What do we even call 2000-2009 anyway? The Zeros? The Single Digits? “The decade that just piled on with so much crap that not even the smelliest crap could have crapped as much crap as this crappy decade crapped on me?”

Well, whatever. Good riddance to 2009 and that whole era of loveless crapiness. I am sorely hoping that 2010 will accumulate in the fulfillment of all hopes and desires, or seriously, I’m just gonna start hitting people. Hard. With like, baseball bats and stuff.

I refuse to make any resolutions though, because I had already done that once on this blog for 2008, and well, let’s take a lookie-loo to see which ones I actually managed to accomplish:

1. Clear up my health problems and get strong again (vith ripplin’ mosscles to impress de vooomen.)

… … … BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!

2. Generate a stable income of at least $1250 a month via my blog.

BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!

3. Get out of my dead end job and find a new career, whether it’s with another agency or by becoming self employed.

BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!

4. Move somewhere else, either out of state, or to nowhere in particular, depending on how successful I am in earning a living off the Internet.

BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!

5. Meet the girl of my dreams.

BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Yeah. How ’bout we try that again?

Nah, forget that. Instead, I’ll simply convey what I would like to happen in 2010 that might actually fall within the realm of scientific possibility.

For starters, as for working out, well ok, maybe looking to become the next Mr. Universe was a tad extreme. Not that I was aiming that high really, I just got tired and bored of the gym. There was like, people there, and worse yet, slut-like bimbos who either bounced around the gym with their boyfriends or claimed to be lesbians whenever I tried to talk to them. Ah well. This time I think I’ll invest in some free weights instead so I can do some light workouts by myself, anywhere I please.

As for getting toys: new upgrades on everything I have! That means a spanky new desktop PC, multifunction printer, MacBook Pro and a GPS addon for my iPod that I can use for both geocaching and geo-blogging. My income from the Internet has finally reached the point where investing in a home office makes sense now. Despite falling well short of my goal to make $1250 a month online for 2008, it’s now feasible that I could be making $1000 a month by this time next year. With that in mind, I’m planning to reinvest some of my earnings back into promoting my blog and establishing a permanent marketing budget. I’m lucky here, not everyone can say they can afford to spend a few hundred a month just to market their blog, so I do have an advantage. Let’s not kid ourselves though. I’ve crunched the numbers, and while $1000 a month is entirely feasible, maybe even up to $2500 a month, I would have to get around 50,000 to 60,000 visitors a DAY just to rake in enough income to justify quitting my job. It’s just not going to happen. Well… it COULD happen, if I somehow attracted corporate sponsors or got accepted into an elite advertising agency, but not bloody likely.

Still, $1000 a month would make me a happy dappy camper for the time being.

As for traveling, I have several trips planned, including a few more New England trips spanning New Hampshire and Maine, a trip into Boston, and maybe a few cities in Canada from Ottawa to Montreal. During the summer I might plan a getaway to Alaska or British Columbia, and originally I had wanted it to be an Alaskan cruise, but after reading up on cruises I decided the idea of being trapped on a ship with a few hundred drunken weenies didn’t really appeal to me, so I’m exploring alternative options.

Oh and of course, I’ll be making reservations later on in 2010 to go tornado chasing from Colorado to Montana. Don’t tell Mommy though, she’ll get very upset.

Finally, I have a major roadtrip planned for the midwest in October, from New York to Missouri/Arkansas and back. It will give me a chance to meet up with an old friend of mine for the first time, enjoy the gorgeous fall foliage from the Smoky mountains in Tennessee to the Ozarks in Missouri, and also, to find me a sweet country babe that I can take back home with me.

I’m kidding… well actually no, not really. It seems my best chance to find anyone decent is going to require me to travel many a mile far away from feminazi land to the heartland, and I’ll be honest, I’ve reached the end of my rope here. 2010 HAS to be the year this hellish drought finally ends, and I meet THE ONE, because I am crawling the walls and going out of my #$%^ing mind here. I swear on all my Yankee candles, if I do not meet a girl by this time next year, I am declaring war on mankind. You think I’m punking you? Wait.

So that’s pretty much what I have on the menu for 2010. This is all assuming of course that nobody drops a nuclear bomb somewhere, although if that did happen, more than likely I’ll probably be close to the blast zone, which in turn would give me PLENTY of things to blog about, at least until the radiation finished me off. See? There’s a silver lining in everything.

Happy New Year!

Tags: blog, blogging, country, decade, geocaching, getaway, girl of my dreams, health, new year, resolutions, travel, upgrade
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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So I was on Craigslist… (oh good grief, I know what a toxic wasteland it is, just get off my case already.)

So anyhoo, I was on Craigslist in the strictly platonic section, and surprisingly enough, I find an ad by a girl looking for someone to accompany her for pleasant conversations and the best hot cocoa she could find in the city. She had read an article listing the best 22 places to find hot chocolate and was planning to check them all out, and her ad was an invitation to join her on her chocolatey journey. I thought it was the most adorable thing I ever read, and promptly sent her an email.

You think I got a response? Of course not.

So you know what, hell with it, I’ll go visit these places myself and sip my own damned cocoa. I managed to find the article she was referring to, so now I can make my own chocolatey journey through the city, probably starting New Year’s Day. New Year’s Day is the best time to go joyriding around Manhattan too, practically everyone is in bed with a hangover while the sober, smart ones among us have the whole city to ourselves.

So I’ll just have to dance alone as usual, but I’m not going to let that stop me from having a good time.

Tags: city, conversations, craigslist, girl, hot chocolate, hot cocoa, manhattan, new year, women suck
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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Another Thanksgiving draws near, and once again it’s time to reflect on what I should be thankful for.

… well I got nothing.

No seriously, I do have a lot to be thankful for, especially this year. This was after all the year I finally became debt free, after having paid off my credit card, car and my college loan. It was the year my earnings from this blog reached inconceivable heights, making it possible for me to travel more frequently now and enjoy life in a way I never could before. For this I have you, my readers to thank. I still can’t quit my job just yet, but the extra income coupled with a debt free existence has made it possible now for me to go out and experience new and different things, and better yet, write about it too.

My health has also gotten much better as well. I thought I would be too tired, too sick to take on exhausting road trips and weekend getaways to God only knows where, but instead it’s become the exact opposite. The more I moved around, the better I felt and the more energy I had. In a way it broke my depression and lifted me out of this mental prison that I’ve built for myself for so long.

I’m thankful for finding a new hobby in geocaching too, to keep things interesting on my trips and find new places to explore that never would have occurred to me otherwise.

I’m thankful for my parents, who are all that I have left of a once huge family that had been lost through hate, estrangement and betrayal.

I am thankful for my beautiful and reliable SUV, which continues to guzzle gas and proudly leave it’s wide load of a carbon footprint for all to see.

I am thankful for Yankee Candles, pizza and cupcakes. And occasionally brownies too.

And of course, I am thankful to God my Father and my savior Jesus Christ, who has made all of the above things possible.

And I am thankful for the new year to come, the endless possibilities it might bright, and a hope that refuses to die, the hope that I will someday soon meet my dream girl.

Tags: christ, college loan, debt, depression, dream girl, energy, family, geocaching, God, health, income, Jesus, life, new year, parents, pizza, readers, road trip, thankful, thanks, Thanksgiving, travel, yankee candles
Categories: Gone Mobile
 
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So how is 2009 working out for me so far you ask?  Well aside from the knifing sensation I’ve been feeling on my left face that had me screaming at the top of my lungs like a 6 year old girl in sheer agony for the past few days, 2009 is going just swimmingly. 

Right before New Year’s Eve I started feeling a dull ache near my left ear, which eventually turned into a full blown horror show of aches and pains that reduced me to a whimpering ball of misery.  I was in the bathroom when 2008 turned to 2009, (you could say I literally crapped for a year), then came out and cried for a while in my bed with a heat pad on my face until sleep mercifully brought me some relief.  Once again there would be no midnight kisses for this little wussy boy.  I hadn’t been able to eat for the past two days either.

It seems fitting that 2008 would go out like this, since it had been the year that saw me crippled with a garden variety of health problems that made me utterly miserable, and I’m only beginning to come out of the woods now.  My jaw ache (which I think was due to TMJ syndrome) finally began to dissipate yesterday, and even though I was in severe pain before, I still managed to clear a month’s load of work at my job so I could get a fresh start for the new year.  I left early on Friday and was able to recuperate for the rest of the weekend.

I even found time to add a new feature here called “Asides.”    There were many occasions when I wanted to express a thought or two on my blog, but it didn’t justify taking up an entire post for since these thoughts were never more than a sentence or two long.  Usually I reserve this kind of “micro-blogging” for Twitter instead, but I was never comfortable seeing all my brilliant one-liners disappear into the Twitterverse without a record of it being on my blog.

So… with a little bit of tweaking and the help of a few plugins, now every tweet I make will also be posted to my blog in a vanilla “Aside” format.  I’m even able to exclude them from my newsfeed so it doesn’t get inappropriately mixed in with my normal blog posts as well.  Am I awesome or what? 

This setup should be really good for filling the gap between blog posts, as well as please loyal readers who don’t use Twitter.

Now if you’ll excuse me, since I never had my midnight kiss, I’m treating myself to a glass of choco milk and a bowl of Hershey’s Kisses. 

Tags: agony, bathroom, health, health problems, midnight kiss, new year, newsfeed, plugins, TMJ syndrome, twitter
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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I love blogging, especially when it gives me the opportunity to read some of my old posts and have a good laugh at what a stupid moron I am.  Case in point: check out my new year’s eve post from a year ago:

Still, there’s something about the coming year that makes me think I may be in for something different this time. The number 8 is said to symbolize new beginnings, and man, after this awful stretch I’ve been in since the turn of the millennium, a new beginning sounds just like what the doctor ordered.

Here’s what I hope I’ll be able to accomplish in 2008:

1. Clear up my health problems and get strong again (vith ripplin’ mosscles to impress de vooomen.)
2. Generate a stable income of at least $1250 a month via my blog.
3. Get out of my dead end job and find a new career, whether it’s with another agency or by becoming self employed.
4. Move somewhere else, either out of state, or to nowhere in particular, depending on how successful I am in earning a living off the Internet.
5. Meet the girl of my dreams.

What in crap’s name was I smoking that day.

Yeah, I think it’s pretty much safe to say now that I have accomplished absolutely none of these things.  In fact a month later my health got even worse, starting with my hands suddenly going numb, then my right foot, then my tongue.  It was like somebody had poured Novocaine on parts of my body or something.  Weirdest, most unsettling feeling ever too.  Then flecks of blood would come out every time I blew my nose, and I started having weird breathing problems as well.  Then I had a neck cramp, where if I turned my head slightly to the left, I would shriek like a 6 year old girl in pain, and man, that cramp stuck around for several months before it finally went away.  Through it all I was always fatigued and completely without energy.  It really killed whatever aspirations I had for the year, and yet for whatever reason I refused to see a doctor.  I guess going through all that made me kind of give up on life in general, not to mention all the goals I had.

And then of course, the economy blew up in our faces and the Antichrist’s little mini-me won the election.  Great year, huh? 

So yeah, I’m very much glad that this sucky-mcducky suck-a-butt crapfest of a year is finally over.  But in spite of all the major setbacks I experienced, I have the oddest feeling that 2009 is going to be the year that 2008 wasn’t.  I’m finally planning to see a doctor in January to get myself tested every which way so I can find out what’s wrong with me, and force myself to get back on the path to being strong and healthy again.  I also have something in the works to bring myself the traffic I need so I can finally earn money through this blog, and I’m also on an accelerated repayment plan to pay off my car loan and college loan, making me completely debt free by July.  Once that happens I’ll be making plans to move as well.  Maybe it won’t be out of state, but at least it will be far, far away from the awful memories of this evil town.

And then of course, there’s the event that made me truly believe that the girl of my dreams was real, and that she will be there waiting for me once I decide to stop being such a weenie.

So… 2009 will have to be the year that I man up for real.  The world is after all in grave danger, and desperately needs a hero now more than ever.  I for one am just studly enough for the job, ready to ride on my Black Stallion to save the day and get the girl, all to the tune of INXS, but of course. 

Happy New Year!

Tags: aspirations, black stallion, blog, debt, election, failure, fatigue, girl of my dreams, health problems, hero, new beginnings, new year, number 8, resolutions, world
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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Well it’s Christmas Eve, and life still sucks big honking cheeseballs.  Since I still haven’t met the one, I’m sticking to my time honored tradition of boycotting It’s A Wonderful Life until I do. 

I’ve been pretty scroogy this year compared to most for some reason.  I had no desire to put up any decorations, I hardly listened to any Christmas tunes, and gift wrapping turned into a 3 hour event akin to trying to nail jello to the wall, even though I was only wrapping two presents. 

And now I have to work late Christmas Eve and cover for my coworkers who either took off or conveniently got sick, and on top of that the only two family members I have left both get sick as well, so everyone’s pretty much in a miserable mood here.

I’m probably gonna be getting some pretty suck mcducky presents too, but that’s to be expected since I insisted that no one buy me anything.  Turns out that was unnecessary since no one was planning to get me anything anyway.

Thank God for Netflix right??   Well not really, since some tubby fat dingaling decided, “Hey wouldn’t it be a great idea to rent The Mummy and Caspian and then hoard it for a month until Christmas is over, thus ensuring that nobody else can reserve a copy from Netflix until the new year at least?  Awesome!”

People.  God do I hate them.

Fortunately though I managed to RedBox myself those two movies instead, while using Netflix to get X-Files and a few more Lost DVDs.     That should help keep my mind off of the fact that nobody wubs me and that I’ll have only my teddy bear to keep me company as I watch these flicks and try to keep myself from crying into my tub of popcorn.

Ah well.  There’s always next year, right? 

Really though, Christmas isn’t as bad as I’m making it sound, but I’d just as soon get this (and the crapfest of a year 2008 turned out to be) over with as quickly as possible.

And now with those slightly unpleasant thoughts out of the way, I wish you all the very merriest of Christmases, that you enjoy your time off with those you love, and that God continually grant you all joy, peace and health as we move forward into a new year. 

Tags: Christmas, christmas eve, coworkers, dvds, gift wrapping, movies, Netflix, new year, Redbox, tradition, wonderful life
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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