I recently caught this article on the BBC:

People’s health could be harmed by social networking sites because they reduce levels of face-to-face contact, an expert claims.

A lack of “real” social networking, involving personal interaction, may have biological effects, he suggests.

He also says that evidence suggests that a lack of face-to-face networking could alter the way genes work, upset immune responses, hormone levels, the function of arteries, and influence mental performance.

This, he claims, could increase the risk of health problems as serious as cancer, strokes, heart disease, and dementia.

“One of the most pronounced changes in the daily habits of British citizens is a reduction in the number of minutes per day that they interact with another human being,” he said.

“In less than two decades, the number of people saying there is no-one with whom they discuss important matters nearly tripled.”

Could be sensationalism sparked by psychologists looking for a little time in the spotlight, but in a way I agree with some of the opinions beng expressed here.

As much as I enjoy using the Internet, I find it to be a highly unsatisfying substitute for real life relationships, and if I had a choice, I would much rather meet people in person and forge relationships that way.  Yet the reason I hang out on here all the time (instead of “out there”) is because I basically have no choice.

If you’ve read the comments after the BBC article, notice how many people with disabilities defended their use of social networking, and for good reason.  The Internet takes away the bias and the barriers those of us with disabilities have to confront and deal with in real life.  In my case it’s being hard of hearing, the kind that puts me right in the gray area between those who hear normally and those who are completely deaf.  The deaf have their own culture and community, one that I can never fit into because I can still hear with the help of aids, and yet I can’t hear well enough to fit in within a society that hears normally either.  I’m caught somewhere in the middle, without a true community of my own.  As if that weren’t enough by itself, I’ve also lived the kind of unorthodox life that absolutely nobody could possibly relate to.  It’s one of the major reasons why I remain single too.

So, I go to the Internet.  Because on here, I don’t have to worry about embarrassing myself because I missed bits and pieces of a conversation.  I don’t have to worry about people forming misconceptions about me because of my disability or my background,  or assuming because I can’t hear it must also mean I’m brain damaged as well.  On the Internet, none of those things matter.

But I also see where it falls depressingly short too.  Those who use the Internet to supplement their already active social lives have no time for me.  I’m unable to bond with them and others in any meaningful way.  I can be reached via email, instant messaging, social networks and even through my blog here, and yet most of the time I find myself twiddling my thumbs, waiting for somebody, ANYBODY, to talk to me.  The hours are long and lonely in between.

And as much as I try to project the full spectrum of my personality into my writings, the Internet can only present certain bits of pieces of who I am, but never the whole.  People who know me through the Internet don’t really know me as I truly am.  Here’s a hint too:  if you find me to be a truly likable person, then you really haven’t gotten to know me at all. 

Truth be told, I find the only people I can truly relate to to via this medium are those who are forced to use it as a subsitute for real life relationships themselves.  Whether it’s because of a disability, or from living in a remote area, or from leading a solitary life that stunted their ability to network and bond with others, being online has become our only recourse to connect with other human beings.  And yet it amazes me how few there are of us, as opposed to those extroverted types who project their already successful social lives onto the Internet (and then feel the compelling need to rub it in our faces too.)  Dweebs.

And now, after having been online for so many years, I’m beginning to accept the sad conclusion that I will never find anyone I can truly bond with, a best friend who would always have time for me and vice versa, or a wonderful girl who would understand me through and through and where I’ve been.  People who totally get me.  I’m of the introverted sort who only needs one best friend and one special girl to be truly content, or perhaps those two rolled  into one.  I don’t need to have eons of acquaintances or casual friends to feel connected and feel like I belong.  But the fact that I can’t even find ONE saddens me to no end.   And I wouldn’t be surprised if all this really did adversely affect my health too just as the article claims.   Oh well.

Oh and if you’re wondering about what might cause the irrational fear of kittens, look no further than LOLcats.  I swear that mindless, idiotic internet fad is going to bring about the demise of civilization, mark my words.  I can never look at a kitten the same way again.

Tags: community, deaf, disabilities, disability, friend, friends, health, health problems, hearing, internet, life, lonely, network, online, people, personality, psychologists, relationship, single, social, social networking, social networking sites, social networks
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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The results from my last poll (Should I stay single?) were pretty interesting:  Only 20% thought I would be perfectly happy remaining single, 34% took the coward’s way out and mentioned their fondness for pie , and 46% were convinced that I’d soon be doing 20 to life if I didn’t get myself a honey bunny soon.

The demographics were even more interesting: most of the ladies who voted felt that only the love of a good woman would bring me happiness, while most of the men opted for singlehood.  Those who picked pie were roughly split between the 2 genders.

Conclusion: Women think I need them, while men think otherwise.  Naturally, I side with the men. 

The truth is, as much as I might pine for a little coochie coo, I really don’t need you wimmins.  Sure, it’d be nice to have a little squeeze toy I can play around with every now and then, but ultimately, the odds are very much against me in finding someone I could truly be happy with, and vice versa.  In short, I think it’s better to be alone than to be with someone who was hell spawned by Satan.

Oddly enough, this kind of attitude generally makes me more attractive to the fairer sex.  Women don’t seem to like men who are clingy and whine for wubsiness, but when we become more aloof and independent and could give a flying dinky winks whether girls like us or not, suddenly our hotness meter goes way up.  It seems to be the paradox of romance: the more we want women, the less they want us, but the less we want women, the more they want us.  Oy! 

Frankly though, I’d rather be the chasee than the chaser.  There’s so much aggravation and misery involved in chasing after someone that she really has to gem of a woman to merit the trouble, and these days, they hardly seem to be worth it.  There has to be something about a beautiful, single girl that can make me believe she’s a cut above the rest.  Even if she has a rough exterior (because God knows I certainly do), if I discern that God truly lives in her heart, and the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-26) is evident in her personality, then I’d move heaven and earth to win over her love.

So… anybody here like that?  Yeah I didn’t think so. 

Tags: demographics, girl, God, happiness, love, personality, poll, romance, single, singlehood, Spirit, woman, women
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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I hate dating experts.  You can’t find a more execrable lot who dispenses either the kind of common sense advice that even a monkey with half a brain wasted on whiskey would know, or a truckload of compost heap designed to liberate you of your wallet money before you realize you’ve been had, and no, Pickup Step #12 wasn’t the sure winner they said it would be after all.  Dating experts are like lawyers, they over complicate what should be simple matters, because if they didn’t, there’d be no business for them.  This is why they should all be rounded up and sent to some death camp somewhere (Florida, maybe?)

Still, I was bored today and ended up reading this series of interviews with 3 popular male dating experts.

And now I feel like blowing sh__ up.

You get advice like don’t be altruistic because women won’t find it sincere, or if I end up getting stuck in the friend zone I should get a new haircut and maybe change my cologne, or my personal favorite, I should try withholding my name intentionally when introducing myself to a girl, that way if she asks me what it is, I’ll know she’s interested, and if she doesn’t, then that means I should move on.

Because you know, there’s just no way to tell if a girl is into you right off the bat without being a rude little bastard.

BUT, it’s agreed that I can still be myself… only the best part of myself that is.  The bad parts I should be  burying in secrecy until we tie the knot, at which point I can then safely make known the depths and widths of my obscenely ugly personality.

Yes I can see myself getting far with these little gems of wisdom.

Oh, and the niceness thing?  We gotta knock that crap off:

Because nice guys are weak guys. They wear their heart on their sleeve and they don’t make the girl work for it. …What happens is that the guy says, “I had a good time, did you? Can I see you again? You’re really a nice girl! You’re sure good looking.” This girl is 28, she’s good looking, and ever since she was 12, guys have been telling her she’s beautiful. So, what effect does that compliment have? It’s a negative.

You know, there’s a difference between being nice and being a weenie, but unfortunately the two often get lumped together as being the same.  If a girl is really into me, of course I’d want to treat her like a queen because she’s genuinely interested in me,  not because she’s a blowtorch of a man hater with plans to dominate me and crush my precious balls so she can win another one for the home team.  She cares about who I am.  That in itself is a trait so rare that it behooves me not to respond in a showering of wubsy wubs and affection.

And really, complimenting her is not a negative, dumbass.  You know why it was a negative before?  Because all those guys telling her how beautiful she was said it because they wanted to get into her pantie wanties.  If a decent guy says it and actually MEANS it though, she should pick up on that and realize she’s finally got something genuine here, and she’ll appreciate his kindness because they come straight from the heart.

Because seriously dude, if she can’t handle being treated like gold by a nice guy (who’s not a weenie), isn’t that an indication that there’s something wrong with HER?  So why does all of mankind have to adapt themselves to accommodate this particularly large segment of fruity nuts bitchdom?  I know why, because you are all a bunch of disgusting horndogs who will do and say anything to get laid.  MEN.  They are the most damned stupidest piggish pig-like pig-borking piggyback pigger pigs to have ever graced creation, honest to God.  When they’re not busy scratching and rubbing their 9 months pregnant sized hairy ass bellies, they’re busy letting one fly while they expound on the intricacies of the latest scores in sports or how they’d like to hit every walking thing within 100 yards that passes for a female, and yet they profoundly believe this is what passes for intelligent discussion.

Ok, that got away from me a little.   Back to the women bashing here.  I noticed they wrap things up by conceding what we’ve known all along, that women are in fact attracted to money and power, only here they try to soften the blow by saying women are attracted to guys with wealth and status, which translates into, uh, money and power.

Sigh.  Remember back when life was simpler and marriages were arranged and we could all marry our cousins and sisters without anyone blinking an eye?  I miss those days.

Tags: advice, affection, dating, dating experts, dating gurus, love, men, nice guys, personality, women
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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I recently watched the entire miniseries of John Adams last weekend. Tres Awesomeness, dude. John Adams is unequivocally my hero, primarily because there is just so much about him that I can relate to.

For one, he had a big mouth. Seriously, he couldn’t shut up for nothing, and it got him in all sorts of hot water. He always spoke what other people could only merely think, and for that he was much maligned by his peers. He wasn’t one for small talk and idle chatter either, his words always cutting right to the point, and if you didn’t like what he had to say, well that was just too damned bad.

He was also a plain and morally upright person. He didn’t care for riches or showy displays of affluence, preferring to dig into manure to help grow his crops than count money. During his diplomatic mission to Paris, he was offput by the decadent lifestyle of the French, who loved to party and engage in all sorts of lewd behavior. His rejection of their immorality and his headstrong pursuit to secure French naval support put him at odds with Benjamin Franklin (who was perfectly fine with having several mistresses) as well as the entire French court. Eventually he was unceremoniously dumped and forced to travel to Holland, where he remained until the American war ended.

But perhaps what I found most appealing about Adams was his wife, Abigail. It was she who kept his foibles in check and gave him sound advice when he sorely needed it. She was truly, as he once fondly referred to her, his “ballast.”

As for myself, When I look at my own life, especially absent of my own Abigail, I can feel myself teetering on the brink. Those who think my blog is over the top sometimes, you really have no idea. It’s all I can do sometimes to keep myself from going absolutely ape nutty and raging against all of mankind, to such an extent that I wouldn’t merely put people off: I’d make them deranged with fury and determined to see me shipped to the South Pole, preferably without my clothes. In a way, I’m just a fuse looking for a match.

It feels like I’ve been dropped in a world that is not my own. I can relate to no one, and none can relate to me, especially when it comes to women. When I’m confident, women see arrogance. When I’m nice, women see weakness. When I’m raging against the machine of life, women don’t see a wild animal that can be tamed, but rather a lost cause that needs to be committed.

The disconnect could not be any more severe, the rift any more wider. As each passing year goes by where I find myself without my ballast, I can feel myself unraveling, getting more and more bitter and filled with despair. I’m beginning to truly believe now that I have been born into a world to which there really is no better half who is able to tame this wild animal, and foment the love that I have longed for all my life.

If that is how it must be, then be prepared: you will see a side of me that will make Dante’s inferno look like Disneyland in comparison. The world will soon see what it’s like to have a John Adams, minus his Abigail.

Tags: abigail adams, ballast, john adams, loneliness, personality, soulmate, soulmates, stranger, women, women suck
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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I’ve been checking out OKCupid lately, and I have to admit there’s something to be said for their personality quizzes, which are fun to take. I don’t care for some of the raunchiness (the Slut Test?), but the results I got from taking their dating persona test intrigued me, considering the fact that it pegged me better than eHarmony’s craptastic crapola questionaire ever did. I was classified as a Slow Dancer, which is described as follows:

The Slow Dancer
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLD)

Steady, reliable, and cradling her tenderly. Take a deep breath, and let it out real easy…you are The Slow Dancer

Your focus is love, not sex, and for your age, you have average experience. But you’re a great, thoughtful guy, and your love life improves every year. There’s also a powerful elimination process working in your favor: most Playboy types get stuck raising unwanted kids before you even begin settling down. The women left over will be hot and yours. Your ideal woman is someone intimate, intelligent, and very supportive.

While you’re not exactly the life of the party, you do thrive in small groups of smart people. Your circle of friends is extra tight and it’s HIGHLY likely they’re just like you. You appreciate symmetry in relationships.

Now who can argue with that? My worst match is known as The Battleaxe, who I am to avoid at all costs. LOL, you’ll get no argument from me there…

I can tell they’re trying to soften the blow though, like saying I have “average experience” with love (translation: you’re a weenie virgin nobody wants to touch, haha!) or where it says the women left over after the playboys are done looting the dating pool will be hot and mine. Hot? After what, 10 beers? Leftovers aren’t hot dude, they get reheated.

Anyway, I also took their IQ test, which is a combination of quizzes that attempt to gauge your math, verbal, spatial and social intelligence.

Surprise, surprise, I completely bombed the social score, which indicates that I have difficulty forming and maintaining lasting interpersonal relationships. Dude, it’s not my fault if the whole world sucks is it? Really, why would I want to develop any kind of relationship with the human race when just about everyone around me is either an idiot or bugnuts insane, or both?

*Ahem* Anyway, so my social score tanked, my verbal scores were about average, but what really surprised me was my spatial score, which was through the roof. Anything above 145 was considered genius level, and I scored a 150.

From the results page:

High spatial scorers understand physical space, recognize color, and interpret visual images quickly and accurately. It should go without saying that these people are the most artistic of our four measurement groups. They’re also the most confident and self-sufficient. Also, according to the picture-rating data we’ve accumulated on OkCupid, high spatial scorers tend to be significantly more attractive than average.

Now who can argue with that? Everyday I look in a mirror I am just overwhelmed by how damned good looking I am. Such a thrill my body!

Seriously though, what they supposedly found was not so much that those who were high scores on the Spatial were better looking, but that they were much better dressed. That actually makes sense in a way. One thing I’ve been complimented on in the past was my taste for clothes, which is another reason why I hate warm temperatures so much. Blistering hot weather keeps me from expressing my fabric art to the fullest, leather jacket and all.

Additionally, high spatial scorers have the highest life satisfaction when they’ve found an appropriate outlet for their creativity, but were also the lowest scorers ever when they’re deprived of such an outlet.

I have to admit that’s been the case for me as well. While writing is one of my outlets, there’s so much more I want to do to express myself, including in a musical and artful sense. I just don’t have the equipment, time or privacy to express them successfully. I may someday soon, just not today, and it’s a large reason why I get so depressed sometimes.

So that’s me in a nutshell, according to OKCupid: A Spacey Slow Dancer. Interested?

Tags: art, artistic, dating, iq, outlet, persona, personality, psyche, quiz, romantic, social, test
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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I am a square peg trying to fit into the circle that is life.

At least that’s been my feeling lately. I’ve always had an eclectic personality that precluded me from being able to fit in anywhere, whether it was a church, a social club, or any kind of informal group that shared a common interest. While it made me unique, I do think there is such a thing as being TOO unique, ya know?

Not that I minded being a loner too much, but I hated the fact that my life (with all its eccentricities) all but guaranteed that I’d never find anyone who could really understand who I was as a person. Sure, they might be able relate to one aspect, but then find another aspect of me so totally foreign to them that it scares them off. And trust me, I can be a very scary person, indeed.

There have been times when I tried to simply fake my way into a community’s good graces, but it never seems to last long. Whether it’s trying to cheer for a sports team just so I could relate to their fans (Let’s go Mets!! LET’S GOOO METS!!! LET’S GOOOOO… ah they suck), or whether it’s trying to relate to the Deaf community (where I’d be shunned simply because I’m not deaf enough), or whether it’s feigning “getting slain in the spirit” at a holy roller church so as not to draw suspicion from the congregation, there just seems to be no place on earth where I could truly feel at home.

I’m either too conservative or too liberal, too Christian or too atheist, too normal or too weird, too smothering or too distant, too emotional or too cold. Whatever it is that separates me from the rest of humanity, I either have too much of it, or not enough.

Is it ever going to be possible for me to meet a girl who could understand me through and through, or at least enough of me so that I don’t completely freak her out? Or am I really destined to walk this earth alone until death finally puts me out of my misery?

I believe I can survive without a large support group of any sort, but I don’t think I could carry on without the love of a good woman who could be both my lover and best friend. It seems sappy, but of all the agony and suffering I’ve endured in this life, this one always hurts me the most.

Oh well… there’s always castration.

Tags: alone, community, eclectic, floater, floating, girl of my dreams, life, loneliness, lonely, personality
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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