For the past few weeks I’ve been getting wave after wave of new matches on my trial eHarmony account, an account I’ve kept open just for kicks for the past year or so. Lately some of them have been sending me communication requests, but since I wasn’t paying I couldn’t respond to them, or see how ugly they looked either.

And of course this is all times neatly with eHarmony’s 3 month deal where I “only” have to pay 19.95 a month, a deal that ended July 25th, which they then extended to August 5th, then August 15th, then August 20th, then the 25th, then the 30th, with each new email alert giving me the same URGENT message that I better hurry up and sign up soon or the deal will expire and be gone forever and ever and ever…!

Whatever.

But since women were attempting to contact me, I thought I owed it to them to at least be courteous and respond, since they obviously paid for the service, and eHarmony’s horse crapola practice of matching people with non-paying subscribers was a fraudulent injustice that I could personally do something about (as long as I was willing to chivalrously fall on my sword and let the scum sucking bastages scam me out of $60.)

Plus, I wanted to see how ugly my matches looked.

So I finally signed up for real today and began sifting through all my matches. I had about 100 up to this point, roughly have of which were closed too, and of course these were the better looking matches too. Ah well, they all looked like slutty babylonian harlots anyway, so I counted it no big loss. When you close a match you can give a reason as to why you’re doing so, and my favorite one thus far was some hoochie mama of a ho bag who closed her match with me because “the physical distance between us was too great,” despite the fact that she lives about 4 miles away from me. Yeah, ok. I guess I had to live in the same apartment building to be close enough for her.

After I went through the closed matches out of morbid curiosity, I started going through my active ones. I noticed what seems to be a consistent pattern too. Either the matches were whale mountain beasts who create human solar eclipses wherever they walked, or they were hot but slutty looking trampers who worked for the theater. I must have emphasized my creative side a bit too much in my personality profile, because these theater/actress matches were a dime a dozen.

I knew what they were all about too. Since they travel around the country to perform in shows and musicals, their social circle is therefore limited to the people they travel with, and if they’re having no success with that circle, their only recourse for the most part is to go online.

Basically those theater girls would expect me to be content with a relationship where they blow town for several weeks or months at a time, and when they come back, I’m to be their stand-by male escort where I cater to their feminine needs by providing them manly company and buying them jewelry, all in the vain hopes that I’ll get a kissy wissy in return, at least until they skip town again after 3-4 days to perform at other shows.

It only takes me 2-3 seconds to close those kinds of matches. Maybe a few seconds more if they’re hotter than usual and have nice big honking-

But anyhoo…

After dropping the theater harlots and the whale mountain man beasts, I went from 50 active matches to about 4. One girl mentioned her love for pizza and actually eating a whole pie once, so she automatically made the cut. What? You talk pizza and you’re already halfway into my heart, fo’ sho’!

The other two were missionaries and seemed like nice people, so I kept them as well (even though the traveling thing becomes an issue again with missionary types, but at least they’re better stock than the theater people…. I hope.) The last one was a lawyer, which alone was grounds for closing, but she was very pretty, so I hesitated. She also has a huge smile too… like ridiculously Joker huge, but since her teeth are white and purdy I guess it’s all good. Judging from her profile though, she does seem a bit too far out of my caste system, so I don’t expect much there.

And that’s pretty much it. My account will expire at the end of November, and once it does I am DONE. Seriously. I’ve always gravitated towards dating sites because of my hearing loss, but I think that’s an issue I’m just gonna have to learn to put up with when befriending women in real life, and maybe over the course of time I’ll meet one who won’t think of me as broken, inferior goods just because I have a hearing loss, or because my job doesn’t pay well enough, or because I don’t drive a BMW.

Maybe, some day. But if not, I think the single life paired with an occasional trip to Prague (where prostitution is legal and CHEAP) would suit me just fine.

Tags: dating, dating site, dating sites, eharmony, girls, harlot, hearing loss, online, pizza, profile, relationship, theater, women
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
(  Print This Post | | 313 views )

(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

 Loading ...

41 Comments »

As I chat and connect with more and more people online (read: hot babes), there are times when I sorely miss talking to someone and I have to consciously make an effort not to barrage them with IMs, emails, texts, phone calls and whatnot just to get some attention.

I guess it’s normal for me to yearn for female companionship and friendship, but I wonder at what point it gets to be too much. I’m always groping in the dark trying to gauge whether it’s ok to reach out to someone, or whether I’m just being a pest. Women though (at least from what I’ve seen so far) seem to be like total camels here. I mean sheesh, if I didn’t reach out to them every now just to remind them that I’m still alive I’d be lucky if I ever heard from them again. I know a lot of people lead very busy lives, so I do take that into consideration, but it sucks the sucky suck when I’m left to sit here by myself twiddling my thumbs because there’s no one sane enough to talk to. Why am I always the yearner but never the yearnee? Or is it simply because I am a weenie-ish little poopiehead who is just not yearn-worthy enough for the wimmins?

Women have created some very strange criteria in this regard too. On one hand they want a guy who’s independent and doesn’t need a woman to be happy, but then they get upset when said guy never calls them precisely BECAUSE he is in fact an independent brutha who doesn’t need a woman to be happy. If he doesn’t need a girl’s company, then chances are he’s not going to yearn for her either.

But then there’s the other extreme. I have a dear lady friend who seems to be surrounded by guys that bring neediness to levels I didn’t think were even possible. I thought I was bad? Holy crap. There’s one guy that texts, IMs, tweets and calls this poor woman every fricking minute of every fricking day, all day long, nonstop. And then another that does the same, only when he doesn’t get a response within 5 minutes he completely FLIPS THE %$^ OUT, getting all huffy and mad and bent out of shape because she didn’t INSTANTLY return his messages.

Seeing that crap does help me understand why women want a guy to be a bit more… free spirited, but that can be just as bad too. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t give you a second thought for weeks at a time? I sure don’t. There has to be a balance somewhere, and it makes me wonder what exactly started this mess. Have men always been clingy balls of mush, or did we start getting this way because our women have gotten more and more aloof and cold-hearted with each passing generation? Or have women become more aloof because they can’t deal with men’s growing insecurity?

Really, why can’t people yearn for each other in a normal way without overdoing it? Is that even possible anymore? All I ever see is this unequal balance where people are either too clingy or too aloof with each other, and I see the destructive impact it has on relationships too. One guy needs the girl more than the girl needs the guy (or vice versa), creating an inequitable bond that can only lead to ruin.

As for me, maybe I simply got old, but I’m starting to see a change in myself where I just don’t give a flying leap anymore. I think this is the product of years of unrequited love and the need for survival, reaching the tipping point where I finally end up as one of those free-spirited guys who have embraced and married the single life, though at the cost of losing all natural affection for the opposite sex. And while “physical needs” may still die hard, that can easily be satisfied by perusing the services of the world’s oldest profession.

I have to admit, it sounds like a GREAT life.

Tags: affection, companion, companionship, female companionship, free spirit, friendship, independent, relationship, single, unrequited, unrequited love, women, yearning
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
(  Print This Post | | 124 views )

(3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

 Loading ...

21 Comments »

I recently caught this article on the BBC:

People’s health could be harmed by social networking sites because they reduce levels of face-to-face contact, an expert claims.

A lack of “real” social networking, involving personal interaction, may have biological effects, he suggests.

He also says that evidence suggests that a lack of face-to-face networking could alter the way genes work, upset immune responses, hormone levels, the function of arteries, and influence mental performance.

This, he claims, could increase the risk of health problems as serious as cancer, strokes, heart disease, and dementia.

“One of the most pronounced changes in the daily habits of British citizens is a reduction in the number of minutes per day that they interact with another human being,” he said.

“In less than two decades, the number of people saying there is no-one with whom they discuss important matters nearly tripled.”

Could be sensationalism sparked by psychologists looking for a little time in the spotlight, but in a way I agree with some of the opinions beng expressed here.

As much as I enjoy using the Internet, I find it to be a highly unsatisfying substitute for real life relationships, and if I had a choice, I would much rather meet people in person and forge relationships that way.  Yet the reason I hang out on here all the time (instead of “out there”) is because I basically have no choice.

If you’ve read the comments after the BBC article, notice how many people with disabilities defended their use of social networking, and for good reason.  The Internet takes away the bias and the barriers those of us with disabilities have to confront and deal with in real life.  In my case it’s being hard of hearing, the kind that puts me right in the gray area between those who hear normally and those who are completely deaf.  The deaf have their own culture and community, one that I can never fit into because I can still hear with the help of aids, and yet I can’t hear well enough to fit in within a society that hears normally either.  I’m caught somewhere in the middle, without a true community of my own.  As if that weren’t enough by itself, I’ve also lived the kind of unorthodox life that absolutely nobody could possibly relate to.  It’s one of the major reasons why I remain single too.

So, I go to the Internet.  Because on here, I don’t have to worry about embarrassing myself because I missed bits and pieces of a conversation.  I don’t have to worry about people forming misconceptions about me because of my disability or my background,  or assuming because I can’t hear it must also mean I’m brain damaged as well.  On the Internet, none of those things matter.

But I also see where it falls depressingly short too.  Those who use the Internet to supplement their already active social lives have no time for me.  I’m unable to bond with them and others in any meaningful way.  I can be reached via email, instant messaging, social networks and even through my blog here, and yet most of the time I find myself twiddling my thumbs, waiting for somebody, ANYBODY, to talk to me.  The hours are long and lonely in between.

And as much as I try to project the full spectrum of my personality into my writings, the Internet can only present certain bits of pieces of who I am, but never the whole.  People who know me through the Internet don’t really know me as I truly am.  Here’s a hint too:  if you find me to be a truly likable person, then you really haven’t gotten to know me at all. 

Truth be told, I find the only people I can truly relate to to via this medium are those who are forced to use it as a subsitute for real life relationships themselves.  Whether it’s because of a disability, or from living in a remote area, or from leading a solitary life that stunted their ability to network and bond with others, being online has become our only recourse to connect with other human beings.  And yet it amazes me how few there are of us, as opposed to those extroverted types who project their already successful social lives onto the Internet (and then feel the compelling need to rub it in our faces too.)  Dweebs.

And now, after having been online for so many years, I’m beginning to accept the sad conclusion that I will never find anyone I can truly bond with, a best friend who would always have time for me and vice versa, or a wonderful girl who would understand me through and through and where I’ve been.  People who totally get me.  I’m of the introverted sort who only needs one best friend and one special girl to be truly content, or perhaps those two rolled  into one.  I don’t need to have eons of acquaintances or casual friends to feel connected and feel like I belong.  But the fact that I can’t even find ONE saddens me to no end.   And I wouldn’t be surprised if all this really did adversely affect my health too just as the article claims.   Oh well.

Oh and if you’re wondering about what might cause the irrational fear of kittens, look no further than LOLcats.  I swear that mindless, idiotic internet fad is going to bring about the demise of civilization, mark my words.  I can never look at a kitten the same way again.

Tags: community, deaf, disabilities, disability, friend, friends, health, health problems, hearing, internet, life, lonely, network, online, people, personality, psychologists, relationship, single, social, social networking, social networking sites, social networks
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
(  Print This Post | | 176 views )

(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

 Loading ...

11 Comments »

I’ve been pining for the girl of my dreams ever since I was a wee one and had my heart broken by an 8 year old who tore up my Valentine’s card and then kicked me in the shinny.  Since then, over the years my dream girl had always become nothing more than a part of my fantasies, a figment of the imagination, an image in my dreams, yet never someone who was truly real.

But what if… she were?

Something happened a few days ago that made me realize it was not only possible, but it was indeed a reality, a reality that God Himself was going to make happen.  It was no longer a question of whether she existed or not, but when she would finally reveal herself and change my life forever.

She IS real.  The revelation of that was finally beginning to dawn on me.

So why am I so panicked about it? 

In a way I think I’ve grown comfortable in my misery.  It was a safe place to be, absent of any responsibility or any obligation whatsoever of having to work at a real, honest-to-goodness relationship.  That she would exist meant my life as I knew it was soon going to end, and I no longer had an excuse to be a bum anymore.

It meant I had to get my act together and start training myself to be the man she needed me to be.  Strong, healthy, loyal, disciplined, loving, caring, confident… you know, all those things I’ve never been before?

Hmmmmm…

As I think about it, if she really is the girl of my dreams, someone who is gorgeous, warm-hearted, virtuous, humble, loving and gorgeous, then why should she be punished for ending up with someone like me? 

I might just decide not to change my life after all, only because I wouldn’t want her life ruined for being stuck with a mooch-ball like me.  She deserves better.  She deserves a REAL man, not some dweeb monkey who swoons to the melodic sounds of Air Supply.

Yep, I think I’m actually behaving like a real man’s man here by taking the easy way out, that way I can continue living the self destructive life I’ve been living for oh, 10 odd years now.  I’m sure she’ll find somebody else too, and I can continue to pine after her in my perfect fantasies where I have super powers and perpetually rescue her from the dark, evil forces of the Znorg Empire, and if I ever get bored of that, then I can always get lost in my collection of my favorite Nancy Drew mystery games.  You see?  It’s all win-win baby. 

… … … … … right? 

Tags: air supply, discipline, dream, dream girl, dreams, fantasies, girl, girl of my dreams, God, health, imagination, man, misery, reality, relationship, revelation, safe place, Valentine
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
(  Print This Post | | 198 views )

(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)

 Loading ...

9 Comments »

I was reading a few quotes by Dr. Laurence J. Peter (the creator of the Peter Principle), and he had this to say about marriage (section in bold are mine):

A bachelor does not grow lonelier as the years pass by. He learns how to live with himself. He satisfies his unique social needs. His companions may consist of members of his own sex or of the opposite sex or any combination of the above. He may dream of the exceptional girl who could excite him to the point where he would give up all this, but while his standards are going up, the quality of what he can get is going down. The available choice of desirable prospective wives gets smaller day by day. As his competence in making a rational selection increases, the desirable selectees decrease.

To estimate his chances of success he looks at his married pals. Most are stalking girls at the office or sneaking off with others’ wives. He concludes that if married men have mistresses or look for sex and love outside of marriage he would not improve his situation by wedlock. A bachelor is a man who looks before he leaps – and then does not leap.

Yup. 

It does seem like no matter how desperate I get, my standards continue to rise higher and higher until they reach such insurmountable heights that no woman on Earth could ever possibly live up to it.  I think part of the reason for this is because for each year that I continue to be deprived of wubs and snugglies, I end up wanting whatever romance that might come to be even more potent and meaningful just to make up for those lost years.  In other words, I’d want whatever marriage or relationship I end up in to be worth the wait.  And the longer I wait, the higher the bar goes.

I’m beginning to realize though that what I hope for has become nothing more than a pipe dream.  After all, women are simply incapable of being able to offer the things I’m looking for, even itty-bitty little things like you know: friendship, love, respect, loyalty, and so on.  Even when you pay ‘em for it (which is usually the case, marriage or not), the returns are rarely worth the investment.

And now it’s getting to the point now where I really just don’t care any more.  With the sinking knowledge that I never will meet the girl of my dreams, I feel safe and content now in openly bashing this vile gender of the human race and exposing them for the dark, ghoulish souls of evil that they are. 

As Laurence Peter once said:  “Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter.”  Knowing this, I would prefer instead to be the hero who survives well beyond the first chapter, riding off into the sunset on his Harley as he moves on to yet another chapter in his life, even if he must ride… alone.

Tags: bachelor, girl of my dreams, laurence j peter, marriage, relationship, romance, singlehood, standards, women
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
(  Print This Post | | 243 views )

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

18 Comments »

Got an email today from a dating service inviting me to join their affiliate program. Yawn.

But then I noticed this:

Ashley Madison is the premiere online dating agency of its kind designed for people in a relationship, either married or otherwise, who are interested in having romantic and intriguing experiences outside of their relationship…

Holy jumping jiminy jam jimbos…

It does beg the question though: has the dating pool become so pitiful these days that one has no choice but to start hitting up married folks for some loving? I have to admit though, I’ve been tempted at times. There’s two hot coworkers I can think of who are happily married (I guess), but man, what I wouldn’t do for a little coochie coo…

I mean come on, so what if a gal drops her skag of a husband to go rolling around in the hay with me, proving without a doubt that she has no sense of loyalty, faithfulness or moral fiber whatsoever? Biiiiiiiiiiiig deal. I mean all that talk about soulmates and one true loves, pftttttttttt, that is so 10 minutes ago. It’s all fairy tales and bunk anyway. We live in the REAL world now, doncha know?

I’m telling you man, a dating service like this just can’t miss!

Tags: adultery, affiliate program, affiliate programs, coochie, dating, dating agency, dating service, doubt, experiences, extramarital, fairy tales, faithfulness, love, loyalty, marriage, matchmaking, online dating, pool, real world, relationship, romance, skag, soulmates, yawn
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
(  Print This Post | | 926 views )

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

2 Comments »