I’ve been going on a spending spree ever since paying off the last of my debt earlier this month, but don’t worry, most of it has been for necessities such as work shoes, which literally had gaping holes in them and were over 2 years old  (you could see my toe-sies!)  And believe me, you don’t even wanna know what state my underwear were  in.     Thankfully though, I am no longer a tighty whitey dude.

I also threw down for some chick magnetizing sunglasses and FINALLY settled on a brand new watch as well, getting ever so closer to checking off all the items on my wishlist and becoming … *clears throat* …  the ULTIMATE Blogging Badass. 

I do all this, of course, with the full knowledge that the current economy quite plainly sucks flaming donkey balls (while the democrats in Congress continue to serve up a fresh batch of them by the day.)  I realize a lot of people are hurting out there, so when I go on about buying some nice, shiny new toys (and manly looking boxer-briefs) while people are out there suffering from all sorts of financial distress, I do feel bad about it…. for a minute or two.

The reason I don’t feel TOO bad about it is because I remember the days when the economy was boom stomping and people were going half mad buying up tech stocks or purchasing ridiculously sized homes they couldn’t afford, while I could only watch with wonder and dismay, unemployed and eventually even homeless.

Yep, there was a time when I was actually homeless, evicted by a demon possessed relative who literally poisoned my beloved cat.  I guess this Nazi loving moochbag couldn’t find a Jew to gas, so he went for my cat instead.  Fun times!

I remember that all happened in 2000 too, during what was supposed to be the year of jubilee.  All the churches in my area just kept going on and on about the year of jubilee, and how it was going to be a time of unparalleled blessings and prosperity and bountiful harvests and God only knows what else, none of which incidentally enough, I ever experienced.  Instead, it was just one traumatic loss after another.  Loss of inheritances.  Loss of homes.  Loss of security.  Loss of family.  I think if you were to collectively take everything that had been lost by either me or my family, it would literally amount to hundreds of thousands of dollars.  The magnitude of what we had lost or stolen from us amazes me even today.  All during a time of economic prosperity and growth too.

In a way, I see these modest splurges as a way to regain some of what I had lost after ten years of plague and darkness.   To find myself in a secure job, debt free, with money to invest and a blog that brings me a decent second income during a time of economic distress and imminent calamity has to be the ultimate height of irony.  This is the LORD’s doing, and it is marvelous before our eyes.

I find myself in a transitional phase now, with one shackle after another slowly falling off until one day I am going to find myself completely independent, and completely free.   Knowing that day is not too far off now, I wonder to myself, What will I do with this newfound freedom?  What will I do with the talents (Matthew 25:14-30) that I’ve been given?

I certainly can’t hoard it to myself, nor do I want to.   A free man can set others free, and I want to take what is mine, and give it to those in need.  I know what it’s like to lose everything.  I know what it’s like to suffer.  But I also know that a man’s life consists not in the abundance of the things he possesses.  We have been told by our society that a man is nothing if he doesn’t have a house or land, and we are now paying the price for that fallacy.  Truth be told, of all the things that had been stolen from me, including a home, I never really wanted any of it anyway, nor did it bother me all that much to lose it.  It was the concept that someone had taken something from me through the most despicable and evil means (and had gotten away with it) that bothered me, and more than bothered me, it enraged me.  It wasn’t justice.  Why did God reward evil with good?  It’s something I still struggle with even today, even as I watch the tide gradually turn in my favor.

As angry as I am about the past, I never want to do to others what had been done to me.  It’s my desire to alleviate the burdens of the innocent, not add to them.  But in what capacity I could realize these desires, I don’t know.  That chapter has yet to be played out.

I do know I want to save the world, one innocent person at a time.  And I hope one day I can do so… while wearing comfortable boxer-briefs and looking cool in my chick magnetizing shades. 

Tags: blessings, church, darkness, economy, financial, freedom, homeless, independent, justice, money, plague, rage, security, spending spree, wishlist, year of jubilee
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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Well, I did have a nice six day reprieve from work, but that ends tomorrow (uhh, make that today.) Joy joy, joy joy joy.

Seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever hated my job as much as I do now. An awful boss running us into the ground, an awful coworker whose useless, fat wide load of an ass takes up valuable real estate in our section, a workload that’s spiraling out of control, and colleagues with frayed nerves that makes me wonder if my bullet riddled carcass might soon end up on the news.

I guess it’s no surprise then that I’ve thrown everything into getting this blog off the ground, not only to boost traffic levels, but also to make some serious coins out of it so I can get the holy hell outta here. 7 years I’ve been at this job, with no end in sight. Something’s gotta give.

I really thought I had something going though by deciding to apply for law school, and I can’t believe how it all turned to crap, even in spite of almost two years of praying, seeking, knocking and begging for answers. Instead of being shown the way, I get jerked around by a God who really seems to be doing His darndest best to show me how much He hates my filthy hide.

Fine. Message received. Way to show the world how You take care of your own by screwing them over when they need Your help the most. Sheesh. I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not Lord, but I’m feeling pretty fricking abandoned and betrayed right now.

Ok, calm down Linc…. breathe in… breathe out… serenity now…

To be honest, it really is disconcerting to feel this deep seated rage boil up within me whenever I think about the events of the past few years, from getting evicted out into the streets, to getting stuck in a dead end, soul sucking job, to watching my health deteriorate and my prospects dry up, even while everyone else around me find their true loves, marry up and move on to greener pastures, and here I am, still stuck in first gear, partly because I was stupid enough to believe God had something better prepared for me, and that I need only be patient enough to wait for it. Sure, all fine and good, until I finally realized that only applies to people He actually gives a rip about.

Well ok then, how about this: You hate me, I hate You, so let’s just stay out of each other’s way from now on, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to salvage the remaining pieces of my almost completely destroyed life, mmmmkay?

Tags: abandoned, anger, betrayal, calm, carcass, coins, darndest, forsaken, future, God, hate, job, law school, life, lost, prospects, rage, reprieve, serenity, spite, workload
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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A recent posting by the Ignoble Experiment got me thinking about a Disney favorite of mine, Beauty and the Beast. Back in the days when Disney was still making animated films that were actually good, they churned out this beauty (no pun intended), a story that centered around redemption and true love. I was too young to fully appreciate the movie when it first came out, but in subsequent years, I began to see myself in the Beast. The years had made me bitter and angry, harboring a quiet rage against a world that I felt did me serious wrong, just like the Beast. Some of it I brought on myself though, I admit, just as the Beast was in no small part responsible for his own misery. And yet part of that rage had to have no doubt been fueled by the despair that he would never be freed from his curse, as each petal that dropped from the flower brought him ever closer to his doom. It took the love of a caring, gentle soul to bring him back, a woman who taught him how to love again, despite his imperfections and grotesque appearance.

A gentle, caring girl, willing to get past looks and appearances so she can see the wounded man behind the beastly image? Yep, quite obviously a fairy tale. If you think this does indeed happen in the real world, then you my friend live in a fairy tale of your own.

This is one of my pet peeves about women too. They complain about guys being shallow and dating on looks alone, and then claim the higher ground by insisting that they NEVER do that. Nope, it’s a guy’s inner qualities that attracts them. It’s the damnedest, most hypocritical crap I’ve ever heard come out of their filthy, lying mouths.

Honestly, the mass of women today have proven themselves to be the shallowest, calculating, back stabbing, most judgmental heartless gobs of human flesh to have ever graced this planet. They will pass eternal judgment on you based on nothing more than the color shoes you’re wearing. They stare right through you as if you were nothing but a ghostly apparition they can barely see, refuse to say thank you when you hold the door for them, and only feign interest in you when they want something. God may have created Adam, but it was Satan who created Eve.

This mass of self interested, self indulgent whores of Babylon have made finding that gem of a woman who really is a cut above the rest virtually impossible. There’s little doubt even if I could find one, she would be taken aback at my beastly rage. Would she be able to get past that? Past the imperfections, the open wounds that cause me such most perpetual pain and grief? Will she be the Belle to my Beast?

Who am I kidding, she obviously doesn’t exist. And unlike the Beast, who found redemption and a happy ending, I can feel the last petal beginning to slip through my fingers, as a lifetime of unredeemable rage awaits me. Alas, in real life, there will be no Belle to save me.

Tags: anger, animated films, beast, Beauty and the Beast, belle, dating, despair, fairy tale, gobs, hatred, higher ground, imperfections, loneliness, love, misery, mouths, no doubt, pet peeves, pun, rage, redemption, true love, women, women suck, wounded man
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log, Romance and Relationships
 
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