It’s over, I’ve lost.

After 23 years of rejection, heartaches, unrequited love, enduring the rude, cold treatment of every women I’ve ever been interested in or in love with, I’m tossing in the towel.

My latest failure took away whatever remaining hope I had. Even though we seemed to have so many specific, rare things in common, I only managed to hold her interest for maybe 5 minutes before she decided I just wasn’t worth her attention anymore, and blew me off without warning.

I guess that’s it then. I’ll never experience what it’s like to hold hands with a girl, to kiss her, to hold her in my arms, to tell her how much I love her and care for her, and have her tell me the same. I will be single and alone for the rest of my life, and I’m sure all my enemies will gain immense satisfaction in knowing I will never be happy.

Ah well, I won’t get mad about this. I’ll just get even.

After all, if ya gotta go, go with a smile!

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!

Heath Ledger’s passing was truly tragic, but I have to ask myself, what is it about being rich and famous that induces so many people into thinking, “Hmmm, my life really sucks, let me start throwing down a few and shoot me up some happy juice.”

Naturally, I blame women for this.

No really, think about it. Who else on this planet can take a guy who is:

• Wildly successful, good looking and famous, with his face and name gracing all the major papers on a regular basis…
• Has hundreds of thousands of adoring fans…
• Has enough money to buy his own island and all the toys he could ever want…

…and then effortlessly cause him to wake up in a pool of his own vomit, wishing he had never been born?

It was probably a woman who drove the Joker batsh*% insane.

Whatever caused poor Heath Ledger’s downward spiral, I can guaran-damn-tee you that a woman had something to do with it.

So what lesson can we draw from this? I would suggest this: if you ever become rich and famous and want to truly enjoy your success and live a long, healthy and happy life, then you need only follow one rule: Stay the F*&% away from women.