Here we go:

“Well, I’m a pastor, not a pundit,” {Rick Warren} told CNN’s Suzanne Malveaux on Thursday’s “Situation Room.” “One of the things we’re going to do is I’m going to ask identical questions to both candidates, which will be different.

“I’m not going to play ‘gotcha’ with one candidate and not with the other. This way, it will be totally fair. You compare apples to apples,” he added.

Among the questons that will be asked:

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Do you prefer sunrises, or sunsets?”

“How do you like your steaks: medium, rare, or well done?”

“If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?”

Ok, I might have made some of those up, but I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if Warren really did ask them. You think it might be too much to hope that this Hawaiian-shirt wearing fat-ass might actually bother to ask Barry-O how he can reconcile his quasi support of infanticide with his “Christian” beliefs (especially since he’s been a “Christian” for, what… 5-6 minutes now?) And yes I did say infanticide, because seriously, that’s how F%&*ED UP Obama’s position on abortion is.

You could almost hear the collective sound of balls hitting the megachurch floor as those half eunuch weenies (beginning with their Head Weenie Rickie Warren) abandon all sense of principle so they could entertain a couple of presidential hopefuls, because God forbid we should offend anyone you know, especially with the truth. Horrors!

There must be a reason why I keep confusing Saddleback with Brokeback these days.

I’m sure a few Warren fans will come out of the woodwork now to tell me what an idiot I am and that Warren is such a wonderful guy and everyone wubs him and he gives so much to the community and blah blah blah. Well sure everyone loves him. It’s easy to be loved when you don’t stand for anything.

Many thanks in advance! Oh, make sure you exclude me, of course.

There are certain things in life that I simply cannot abide by, such as broccoli, rap music, humidity, and last but not least, obnoxiously rude Christians.

I was on the wrong end of this when I emailed no less than five girls on a social networking site who proudly proclaimed their Christianity… and got ignored by all five.

Now I’d expect this kind of rudeness from the French (or people from Brooklyn, where I would have been insulted if they hadn’t flipped me off), but Christians?

Really, let’s think about this. You say you’re a Christian, I say I’m a Christian. At the very least that makes me your brother in Christ, does it not? If I email you expressing interest in getting to know you better, even if it’s just as a penpal, what the *&%$ does it take to fire off a quick but polite message letting me know you’re not interested, or you don’t have time, or whatever? Honestly, you wouldn’t blow off a flesh and blood sibling like this, would you? Well maybe you would, I dunno. You certainly got icy cold water running through your veins, so who knows, if your mother was having a heart attack you’d probably step over her crumpled body on your way to the beauty salon.

Now naturally, because I think the world revolves around me, I’m of the opinion that Christians exist for no other reason than just to frost my cookies. But I got IMed from a girl living in the Bible belt the other day, and she actually turned out to be a pretty decent person. What she told me about her dating experiences was pretty telling. Every guy that she’s dated in the past few years claimed to be a Christian or attended her church. And yet EVERY single one of them wanted booty, and when she wouldn’t give it to them, they dumped her.

I could understand if one or two wanted to roll around in bed with her, probably just faking their way through church so they can get a little Christian butt-cheeks action.

ALL of them though??? In the Bible belt??

If that doesn’t tell me that the destruction of America’s churches today have become a foregone conclusion, nothing will. That’s what happens when you turn once holy gatherings into social clubs to cater to our every whim. Congratulations Rick Warren, this is what you have wrought, you fat disgusting pig.

Still, I’m glad to see I’m not the ONLY one out there struggling, and for now at least, I have a penpal who gets me… at least until she realizes what a belligerent crab I can be.