Yesterday I got a snarky email from a reader over my last post, where she said merely what an “uplifting” read my post was. I asked her if she was being sarcastic and got this response:

Absolutely. I think I was wrong about you. I was under the impression that you were the type of person who turns lemons into lemonade. But this last post makes me wonder if you have a bad case of sour grapes … Nobody wants to hang out with a whiner.

So I wrote back and told her nobody likes to hang out with a judgmental haggish little prude either, and man she just gets bent all out of shape, demands that I unsubscribe her from my “depressive” blog and announces that she will also be blocking me from Twitter.

You know, I really dislike it when people don’t allow you to be yourselves. It’s like you’re not allowed to express any kind of negative emotion or feeling because that might somehow disrupt their Oprah run universe where the law of attraction applies and little pink bunnies prance through lush, dewy meadows.

So I whine. It’s what I do. I can’t always turn lemon into lemonades. I can’t always be happy 24 hours a day. And yes I know no matter how bad I have it sometimes, there are always people in far worse predicaments than me. But that knowledge doesn’t automatically take the pain away.

And like I told Miss Stupid Haggish Ho Bag Prude, my blog is an outlet of how I feel at that moment when I write, whether good or bad. It’s not meant to be a perpetually uplifting read (although it can be for the right people.) But this thing where people try to keep you locked in a box and dictate how you must feel or act gets old real fast. As a popular saying goes: if you can’t accept me at my worst, then you certainly don’t deserve me at my best either.

Besides, people are always in a constant state of transition. Just because they haven’t learned an important truth now doesn’t mean it won’t finally sink in later. We live, we make mistakes, and the wiser among us will learn from the experience. But people who judge you without taking the time to get to know you and who jump at the first HINT of a different opinion should really just get bent. I understand now why so many people put on a front because the fear of being rejected and left alone is so palpable and real. It doesn’t bother me as much because I’m used to being alone, and most times I even prefer it.

What DOES bother me though is watching how people take an immediate liking to me, thinking I am just about the greatest guy on earth, and meanwhile they don’t have a CLUE about who I really am. They just like some preconceived notion of me, which depresses me to no end because I know the minute they see something they don’t like, they will cut and run. We can’t talk about it like adults or just accept that there will be differences between us. No, I absolutely HAVE to conform to their criteria and expectations or otherwise I am just not worth the doo doo of their shoes. Nice.

Not everyone is like that, thankfully. People who don’t initially know me well end up still liking me even when I show my dark side, and for that I’m grateful (if still somewhat surprised by it.)

Or maybe they are just drawn to the power of the dark side. 

Tags: feelings, friendship, judgment, judgmental, people, perception, prejudice, reader, truth, twitter
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
(  Print This Post | | 160 views )

(4 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

 Loading ...

26 Comments »

One of the things people enjoy about my writing is my humor, so I thought I would only update my blog with humorous anecdotes that I knew would make people smile, and that approach would largely define my theme and what my site was about.

The problem with that though is that I have to be funny ALL the time, and that’s simply impossible for me.  There are times when I can be a laugh a minute, but there are also times when I’m somber, or times when I’m reflective, and plenty of times when I’m angry.  I know some readers would expect me to always be the same way all the time, and would run for the hills the moment I blog something that isn’t sunny or cheery or funny to them, that but that’s just not who I am.  My writing should reflect the overall spectrum of my personality, not just a portion of it.  Otherwise I’d be detracting from what this blog is about, and my blog entries would be far and few between.

So what is my blog about then?  It’s about my life’s walk.  It’s about my desire to see truth shine and justice prevail for those who have been wronged.  It’s about my desire to find the love of my life, to alter the path of destruction I’m currently on and find a new path instead, (and perhaps a new career too), even in the midst of what may be one of the darkest hours in U.S. history.

It’s about finding my place in a world that doesn’t want me, and my struggle to accept the truth that I am unwanted because I don’t belong here.  It’s about understanding God’s will for my life and struggling to believe His promises, even when none of them have come true.

It’s about seeing the world through my own eyes, understanding why I am troubled by so many things, and why my spirit is continuously vexed by the things I see.

It’s about being thrust into a war that I can’t see with my physical eyes, battling evil not with guns or swords, but with my heart and mind.

And yes, it’s about cookies too.  Especially chocolate chip.  

Tags: anecdotes, blog, cookies, destruction, funny, God, humor, justice, people, personality, promises, readers, Spirit, truth, understanding, world
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
(  Print This Post | | 210 views )

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

30 Comments »

I recently caught this article on the BBC:

People’s health could be harmed by social networking sites because they reduce levels of face-to-face contact, an expert claims.

A lack of “real” social networking, involving personal interaction, may have biological effects, he suggests.

He also says that evidence suggests that a lack of face-to-face networking could alter the way genes work, upset immune responses, hormone levels, the function of arteries, and influence mental performance.

This, he claims, could increase the risk of health problems as serious as cancer, strokes, heart disease, and dementia.

“One of the most pronounced changes in the daily habits of British citizens is a reduction in the number of minutes per day that they interact with another human being,” he said.

“In less than two decades, the number of people saying there is no-one with whom they discuss important matters nearly tripled.”

Could be sensationalism sparked by psychologists looking for a little time in the spotlight, but in a way I agree with some of the opinions beng expressed here.

As much as I enjoy using the Internet, I find it to be a highly unsatisfying substitute for real life relationships, and if I had a choice, I would much rather meet people in person and forge relationships that way.  Yet the reason I hang out on here all the time (instead of “out there”) is because I basically have no choice.

If you’ve read the comments after the BBC article, notice how many people with disabilities defended their use of social networking, and for good reason.  The Internet takes away the bias and the barriers those of us with disabilities have to confront and deal with in real life.  In my case it’s being hard of hearing, the kind that puts me right in the gray area between those who hear normally and those who are completely deaf.  The deaf have their own culture and community, one that I can never fit into because I can still hear with the help of aids, and yet I can’t hear well enough to fit in within a society that hears normally either.  I’m caught somewhere in the middle, without a true community of my own.  As if that weren’t enough by itself, I’ve also lived the kind of unorthodox life that absolutely nobody could possibly relate to.  It’s one of the major reasons why I remain single too.

So, I go to the Internet.  Because on here, I don’t have to worry about embarrassing myself because I missed bits and pieces of a conversation.  I don’t have to worry about people forming misconceptions about me because of my disability or my background,  or assuming because I can’t hear it must also mean I’m brain damaged as well.  On the Internet, none of those things matter.

But I also see where it falls depressingly short too.  Those who use the Internet to supplement their already active social lives have no time for me.  I’m unable to bond with them and others in any meaningful way.  I can be reached via email, instant messaging, social networks and even through my blog here, and yet most of the time I find myself twiddling my thumbs, waiting for somebody, ANYBODY, to talk to me.  The hours are long and lonely in between.

And as much as I try to project the full spectrum of my personality into my writings, the Internet can only present certain bits of pieces of who I am, but never the whole.  People who know me through the Internet don’t really know me as I truly am.  Here’s a hint too:  if you find me to be a truly likable person, then you really haven’t gotten to know me at all. 

Truth be told, I find the only people I can truly relate to to via this medium are those who are forced to use it as a subsitute for real life relationships themselves.  Whether it’s because of a disability, or from living in a remote area, or from leading a solitary life that stunted their ability to network and bond with others, being online has become our only recourse to connect with other human beings.  And yet it amazes me how few there are of us, as opposed to those extroverted types who project their already successful social lives onto the Internet (and then feel the compelling need to rub it in our faces too.)  Dweebs.

And now, after having been online for so many years, I’m beginning to accept the sad conclusion that I will never find anyone I can truly bond with, a best friend who would always have time for me and vice versa, or a wonderful girl who would understand me through and through and where I’ve been.  People who totally get me.  I’m of the introverted sort who only needs one best friend and one special girl to be truly content, or perhaps those two rolled  into one.  I don’t need to have eons of acquaintances or casual friends to feel connected and feel like I belong.  But the fact that I can’t even find ONE saddens me to no end.   And I wouldn’t be surprised if all this really did adversely affect my health too just as the article claims.   Oh well.

Oh and if you’re wondering about what might cause the irrational fear of kittens, look no further than LOLcats.  I swear that mindless, idiotic internet fad is going to bring about the demise of civilization, mark my words.  I can never look at a kitten the same way again.

Tags: community, deaf, disabilities, disability, friend, friends, health, health problems, hearing, internet, life, lonely, network, online, people, personality, psychologists, relationship, single, social, social networking, social networking sites, social networks
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
(  Print This Post | | 176 views )

(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

 Loading ...

11 Comments »

I’m getting a little tired these days of stopping by Blockbuster and looking up and down and left to right for movies they never have, not to mention having to put up with adorable looking couples sassing each other and being so happy together that I just want to start lobbing DVD boxes at them for daring to pollute my air with their irritating public displays of affection.  Just die, please.

Truth be told though, I rarely go to Blockbuster nowadays, opting instead to grab up DVDs at my supermarket, which has a Redbox Machine.  But even that’s become an aggravating chore lately.  Nothing quite puts me in the mood to wreak death and destruction upon mankind then having to wait behind somebody who takes their sweeeeeeeeeeeeet ass time checking the Redbox listings while I loudly tap my foot and check my watch, knowing I’ll have to pay a dollar more if I can’t jam my DVD back in there within the next three minutes.

“BITCH GET THE F*&^ OUT OF THE WAY I GOT TO RETURN THIS THING BEFORE 9PM CAN”T YOU SEE THAT DAMMIT TO HELL!?!?!”

So yeah, I think RedBox has pretty much lost its appeal as well.  Solution?  Netflix!!

But as I surfed the site and prepared to sign up, a thought occurred to me:  am I being too antisocial here?

It seems the more I go out there and run into the scum sucking, methane ripping porkbags otherwise known as the human race, the more I want to stay home and have everything including my groceries mail-ordered to me instead.  Then I can just hide under the bed with my laptop and my Tostitos and play Nancy Drew games until the end of the world comes, which should be oh, shortly after people realize the bailout didn’t do zippy dinks to save the economy and The Great Depression Part 2:  Obama Takes Us To Hell officially gets under way.

But then I think, perhaps I’m being too harsh here?  That maybe, just maybe, with a sincere effort to go out there and connect with other human beings I’d end up finding some who are not so rudely vile and disgusting after all, and maybe even attract a nice girl for once in my life?

Nah.  Indiana Jones first ever DVD in my Netflix queue baby!!  BOOYAH!   Now where are my Tostitos…

Tags: bailout, blockbuster, couples, dvds, economy, indiana jones, mankind, movies, Nancy Drew, Netflix, people, Redbox, supermarket, tostitos, world
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
(  Print This Post | | 102 views )

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

9 Comments »

Remember that scene from Ghostbusters?

Dr. Peter Venkman: This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
Mayor: What do you mean, “biblical”?
Dr Ray Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath of God type stuff.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Exactly.
Dr Ray Stantz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling!
Dr. Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes…
Winston Zeddemore: The dead rising from the grave!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!

Maybe it’s bravado, but strangely enough just like Venkman, I seem to be relatively ok with the fact that we’re all going to die.  No, really.  Because if this crisis is truly meant to be the beginning of we’re-all-royally-screwed-end-times judgment on America for its many sins, then I can’t think of a better way to ensure our complete and total destruction than to elect a Christ denying (yet Christ imitating) dillweed who thinks he can neutralize the threat of a nuke building Iran and a nuke ready Russia with his charm.  Really, what better way to tell God just how ridiculously irredeemable we’ve become than to elect a guy who claims to be a Christian and yet thinks a good Muslim could still make it to the pearly gates as long as he keeps the bombing of civilians to a minimum?  Hey, we’re all good people here, really(!), even if we do think having a baby is tantamount to a punishment, and if we don’t seem to be too bothered at the thought of leaving those that survived failed abortions out to die.  Not that Big-O would ever intentionally do such a thing, he just doesn’t think they merit protection of course, at least not until the kind of offensive language that dares to remotely suggest a fetus is a living thing is completely stripped from such a bill of protection.  Because you know, God forbid we should toss those whacky pro-life freaks a bone that even NARAL wouldn’t have had a problem with.  We do need to be principled here, after all.

No, I just don’t see why God would want to rain fire and brimstone on us darling cherubs of light… except for possibly giving our rich folks far too many tax breaks.

When I think about it, it’s not even Obama that I can’t stand so much.  I don’t even hate on the heathens for supporting him either, since such a godless sort devoid of any sense of morality will obviously go for the Barry-O show.  I can respect that.

No, it’s the self professing Christians who hang on every word he speaks, and who teach their children to sing musical praises of Hopey-O-Change that make me want to stomp their faces in with something rusty and spiky.

It’s no secret that I intensely dislike what passes for American Christianity today, whether we’re dealing with dimwits sipping Starbucks while they fawn over girlie boy Rick Warren’s latest perfume scented books, or Calvinist snotheads who think knowing two words in Greek makes them the most brilliant scholars in recorded history, or charismatics who scream and flail their arms in revival meetings because they think they’re “on fire” and they’re about ready to projectile vomit out a stomach’s worth of 24 karat gold.

Yet nothing makes me want to go out and start bouncing people’s heads off the cement more than those ever devout Christians drooling puppy love over that Obamanation of nature otherwise known as Barack Hussein Obama.  I am absolutely convinced that this very same flock of fluffy sheep will also someday jump at the chance to stand in line for an opportunity to lick the hairy hindquarters of the Antichrist, thinking it will taste just like rainbows.

These to me represent the most darkened, clueless minds in all of creation, and because of their depraved stupidity I may end up witnessing the one thing I never wanted to see in my lifetime: the death of my country.  Thank you so, SO much for that, my brothers and sisters in the Lord.

I don’t get it.  I really don’t.  You hate Bush?  Fine.  You think he’s a war mongering, oil happy, half brained cowboy who caters to the rich?  Fine.  I can understand that.  I even dig the pacifism thing.

Explain the abortion thing to me then.  Explain to me how the violence involved in ripping fetuses to shreds doesn’t somehow repulse your pacifist side the way “Bush’s war” does.  Because when I see people looking to extend human rights to red assed baboons or wail whenever a dolphin is caught in a net, but scream at the top of their lungs for the right to twirl up a fetus into itty bitty bits that would have otherwise become a full fledged human being, then I see only the kind of deranged, twisted up minds that no medicine on earth could ever possibly cure.

And yet somehow, you’re all ok with it.  You can relate to a guy who can’t even get the basic tenets of Christianity right, (though I admit, it would have been more palatable to me if you merely agreed with him on some points and decided only to vote for him while holding your nose at the polls.)  But no, your attitude is one of complete adoration for a morally compromised Chicago politician as if he had come from the very throne of heaven itself.  It exhibits the same kind of mentality that the Antichrist will no doubt someday feed on: unabashed adoration and unquestionable loyalty, despite the transparent seedy and evil character of your so called hero.

It almost makes me want to see the Obamanation become President, if for no other reason than to see the collective look of your ashen faces when you realize with horror that “the one” turned out to be the second coming of JC after all: JC as in Jimmy Carter that is.  Mr. Malaise has finally come back to finish the job.

You know what really frosts my Chips Ahoy cookies about all this though?  It’s the fact that I’ll have to endure the travesty that will soon come upon us, alone.  There will be no honey bunny snuggles to share my misery with while we watch our beloved country commit suicide.  No cuddly bunchikins to hold and share a sweet, tender moment with while our cities riot and burn.  Every dark day that lies ahead of me I will have to face completely and utterly alone, all because not a single one of you hateful, despicable, vile women could manage to find it in your hearts to wubs me.

Fine then.  Don’t come crying to me when the world ends and you desperately need a manly shoulder to cry on.   I won’t be there.

Well maybe I will.  I am desperate and all so who knows, perhaps I can learn to forgive and forget. 

Tags: abortion, alone, america, barack hussein obama, christian, christianity, Christians, country, death, ghostbusters, God, heathens, jimmy carter, judgment, life, living, loneliness, misery, nation, Obamanation, people, president, rick warren, single, stupidity, violence, women, women suck, world
Categories: Christians Gone Wild, Politics and Poker
 
(  Print This Post | | 1,279 views )

(3 votes, average: 3.67 out of 5)

 Loading ...

24 Comments »

I’m basically a schnook when it comes to money, not really understanding what went down on Wall Street other than the sensible fact that if you loan massive amounts of money to people with poor credit, bad things tend to happen.

My boy Casey though does a great job of writing a primer on how the banks screwed us over:

I recently used this example explaining things to a friend of mine.  Just to warn you, this is a very simplistic view of how the banking and monetary systems work, but it’s basically the way it goes.  Let’s say you have $100,000, your life savings.  You go put it in the bank to earn some interest.  The bank says they’ll pay you 3%.  The next day, Jim Bob walks into the bank, and requests a loan for $100,000, to buy a house.  Jim Bob has only mediocre credit.  But the housing market has been so great, the bank gets greedy and says, “Hey!  He may not be able to pay, but then we’ll just sell the house for a 25% profit!  Everybody wins!”  The bank tells Jim Bob he’ll have to pay 6% interest on the loan.  He agrees, and the bank gives him your $100,000, and he goes and buys the house.  Here’s the current situation.  Jim Bob pays 6% annually on the loan.  The bank pays you 3% on your deposit.  The bank gets the difference, 3%, as profit.  That’s how they make their money.

Now, Jim Bob was stupid, and got a variable rate mortgage…so as interest rates go back up, his payments begin to go up too.  Jim Bob can’t seem to get enough money to pay his bills, so he defaults on his loan.  The bank repossesses his home.  Poor Jim Bob.  But wait… the bank now has lost the income it was getting from Jim Bob, but they still have to pay you 3% on your money.  They try to sell the house, in order to get your money back, but the real estate prices have dropped, instead of rising, so they can’t get your full $100,000 back.  They can only get $80,000.  In the meantime, you’ve been watching the news, and decide that you don’t want to keep your money in the bank, because you’re scared it will go under . . . and you’ve got a little over the $100,000 FDIC limit in there now, so you better move quick.  The bank only has $80,000 of your money left, so they have to take $20,000 of their own money (or borrow it from another bank) in order to pay you all they owe you.  Imagine this happening nationwide, and you have what happened last Wednesday night.  The economic system freezes up . . . people won’t lend money to the banks, because they’re concerned about them collapsing, and the banks don’t have enough cash to pay out to their depositors.

Go read the rest.

Tags: bank, banking, banks, cash, credit, FDIC, home, housing, housing market, interest, monetary systems, money, mortgage, people, primer, Wall Street
Categories: News Fit To Blog
 
(  Print This Post | | 53 views )

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

2 Comments »