I always get cheesed whenever a woman blows me off or treats me with utter and pointless disrespect, but when I really stop to think about it, I realize I’ve been treated by dudes the same way too, so this is pretty much par for the course as far as my experience with the human race goes.  Not that I’m into dudes or anything, but it would be kinda nice to find someone I could be B.F.F.’s with again, since it could help take the edge off the fact that I’ll never find the girl of my dreams because women have all become evil spawns of the devil.  Well, at least the ones in New York have.

I remember back when I thought I’d be attending law school, I touched bases with this guy from California.  Had a wife, several kids and a job, but felt “led” to pull up roots and head over to the eastern coast to pursue a career as an attorney.  At the time I was reading and studying several primers on the law to help me get started, so we traded a lot of emails about the law and about preparing ourselves for the fall semester.  Things went south for me so I ended up not attending, but he went on and started his first semester.  We still exchanged emails, and we had planned to do a live chat to work on a “fact pattern” so he could better prepare for his next class, and I was happy to help out since I wanted to get the hang of doing these fact patterns myself when it came time for me to start school as well.

And then I never hear from him again.  I still sent him an email every now and then, just wanting to make sure he was ok and that he was doing well, but even though I got his read receipts, I never did get a response.  I even sent him a Christmas e-card, which he of course picked up but never bothered to say thank you for.  And that was pretty much the end of that.

You know, it wasn’t even the fact that I was blown off inexplicably that frosted my rear so much, but the fact that this guy was supposed to be a Christian, and technically that meant I’m supposed to be his brother in Christ, right?  So where was the camaraderie or respect, or even just the simple fricking courtesy to acknowledge the help I gave him and maybe say thank you for it?  Is this the kind of people I’m going to be meeting up with in heaven too?  Great, spending eternity with a bunch of snotheads who were too good to give me the time of day on Earth.  Yeah I can’t wait.

Maybe it’s because I don’t attend church, but I usually have a much deeper sense of appreciation for fellowship than my church going dweebs do.  A lot of them just seem to flip it off like its meaningless.  Really, I don’t get the coldness.  It’s not even that it’s cold hearted,  but like, no feeling at all.

I know these things happen, and that’s life.  I get that.  People are jerks, but every now and then this jerkiness really, REALLY grates on my nerves, especially when there’s no rhyme or reason to it.  Maybe that’s why I like to antagonize people so much.  At least then when they hate on me I totally know why, and I’m cool with it.  Heck at times I even revel in it. 

But when I’m all sweetness and light and snuggly wuvables, yet still get treated like a compost heap in New Jersey, that’s when I get upset and start writing really bad things on bathroom walls.  There’s just no logic to such behavior, at least not one that’s apparent to me.  It’s the mystery, the not knowing why people go rogue like that that drives me nuts.  One minute everything is fine, the very next I don’t know which end is up, and the worse thing about it all is that I can’t learn from the experience.  I can’t figure out what it is I might have done wrong so that I could learn from it and move on from there if necessary.  But no, nothing.  Just the cold random encounters of life that brings me nothing but frustration and thoughts of mixed martial arts violence.

In a weird way, I guess that’s why I find comfort in being a badass who just loves to rub people the wrong way.  There’s something… safe about it, the security in knowing you’d never have to deal with the mystery of why people might hate you so much or disrespect you, unless they happen to see through the facade of course, in which case I’d be screwed totally.