Maybe. Depends on whether Scott Brown wins the election or not. If he does, I’ll not only visit, I’ll disavow the Yankees as the work of Satan that they are and don a Red Sox cap and shirt. If he loses, then I might simply decorate my car with New York Yankees – 2009 World Champions banners and decals, then take a visit to Fenway Park and obnoxiously honk my horn at everyone, laughing all the way.

Why yes, I do in fact have a death wish, thanks for asking!

I have to admit my thinking really doesn’t make sense here, since the idea behind me traveling was to put myself out there beyond the loveless dead zone that is New York so I can increase the odds of my meeting cuddly, sweet and wuvable country girls. And yet, I would be getting away from the left-tarded man-faced hag beasts here only to be arriving at the one place even more crazypants liberal than the blessed city of New York: Boston.

But meh, maybe I’ll just pass through and head to New Hampshire instead. I dunno. I still need to upgrade my ancient desktop rig and printer into a respectable home office, plus pick up a new MacBook Pro once I get my tax refund (maybe), and I just spent a small fortune getting my marketing campaign into gear, so money will be tight for a while. I may have to forgo the trip altogether. If only there were holidays in March and April where I could tie those in and get some extended time off to take my trip then, but noooooo, we all gotta be complete heathens here in the early springtime.

Ah well, we’ll see what happens. I’m getting antsy here, and I need to do something soon to break the monotonous routine before I start getting violent and calling people names.

Tags: Beantown, campaign, election, fenway park, girls, holidays, home office, marketing, marketing campaign, new york, new york yankees, routine, tax refund, travel, upgrade
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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What do we even call 2000-2009 anyway? The Zeros? The Single Digits? “The decade that just piled on with so much crap that not even the smelliest crap could have crapped as much crap as this crappy decade crapped on me?”

Well, whatever. Good riddance to 2009 and that whole era of loveless crapiness. I am sorely hoping that 2010 will accumulate in the fulfillment of all hopes and desires, or seriously, I’m just gonna start hitting people. Hard. With like, baseball bats and stuff.

I refuse to make any resolutions though, because I had already done that once on this blog for 2008, and well, let’s take a lookie-loo to see which ones I actually managed to accomplish:

1. Clear up my health problems and get strong again (vith ripplin’ mosscles to impress de vooomen.)

… … … BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!

2. Generate a stable income of at least $1250 a month via my blog.

BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!

3. Get out of my dead end job and find a new career, whether it’s with another agency or by becoming self employed.

BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!

4. Move somewhere else, either out of state, or to nowhere in particular, depending on how successful I am in earning a living off the Internet.

BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!

5. Meet the girl of my dreams.

BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Yeah. How ’bout we try that again?

Nah, forget that. Instead, I’ll simply convey what I would like to happen in 2010 that might actually fall within the realm of scientific possibility.

For starters, as for working out, well ok, maybe looking to become the next Mr. Universe was a tad extreme. Not that I was aiming that high really, I just got tired and bored of the gym. There was like, people there, and worse yet, slut-like bimbos who either bounced around the gym with their boyfriends or claimed to be lesbians whenever I tried to talk to them. Ah well. This time I think I’ll invest in some free weights instead so I can do some light workouts by myself, anywhere I please.

As for getting toys: new upgrades on everything I have! That means a spanky new desktop PC, multifunction printer, MacBook Pro and a GPS addon for my iPod that I can use for both geocaching and geo-blogging. My income from the Internet has finally reached the point where investing in a home office makes sense now. Despite falling well short of my goal to make $1250 a month online for 2008, it’s now feasible that I could be making $1000 a month by this time next year. With that in mind, I’m planning to reinvest some of my earnings back into promoting my blog and establishing a permanent marketing budget. I’m lucky here, not everyone can say they can afford to spend a few hundred a month just to market their blog, so I do have an advantage. Let’s not kid ourselves though. I’ve crunched the numbers, and while $1000 a month is entirely feasible, maybe even up to $2500 a month, I would have to get around 50,000 to 60,000 visitors a DAY just to rake in enough income to justify quitting my job. It’s just not going to happen. Well… it COULD happen, if I somehow attracted corporate sponsors or got accepted into an elite advertising agency, but not bloody likely.

Still, $1000 a month would make me a happy dappy camper for the time being.

As for traveling, I have several trips planned, including a few more New England trips spanning New Hampshire and Maine, a trip into Boston, and maybe a few cities in Canada from Ottawa to Montreal. During the summer I might plan a getaway to Alaska or British Columbia, and originally I had wanted it to be an Alaskan cruise, but after reading up on cruises I decided the idea of being trapped on a ship with a few hundred drunken weenies didn’t really appeal to me, so I’m exploring alternative options.

Oh and of course, I’ll be making reservations later on in 2010 to go tornado chasing from Colorado to Montana. Don’t tell Mommy though, she’ll get very upset.

Finally, I have a major roadtrip planned for the midwest in October, from New York to Missouri/Arkansas and back. It will give me a chance to meet up with an old friend of mine for the first time, enjoy the gorgeous fall foliage from the Smoky mountains in Tennessee to the Ozarks in Missouri, and also, to find me a sweet country babe that I can take back home with me.

I’m kidding… well actually no, not really. It seems my best chance to find anyone decent is going to require me to travel many a mile far away from feminazi land to the heartland, and I’ll be honest, I’ve reached the end of my rope here. 2010 HAS to be the year this hellish drought finally ends, and I meet THE ONE, because I am crawling the walls and going out of my #$%^ing mind here. I swear on all my Yankee candles, if I do not meet a girl by this time next year, I am declaring war on mankind. You think I’m punking you? Wait.

So that’s pretty much what I have on the menu for 2010. This is all assuming of course that nobody drops a nuclear bomb somewhere, although if that did happen, more than likely I’ll probably be close to the blast zone, which in turn would give me PLENTY of things to blog about, at least until the radiation finished me off. See? There’s a silver lining in everything.

Happy New Year!

Tags: blog, blogging, country, decade, geocaching, getaway, girl of my dreams, health, new year, resolutions, travel, upgrade
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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Just experiencing some brain fog, probably because I have a tumor eating out my cerebrals so I should be put out of my misery soon enough.    I keed, I keed… I hope. 

Ok, seriously, I was getting ready to write a catch-all post about the financial crisis, the presidential election and why Christians are morons (somehow I can always manage to work that theme into every post I write  ), but I got caught up working on the backend of my blog to fix and install a few plugin upgrades, and I’ve also been experimenting with a few new ad networks too.  The in-text advertising has been working out pretty well so far (these are the ads that popup when you hover your cursor over a link), though I had to keep an eye on the kind of ads showing up so I could email support a comprehensive list of advertisers I wanted blocked.  I think I did a good enough job for now, but if you see any ads for improving *ahem* bedroom performance and pictures of boinkie doinkies illustrating said performance, do be a dear and let me know, mmmk? 

Regardless, it might end up being replaced by an entirely different network anyway, one that would FINALLY allow me to block advertisers on my own (instead of begging support to do it for me), and it utilizes a different approach by indexing my entire site and analyzing my content to see what ads would best suit me.  Can’t wait to try it out and see how it compares.

In the meantime I’ve also been looking for a third tier network to clean up the rest of my inventory.  I have two networks now and basically what happens is, if there’s no available ad to deliver to my site on the first network, it then defaults to the second network, and if the second network doesn’t have an ad to serve, it defaults as well and delivers a public service announcement instead (which I don’t get paid for).  In order to maximize my earnings I’d need to make sure I’m paid for every visitor hit to my site.  So far I’m making money off of approximately 80% of my traffic, so I just need to find one more network that can monetize the remaining 20%.  I’ve been testing out one possibility and… *ugh*    It virtually made my site look like a teenybopper’s MySpace page.  Seriously, the ads were just flat out embarrassing, and for this humility I was being paid maybe 6 cents for every 1000 hits I logged. 

Ummm, no.  Out you go sucky underpaying network, and please, never pollute my precious blog with your existence again.  Yeesh.

I’ll just have to keep looking around, and if and once I do find a solution, that’s pretty much it as far as monetization goes.  The only major project left would be to get enough traffic in to reach my goals, but that’s up to God now. 

Tags: ads, advertisers, advertising, backend, blog, christian, Christians, earnings, experiment, God, making money, monetization, monetize, money, network, plugin, testing, traffic, upgrade
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Here it is, a nice compromise between having a dark theme and accommodating those of you who simply MUST have a boring white layout with boring black text, because you’re color blind or have the eyes of a 90 year old or just like to bust my chops because you’re a petty vain creature who needs to seriously sit on something spiky and leave me the flip alone already.  Mother.

You have no idea what kind of work it took to go into the theme and hack some serious gibberish “What Drunk Monkey Came Up With THIS Crap?!?!” that we all know and love as PHP and CSS, just so I could make you guys happy.  I didn’t go all whitey though because it seemed too bright to me, so I toned it down a bit and modified the line height for the easiest readability.  Please tell me this looks alright to you or I’m just gonna have to go out and start kicking in the faces of those asstastic illegals who sit on the corner waiting for work and ruining the look of the neighborhood just by being ugly.

Come to think of it I’d be doing that anyway even if I was in a good mood. 

But seriously, let me know what you think.  I also finished embedding the Gallery script into my blog here, so I can now upload albums of photos and even video/audio content as well.  Super cool.  I love to keep everything in house instead of seeing my junk being exclusively shipped out to content stealers like Flickr and YouTube, so being able to get this working was a godsend.  You know how the US Army uses the slogan “Army of One?”   Well consider me the Social Media Network of One.  Why?  Because I am just too awesome to participate in third world networks like MySpace and Facebook. 

I think that pretty much wraps it up as far as the upgrade goes.  I may play around with AJAX a little to see if I can enhance some features here, but it already seems like overkill to me.  Plus I really need to go out and get some sun after having been up my blog’s rear end for over a week now. 

Tags: army of one, blog, css, embed, facebook, flickr, gallery script, myspace, Photos, PHP, social media, upgrade, YouTube
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BOOYAH!

It’s time to not only celebrate my blog relaunch, but my two year blogging anniversary!!    And dude, the video totally captures the moment here.  I’m talking a blog wrecked to death, only to come back stronger, sleeker, and totally badass with some badass music cranking in the background and leather jackets and cool black vintage cars cruising the highway and let us go have a throwdown and kick some serious scum of the earth hellbags because baby,  I am back!

Yeah, I’m a little excited here. 

But really, what I just pulled off was a miracle that only God could have given me, and I now have the latest version of WordPress along with a new Who-is-your-DADDY theme that is all kinds of awesomeness. 

I still need to work out a few kinks and decide on a new photo gallery to use, but for all intents and purposes the site is now live, with a sleeker, faster look and a few new bells and whistles I think you’ll all enjoy.   For an idea of what’s new, see the little oval thingie jiggy to the right of each post title?  Go give that a click.

Cool, huh? 

In addition, you’ll now be able to edit comments as well.  I also dropped a few plugins, added a cache system and went with a 2 sidebar look again to reduce clutter.  Yes the ads are still there, but they are no longer as obtrusive as they used to be.  To be honest I got tired of having a larded up ad block embedded inside my posts, partly because I couldn’t quote or post any media content on the fly.  The ad would jam it up and I’d have to manually remove it in order for the post to show cleanly.  Not cool.  But I still need the ads though, since the 50 cents I’m making a day is paying for my newspaper, and I just don’t know how I could live without those two quarters a day, ya know?

As for the dark theme, I’m working on creating a white backdrop just for the posts and comments for easier reading (while still maintaining a dark look), so stay tuned there.  I might have gotten it done sooner but the theme kept overriding my color settings.  Regardless, let me know what you think.

It wasn’t easy though, but I got through it, and now I can finally enjoy the fruits of my labor…. except of course, Google just had to rain on my parade by dropping my pagerank from a 4 to a 3 while I was busy upgrading.    Really Google, why don’t you just suck my ass times a thousand?  Dweebs.

But meh, whatever.  I finally made a leapfrog in upgrading without having to spend a fortune to have a designer do it, my sleek black car will get a nice facelift and wax job by the end of the summer, and in a few more months I’ll be out of debt,  cruising the road and enjoying my new lease on life.  All I’ll need then is a weathered black leather jacket, and my life will truly be complete. 

Tags: anniversary, back in black, blog, blogging, css, google, music, pagerank, theme, update, upgrade, vintage, wordpress
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“Let me just update this one file here….”

Sigh.

I had to go update a plugin last night because of a security hole, but unfortunately that update caused another plugin to break, so I had to go upgrade that plugin as well, which of course caused yet another plugin to break, so I went to upgrade that too, and before I knew it my spam blocker goes down in flames, I can’t preview comments anymore, my images no longer show up, my sidebars suddenly disappears, and then finally my entire blog goes up in smoke, the only thing left in its place being some cryptic error message telling me what an idiot I am and hahaha I suck.

Mother*&^% technology.

Things seem to be ok now, but my goodness, I was up till 4AM last night and had to work through the better part of today before things finally calmed down.

You know what, I think it’s time I gear up for a major revamp. I was gonna just say screw it and have a professional designer do it, but I think it’ll probably be better to set up a test blog closed from the public so I can play around with the latest blogging toys without tearing my hair out and spitting at people, and then when it’s stable enough I can release it for prime time with little fuss. That should also keep me busy enough so I don’t waste my time pining for a girl to love me since that’s never gonna happen because women all suck the ass of a hairy moose and should die in some horrible nuclear explosion bunch of monkey-faced harlot whores they be.

*ahem* Except my beloved womenly readers of course, who are all the very essence of perfection, virtue, and beauty.

See how I suck up to you guys so you’ll continue to love me and read my blog despite my crazy wild women-hating rants? I am so awesome.

Tags: blog, plugins, revamp, security hole, update, upgrade, women suck, wordpress
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