So today I hear a story reflecting the sheer brilliance of my coworkers:

Guy comes in, needs to file a report. One of my coworkers gets up to help him out. She checks the computer and tells him:

“There’s already a report here with your name, only the first name is different. Same last name, same date of birth.”

“Yes, that’s my brother, we’re twins.”

Blank look.

“Let me get this straight, same last name, same date of birth, different first name. Are you sure this wasn’t filed by you?”

“Um, no it’s my brother. I said we’re twins.”

Blank look.

“Are you sure it wasn’t you who filed this? Every thing but the first name is the same.”

“I told you my brother filed that. We’re twins, we were born on the same day. You understand?”

Blank look.

At this point someone else takes her aside and says, “Tammy, why don’t you take a break now, I can take it from here.”

As if people like this working in government wasn’t depressing and scary enough, think about this: What if she was handling your health insurance too?

Tags: coworker, coworkers, government, health insurance, job, stupid
Categories: In The Coal Mine
 
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I’m surrounded by idiots at my job, and they’re really beginning to wear me out.

It’s not that have anything against them, it’s just that they’re… well… idiots.

I can’t even have a conversation about the weather without it somehow flying right over their heads as they give me one of those trademark blank stares that tell me they didn’t know what in the hell I just said.

But God forbid you have to work with them, and if you wanna know why I will swear to you that the following conversation is so close to the truth that just to repeat it here makes me want to cry all over again:

Me: “After you’re done with these papers, just place them in the bin here.”

Blank stare.

Me: “Um… just place them right in the bin here, you know, when you’re done?”

Blank stare.

At this point I have no choice but to make like I’m addressing a 4 year old:

Me: “Wheeeeeeeeen you are fiiiiinished with these paaaaaaaaaaaapers (pointing to papers), place them iiiiiiiiiin the biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin heeeeeeeeere. Dooooooo yoooooooou unnnnnnnderstaaaaand?”

Finally its like a little light goes on somewhere in their head and they nod vigorously with understanding. “OOOOOH, sure, no problem!”

Later when I go to sign out for the day I noticed the papers were never put in the bin.

……………………………………………

And honestly, I’ll just stand there looking at this empty bin for like 5 minutes, trying to understand what exactly it is I’ve done in my life that would make God hate me so much.

Sigh.

Tags: blank stares, idiots, job, stupid, stupidity
Categories: In The Coal Mine
 
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To the visitor who found my blog using the search term:

“my girlfriend stays out till 4am”

Newsflash: Your girlfriend dumped you. You just don’t know it yet, and apparently your mind must be so hazy that you’ve had to resort to doing a Google search just to figure out why a girl might want to stay out till the wee hours of the morning rather than stay in with her honey snuggles.

But if you still need some convincing, here’s a couple of solid reasons why you’re hugging the air instead of a warm body at 3AM in the morning:

Your one true love has another boyfriend(s). Yep, after spending the entire evening telling you just how much she yearns for you in your absence and how you complete her, she then casually leaves you as you snore away to go see her other true loves, Bob, Mike and Omar, so she can tell them all how much she yearns for them in her absence and how they complete her too.

Or… your girl is a strip dancer at the local hoinkie boinkie bar. While you dream of gingerbread men dancing on your head, your darling sugar pie is shaking her gimmy-gam gum-gums in front of a horde of drunk, strange men, one of whom she takes back home with her for a witching hour special.

But perhaps I’m being too unreasonable here. Maybe your girl is simply just a light sleeper, and sometimes likes to take 5 hour long walks in the park so she can clear her mind and think about how truly blessed she is to have you in her life. That’s gotta be it right?

Tags: funny, girlfriend, google, ho, search term, stupid
Categories: Comic Relief
 
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Found an interesting Dear Dr. Graham letter in an advice column today:

Dear Dr. Graham: I’ve fallen in love with a woman I work with, and I sincerely believe God brought us together.

But my wife got very upset when she found out and I told her I wanted a divorce.

What a sad world we live in when even our own wives try to get in the way of true love.

Tags: adultery, funny, love, marriage, stupid
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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My old boss was a pretty standup guy, always helping out with the work, making sure nobody goofed up, but at the same time letting us take it easy when there was a lull in the workload. Because of him our section was run pretty efficiently, and for once was actually a fun place to be. I found myself having more time in the evenings to relax and hang out until my shift ended because of how smoothly things were being run.

Then he got transferred abruptly, the result of the powers-that-be shuffling around three managers from three different sections. Enter new boss.

Don’t get me wrong, my new boss seems like a good guy too, but he’s a bit laid back… ok, maybe a bit TOO laid back, but I guess that’s better than being an all out psycho. Nevertheless, I was cheesed, mainly because he has to learn everything all over again, just when my former boss was finally starting to settle in. The move didn’t make any sense to me. Why did three COs (commanding officers) get shuffled around just like that without any warning?

Then I got some intel from a mole in the department, who let on that one of the COs’ subordinates from another section had boosted a kayak (that came from God only knows where), and while the CO knew what the guy did, he did nothing about it. So the gist of if was that he had been disciplined and then transferred out because of his failure to handle the situation. My old boss now works that section.

“Let me get this straight,” I said. “I lost my boss because some idiot in another section boosted a KAYAK???”

“Yup.”

“Where did this friggin’ kayak come from anyway?”

“Good question.”

So now should have been an isolated incident instead ended up affecting three separate divisions. What the blank were the powers-that-be thinking? How ’bout you just reprimand the CO and his subordinate, suspend them or whatever, and be done with it? No, you had to throw 3 divisions into chaos with brand new bosses who don’t know which end is up, and this you call good management?

Unbelievable.

Tags: boss, chaos, commanding officers, evenings, failure, friggin, gist, good management, good question, intel, job, kayak, laid back, lull, management, mole, psycho, reprimand, stupid, subordinates, transferred, workload, yup
Categories: In The Coal Mine
 
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