Ever gone to work without your pants?

When I first started my job we were all supposed to get new uniforms, but unfortunately there was a severe pants shortage at the time, so some of us had to place them on backorder. My pants finally did arrive though… 9 months later. And they were ladies’ pants too, though the tailor assured me there was no notable difference between the two. Sure. I still had to wait to get them hemmed, which inexplicably took over a month to do, but once they were done I was FINALLY donned in proper uniform, this after already being a year on the job.

There were a few problems though: one, the pants were light threaded and were designed for spring/summer wear. Try wearing this baby in say, February, during a full-on blizzard. There was more than one occasion where I would be screaming at the top of my lungs cursing the tailors and my department while I was hauling my frostbitten legs indoors.

Then one day I happened to be standing next to a cute coworker, who was shuffling a few things in her hands when she dropped a few papers.

“Oh don’t worry I got it,” I said, as I quickly bent over to grab the papers.

*RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP*

Oh no. No, no, no….

“Umm, I have to take some lost time,” I announced, then promptly ran the @#$% out of there, the shredded remains of my pants flapping in the wind.

You know, I understand now why people who wear uniforms order from an outside commercial vendor, especially military uniforms, instead of getting it all in-house. When your righteous buttinski is getting shot at, you really don’t need to be worrying about the kind of nonsense I went through once I got my own “regulation” pants.

I oughta sue too. I might have had a legitimate shot at asking cute coworker out before the pants ripping thingie ruined my chances forever.