I was just reading a blog post by Miss O’ Hara discussing how women should ignore or drop men who still live with their parents because they don’t have the wherewithal to survive on their own or be good husbands. She does allow for mitigating circumstances where the local economy and the real estate market can make this virtually impossible, or if you’re supporting parents going through a rough patch (I think). Still, this type of thinking makes me uneasy. Even if you provide legitimate reasons for staying with your parents, I can’t help but wonder if whatever girl you’re interested in had already written you off on her mental checklist the minute she heard about your living situation, despite you giving reasonable explanations for it. After all, being with your parents tells a girl either A) He’s not rich enough for me, or B) he’s burdened down with caring for his ailing parent(s), so he’ll have no time left over to shower me with any attention. I know plenty of girls will swear until they are blue in the face otherwise, but I suspect they can’t help but think this way. Just as it is supposedly in man’s nature to be the leader, it is also in woman’s nature to be cared for (by the man).

I also think Hara’s reasoning here that snubbing guys who live with their parents can have the opposite effect. A guy could resign himself to believing that is truly no one out there waiting for him, and thus he may lose the necessary incentive to improve his life and gain some independence.

I surmise that this mentality is really borne out of an innate desire to find a guy willing to coddle them, and who makes enough money that they can stay at home and freely sponge off his salary. I personally know a few women who are like this too. Rather than being a help mate, they are instead a burden to their husbands, who find themselves caring for their wives the same way you’d care for a pet dog. Not surprisingly, such wives tend to show a complete ineptness in handling even the most basic tasks of paying the bills, balancing the checkbooks, and so on. Some don’t even have driving licenses, creating yet another unnecessary burden on the husband.

In spite of the exceptions some women profess to make for men who live with their parents, the fact is such a trait is undesirable regardless of whether he has good reasons for doing so or not. The bottom line is that such a man would be unable to care for her because of his financial difficulties, or because of his obligations to his family. In this vein, women aren’t looking for a man to love: they are looking for a man capable of coddling them for the rest of their lives.

And stupid me, I always thought marriage was all about true love, not something to be judged on external circumstances such as what your living situation might be. Would it be so terrible to get to know a guy first instead of immediately writing him off because he lives with Mommy? Maybe he has a heart of gold, but is just afraid of going off on his own, and just needs a woman to encourage him or (God forbid) HELP him find the moxie he’s been looking for. Would that be so terrible? The Bible does say that a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave onto his WIFE. Ideally then, the man is never truly alone wen he goes out into the world, for God himself has said that it is not good for the man to be alone. He is ready to leave when he has ALREADY found someone. Yet the Gospel according to Miss O’ Hara demands that he already be independent BEFORE meeting someone.

Personally, and for the record, I live with my parents because we can only survive for the time being by sticking together. It just hit me that out of all of us, I am actually the only one who is self sufficient. Neither of them can live independently of me, but it is through no fault of their own. There are times when I can sense my mother’s grief and how she feels she has let me down because of it. But sometimes it’s just the circumstances of life, and I don’t believe it’s always going to be like this either. For now I take it as a lesson on how important it is to stick together as a family through thick and thin, and I believe that’s a learned trait well worth taking into any marriage.

Do I resent it at times? Of course, and sometimes more often than not. But the times I truly resent it is when I see picky women quickly ready to pass over me because my living situation is something they find unappealing. I guess loyalty and a sense of duty for honoring your parents counts for nothing these days. Nope, it’s all about showing them the MONEY.