So I won’t be going to Amish Land, Pennsylvania for Christmas after all, partly due to the snow and because it’s supposed to rain on Christmas, which would create a nightmarish traffic mess of epic proportions due to all the snow we got last weekend.

Needless to say, I’m not really happy about it.

Don’t even ask me what I think about what Congress just did to our freedoms and liberties at one in the morning either, because I’ll just gnaw your face off.

Oh and did I mention that I am still single, and will be spending yet another Christmas alone? Awesome.

So fair warning to all, if you see me going off about blowing stuff up and killing people and stomping all over kittens and puppies and then eating them for breakfast, don’t be alarmed. I’m probably just venting.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go take a 2 by 4 and bash the head of one of the coworkers here just to SHUT HER THE UP.

Tags: anger, Christmas, congress, freedoms, hate, rain, rant, traffic
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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There were several advertising networks I used to deliver ads to my blog here, and for a while I had a pretty good setup going, to the point that with a little more traffic I could actually earn a decent secondary income, and maybe some day live off my blog altogether.  A few of them though didn’t have the option of letting me preview ads before they went live, but they did have some rudimentary filtering features (such as blocking advertisers by domain), and I figured that would be enough for me.

Until the acai berry ads started showing up.

You’ve probably seen them already, as they have infested the Internet like some sort of cyber mutated bubonic plague.   Really, Moses himself couldn’t call down a worse plague than this.  The ads lead to landing pages (vanilla websites) that contain completely fake testimonials with before and after photos that were photoshopped and/or taken from stock photo sites.  The links to the products are actually hidden affiliate links on which the affiliate marketer (or as I like to call him, the Greedy Scum Whoring Bitch Boy of Satan) receives a commission every time a visitor clicks on one of his links and subsequently makes a purchase.  What many of them don’t realize though is that the “free” acai berry offers being promoted are really a gimmick to get your credit/debit card info, at which point they charge you about $100 after two weeks without your knowledge.   By the time people figure out what’s what, the scam has already been perpetrated, and it will take much hair tearing and gnashing of teeth to get your money back again, if you can at all.  As time goes on, these landing pages are getting more and more sophisticated and will no doubt fool even more people as a result.

As if that weren’t bad enough, these are the kind of ads Greedy Scum Whoring Bitch Boy of Satan might show:

Naturally, I didn’t want these ads showing up on my blog.  I wanted only quality ads that lead to genuine products, and since these ads were nothing more than overfunded (not to mention overEXPOSED) snake oil scams, I moved to block them on the ad networks they were circulating on.

Or I should say, I TRIED to block them.  That’s when I realized just how bad this epidemic of vomit inducing flabby skin really was.  On the ValueClick network, Greedy Scum Whoring Bitch Boy of Satan constantly changed the name of his ad campaigns so even when I blocked one campaign, another one would pop up under an entirely different name.  I emailed Valueclick and complained several times about this, giving them the names of the campaigns, but of course they ignored me.  After all, I’m not the guy who’s showing them the money.  And it’s all about the money, right Valueclick?  How’s your stock doing by the way?  Jerkweeds.

Then I noticed they were also showing up on what was by far my most lucrative network: ADSDAQ (owned by ContextWeb).  Not to worry though, ADSDAQ had the option of blocking ads by domain name, so I figured no biggie, I’ll just block the domains these ads lead to, and that will be the end of it.

But then another domain popped up, and then another one, and then ANOTHER one.  And then suddenly there were ads for government grant scams, and teeth whitening scams, and ads to fake eBooks promising natural cures for various ailments, and ads for wrinkle cream scams, and on and on and on.  I literally started spending hours a day hunting down these rogue ads and adding more domains to the blacklist, and STILL they were getting through.  Just how bad was it?  Well lookie here at my latest blacklist:

acaiberryboom.com
acaiberrydetox.com
acaiberryscam.org
acaiberrytruth.org
acaicomparison.com
acaifacts.org
acaihealthreport.com
acaihealthtest.com
acaionoprah.com
adamsmoney.com
adamsmoneyblog.com
adrianasweightloss.com
adriennesweightloss.com
akabeezy.com
alanasweightloss.com
alliesdiet.com
amandasteeth.com
ameliasweightloss.com
amydiet.com
amysbrightsmile.com
amysdietcombo.com
amysincome.com
amysteeth.com
amysweightlossdiary.com
andrewsblog.grantmoneyforyou.com
annasdiet.com
annasdietingblog.com
annasdietstory.com
anndropslbs.com
annsdietsecret.com
annsweightloss.com
anthonyisgreen.com
ashleysweightloss.com
asthmadefeated.com
aubreysdietblog.com
beckylostweight.com
beckysmoneyblog.com
beckyswhiteteeth.com
becomeskinnyfast.com
benbanksit.com
bestcelebdiet.com
bestwhiteners.com
bethsmoney.com
bethsmoney.net
bethsmoney.org
billgetsmoney.com
blog.jennyswhiteteeth.com
blogfordiets.com
bradmakesitrain.com
bradsbailout.com
bradsmoney.com
bradsmoneyblog.com
briangetsmoney.com
brians-money-blog.com
briansmoneyblog.com
britneylostweight.com
buy-it-now-online.net
carlasmoney.com
cashfromgrants.info
catchhimandkeephim.com
cathysteeth.com
cellulitedefeated.com
chadgetsgreen.com
cheddahustleblog.com
cheddasblingblog.com
christiesdietsuccess.com
cindiesweightloss.com
clarasweightloss.com
colitis-cme.com
colitiscured.com
coloncleansefacts.org
conniesgrantstory.com
coreycash.com
coreyhasmoney.com
craiggetscash.com
craigsblogsite.org
dangetsgreen.com
danielgetsgreen.com
daniellasweightloss.com
danielsmoneyblog.com
darrylgotpaid.com
datingadvicesitesreviewed.info
davegetsmoney.com
davidscreditstory.com
davidsmoneyblog.com
debt-free-dave.com
debt-free-debbie.com
debtdownthedrain.com
destinysweightloss.com
dietproductsguide.com
diverticulitiscure.com
diverticulitisinstitute.com
donnasdietingblog.com
double-diet.net
downbutneverout.com
earncashfromgrants.com
elliesteeth.com
elliesweightloss.com
emergevictoriousoverfat.com
emmasdietblog.com
emmasweightlosssuccess.com
ericmakesmoney.com
erinsweightloss.com
fastgooglecash.info
fibromyalgiacured.com
flatstomachdiets.com
flatstomachrule.com
freddysblog.com
free-dieting.org
gay.com
get-money-online.com
getvitalacai.com
googlekits.com
governments-grants-2009.com
govgrantcash.com
govgrantscenter.com
grantmecash.com
grantreviewsonline.com
grantsforyounow.com
grantsreviews.org
greggetsgrants.com
healgenitalwarts.com
healthproductsanalysis.com
healthy-diet-program.com
heatherswhiteteeth.com
helensdiet.com
hemochromatosiscure.com
how-to-whiten-teeth.com
howigotwhiteteeth.com
howtolosefatfast.net
imwrinklefree.com
jackmakescash.com
3.jackmakescash.com
jackysdietblog.com
jadesteeth.com
janetsdebtblog.com
jasongetsgrants.com
jasongetspaid.com
jasongrants.com
jaygotmoney.com
jeaniesdietblog.com
jeffgetsgrants.com
jeffgetsgreen.com
jeffreysgrantblog.com
jeffsgrant.net
jeffsgrantmoney.com
jennasweightloss.com
jennasweightloss.net
jennylostweight.com
jennysathomejob.com
jennysdietblog.com
jennysdietsuccessstory.com
jensdietsecret.com
jensweightblog.com
jensweightjournal.com
jensweightlossjournal.com
jenydiet.com
jeremymadecash.com
jessicasmoney.com
jessicasmoneyblog.domlander.com
jillsbusinessblog.com
jimgetspaid.com
jimgotmoney.com
jimmygetscash.com
johngotrich.com
johnsgrantsuccess.com
johnsmoneyblog.com
jonsunemployment.com
judysweightloss.com
juliesdietblog.com
justingetsgreen.com
justinsmoneystory.com
karens-weightloss.com
karenswhiteteeth.com
karlasweightloss.com
kathylostweight.com
kaylaswhiteteeth.com
kaysdiet.com
kellygetsgreen.com
kellysdiet.com
kellysdietblog.com
kellysdietsecret.com
kellyswhiteteeth.com
kellyweightlossblog.com
kelseysweightloss.com
kevinblogsite.org
kevingetsgrants.com
kevingetsgreen.com
kevingoesgreen.com
kevingonegreen.com
kevingotcash.com
kevingotgreen.com
kevingothisgreen.com
kevinhoeffer.com
kevinsacidrefluxcure.com
kevinsbigmoneysecret.com
kevinsgotgreen.com
kevinsgrantstory.com
kevinsgreen.com
kevinsnewlife.com
kevinsrich.com
kimsdietplan.com
laurasteeth.com
lisashomebiz.com
lisaswhitesmile.com
lorigetspaid.com
lorriesweightloss.com
loseweightjen.com
makecashmonies.com
mandysdietingblog.com
mariasdietblog.com
marksgotcash.com
maryweightlossblog.com
mate1.com
mattsgrants.com
megansdietingblog.com
melissasdiet.com
melsdietblog.com
michellesweightloss.com
mikegetsmoney.com
mikemakesmoney.com
mikesgmoney.com
mikesmoneymatters.com
mollysrecipes.com
mollysweightlost.com
monasweightloss.com
monicasdietblog.com
my-money-journey.com
my-white-teeth.com
my-whitening-story.com
myacaisuccess.com
mydailyrecipes.com
mydietblogjourney.com
mygovtbailout.com
mygrantdollars.com
mygrantstory.com
mygrantstory.net
mylife.kevingoesgreen.com
myonlinedietblog.com
myowndiet.com
mysixpacks.com
myteeth.org
myweightlostdiary.info
nadiasweightloss.com
nichollesweightloss.com
nickgetspaid.com
nicksbusiness.com
nicksgreen.com
nicksmoneyblog.com
nirvanadance.com
one-flat-stomach-rule.com
onegirlsweightloss.com
onlinecashkit.com
onlinegoldfinder.com
pams-diet-blog.com
partnerwithpaul.com
patdietblog.com
paulgetspaid.com
photoshop.es0ftware.com
provedweightloss.com
rachaelraygoodies.com
rachaelsweightloss.com
rachelrayblog.com
rachelrayblogs.com
rachelraydiet.com
rachelraygoodies.com
rachelsberrydiet.com
rachelsdietadvice.com
rachelsdietguide.com
rachelsweightloss.com
rachelteethwhitening.com
rachelweightloss.com
reannesweightloss.com
refluxremedy.com
removemystretchmarks.com
reneesweightloss.com
restoremyyouth.com
richgetsrich.com
richstudent.net
rickiesweightloss.com
rickysfastcash.com
robertscashblog.com
robsgrants.com
ryan-craig.com
ryansincomestory.com
ryansmoney.com
sarahs-weightloss.com
sarahscleanteeth.com
sarahsdebtblog.com
sarahsweightloss.com
sarahswhiteteeth.com
sarasweightloss.com
sarcoidosiscure.com
sashasdietblog.com
scottsjobhunt.com
scottsmoney.com
secretofdiets.com
shingles-cure.com
singlesnet.com
sitereviewauthorities.org
sophiasweightloss.com
sophiesweightloss.com
stevesmoneyblog.com
stimulus-grants.org
tanyasdietblog.com
tanyasweightlossblog.com
teethwhiteningreviewed.com
theacaiberryresearch.net
theacaiberryresearch.org
thisdietsavedme.com
tinasdietblog.com
tomscash.com
tomsjournal.com
tomsmoney.com
tonyasdietdiary.com
top-teeth-whitening-reviews.com
top3acai.com
tourettes-disorder.com
tracysweightloss.com
true.com
trynaturesacaiberry.com
trynaturesbestacai.com
tuberculosiscured.com
tylersmoney.com
usgrantguide.org
wealthresource.org
weightlossduo.com
whitener-reviews.com
whiteningreview.com
whitenteethathome.com
winfreysweightlossblog.com
www-grants.org
jennasweightloss.net
JensWeightBlog.com
emmaweightlosssuccess.com
Realplasticsurgery.com
Cleanserate.com
secretofdiets.com
emilysdietsecrets.com
HaileysWeightLoss.com
alisasweightloss.com
8weekslose30lbs.com
rateweightlossproducts.com
tracysweightloss.com
nadiasweightloss.com
nichollesweightloss.com
melorasweightloss.com
melissasdiet.com
reneesweightloss.com
tryskinny.comericasweightloss.com
monicasdiet.com
urlsplit.com
ColonReview.com
m231g.mikegeary1.hop.clickbank.net
FatLossJournal.com
judyslbs.com
judysweightlossjourney.com
wuyiweightlosstea.org
BridgetsWeightLoss.com
myalli.com
holistichealthstudio.com
aliciasweightloss.com
2cpa.com
samarasweightloss.com
jillsnewbody.com
rachaelraygoodies.com
buy-it-now-online.net
jillsdietstory.com
aleshasdietblog.com
miraclenoodle.com
jennysdietsuccessstory.com
laurasnewbody.com
y.celebsecretdiet.com
rachaelraydiet.com
emilysweightlossblog.com
my-weight-loss-review.net
maryweightlossblog.com
sarasnewbody.com
sophiasweightloss.com
hopesdiet.come
lisasweightlossblog.com
reneesweightloss.com

And dudes, that’s only a FRACTION of all the domain names that Greedy Scum Whoring Bitch Boy of Satan had been registering, and I’m sure he adds several hundred more domains a day just to ensure his ads can never be blocked by domain filtering alone.  As if that weren’t enough, I noticed on ADSDAQ that some of the domains on the blacklist were STILL getting through.  Somehow Greedy Scum Whoring Bitch Boy of Satan had found a way to bypass the filtering system altogether by using a redirect to hide his actual domains.

Honestly,  there’s no pit in hell deep enough for this affiliate marketing terrorist.  Imagine the most heinous form of perpetual torture that could ever be inflicted on the minds and bodies of men, and multiply that by infinity times infinity, and still it’d be too good for whoever this crap sucking affiliate whoring schmuck monkey is.

I emailed ADSDAQ several times to let them know that this guy was defeating their filtering system, and they responded by simply giving me another list of domains to block, but will not do anything about the ads themselves.  Brilliant.  These networks will take money from Hitler so long as it helps them stay in business.  Nice to know you care so much about quality, eh ContextWeb?

And don’t even get me started on contextual link ads from networks like Infolinks and Kontera.  I’ve had ads for gambling, cigarette smoking, scams, ponzi schemes, (and my personal favorite: dating sites for married people) all show up after the fact on my blog, and these particular in-text networks provide NO means whatsoever for me to preview these ads and effectively block them.  Just lame and utterly absurd keyword filtering that I have to request by EMAIL, all of which can be easily defeated by a savvy spammer such as Greedy Scum Whoring Bitch Boy of Satan.

In the end, the only option I had to keep those ugly ass flabby skin ads (and all the other crap ads) off my site permanently was to drop the networks that didn’t give me full editorial control over the ads that might show up.  I had to drop three networks to accomplish this (including Chitika, which also only allows filtering by domain names), and my earning power as a result was cut by more than half.  Under these new conditions, there’s no way I can earn a decent income through my blog now.

Such a nice world we live in, where scammers can run rampant and free across so many major advertising networks, crowding out quality advertisers who actually care about their branding reputation and crippling the earning potential of publishers everywhere who likewise care about their own credibility and integrity.

So here’s to your success, Mr. Affiliate Marketing Greedy Scum Whoring Bitch Boy of Satan.  May you and all those like you someday be hit by a speeding Japanese bullet train twice over, and may all the remains of your carcasses be food for disease riddled condors.

Tags: adsdaq, advertiser, advertisers, advertising, advertising network, advertising networks, affiliate links, affiliate marketer, affiliate marketing, affiliate spammer, campaigns, chitika, domain names, domains, fake, Infolinks, internet, kontera, landing pages, plague, rant, scammer, scammers, scamming, scams, snake oil, spam, valueclick
Categories: Tangled Webs
 
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So you’re offering free communication with matches this weekend?  Really?  Then why is it when I want to “Fast Track” it and email a match directly so I can bypass the 5 million questionnaires you normally force us to send each other, that I’m instead redirected to a payment page where you literally scream in big honking words fabulous payment plans that start at $60 a month?

Oh I see, you didn’t actually mean I could talk to a match, just that I’ve been granted the luxurious privilege of trudging through 8 separate steps of trading questions and quizzes, at which point if I somehow actually make it to the final step before the weekend’s up, I’m once again taken to the payment page.

Yeah that’s some real communication you offer there, you tub of money grubbing ass bunnies.

Never mind that you have the fudging balls to plaster big honking BANNER advertising all over my account pages, which I’m sure must nicely pad your already bloated revenue stream, and yet somehow you just can’t find it in your budget to offer even one day of actual communication that doesn’t amount to a pile of fossilized monkey droppings?  Really, not even just one day out of the entire flipping year?

But no, you want me to start ponying up some serious cash just so I can truly benefit from your groundbreaking matching algorithms (which I’m sure involves nothing more than a giant globe of lottery balls spitting out the names of matches at random.)

And yet even with my wallet drained and the system dropping 50 matches into my account (49 of who promptly close their match with me), this is what I’m left with:

29 dimensions of compatibility my ass.

Tags: advertising, compatibility, eharmony, online dating, online dating sites, rant
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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Well I’m at Panera Bread, thinking that by having an nice Panini sandwich and watching the bustling of people around me, it would put me in a mellow enough mood to blog something up.

All I’m seeing now though is a bunch of ugly looking people who bother me just by being ugly, couples who bother me because they’re couples and have to make a point of showing the whole world that they’re couples (hold on while I go outside to let the air of the tires of said couple’s car…  yeah, let’s see how manly you are now for having a girlfriend when you have to call AAA.  Ha-Ha!)

Then there’s the schmuckaroos that stare at me like I just landed from Mars.  Yes I have a laptop, which means I probably have more money than you.  Yes, I’m by myself, which just means I was smart enough to stay single.  What the f__ is it to you?  Staring is rude, so knock it off before I decide to cram that Asiago Roast Beef sandwich you’re sucking on down your douche hole.

I know some people might interpret my behavior here as being antisocial, but that’s not true.  I just hate people, is all.  They’re rude, obnoxious, mean, and they smell bad.  In other words, they remind me of me. 

But you know what the worst thing about all this is?  Panera Bread took Crispanis off the menu.  Bastards!!!!

I’m outta here.

Tags: blog, couples, laptop, panera bread, rant
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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I can’t get no, satisfaction,

I CAN’T GET NO!!

***************************

While I was surfing online and bopping to a Rolling Stones tune, an icon popped up on my screen notifying me that Girl-Who-Blew-Me-Off had just signed on (actually, that describes every girl I’ve ever wanted to get involved with since Reagan was President, so let’s call her Lying-Introvert instead.) I debated whether to just ignore her, or send her an IM in the hopes that maybe I could get some answers as to why she blew me off. I can’t stand having questions that forever go unanswered, so of course I caved:

Me: Hey, I can see you!

Surprisingly, she answered right away.

Her: yeah it’s a rarity cuz too many people im me at once when i am visible

Hmm, an introvert is so popular she has to stay invisible or she’ll get bombarded with IMs? Well, whatever. I decide to hit her point blank.

Me: Hey, can I ask you something?

Her: sure

Me: You didn’t like my pictures did you. Be honest now

Her: well the pics were pretty much what i expected, not diff from your profile photo…..but what u have to understand is, i have been talking to a few diff people from that site…..

Translation: She thought I was ugly, didn’t want to cap to it, and I was already a foregone conclusion in her mind since she was checking out other prospects, and she was probably wondering why the hell I wouldn’t just take the hint and go away.

Her: also my “social life” has been quite busy lately, i had an interesting weekend to say the least and i’ve been caught up with those things that have been happeneing

Translation: She’d been a-whoring around town going out on other dates, and is now head over heels in love with a tatooed up biker named Butch.

After that, she pretty much disappeared on me again. Don’t ask me how I’m doing, don’t ask me how my day was. Nothing. Boy all that Christian love really comes gushing out when you meet a fellow brother in Christ, huh, sis?

F*%$ing Bitch.

And you know what, that’s not even what frosted my cookies so much. It was the fact that despite us having so many things in common, it all meant absolutely nothing to her. We were both Italian, we both loved 80s music, we both particularly loved Italian food, we were both Christians who had bad experiences in church and currently weren’t attending one, heck even our mothers had once been Catholic but became Protestant shortly after we were both born. The similarities kept going on and on from there.

But the big thing was her mentioning how she much of an introvert she was, and she felt nobody understood her because of it and how she felt so out of place in the world. It really touched me because that’s how I felt too and I thought for the first time in a long time, I might have finally found a kindred spirit here.

And then I learn this “introvert” has a social life that’s only slightly less busier than say, Scarlet Johannson’s. For someone who claims to be an introvert, she sure seemed pretty damned extroverted to me. Except in my case of course. Maybe that’s what she meant.

But, whatever. I deleted her off my IM list, putting this experience down as a hard lesson that I think has finally been learned. Most women don’t care about romance or friendship or companionship. They care about three things only: your looks, your wallet, and your personal sperm bank.

*Sigh* Back to the Rolling Stones…

I CAN’T GET NO!!

Tags: chat, dating, deception, extrovert, IM, introvert, kindred spirit, lying, profile, rant, rolling stones, social life, women, women suck
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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Why must the USA Network torture me?

For while there they could do no wrong, dishing out Monk, Psych, Law and Order: CI and SVU, House reruns, and a recent new favorite of mine, Burn Notice, which premiered last year.

Then they did something positively, unforgivably evil: they aired a show called In Plain Sight. I should have known things were heading south because they would promo the holy crap out of this show during commercial breaks, no matter what I was watching, at least two months before it was scheduled to premiere. And I’m not talking one or two promos during a typical Law and Order episode either. I’m talking not one, not two, but THREE promos during EVERY single #$%& commercial break. By the time I’m done watching Burn Notice or L&O I would have seen at least 10 promos for the show.

I’m not kidding when I say I must have seen the trailers, teasers, promos and whatnots for In Plain Sight at least 100 times over the course of 2 months, to the point where I absolutely, positively REFUSED to watch the premiere just on general principle.

But those snotmonkeys at USA Network must have known how I’d react, so they made sure to air the premiere over and over and over and over and over, and ooooh how about we make a marathon out of it too???

I’m serious, today they aired just that one premiere ALL day long. What in the blue frickaroonies are they doing?!?!?

If this were even a semi-decent show I might halfway forgive USA for this stupidity, but In Plain Sight seriously sucks the big one. Major, major, major vacu-suckage. What’s worse, they managed to make Mary McCormack, who usually looks hot in whatever film she’s in (especially 1408) look unrecognizably ugly.

The USA Network has committed a crime that transcends any atrocity currently happening in Burma. It must be corrected immediately. Cancel the show, cancel it now, drop the promo crap, and let us never, ever speak of it again.

Do you hear me USA?!?! Stop the madness!!!

Tags: in plain sight, promo, rant, tv show, USA Network
Categories: Popcorn and Cinema
 
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