Now that it’s been two years since I created this blog, where do I go from here?

Looking back, it’s interesting to see how things played out.  When I first started out in 2006, I blogged under the assumption that I would be eventually be attending law school later that fall.  I thought the name “Habitation of Justice” was a suitable name then, and the blog would have basically been a chronicle of my adventures in law school, as well as my subsequent journey into the legal profession.  Since I was so focused on getting everything in place so I’d be ready in time for school, I rarely posted for the first year.

Eventually though I had to defer my enrollment when my hopes for a scholarship fell through.  The deferment lasted a year, but nothing had really changed by the time it ended, so I had no choice but to withdraw.  I made one more try by attempting to go to school part-time at a local university instead, but eventually those plans fell through as well.

When it seemed like my whole future had collapsed, I eventually became fixated on making money off my blog, and spent the rest of 2007 working towards that end.  I devoured everything I could find about making money online, getting more and more frustrated because most of what I read were actually tips that I had already read off dozens of other sites, so I ended up reading the same fricking material over and over again.  Yet this was an idea I wanted to work so bad because I hated my job, and the allure of being able to live off the Internet was a really strong one.  2007 was all about establishing my blogging identity and doing whatever I could to bring in the traffic I needed so I could turn my blog into a money making machine.

That of course also met with miserable failure.  I had a huge identity crisis to deal with in that I just didn’t know what my blog should be about, and I knew I had to find a niche I was passionate about but still could make good money in.  I dabbled in doing paid reviews and other gimmicks here and there, but nothing really met with success.   All I could do was burn with envy at those who had become wildly successful with their own blogs, and nothing I could do could even remotely come near to their level of success.  The kicker was reading about a 19 year old weenie punk of a teenager who was raking in tens of thousands of dollars a month by running fake review sites containing hidden affiliate links.  They seemed to make money without even trying, and they did it with impunity.

Eventually I just gave up.  2008 began with me resigning myself to the fact that I would never get anywhere in life, much less with my blog.  I had no skills, no talent, nothing I could offer that could make this whole endeavor worthwhile.  The initial hope I had during the beginning of the year quickly dissipated as my health started to deteriorate, and I sunk even lower in despair and loneliness, fearing that I would forever be trapped in a dead end job and a dead end life.

But then somewhere along the way, in the midst of all that self-pity and despair, hope once again began to spring eternal.  The more I thought about law school, the more I began to believe God was doing me a favor.  I was happy enough to accept that such was His will, but what I was NOT happy about was being strung along for over a year when I kept asking and begging for confirmation that I was going down the right path.  Yet when I think about it, maybe it took so long to get an answer because I was meant to learn something in all that, and who knows what kind of chain of events that whole experience set off too, which I may not ever truly realize the depths of until later on in life.  They say sometimes the journey itself is more important than the destination, and I think that wise proverb applies here as well.

I also started to realize that part of the reason I had such an identity crisis was because I was trying to mimic other people’s lives (and subsequently the successes they enjoyed.)  I was trying to fit the square peg that I was into the circle of life, and as long as I continued to do that I’d never be able to move forward.  When I finally began to accept that my life was being defined by a complete different set of standards apart from the world’s own, I started to feel much better.  And my blog at long last began to take coherent shape.  My journal here is ultimately, a personal one, a catalog of both my physical and spiritual journey through life.  And that is probably what it will always be.

It also occurred to me that the driving force of my personality was my humor.  It was both sardonic and sententious, expressing an outright disdain of life’s petty silliness and the world’s stupidity, especially those of Christians who should know better.  Laced in sarcasm and saltiness, my voice was a fire breathing one, crying out in the wilderness that is the Internet, and because of it I would alienate all, and yet somehow, I would also allure all.  My life was nothing else, if not a paradox.  Here the laws of physics come to an end, and the laws that only God can control begin to take hold.

I still dream of a life of self sufficiency, where I no longer have to be tied down to one place, but can travel freely and live freely, (writing about these experiences on my blog of course), and doing those things that never would have been possible had I had a wife, a family, and a house that surely would have kept me chained down with obligations I doubt I could ever fulfill.

That’s why I feel the road calling out to me.  It beckons, with its hidden dangers (as well as hidden promises.)  There may soon come a day when I will don my leather jacket, and ride my Black Stallion to wherever that highway takes me, hoping to find that spiritual and physical dwelling where true justice reigns supreme.

The Habitation of Justice.  

God help you if you ever need an attorney, but just in case you do, the aforementioned link might be a good place to start.

Well maybe. For a site that touts itself as being a directory for the “Top Lawyers of America,” there’s not much info here to indicate why these particular lawyers might be worth your time. The directory is very sparsely populated to begin with, and while a forum is also available here, there’s been no activity on the message board since last May.

By all appearances though, this is simply an underexposed commercial directory where attorneys pay a fee to have themselves listed, though to the site’s credit, they do include a review and ratings systems for visitors who may have perused the services of these attorneys and would like to report their experiences with them. The sparse number of reviews found here seems not to be the fault of the site owners, but rather because of the directory’s lack of exposure. Regardless, the ratings systems allows visitors to voice opinions that can potentially inform us as to whether a particular lawyer is either worth our time (and hard earned money), or whether he should be avoided for being an evil spawn of hell that only the devil himself could love.

Given that a field such as law seems to have far more bad seeds than humanity could ever tolerate, websites that at least attempt to make an effort to sift the good from the bad deserve to have a chance to succeed. By all appearances, this directory still has a long way to go, but use a little web design consulting to polish its looks, and bring in an expert on SEO and marketing to help it gain more exposure, and we might just have a winner here.

There’s been some discussion going around about the recent AutoAdmit lawsuit that was recently filed, and since I previously read about some of the details on Feministe a few months back, I thought I’d share my own take on it here.

You know, let’s face it: The Internet is not a safe place. There are some whacked out loonies on this box that would give even steely Chuck Norris the creeps (…ok maybe not Chuck Norris, but you get my point). Yet the women involved here (whether they were parties to the suit or not) had an unfortunate tendency to post their real names and upload pictures of themselves online, whether in galleries like Flickr or other settings, and sometimes these photos could be a bit, uhh… alluring.

They certainly had a right to do so if they wanted to, and to say that their actions meant they were automatically “asking for trouble” is plainly sexist to me. The problem though is that their behavior also exhibited a sense of naivete as to the dangers of posting personal information about yourself online, especially if you’re an attractive looking woman. I can understand their grievance here however, that if a guy can post details about himself and not get any flak for it, then the same should hold true for a girl.

But that’s not reality. Hell even I’ve been threatened to be sued, stalked, my server hacked and God only knows what else, and I’m a GUY. That’s partly why I don’t reveal too much about myself and use a pseudonym for blogging.

Even more, nothing superbly made the point as to the dangers of exposure on the Internet, than the recent hoopla over a certain high school pole vaulter who had suddenly become a Google trend and the topic of many rude and coarse discussions, all because of ONE professional photograph that had been taken of her (and no I’m not giving the name or posting a photo, so sod off horndogs). It all underscores the sad reality that the more info you post about yourself online, the more you leave yourself open for tremendous attack (or unwanted attention), no matter what gender you are. So as much as it might pain some proud feminists to do so, please, for your sake, be wise when posting content of a personal nature on the Internet.

Now let’s examine the other side of the equation, how some of the commentators at AutoAdmit treated the female law students in question…

I think here I’ll simply reiterate what I said on Ann Althouse’s blog (edited for clarity):

No offense Ms. Althouse, but you (and other law professors like Reynolds) basically flipped off the female law students in question and dismissed their initial fears out of hand, while completely glossing over the stalking elements of the AutoAdmit threads. If you showed any true sympathy for their plight as you claim, it must have been in passing, because that certainly wasn’t the impression I had when reading your thoughts on the subject.

The threads didn’t merely contain off the wall comments, but disturbing material that encouraged criminal behavior and put the targeted law students in legitimate fear for their safety. You had much to say about the students’ fear of being able to find work as a result of this mess, but to THIS you offer few, if any words of genuine sympathy.

While I personally do think a degree of it is hyperbole, including the issue of whether these threads could dramatically affect their career goals (it may or may not), there are other issues to consider, and even if the cause of action to bring suit lacks merit, it may be because the plaintiffs in question saw no other recourse. They asked that the threads be taken down, and as far as I know the administrators flipped them off (even now). The refusal to remove threads that discussed rape fantasies, listed addresses of the victims, encouraged quasi-paparazzi behavior (and God only knows what else) may be an exercise in free speech in your view, but it also showed a gross and utter lack of common decency. Yet for all this talk about copyright issues and damage to career prospects, etc., little has been said about the more disturbing (and yes violent) elements of the AutoAdmit threads here. Ciolli not only lost his job offer over it (as it appears), but he may have also inadvertently opened the door to the introduction of new case law (presuming this lawsuit actually has wheels) that could potentially assign some degree of culpability and liability to the administrators of Internet message boards for the future, all because this asshat refused to do the right thing in the first place. Insane laws always get started like this too. Because one jerkwad couldn’t be bothered to do the right thing, the rest of us have to pay for it.

In regards to free speech, some may remember the pressing issue of whether simply posting a list of home addresses to abortionist doctors on an anti-abortion website (and nothing else) constituted legitimate free speech. Yet to what purpose would this serve? That it might come up on Jeopardy one night? Compare this to posting the addresses of the female students on AutoAdmit and then making rather umm, rude suggestions on what to do with that information. Is this still protected free speech?

Such issues of free speech is a grave subject not to be taken lightly. But what some of the AutoAdmit members did was incredibly atrocious, and if we can agree on that, what then should have been the proper recourse, if not this lawsuit? From this side of the valley the answers collectively seem to be: just ignore it.

Are you kidding me? If candid snapshots of me were posted on an hostile forum complete with my home address and healthy discussions on what Big Bruno would like to do to me once he gets his hands on me, I’m supposed to IGNORE this? I think I can understand now why some feminists might not like conservatives very much.

It’s also surprising to see law professors who are charged with teaching proper legal analysis to their students, analysis that requires a careful evaluation of ALL sides, would resort to making treatises that would be so obnoxious and embarrassingly one dimensional in tone here.

Law professors. Ugh. The scummiest kind of lawyers indeed.

You know, it does seem to me that some of the blogging law professors’ reaction to the law students’ complaints have been obnoxious to say the least, and it’s unfortunate to see them have an overbearingly overexposed presence in the blogosphere. But then again what other occupation pays you a 6 digit salary with a work week of only 8-10 hours and the possibility of tenure, (which curiously enough leaves you all the time in the world to blog?)

….when I can now enjoy the fresh episodes of Stargate SG-1 and Atlantis?

I got my tub of Blockbuster popcorn, a nice tall glass of Diet Cola, and the easy chair all geared up and ready to go. Ahhh, a Friday night all to myself. Maybe now I’ll be able to forget about how Uptown Girl strung me along for months and then finally blew me off, the no-good lying backstabbing Babylonian harlot may she choke on her own vomit.

But I’m not upset about it.

I kinda knew deep down that things wouldn’t get very far with her. Not so much because we came from two different worlds, but also because she gave off the vibe of being an emotionally cold, self indulgent woman. If she truly had a kind heart, one that showed a genuine care and concern for others, then why was she working for a law firm that catered only to rich clients? Why wasn’t her heart drawn to helping less fortunate people, victims of wrongdoing who never see justice only because they simply couldn’t afford it? Why didn’t she take time to volunteer for charitable work? Where was that trait I was so earnestly looking for, of a woman who was willing to stretch forth her hand to the poor and needy? She just didn’t have it.

It was clear instead that she enjoyed living the good life. Sipping wine, vacationing to exotic places, tanning on beaches, jacuzzis, massages, and so on, the kind of life she could only sustain by working for an affluent law firm. Yet, I don’t begrudge her for doing these things. I think there’s a time and place for recreation and fun, but I also think there’s a point where your life becomes so hedonistic that it can corrupt your soul. And even though she professed to be a Christian, spirituality to her was something that was summed up in attending church once a week, and nothing more. She was not one I could share deep discussions about my faith with. And this was a maddening mentality I’ve seen repeatedly before which I could never understand. How can people truly expect to placate God by only dedicating a few hours on Sunday to Him, and then completely forget about Him for the rest of the week? Can they honestly believe He is pleased by this display of lukewarm spirituality?

Through my emails I opened my heart up to her, and though she claims to have been touched by it, I knew she really wasn’t. There was no empathy, no concern for my well-being, no genuine interest in how I was dealing with the aggravation and problems I was currently experiencing in my life, even though I was certainly interested in what her daily afflictions might have been. But the thing is, she didn’t have any. Suffering for her was not being able to sip wine on her patio because it rained.

She wasn’t a bad person though. But she wasn’t a good person either. I began to realize all this early on, but I guess I held on anyway, hoping against hope that maybe she would surprise me. Maybe she would indeed have a soft and gentle soul, tuned in to the suffering of others, with a fire inside her that yearned to alleviate their burdens and comfort those that needed comforting. Maybe the apparent coldness she seemed to give off was just borne out of an understandable hesitation to open up to me. Maybe for once, my sixth sense was just wrong here.

Or maybe not.

Now it’s back to enjoying Friday nights all by myself again, with only a tub of popcorn and a teddy bear named Homer to keep me company.

It was quiet yesterday at work. My boss hadn’t said a thing, and nobody came to clean up the mouse poo either. I’m assuming this means the men upstairs haven’t spoken to my boss yet about anything. Guess they don’t want show they can be bossed around by a lowly civilian, so they’re dragging their heels. Oh well, if the mice continue to use our area as their own personal restrooms for another few days, and upstairs still doesn’t do anything about it, I may have to call OSHA. If it comes to that, I can probably expect some real fireworks then.

Like a good possible-future-but-not-likely attorney, I realized if I was going to make a solid case for discrimination, I needed to give my boss and upstairs enough rope for which they could hang themselves. As of now nothing really happened that was actionable. One of the elements needed to make a successful cause of action is show that there had been harm. So I asked myself, “Where’s the harm here?” The only thing I received thus far was an idle threat, but my hours hadn’t been changed, I hadn’t lost any pay, and I hadn’t been disciplined. So rather than be a good boy and inform these lovely folks what rights I’m entitled to under the ADA, I think it’s best to stay quiet and see just how far they’ll take their threats.

I also realized with some sadness that as long as there would be this much turmoil in our division, I’d never be able to attend law school. All the added stress would make me flunk out my first semester for sure. I needed some stability at my job before I could take such a risk, and with them jerking me around about changing my schedule and creating other needless chaos, who’s to say that even if they agreed to a schedule change, that they wouldn’t pull the rug right out from under me the minute I started school?

Oh well. It ain’t over till it’s over. For now I just have to keep rolling with the punches.

Lies, betrayal, and deceit at long last put the final nail in the coffin of my law school dreams.

Well I wanted an answer, and after 18 months I finally got it in spades. When it happened, my anger once again reared its ugly head as I began to shake my fist at God for all the grief He’s allowed me to endure, but afterwards I began to resign myself to my fate. In a way I’m glad it’s over. While I may be destined to drift through life with no sense of purpose or meaning, I was at least relieved of the trauma 3-4 years of law school would almost certainly have brought me.

But after taking communion and reflecting on the events of the past week, I was directed to read Psalms 73 and Psalms 92, verses that talk about God taking vengeance on our enemies. So maybe this isn’t quite over just yet.

In any event, I wonder why I had to enter my thirties still without any clue as to what career might best suit me. I grew up falling in love with the notion of solving mysteries and clearing cases, and because of it I always thought law enforcement was where I belonged. For whatever reason I loved the idea of justice, of being the guy who could help put right where people did wrong. The shows I watched and the books I read all fed my passion of uncovering hidden truths, exposing lies, solving crimes, and of course, catching the bad guys.

I started college with my heart set on what I thought was the right profession. I had dreams, aspirations, and eagerly looked forward to a promising future in the career of my choosing. I saw myself being well established in the profession by the time I turned 30, married to the love of my life, and perhaps even a father to several wonderful children.

Instead, graduation from college would see me become unemployed for almost 2 years, then evicted illegally onto the streets, and finally trapped in a dead end job as a no name clerk. At 30 years of age, I had accomplished nothing. I was a failure. I was nothing more than a vagabond with a job, a helpless prey to my enemies.

It was evident that only God could salvage the mess that I had made of my life. And it is what I hope for, in spite of all the fist shaking.

I finally found a use for the Restatements of Torts and Contracts that I bought to help prep for law school.

I put some of the books between my mattresses to boost my bed at an angle, which should help with my acid reflux.

It seems fitting too, because I simply don’t give a crap about law school anymore until my chronic acid reflux/heartburn is completely healed. I’m beginning to realize attending law school this year is going to take a miracle anyway, beginning with my health problems going away, dropping all the excess weight I’ve been carrying around, and seeing all the pieces fall into place, from my class schedules to being able to prep enough material in advance of school. Then of course there’s the money involved. I have tentatively decided I will not attend law school until and unless every dime of it is already paid for. Ironically enough I would probably end up being more useful to the human race being debt free and without a law degree, than I would be if I were a newly minted attorney who also happened to have a $100,000 loan he’ll have to repay for the next 30 years.

Oh well. I believe in miracles, so it can all certainly happen in time for autumn, but if not, I could always fall back on my original career plan: winning the lottery.