job | The Habitation of Justice

Dead Men Tell No Jokes

By Lincoln Adams

We have a clipboard in our section that shows a list of the latest death notices for workers or workers’ relatives who recently passed away. I noticed one woman had a tendency to check the list every day when she walked by our section. She was doing it again today, so I said:

“Checking to see if the hitman did his job?”

She looked at me…..

Read the rest >>

Am I late, or just really, really early?

By Lincoln Adams

“You’re late Linc.”

“Sorry boss, I forgot that we moved the clocks ahead an hour already.”

“That was done in March.”

“See? Just goes to show how behind I am on the times.”

He sighed and walked away, mumbling “*&%# little smart@$$ piece of —-.”

Or something like that I think. [tags]time, work, late, early, pun[/tags]

Read the rest >>

Time is on my side, yes it is!

By Lincoln Adams

I had one of those nights where I would wake up early, look at the clock… and then go right back to sleep again.

Actually it’s like that every night, only I did it three times in a row today. When I finally did get up, it was a race against time as I blazed down the highways at warp speed so I wouldn’t be late for work.…..

Read the rest >>

Wanna know why I hate my job?

By Lincoln Adams

Here’s how a typical day might go:

*Phone Rings*

“Special Division, Lincoln Adams speaking.”

“Yeah I need to have a few documents faxed over?”

“Sure, what’s the subject’s last name, first name?”

I get up, pull the requested files out of the drawer, and then fax them over.

*Phone Rings*

“Special Division, Lincoln Adams speaking.”

“Yeah I need to…..

Read the rest >>

Will you be my Sugar Daddy?

By Lincoln Adams

I got into a conversation with a clerk at work, which eventually broached the topic of dating and went something as follows:

“So Linc, I told my daughter about you!”

“Ok…”

“I thought she’d think you might be too old for her, but when I told her you were just north of 30, she said, ‘Oh that’s not too old!’”

“How old is she?”
…..

Read the rest >>

Why I Think God is a Big Meanie - Sometimes

By Lincoln Adams

One of the reasons it’s been so difficult for me to find dates is because I don’t have a very active social life (which is to say, I have no social life whatsoever to speak of.) I used to have a close knit group of friends that carried me through high school and beyond college for a while, but eventually we began to drift apart for various reasons, until…..

Read the rest >>

Meet the new guy, just as batsh*% crazy as the old

By Lincoln Adams

So my new supervisor has been here a few days, and so far I’m thinking he won’t be too much of a problem. He knows enough to stay out of our way, and he’s already carved out an cubicle igloo for himself, leaving me to keep what is now formerly the supervisor’s desk, so I’m happy.