Tag Archives | romance

Valentine’s Day 2012: Celebrating 23 27 years of unrequited love and rejections!

Update:  Apparently I’m getting so old I can’t even count anymore.  It’s not 23 years, it’s actually 27.  O_O  And I was so looking forward to celebrating the silver anniversary too by hanging myself. 

It all started when Margie Otta kicked me in the shinny after I gave her a Valentine’s Day card back in the third grade.  I even remember what it said:  ”You are my super star!”

Who knew that would only be the first of many, many, many, MANY rejections I would experience over the course of my life?  (BTW, I think any grade school teacher who forces her students to participate in Valentine’s Day festivities is engaging in a form of child abuse.  I really should lobby Congress, or something.)

So how did I manage this incredible feat of going loveless for 23 years?  I think part of it was that I don’t fall in love easily.  I experience attraction plenty of times, but I usually don’t follow through on it because there’s no IT factor.  As for what IT is, I couldn’t tell you, only that only handful of girls have had IT to the extent that I became hopelessly infatuated with them.  First it was Margie, then another girl in 5th grade, then a girl in 7th grade, then a few handful in high school and college.  All of which were unrequited and ended tragically.  Or comically, depending on how you looked at it.

I don’t know why I never played the numbers game, as in, if I simply asked enough cute girls out, somebody would have been bound to say yes, and the streak would have finally ended.  But for whatever reason I was either too terrified to ask, or held out under the belief that THE one dream girl would soon present herself in some magical fashion, such as landing in my living room on a unicorn and presenting herself to me with cookies and ice cream.

It was not to be though, and eventually, enough time had passed that I had gone from thinking “plenty of time to meet someone” to “I’m too old to meet anyone now.”

I’ve become such damaged goods just by virtue of never having a relationship that I am only desirable to the undesirables, that is, those women who are now scraping the bottom of the barrel after they’ve unsuccessfully tried everywhere else.  Such a nice feeling to knowing I’m the guy women settle for out of resignation, not the guy they actually wanted in the first place.

True love, baby.

Oh well, more Godiva chocolates for me then.

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Finding Two Lost Hearts in Texas

One half of my tracking bug

One half of the split heart tracking bug I recovered in Texas.

One of the peculiar things regarding my trip to Texas was how my two tracking bugs (TBs) had wound up there at JUST the right time, one being in a geocache near Austin and the other near Dallas. These were split heart TBs, the goal being that they be reunited once again by any geocacher who found them. Only it was beginning to look like I’d be the one to bring them back together after all, as my trip coincided nearly perfectly with their current locations.

Austin was an easy one, my TB there was picked up by a local youth pastor, who promised to hold on to it for a handoff during my stay there. We wound up meeting for lunch my last day in Austin, and as soon as we sat down he pulled it out and handed it over. All I could do was just stare at it for a while.

Remarkable. The last time I had seen this TB was in Boston literally over a year ago, when I dropped it off into a geocache for the first time. Who knew that I would someday find it again 1 year and 2,000 miles later? During my last night, I posted a short note to the geocache listing page where the other TB was currently hidden, asking all future cachers who found the geocache and happened upon my TB to please leave it there for me to pick up. In just another day or so, I would eventually come to bring together two split hearts that had already traveled all over the country in just a year’s time.

I found the whole thing amazing. One more 3 hour drive to Dallas, and I was soon going to reunite two tracking bugs I had released nearly 300 miles apart, one in Boston near the site of the Boston Tea Party, and the other in Central Park on Valentine’s Day.

Yep, I’m sappy. I used to daydream about finding these two TBs again too. Thinking maybe, somehow, some way, if I found one of them, then finding the other would lead me to the girl of my dreams. Maybe she would be a fellow cacher too, or maybe I would stumble across her path during my adventure to find these two TBs, or maybe, dare I say, we would both wind up looking for the same TB, and find it together. I could even picture her: startling brown eyes, raven black hair that tousled everywhere, a soft and radiant face with just a hint of sadness to it, but with a warm smile that told you despite the cruelties of life, she would still make the best of it.

So what happens instead? Real life sat on my $#^&#ing head.

On the SAME #$%^ing day I arrived in Dallas, some stupid haggish wildebeest of a geocacher grabs my TB, this despite my clear note to LEAVE IT THE FUG ALONE.

As if that wasn’t enough, the cache was already nearly an hour away from Dallas in the Colonies, so she takes it, and does what, but drives it ANOTHER hour away to her place. So now it’s two hours away.

Here I am just checking into my hotel, and suddenly I get this alert on my iPhone that my TB was picked up, and you could actually see the dark clouds starting to gather over my head. The bellhop even asked me if I wanted an umbrella.

After I settled in I fired a fast and furious email to this sea hag and asked her (nicely) how soon she could drop it off at another geocache, or if maybe we can do a handoff.

Sorry, she’ll be working she says, but she’ll maybe see what she can do Friday (one day before I leave Texas of course.) When Friday morning arrived and I still heard nothing from her, I emailed again and she wrote that she has no time to drop it off or meet me halfway so I could pick it up, couldn’t she just mail to me instead?

*crickets*

Mail it… to me… An act that would defeat the WHOLE purpose of finding these TBs via geocaching alone. I sighed heavily and emailed her no, that was alright, she can just drop it at another geocache when she gets the chance.

As for the other half of the TB, I dropped it off at a city park in Dallas. To this day they still have not been reunited, slowly bouncing around in Texas according to the latest stats.

My Lord, I was THISCLOSE. These tracking bugs had quite randomly wound up in two of the very same major cities in Texas that I would be visiting over a year later, spanning 2,000 miles of journeying by both flight and car rental, and despite all that, King Kong’s hairy sister steps in and finds a way to ruin what could have been a storybook ending.

Yeah I’m taking this personally. Why? Because I deal with enough of this crap in real life as it is, ok?

And even if it was a silly thing to do, just 2 little 50-cent split heart chains I bought at Walmart, it was the IDEA of it which got to me. That maybe, JUST maybe, if I was able to bring these split hearts together in the most unlikeliest of scenarios, somehow that would translate into the cosmos, and two REAL life hearts would be united together as well (mine and hers.) And if not, then at least it would give me HOPE that it could. I mean for the love of cheese and biscuits, give me SOME kind of sign that I wasn’t going to spend the rest of my life alone with only a dozen cats and my teddy bear to keep me company. ANYTHING.

Nope. Wicked Witch of the West swoops in and craps on my head instead. Beautiful. Probably ran over a dog that looked like Toto too while she made off with my TB.

Watch what happens now. Eventually my TBs WILL be united some day, and I’ll get a thank you email from the two geocachers who found each other while looking for them, along with a few photos from their wedding. They’ll tell me how their newfound wubsy wubs NEVER would have been possible had it not been for the tracking bugs I released, and that it now sits on display in their living room, together at last. Thank you so much Lincoln!!!

That’s the day I decide to go outside and take a nice long nap on the train tracks.

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It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…

Mini Christmas Tree with Soldier and Train

Ok, so it's small.

The decorations are up, and the Chipmunks are back on my iPod playlist.  It’s that time of year again, so you know what that means: time to plan another early Christmas getaway!  :-D  Last year I traveled to Stockbridge in Massachusetts in a quest to recapture the Christmas spirit, something I hadn’t felt in a long, long time.  I was somewhat successful, partly because it had snowed during the weekend I was there, creating a beautiful wintry wonderland that made me feel right at home.

This time I’ll be heading further north, all the way to New Hampshire to the very heart of the White Mountains. I found a place to stay with a fireplace and jacuzzi in Jackson, just a few miles from the busy town of North Conway. This will be the first time I’ve ever traveled to New Hampshire as an adult too, (I passed through once when I was 9 on the way to Maine), so I’m pretty excited.

I kinda wish I wasn’t going by myself though, but it’s like I decided before, if I just wait around for someone to share my life with, then I will have ended up wasting an entire life. And now I’m truly convinced I’ll never meet someone, so it’s time to really start putting this behind me. There was one Christmas tradition I used to follow that I’ll finally be ending this year: boycotting the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Because I never had a chance to see this film, I wanted to save the occasion for the day when “she” and I could watch it together. It was a stupid romantic notion, and year after year would go by without meeting “her” and thus never watching the movie.

This year however, I’m taking the DVD of “It’s a Wonderful Life” and I will finally end that silliness, accepting the reality that I am always going to be alone. I just wasn’t meant to get married or have a family, but you know what, I think I’m finally ok with that. As long as I keep traveling, and keep moving, I won’t have time to be lonely.

So instead of being financially and emotionally burdened down with a house, screaming kids and a wife who would probably hate my guts before long and have an affair with a Latino named Pancho Spanknuts, I’ll instead be in the snowy mountains once again, quietly sitting by the fireplace and sipping delicious hot cocoa, while the scents of Christmas from a Yankee Candle jar fills the air.

Is there really any better way to live?

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Finding love in the frozen food section

So I’m at the supermarket, slowly pushing my cart around and filling it up with my usual single man’s diet of Ramen Noodles and diet sodas. A twinge of sadness creeps over me as I pass through each aisle on my way to the checkout.

And then I noticed her.

She was a petite brunette, her long, thick hair tied back and bouncing gently off her shoulders. She had the prettiest doe shaped eyes I had ever seen, eyes that were currently scanning for items in the frozen food section. As she moved, she moved with a feminine grace, occasionally pushing back a lock of escaped hair with her fingers, as her pouty lips formed in a frown of someone who hadn’t found what she was looking for yet.

I had to tear my eyes away from gawking, but I could not stop looking at her. She was a complete stranger, and yet I wanted desperately, DESPERATELY to talk to her. Do I throw caution in the wind, and finally take the chance, or do I do what I have always done, which was steal occasional looks where I could without getting noticed, until I finally give up and with a heavy sigh check out my groceries, leave the store and go cry in my car for a few hours?

Frick it.

I walked up to her as slowly and casually as I could, completely terrified with my stomach in a vice-like knot. Suddenly, I was right next to her, pretending to scan for frozen foods but unable to see anything except her.

She noticed me and glanced my way, then went back to looking. Was that a smile?

I opened my mouth and started to speak, hoping to at least get the words out before stammering or stuttering.

“Um, hi.” I smiled.

She looked over at me again, her manner polite, but guarded. “Hi.”

“Listen, I’m sorry to bother you, but I just happened to notice you before and I was so floored by how beautiful you are that I just had to come to talk to you. I know I’m a stranger and all, but I would have regretted it deeply if I didn’t at least take the chance to say hello.”

“Oh…” She didn’t say anything for a moment as she processed what I had just said. Ah man, she thinks I’m a creep now. I knew it.

“I’m sorry if I embarrassed you, I’ll leave you alone now.”

“No, it’s ok, I’m just… a little flattered.” She smiled sheepishly.

“Well listen, I’m just happy you didn’t scream or anything! Oh, I’m Lincoln.”

“I’m Sharon.” We shook hands.

“Ok, um, I think I broke the ice here, so… what do I do now?”

She smiled again. “Well, you could invite me out for coffee?”

“Oh! That sounds good, I love coffee, I drink it every day and stuff! Coffee’s great! I love coffee!”

She started giggling. “Ok, coffee it is.”

I thought quickly. “Ok, there’s a Starbucks just down the street, it’s as good a place as any. We could meet up there later if you’d like.”

“Sure, I just need to drop off my groceries at my place, and I can meet you there, say 3 o’ clock?”

“Awesome, honestly you really made my day.”

She smiled again. “You’re sweet. 3 o’ clock it is then. Oh, and it’s Lincoln, right?”

“Right.”

“Lincoln?”

“Yes?”

“LINCOLN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

The booming voice startled me, and suddenly I was at my desk at work again. It was my coworker.

“What..?” I asked, still in a daze.

“The phone’s ringing, get it please.”

Sigh. I picked up the phone. “Linc speaking.”

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Whoever said women fall quickly in love was smoking serious crack

Generally, it takes ten years for a woman to fall in love with a man.  I’m serious people, this is science, look it up.

Things might move along a wee little faster though if you put some muscle into it and work 24/7 to get a girl to fall for you.  Then perhaps after spending enough time, effort, money, (and then a little more money), and much sweating of blood and tears, she will finally deem you worthy of her love.  Maybe.

But in the meantime you have to do all the heavy lifting, huffing and puffing your way into her heart, and if you’re a sensible enough guy you might start thinking somewhere along the way, “What woman short of Queen Esther herself would be worth all this aggravation?”

I mean really.

I look at creation and all I see is an ocean of women who are self centered, fickle, manipulative, ball crushing, man hating hell-beasts that were handcrafted in the bowels of perdition by the iniquitous and the vile.

But for most guys, they’re perfectly willing to traverse this minefield as long as it gets them the BOOTY.  The acquisition of booty has therefore become the driving force of their existence.  But for a Christian guy like me, it’s not the booty I want, it’s the luuuuuuuuuuuuurv.  But women today, for whatever reason seem to be far more willing to give over their bodies than they are in giving over their hearts.  Maybe it’s because they have no heart to begin with? 

I might indeed be the last of my kind, a guy who wants romance and love and lots of wubbly snuggles, but in this day and age, there seems to be no one left who can truly fulfill those needs.  When I look at a girl, there never seems to be anything compelling about her that would make her worth the effort, or worth the chase.  And the thing that really kills it for me is the utter lack of empathy.  There’s just no warmth, no sense of caring, no concern about my life or interest in me as a person.  If I poured out my heart to them they would be unmoved by it all.  They just don’t care.  They’re lukewarm, neither hot nor cold.

So why would I want to fight for a woman like that?  You could be more beautiful than a setting sun, but if you have a heart of stone, if you give me absolutely no incentive to make it worth my while, why should I even bother?  I’m the kind of guy who just wants to hear these words:

It’s hearing that kind of heart, that kind of passion that would tell me you’re worth fighting for, indeed worth moving even heaven and earth for.  But I fear those words will never come.

Yeah, I think it’s time I gave up this silly dream of finding my soulmate and true love and whatnot, and finally moved on with my life, even if that means having to juice myself up with mega doses of Prozac just so I can numb out these feelings and keep them from consuming me.

Living the life of an emotional zombie has never looked better. 

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