The week is finally drawing to a close, and I’m stuck here at work for a few more hours with no one to talk to, and no one to chat with on my instant messaging list. Evidently the rest of the world had already made plans for Friday night that didn’t include me.

What a week too. From problems at work to struggling with my acid reflux problem, I’ve seen better days for sure. January was largely a crappy month, and so far 2007 is shaping up to be yet another crappy ass year. I’m fighting to change that though, but some days I feel like I’m not making any headway.

It always seems to be this time of week where my depression suddenly descends over me like a dark cloud, and I feel the full weight of the world on my shoulders. I guess I can understand why though, because of my work schedule I’m usually working Friday nights by myself at the office, so while everyone has an early jump on their weekend, I’m pretty much left here all by my lonesome.

It is then that a deep melancholy settles in when I realize I won’t be getting any calls from any good friends, nor will there be any surprise drop-ins from a loved one just to keep me company. I am a forgotten man.

How did it get to this point? I blame it largely on my health, which has deteriorated over the years because I’m not man enough to deal with my stress the right way. Sure, I’ve had some hard times in the past, even awful times. But I’ve only prolonged my misery by not rolling with the punches. I just let myself be beaten down by life, and it’s a miracle that I would still have some willpower left over to get up off the mat and try again.

But this time I fear I may already be down for the count. This acid reflux issue has me thinking I’ll never be healthy again, not without risking major surgery, and it’s completely draining my resolve. Only God can pull me out of the abyss, and it remains to be seen whether I’ve exhausted all of His grace to no longer be worthy of His aid, or whether His mercy will save me yet again.

I’m tired. I want to go home and sleep, sleep until I can dream those dreams where my life had taken a completely different path than the one it’s on now. A life where where I learn how to make good friends and keep them. A life where I finally meet my soulmate and better half. A life where I can and do make a difference. Such dreams are lovely, dark and deep…

…but I have miles to go before I can sleep.

I finally found a use for the Restatements of Torts and Contracts that I bought to help prep for law school.

I put some of the books between my mattresses to boost my bed at an angle, which should help with my acid reflux.

It seems fitting too, because I simply don’t give a crap about law school anymore until my chronic acid reflux/heartburn is completely healed. I’m beginning to realize attending law school this year is going to take a miracle anyway, beginning with my health problems going away, dropping all the excess weight I’ve been carrying around, and seeing all the pieces fall into place, from my class schedules to being able to prep enough material in advance of school. Then of course there’s the money involved. I have tentatively decided I will not attend law school until and unless every dime of it is already paid for. Ironically enough I would probably end up being more useful to the human race being debt free and without a law degree, than I would be if I were a newly minted attorney who also happened to have a $100,000 loan he’ll have to repay for the next 30 years.

Oh well. I believe in miracles, so it can all certainly happen in time for autumn, but if not, I could always fall back on my original career plan: winning the lottery.