illuminous day here, with the weather dipping to the low 70s and the skies dancing with the billowing remnant clouds of Tropical Storm Danny. What a great way to end August and unofficially, the end of summer.

This was my week to leave the office for what we call THE RUN. Basically it involves stopping at a slew of government offices for pickups and dropoffs, and while I’m usually not crazy about this part of my job, I definitely welcomed the opportunity today. If you’re quick about it, The Run usually takes about an hour and 45 minutes to do, so naturally it takes me about 3 hours. It also gave me a chance to enjoy the weather and get away from the office’s resident hens, who cannot help but talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk talk talky talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk…

So I’m driving around far and away from the mindless, white noises of the office, and I’m thinking about things. I had been so desperate to move out on my own that I hadn’t really thought about another possibility: What if I could move out of state for real?

I was ready to give up on the idea that I would ever get another job or move out of state, and in that frame of mind I was looking around for any kind of apartment I could find simply to get away from my parents, resigning myself to the reality that my job now was the only job I’d ever have, and while I was lucky to have it, in another sense it was a blackhole too. There’s no promotional path, no training seminars, no chance to expand my skill set at all. In 9 years, I have learned nothing new. And because of it I was pretty much unemployable as far as the private sector goes.

But the public sector… well now, they actually EXPECT you not to have any skills whatsoever.

It also occurred to me that I was in the most ideal place you could ask to be in if your objective was to make a life altering, dramatic move and career change. I have no wife and kids, no debt, no property that I owned, not even furniture. I could up and leave a moment’s notice, literally. And while I’ve been building up my nest egg in preparation to move out, I wonder now if I should stick around for the time being and invest in something even bigger, not simply just to move out and find my own place, but move out of my job and my state altogether.

I always thought the Feds would be my ultimate destiny, mostly because since I graduated it had been my dream to work as a special agent for a law enforcement agency, whether it was the FBI or somebody else, a dream I had to give up on partly because of my disability, and partly because I’m, well, pretty much an idiot.

But now there’s no better time than the present to shoot for the stars again, and maybe even if I couldn’t work as a sworn agent, I could still serve in a civilian capacity somewhere. I have the luxury now of being able to apply and go to any job in the country (except New Jersey, cuz, ewwww). I could also take a salary hit without feeling the squeeze now that all my debts have been taken care of as well.

I think I owe it to myself to at least give it a try before accepting the sentence of life imprisonment in New York. Maybe there is a faux log cabin and a bonnie lass waiting for me in Colorado after all.

Tags: apartment, career, debts, destiny, dream, government, job, law enforcement, life, new york, parents, public sector, weather, white noise
Categories: In The Coal Mine
 
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*Yawn*

I’m having a boring week here, which translates into having nothing to write about on my blog, which translates into my life sucks and I just wanna die, wah wah wah, I want my Mommy.

I am SO glad summer’s just about over though.  Unlike normal people, I hate summer.  LOATHE it in fact.  It brings me nothing but sheer, excruciating heat, and sheer, excruciating humidity.  I can’t wear my super cool looking clothes and jackets either, because nature precludes me from donning clothing meant for fall and winter climates when it’s 90 degrees out.  All I can do is throw on a boring shirt and shorts and walk around looking like a dweeb, while my feet melt in stylish, yet toast oven hot sneakers because I absolutely refuse, REFUSE to wear flip-flops or sandals, all of which are utterly unworthy of being grouped in the same class as shoes.  I don’t know why, I just hate those things.  There’s just something about hearing the flap flap flappity flippity flop of a flip-flop that makes me burn with murderous rage.

Yes I know, I have issues.  Bite me.

Fortunately though, as the heat starts to wane, I start to mellow out a bit.  Once Labor Day comes around I start coming out of my summer fog like a bear out of hibernation, when it finally sinks in that the worst has past, and things will once again start looking up from here.  The weather gets cooler, the air gets more crisp, the holidays get more frequent, and the leaves turn more brilliant as we get closer to autumn, by far my favorite season of all time.

But I think what really sells it for me is how quietly empty the streets become, signaling that ever celebrated event when snot-nosed vile little monkey turds that society calls children finally go back to school again.

Ahhhhh, September, how I missed thee. 

Tags: autumn, bored, children, climate, clothes, flip flops, heat, humidity, summer, weather
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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You know what I really hate? Humidity. I enjoy humidity the way I enjoy performing a hernia operation on myself using a wooden spoon.

Yesterday we had it really bad though. But come on, it’s close to October now, this heat and humidity crap should behind us as we look forward to cooler (and drier) weather. But nooooooo, summer simply HAS to hold on a little bit longer and vomit its digusting, oppressive moisture on us all. Sheesh. I think the bottom of the ocean has been drier than this.

I like temperate weather. I like seasons (minus summer), and I like being able to wear the kind of fashionable clothes that you can’t wear in hotter climates (especially a nice black leather blazer to impress the ladies). I like leaves changing colors, snow covered streets, and an excuse to snuggle down by the fireplace with my lovely during those cold, dark evenings.

If I HAD a lovely that is.

Great, now I’m depressed again. I think I’ll go to Blockbusters and rent a slasher flick. That always makes me feel better.

Tags: black leather, blazer, climate, climates, depression, excuse, fashion, fireplace, humidity, little bit, loneliness, mood, romance, sheesh, weather, wooden spoon
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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This mixture of hellish humidity and heat is sucking the ever living joy joy out of me.

Top it off, the female race found yet another occasion to twist the knife in my back just a wee bit more, this time while I was trying to enjoy a nice quiet dinner at my desk. So I’m sitting here, downing a few bites of cold baked ziti, when in walks this drop dead gorgeous bombshell, asking for help on a court paper she needed to find info on.

My mouth stuffed with ricotta cheese, I barely managed to choke it down as I dropped my fork and managed a friendly, muffled hello.

“Ok, let’s see what we got here.” I recovered slightly and took the paper she had. Her light and pleasant perfume was starting to make me dizzy.

It was something I needed to check in the state database, so I walked over and fired up the box to make an inquiry. In the meantime I tried some small talk.

“So… had enough of this humidity?”

“It’s alright,” she said in a bored tone. “Is this going to take long?”

“Oh.. uh.. no, should come up right away.” I felt my cheeks getting hot and tried so very hard not to stare at her figure. Checking her papers, I tried again to get a conversation going by pointing out a few things I thought might be worth checking out.

She wasn’t impressed. The printout finished, so I tore off the info and gave it to her.

“I haven’t seen you around before, are you working in the new –” I never got a chance to finish as she mumbled a curt “thanks” and quickly walked out.

“Goodbye,” I said wistfully, to no one in particular.

Tags: babe, baked ziti, girl, heat, job, love, unrequited, weather, women
Categories: In The Coal Mine
 
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