So I’m at the supermarket, slowly pushing my cart around and filling it up with my usual single man’s diet of Ramen Noodles and diet sodas. A twinge of sadness creeps over me as I pass through each aisle on my way to the checkout.

And then I noticed her.

She was a petite brunette, her long, thick hair tied back and bouncing gently off her shoulders. She had the prettiest doe shaped eyes I had ever seen, eyes that were currently scanning for items in the frozen food section. As she moved, she moved with a feminine grace, occasionally pushing back a lock of escaped hair with her fingers, as her pouty lips formed in a frown of someone who hadn’t found what she was looking for yet.

I had to tear my eyes away from gawking, but I could not stop looking at her. She was a complete stranger, and yet I wanted desperately, DESPERATELY to talk to her. Do I throw caution in the wind, and finally take the chance, or do I do what I have always done, which was steal occasional looks where I could without getting noticed, until I finally give up and with a heavy sigh check out my groceries, leave the store and go cry in my car for a few hours?

Frick it.

I walked up to her as slowly and casually as I could, completely terrified with my stomach in a vice-like knot. Suddenly, I was right next to her, pretending to scan for frozen foods but unable to see anything except her.

She noticed me and glanced my way, then went back to looking. Was that a smile?

I opened my mouth and started to speak, hoping to at least get the words out before stammering or stuttering.

“Um, hi.” I smiled.

She looked over at me again, her manner polite, but guarded. “Hi.”

“Listen, I’m sorry to bother you, but I just happened to notice you before and I was so floored by how beautiful you are that I just had to come to talk to you. I know I’m a stranger and all, but I would have regretted it deeply if I didn’t at least take the chance to say hello.”

“Oh…” She didn’t say anything for a moment as she processed what I had just said. Ah man, she thinks I’m a creep now. I knew it.

“I’m sorry if I embarrassed you, I’ll leave you alone now.”

“No, it’s ok, I’m just… a little flattered.” She smiled sheepishly.

“Well listen, I’m just happy you didn’t scream or anything! Oh, I’m Lincoln.”

“I’m Sharon.” We shook hands.

“Ok, um, I think I broke the ice here, so… what do I do now?”

She smiled again. “Well, you could invite me out for coffee?”

“Oh! That sounds good, I love coffee, I drink it every day and stuff! Coffee’s great! I love coffee!”

She started giggling. “Ok, coffee it is.”

I thought quickly. “Ok, there’s a Starbucks just down the street, it’s as good a place as any. We could meet up there later if you’d like.”

“Sure, I just need to drop off my groceries at my place, and I can meet you there, say 3 o’ clock?”

“Awesome, honestly you really made my day.”

She smiled again. “You’re sweet. 3 o’ clock it is then. Oh, and it’s Lincoln, right?”

“Right.”

“Lincoln?”

“Yes?”

“LINCOLN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

The booming voice startled me, and suddenly I was at my desk at work again. It was my coworker.

“What..?” I asked, still in a daze.

“The phone’s ringing, get it please.”

Sigh. I picked up the phone. “Linc speaking.”

Tags: brunette, coworker, daydreaming, fantasy, groceries, romance, single, smile, starbucks, supermarket
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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For years I made the conscious choice to avoid watching one of the only classic films I have yet to see: It’s a Wonderful Life. I’ve always wanted to have the experience of being able to watch just one classic movie I hadn’t seen before with the girl of my dreams, whether she saw it or not. I’ve seen so many movies now on my own that I wanted to save this one for a time when I could finally enjoy a film with a sweet girl snuggling up beside me.

Now I’m wondering if I should give this up. It’s reached the point where finally meeting someone has become unrealistic. People my age have mostly settled down now and have families of their own. Online dating had been an unmitigated disaster with over 1000 failed matches, and if that experience has taught me anything, it is that I am not compatible with ANYONE.

I have pretty much tossed in the towel and moved on with my life, which is why I’ve been putting myself out there more often and traveling on a semi-regular basis, enjoying the single life as much as I can. But I had completely forgotten about this personal boycott of mine, and I’ve been wondering whether it’s finally time to end the romantic pipe dreams I’ve harbored for so long and finally watch the movie. Why wait for something that will never come to pass?

And yet, a part of me wants to keep this boycott going, unwilling to give up on the idea of love for good. So… I don’t know. That’s why I started a new poll, to see what my audience thinks.

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Tags: audience, boycott, Christmas, girl, girl of my dreams, love, movie, online dating, poll, romantic, single, wonderful life
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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Today was probably the most fun day I’ve had in a while. I took an extended walk downtown, and armed with my iPod and my steely wits, I was ready to make a second go of geocaching.

I couldn’t locate the first cache on my list, but the second one proved to me why this would be a worthwhile hobby to pursue. It brought me to a little known deck 30 feet high that had a garden and a breathtaking view of the waters. On such a gorgeous day as this, it was truly a major treat for me. Had it not been for geocaching, I never would have discovered this little known spot. It really does provide a great way for me to see the world from a whole new perspective.

Even though my iPod started going boinky on me, I did manage to pinpoint the area where the cache would be, leading me to an inconspicuous looking park bench:

Hmmmmmmmm...

After feeling and groping around the area like a lonely old man at a brothel, my efforts at long last were finally rewarded:

Yes my friends, I am no longer a geocache weenie virgin.

I look around to make sure no one was watching, then pulled out the cache and opened it up. It contained a logbook signed by all the other cachers who had also found the box. No trinkets or coins to be had though, but I was happy enough just to FIND the flipping thing.

I signed my name as well and carefully out it back in its place, then went out onto the deck to a enjoy a splendid view of the city.

And the best thing about all this, was that I didn’t really feel lonely. One of the biggest reasons why I rarely go out these days was because I just can’t stand to watch the world as they walked around in pairs. It always brought me pain and the constant reminder that I was always alone. But I didn’t feel that today. Instead I felt… happy. I was so busy hunting down geocaches and enjoying a view of the city that I had forgotten all about my loneliness, and for the first time in a long while, I could actually enjoy being single again.

Up next for a fun day of cache hunting: Sleepy Hollow! I might be able to pull that off this weekend before I head off to Pennsylvania for a bluegrass show, and yes I realize that also happens to be the same weekend as Halloween, but I’m not worried. I’m much more manlier than Ichabod ever was anyway.

Unless we’re talking the Johnny Depp version, then we’re like, totally even.

Tags: cache, city, geocache, geocaching, ipod touch, loneliness, lonely, park, single
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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So I wake up yesterday morning to the news that Captain Anus won the nobel peace prize and that Marge Simpson will pose nude for Playboy (Marge being a cartoon mind you from the Simpsons), and I’m wondering if somehow during the middle of the night, the aliens hadn’t abducted me and dropped me into an alternative universe where red means go and the New York Mets actually know how to win baseball games.

But anyhoo, Friday just wouldn’t have been a Friday without another commentary on the whack craziness that is online dating. This time it comes in the form of an email I got from a dating site I registered for but had long forgotten about:

My name is Shellie. I live in New York as well. I am 41, single, never married. I have 4 dogs.

I am 4′11, have a good figure but always feel I need to improve on it.

Being newly single again after a 10 yr relationship, I am looking for friendship, maybe more.

If this sounds appealing, please contact me.

Um…

What exactly was I supposed to find appealing, the fact that you appear to be looking for a boy toy, that you have 4 dogs, or that I’m obviously somebody you’d be dating on the rebound?

And seriously, who sells themselves as a dating prospect by virtue of how many dogs they have?

Yep, I’m gonna be single forever.

Tags: dating site, email, new york mets, nobel peace prize, online dating, Simpsons, single
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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As I chat and connect with more and more people online (read: hot babes), there are times when I sorely miss talking to someone and I have to consciously make an effort not to barrage them with IMs, emails, texts, phone calls and whatnot just to get some attention.

I guess it’s normal for me to yearn for female companionship and friendship, but I wonder at what point it gets to be too much. I’m always groping in the dark trying to gauge whether it’s ok to reach out to someone, or whether I’m just being a pest. Women though (at least from what I’ve seen so far) seem to be like total camels here. I mean sheesh, if I didn’t reach out to them every now just to remind them that I’m still alive I’d be lucky if I ever heard from them again. I know a lot of people lead very busy lives, so I do take that into consideration, but it sucks the sucky suck when I’m left to sit here by myself twiddling my thumbs because there’s no one sane enough to talk to. Why am I always the yearner but never the yearnee? Or is it simply because I am a weenie-ish little poopiehead who is just not yearn-worthy enough for the wimmins?

Women have created some very strange criteria in this regard too. On one hand they want a guy who’s independent and doesn’t need a woman to be happy, but then they get upset when said guy never calls them precisely BECAUSE he is in fact an independent brutha who doesn’t need a woman to be happy. If he doesn’t need a girl’s company, then chances are he’s not going to yearn for her either.

But then there’s the other extreme. I have a dear lady friend who seems to be surrounded by guys that bring neediness to levels I didn’t think were even possible. I thought I was bad? Holy crap. There’s one guy that texts, IMs, tweets and calls this poor woman every fricking minute of every fricking day, all day long, nonstop. And then another that does the same, only when he doesn’t get a response within 5 minutes he completely FLIPS THE %$^ OUT, getting all huffy and mad and bent out of shape because she didn’t INSTANTLY return his messages.

Seeing that crap does help me understand why women want a guy to be a bit more… free spirited, but that can be just as bad too. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t give you a second thought for weeks at a time? I sure don’t. There has to be a balance somewhere, and it makes me wonder what exactly started this mess. Have men always been clingy balls of mush, or did we start getting this way because our women have gotten more and more aloof and cold-hearted with each passing generation? Or have women become more aloof because they can’t deal with men’s growing insecurity?

Really, why can’t people yearn for each other in a normal way without overdoing it? Is that even possible anymore? All I ever see is this unequal balance where people are either too clingy or too aloof with each other, and I see the destructive impact it has on relationships too. One guy needs the girl more than the girl needs the guy (or vice versa), creating an inequitable bond that can only lead to ruin.

As for me, maybe I simply got old, but I’m starting to see a change in myself where I just don’t give a flying leap anymore. I think this is the product of years of unrequited love and the need for survival, reaching the tipping point where I finally end up as one of those free-spirited guys who have embraced and married the single life, though at the cost of losing all natural affection for the opposite sex. And while “physical needs” may still die hard, that can easily be satisfied by perusing the services of the world’s oldest profession.

I have to admit, it sounds like a GREAT life.

Tags: affection, companion, companionship, female companionship, free spirit, friendship, independent, relationship, single, unrequited, unrequited love, women, yearning
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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I recently caught this article on the BBC:

People’s health could be harmed by social networking sites because they reduce levels of face-to-face contact, an expert claims.

A lack of “real” social networking, involving personal interaction, may have biological effects, he suggests.

He also says that evidence suggests that a lack of face-to-face networking could alter the way genes work, upset immune responses, hormone levels, the function of arteries, and influence mental performance.

This, he claims, could increase the risk of health problems as serious as cancer, strokes, heart disease, and dementia.

“One of the most pronounced changes in the daily habits of British citizens is a reduction in the number of minutes per day that they interact with another human being,” he said.

“In less than two decades, the number of people saying there is no-one with whom they discuss important matters nearly tripled.”

Could be sensationalism sparked by psychologists looking for a little time in the spotlight, but in a way I agree with some of the opinions beng expressed here.

As much as I enjoy using the Internet, I find it to be a highly unsatisfying substitute for real life relationships, and if I had a choice, I would much rather meet people in person and forge relationships that way.  Yet the reason I hang out on here all the time (instead of “out there”) is because I basically have no choice.

If you’ve read the comments after the BBC article, notice how many people with disabilities defended their use of social networking, and for good reason.  The Internet takes away the bias and the barriers those of us with disabilities have to confront and deal with in real life.  In my case it’s being hard of hearing, the kind that puts me right in the gray area between those who hear normally and those who are completely deaf.  The deaf have their own culture and community, one that I can never fit into because I can still hear with the help of aids, and yet I can’t hear well enough to fit in within a society that hears normally either.  I’m caught somewhere in the middle, without a true community of my own.  As if that weren’t enough by itself, I’ve also lived the kind of unorthodox life that absolutely nobody could possibly relate to.  It’s one of the major reasons why I remain single too.

So, I go to the Internet.  Because on here, I don’t have to worry about embarrassing myself because I missed bits and pieces of a conversation.  I don’t have to worry about people forming misconceptions about me because of my disability or my background,  or assuming because I can’t hear it must also mean I’m brain damaged as well.  On the Internet, none of those things matter.

But I also see where it falls depressingly short too.  Those who use the Internet to supplement their already active social lives have no time for me.  I’m unable to bond with them and others in any meaningful way.  I can be reached via email, instant messaging, social networks and even through my blog here, and yet most of the time I find myself twiddling my thumbs, waiting for somebody, ANYBODY, to talk to me.  The hours are long and lonely in between.

And as much as I try to project the full spectrum of my personality into my writings, the Internet can only present certain bits of pieces of who I am, but never the whole.  People who know me through the Internet don’t really know me as I truly am.  Here’s a hint too:  if you find me to be a truly likable person, then you really haven’t gotten to know me at all. 

Truth be told, I find the only people I can truly relate to to via this medium are those who are forced to use it as a subsitute for real life relationships themselves.  Whether it’s because of a disability, or from living in a remote area, or from leading a solitary life that stunted their ability to network and bond with others, being online has become our only recourse to connect with other human beings.  And yet it amazes me how few there are of us, as opposed to those extroverted types who project their already successful social lives onto the Internet (and then feel the compelling need to rub it in our faces too.)  Dweebs.

And now, after having been online for so many years, I’m beginning to accept the sad conclusion that I will never find anyone I can truly bond with, a best friend who would always have time for me and vice versa, or a wonderful girl who would understand me through and through and where I’ve been.  People who totally get me.  I’m of the introverted sort who only needs one best friend and one special girl to be truly content, or perhaps those two rolled  into one.  I don’t need to have eons of acquaintances or casual friends to feel connected and feel like I belong.  But the fact that I can’t even find ONE saddens me to no end.   And I wouldn’t be surprised if all this really did adversely affect my health too just as the article claims.   Oh well.

Oh and if you’re wondering about what might cause the irrational fear of kittens, look no further than LOLcats.  I swear that mindless, idiotic internet fad is going to bring about the demise of civilization, mark my words.  I can never look at a kitten the same way again.

Tags: community, deaf, disabilities, disability, friend, friends, health, health problems, hearing, internet, life, lonely, network, online, people, personality, psychologists, relationship, single, social, social networking, social networking sites, social networks
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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