Humor | The Habitation of Justice

Being All Things to All People

Lincoln Adams | March 5, 2009 @ 10:15 am

One of the things people enjoy about my writing is my humor, so I thought I would only update my blog with humorous anecdotes that I knew would make people smile, and that approach would largely define my theme and what my site was about.

The problem with that though is that I have to be funny ALL the time, and that’s simply impossible for me. There are times when I can be a laugh a minute, but there are also times when I’m somber, or times when I’m reflective, and plenty of times when I’m angry. I know some readers would expect me to always be the same way all the time, and would run for the hills the moment I blog something that isn’t sunny or cheery or funny to them, that but that’s just not who I am. My writing should reflect the overall spectrum of my personality, not just a portion of it. Otherwise I’d be detracting from what this blog is about, and my blog entries would be far and few between.

So what is my blog about then? It’s about my life’s walk. It’s about my desire to see truth shine and justice prevail for those who have been wronged. It’s about my desire to find the love of my life, to alter the path of destruction I’m currently on and find a new path instead, (and perhaps a new career too), even in the midst of what may be one of the darkest hours in U.S. history.

It’s about finding my place in a world that doesn’t want me, and my struggle to accept the truth that I am unwanted because I don’t belong here. It’s about understanding God’s will for my life and struggling to believe His promises, even when none of them have come true.

It’s about seeing the world through my own eyes, understanding why I am troubled by so many things, and why my spirit is continuously vexed by the things I see.

It’s about being thrust into a war that I can’t see with my physical eyes, battling evil not with guns or swords, but with my heart and mind.

And yes, it’s about cookies too. Especially chocolate chip. :ggrin:

Tags: anecdotes, blog, cookies, destruction, funny, God, humor, justice, people, personality, promises, readers, Spirit, truth, understanding, world
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log

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Allah Arrested by Infidel Police – Cocaine Markets Hardest Hit

Lincoln Adams | August 18, 2008 @ 1:48 am

Hmmmm….

Members of the East Central Narcotics Task Force arrested a West Hartford man was arrested after a short chase in South Windsor Thursday evening.

According to police, Almighty Supremebeing Allah refused to stop for a marked cruiser and was detained about a mile down the road after the initial stop.

Witnesses reportedly heard the deity cry out as he was being subdued by police: “Infidels!!!! FILTHY INFIDELS!!! I, the Supreme Being am not subject to your human laws! Release me at once so that I may continue to bestow my loyal servants with fresh supplies of my homemade white powders!!! AND GET THAT FILTHY DOG AWAY FROM ME!”

Upon hearing the news, President Bush hastily called a press conference to declare victory and an end to the war on terror.

Barack Hussein Obama also commented on the arrest during a campaign stop in Moscow. “This is not the god I thought I knew,” he said, while expressing suspicion that the charges may have been driven by what he termed “spiritual racism,” and made a public plea for donations to have Allah released on bond.

“We must learn to respect the actions of these deities, regardless of how evil their actions might seem. Indeed, the only true evil that exists in our world today is the evil of intolerance. And Republicans,” he said.

Several journalists reportedly fainted at the sound of Obama’s voice while he made these comments.

Meanwhile, Muslims have begun a worldwide phenomenon of praying away from Mecca and towards the prison center currently housing the Supreme Being.

I might have made some of this up by the way.

Does it really surprise anyone at all that Allah would be caught hanging out in West Hartford?

Tags: arrest, barack hussein obama, drug dealer, drugs, funny, God, hartford, humor, infidels, muslims, police, president, president bush, press conference, satire
Categories: Comic Relief

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Dead Men Tell No Jokes

Lincoln Adams | June 5, 2008 @ 1:46 pm

We have a clipboard in our section that shows a list of the latest death notices for workers or workers’ relatives who recently passed away. I noticed one woman had a tendency to check the list every day when she walked by our section. She was doing it again today, so I said:

“Checking to see if the hitman did his job?”

She looked at me without emotion and then walked out of the room.

I turned to my coworker. “Why does nobody appreciate my sense of humor?”

Tags: death notices, funny, humor, job
Categories: Comic Relief

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“Lonely Teacher Looks For Loving Pet”

Lincoln Adams | June 3, 2008 @ 2:10 pm

Is it me, or does it seem like women are getting married at earlier and earlier ages these days? Or am I just getting older and older? :ohwell:

I blame Christians for this (naturally), particularly those within the Bible Belt who push to get their daughters married by the time they’re 18, so by the time they’re 25 they will have already loaded themselves down with 7 kids and done their part to keep God’s army of little cherubs going. Don’t get me wrong, I love kids, but honestly, how many of these disgusting little snotbags does a family really need to have anyway?

#%$ Christians.

But I guess if I wanna up my chances of meeting a nice, Christian girl, then I’m gonna have to catch them young. Really young. Like maybe before they graduate high school young. Yet another reason why the teaching profession appeals to me. :naughty:

Of course they’ll probably still have dweebish boyfriends then, but I can clear that hurdle easily enough once I home in on some cute girl who has potential, then it’s just a matter of cornering her dork beau in a dark alley somewhere and wailing on him until he promises never to call or go near her again.

And when she’s depressed and lonely and wondering why her pimple faced sweetheart doesn’t love her anymore, I’ll be there to give her all the comfort she needs.

Of course I’ll probably only be able to enjoy the relationship for about 5 minutes before I get tossed into the slammer. Ah well, life can be so cruel sometimes.

Tags: bible belt, christian, Christians, dating, dating pool, high school, humor, teacher
Categories: Romance and Relationships

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“I Have Genital Herpes…”

Lincoln Adams | April 13, 2008 @ 6:18 pm

You know the commercial. Always when I’m eating too, this stupid ad for Valtrex comes on where some ugly schmo confesses to the world that he has genital herpes, flanked by a gorgeous girl who looks on with lovey dovey eyes and then turns to the camera to inform us that she doesn’t.

“And together, we’re trying to keep it that way.” She then wraps her arms around him in a show of warmth and wubs.

I have a message for the girl: dump Herpo-man and dial me up. There’s no need to roll around in the hay with a disease-riddled dweeb when you can get some fresh, wholesome, whistle-clean loving from a guy like me. :angelgrin: Really, why would you want to stick long-term with a bum who has now medically proven to us all what a promiscious man whore he is? This is somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with? What’s next, adopting a pet dog with rabies?