Another Thanksgiving draws near, and once again it’s time to reflect on what I should be thankful for.

… well I got nothing.

No seriously, I do have a lot to be thankful for, especially this year. This was after all the year I finally became debt free, after having paid off my credit card, car and my college loan. It was the year my earnings from this blog reached inconceivable heights, making it possible for me to travel more frequently now and enjoy life in a way I never could before. For this I have you, my readers to thank. I still can’t quit my job just yet, but the extra income coupled with a debt free existence has made it possible now for me to go out and experience new and different things, and better yet, write about it too.

My health has also gotten much better as well. I thought I would be too tired, too sick to take on exhausting road trips and weekend getaways to God only knows where, but instead it’s become the exact opposite. The more I moved around, the better I felt and the more energy I had. In a way it broke my depression and lifted me out of this mental prison that I’ve built for myself for so long.

I’m thankful for finding a new hobby in geocaching too, to keep things interesting on my trips and find new places to explore that never would have occurred to me otherwise.

I’m thankful for my parents, who are all that I have left of a once huge family that had been lost through hate, estrangement and betrayal.

I am thankful for my beautiful and reliable SUV, which continues to guzzle gas and proudly leave it’s wide load of a carbon footprint for all to see.

I am thankful for Yankee Candles, pizza and cupcakes. And occasionally brownies too.

And of course, I am thankful to God my Father and my savior Jesus Christ, who has made all of the above things possible.

And I am thankful for the new year to come, the endless possibilities it might bright, and a hope that refuses to die, the hope that I will someday soon meet my dream girl.

Tags: christ, college loan, debt, depression, dream girl, energy, family, geocaching, God, health, income, Jesus, life, new year, parents, pizza, readers, road trip, thankful, thanks, Thanksgiving, travel, yankee candles
Categories: Gone Mobile
 
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There are a few things I am superbly good at making in the kitchen: pasta, pizza, and… that’s it.

I’ve been living the kind of oddball lifestyle where for six years at least, I didn’t even have an oven I could use to make food. I have one now but I still haven’t made use of it. I had more important things to do see, like surfing the internet and tinkering around my blog.

And because I had the tendency to get up say, 20 minutes after I was supposed to be at work, my breakfast would consist of a mad dash to 7-11 for coffee and a quick stopover to Wendy’s drive-thru for a “breakfast”, then doing Warp 10 on the expressway while I stuffed my face in with chicken nuggets to the tune of “Eye of the Tiger.”

And since my job requires me to work till late at night, I have to eat my dinner there as well, either utilizing the 300 year old microwave they have and the conventional oven that was once used as a restroom area for mice, or I could run down to the nearest supermarket/take-out/pizzeria and pick out a gourmet meal for myself.

As you might imagine, this isn’t exactly the healthiest way to live (not to mention it’s EXPENSIVE), so in order to establish a healthier routine for myself and save money, I have to learn to really cook again.

I just wish I didn’t get so lost when I read recipes sometimes. I don’t even know what an avocado is. I mean really, what the flip is this thing??? It looks like an egg from the movie Alien for bloody sakes. Homey ain’t touching that!

Then there’s the weird instructions like “…pound one strip of boneless chicken breast to 1/4 inch thickness.” Huh? So I gotta get a hammer out of the shed now and beat this thing like he owe me money?

I HATE following detailed, complex instructions. It slows me down, and I’m the kinda guy who either needs to have it given to him straight, or I end up bending the rules and pushing the envelope. Why can’t I just throw stuff together, toss it in the oven, and see if it bakes, for reals? That’s how I do pizza after all, and I haven’t burned down any buildings yet.

But, whatevers. Today I’m gonna have to do some honest to goodness grocery shopping, and can only hope I manage to throw together enough meals to last me the rest of the week, else you’ll find me running to Papa Mia for another emergency fix again.

Tags: breakfast, cooking, dinner, food, grocery, health, lifestyle, meal, pizza, shopping, supermarket, take-out
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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I lead a charmed life.

So I’m just minding my own business and checking my email, when I get this alert from a Christian pastor I know.  He feels a great calamity is about to occur soon, causing massive fires in New York City that will spread out even to New Jersey and Connecticut, along with lootings and riotings in major cities worldwide.

If it had been anyone else I would have immediately dismissed him as a quack and merrily gone on my way.  But he had warned about the real estate crash and about the financial crisis we’re experiencing now since the early 90s and was right on both counts.  The fires he feels will happen soon is something he had been warning about for several years.  God’s judgment.

Whether you believe this or not, the email left me sinking into a pit of despair, even though it was meant to be sent as an encouragement to believers with the knowledge that God is still in control and will provide even in times of major distress.

But if there’s one thing that could define just why I feel so out of place in this world, that email sums it up.  It’s not something I can share around the water cooler at work with non-believers, lest they think I was dropping acid.  I try talk to other Christians about it but their heads are so far up the hairy flesh balls of Rick Warren that I might as well be speaking Klingon.

I could just say screw it, nothing’s gonna happen, we’re all right as rain here, but in my heart I know it isn’t true.  We’re in for some very hard times ahead, and there is virtually no one out there with whom I can confide in and share my feelings with about this without coming across as a cracknut to them.  And who knows, maybe nothing will happen, and in His mercy God will grant us a reprieve.  But can I not even have a conversation about this with others without getting strange looks or being laughed at?

People are often perplexed as to why I remain single, but this is a big reason why.  I see things that no one else does.  I believe things that no one else believes.  It isolates me from others, and I often have to keep people at arm’s length simply because once they knew the real me, they would either hate me dead or run away, or both.  And that’s fine.  I’m not looking to be the life of the party here.  A friend and a lover is all I’ve ever wanted.  While others need to be surrounded by people to the extent that they even use a ranking system for the best friends they have (BFF1 BFF2, etc. – WT*?!?), I would be more than happy having just one true friend.

We pride ourselves on our individuality, but the truth is most people are sheep, and would choose conformity over being unique so long as it meant not having to be alone.  That’s why most Christians today are merely nominal in their faith.  Their beliefs are so generic and ultimately meaningless that the only way I can get along with them is by completely leaving God out of the picture.  As long as we don’t talk about God or spiritual things, we’re a-ok.  God is somebody they treat as an equal, someone who is reduced to commercial slogans (Got Milk? becomes Got Jesus?) or a drug high, as if the experience of serving the Creator was tantamount to getting a heroin fix.   I’ve never understood this mentality, and yet every time I’ve challenged it, it’s resulted in near violence.  So I simply keep my beliefs to myself in order to maintain the peace.  People don’t want to hear it.

And now I have to deal with these new set of emotions brought on by this possible revelation of calamity that may soon come upon us, topped off with the fact that I’ve been feeling pretty lousy and fatigued for eons now, and facing a bleak future for which it would seem pointless to even hope of building a new life for myself, much less one that would include a special girl who can truly love me for who I am (who I REALLY am.)

I lead a charmed life.

Tags: best friend, calamity, christian, Christians, depression, despair, emotions, faith, feelings, financial, financial crisis, fires, friends, God, health, judgment, new york city, pastor, rick warren, violence
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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I recently caught this article on the BBC:

People’s health could be harmed by social networking sites because they reduce levels of face-to-face contact, an expert claims.

A lack of “real” social networking, involving personal interaction, may have biological effects, he suggests.

He also says that evidence suggests that a lack of face-to-face networking could alter the way genes work, upset immune responses, hormone levels, the function of arteries, and influence mental performance.

This, he claims, could increase the risk of health problems as serious as cancer, strokes, heart disease, and dementia.

“One of the most pronounced changes in the daily habits of British citizens is a reduction in the number of minutes per day that they interact with another human being,” he said.

“In less than two decades, the number of people saying there is no-one with whom they discuss important matters nearly tripled.”

Could be sensationalism sparked by psychologists looking for a little time in the spotlight, but in a way I agree with some of the opinions beng expressed here.

As much as I enjoy using the Internet, I find it to be a highly unsatisfying substitute for real life relationships, and if I had a choice, I would much rather meet people in person and forge relationships that way.  Yet the reason I hang out on here all the time (instead of “out there”) is because I basically have no choice.

If you’ve read the comments after the BBC article, notice how many people with disabilities defended their use of social networking, and for good reason.  The Internet takes away the bias and the barriers those of us with disabilities have to confront and deal with in real life.  In my case it’s being hard of hearing, the kind that puts me right in the gray area between those who hear normally and those who are completely deaf.  The deaf have their own culture and community, one that I can never fit into because I can still hear with the help of aids, and yet I can’t hear well enough to fit in within a society that hears normally either.  I’m caught somewhere in the middle, without a true community of my own.  As if that weren’t enough by itself, I’ve also lived the kind of unorthodox life that absolutely nobody could possibly relate to.  It’s one of the major reasons why I remain single too.

So, I go to the Internet.  Because on here, I don’t have to worry about embarrassing myself because I missed bits and pieces of a conversation.  I don’t have to worry about people forming misconceptions about me because of my disability or my background,  or assuming because I can’t hear it must also mean I’m brain damaged as well.  On the Internet, none of those things matter.

But I also see where it falls depressingly short too.  Those who use the Internet to supplement their already active social lives have no time for me.  I’m unable to bond with them and others in any meaningful way.  I can be reached via email, instant messaging, social networks and even through my blog here, and yet most of the time I find myself twiddling my thumbs, waiting for somebody, ANYBODY, to talk to me.  The hours are long and lonely in between.

And as much as I try to project the full spectrum of my personality into my writings, the Internet can only present certain bits of pieces of who I am, but never the whole.  People who know me through the Internet don’t really know me as I truly am.  Here’s a hint too:  if you find me to be a truly likable person, then you really haven’t gotten to know me at all. 

Truth be told, I find the only people I can truly relate to to via this medium are those who are forced to use it as a subsitute for real life relationships themselves.  Whether it’s because of a disability, or from living in a remote area, or from leading a solitary life that stunted their ability to network and bond with others, being online has become our only recourse to connect with other human beings.  And yet it amazes me how few there are of us, as opposed to those extroverted types who project their already successful social lives onto the Internet (and then feel the compelling need to rub it in our faces too.)  Dweebs.

And now, after having been online for so many years, I’m beginning to accept the sad conclusion that I will never find anyone I can truly bond with, a best friend who would always have time for me and vice versa, or a wonderful girl who would understand me through and through and where I’ve been.  People who totally get me.  I’m of the introverted sort who only needs one best friend and one special girl to be truly content, or perhaps those two rolled  into one.  I don’t need to have eons of acquaintances or casual friends to feel connected and feel like I belong.  But the fact that I can’t even find ONE saddens me to no end.   And I wouldn’t be surprised if all this really did adversely affect my health too just as the article claims.   Oh well.

Oh and if you’re wondering about what might cause the irrational fear of kittens, look no further than LOLcats.  I swear that mindless, idiotic internet fad is going to bring about the demise of civilization, mark my words.  I can never look at a kitten the same way again.

Tags: community, deaf, disabilities, disability, friend, friends, health, health problems, hearing, internet, life, lonely, network, online, people, personality, psychologists, relationship, single, social, social networking, social networking sites, social networks
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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So how is 2009 working out for me so far you ask?  Well aside from the knifing sensation I’ve been feeling on my left face that had me screaming at the top of my lungs like a 6 year old girl in sheer agony for the past few days, 2009 is going just swimmingly. 

Right before New Year’s Eve I started feeling a dull ache near my left ear, which eventually turned into a full blown horror show of aches and pains that reduced me to a whimpering ball of misery.  I was in the bathroom when 2008 turned to 2009, (you could say I literally crapped for a year), then came out and cried for a while in my bed with a heat pad on my face until sleep mercifully brought me some relief.  Once again there would be no midnight kisses for this little wussy boy.  I hadn’t been able to eat for the past two days either.

It seems fitting that 2008 would go out like this, since it had been the year that saw me crippled with a garden variety of health problems that made me utterly miserable, and I’m only beginning to come out of the woods now.  My jaw ache (which I think was due to TMJ syndrome) finally began to dissipate yesterday, and even though I was in severe pain before, I still managed to clear a month’s load of work at my job so I could get a fresh start for the new year.  I left early on Friday and was able to recuperate for the rest of the weekend.

I even found time to add a new feature here called “Asides.”    There were many occasions when I wanted to express a thought or two on my blog, but it didn’t justify taking up an entire post for since these thoughts were never more than a sentence or two long.  Usually I reserve this kind of “micro-blogging” for Twitter instead, but I was never comfortable seeing all my brilliant one-liners disappear into the Twitterverse without a record of it being on my blog.

So… with a little bit of tweaking and the help of a few plugins, now every tweet I make will also be posted to my blog in a vanilla “Aside” format.  I’m even able to exclude them from my newsfeed so it doesn’t get inappropriately mixed in with my normal blog posts as well.  Am I awesome or what? 

This setup should be really good for filling the gap between blog posts, as well as please loyal readers who don’t use Twitter.

Now if you’ll excuse me, since I never had my midnight kiss, I’m treating myself to a glass of choco milk and a bowl of Hershey’s Kisses. 

Tags: agony, bathroom, health, health problems, midnight kiss, new year, newsfeed, plugins, TMJ syndrome, twitter
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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I’ve been pining for the girl of my dreams ever since I was a wee one and had my heart broken by an 8 year old who tore up my Valentine’s card and then kicked me in the shinny.  Since then, over the years my dream girl had always become nothing more than a part of my fantasies, a figment of the imagination, an image in my dreams, yet never someone who was truly real.

But what if… she were?

Something happened a few days ago that made me realize it was not only possible, but it was indeed a reality, a reality that God Himself was going to make happen.  It was no longer a question of whether she existed or not, but when she would finally reveal herself and change my life forever.

She IS real.  The revelation of that was finally beginning to dawn on me.

So why am I so panicked about it? 

In a way I think I’ve grown comfortable in my misery.  It was a safe place to be, absent of any responsibility or any obligation whatsoever of having to work at a real, honest-to-goodness relationship.  That she would exist meant my life as I knew it was soon going to end, and I no longer had an excuse to be a bum anymore.

It meant I had to get my act together and start training myself to be the man she needed me to be.  Strong, healthy, loyal, disciplined, loving, caring, confident… you know, all those things I’ve never been before?

Hmmmmm…

As I think about it, if she really is the girl of my dreams, someone who is gorgeous, warm-hearted, virtuous, humble, loving and gorgeous, then why should she be punished for ending up with someone like me? 

I might just decide not to change my life after all, only because I wouldn’t want her life ruined for being stuck with a mooch-ball like me.  She deserves better.  She deserves a REAL man, not some dweeb monkey who swoons to the melodic sounds of Air Supply.

Yep, I think I’m actually behaving like a real man’s man here by taking the easy way out, that way I can continue living the self destructive life I’ve been living for oh, 10 odd years now.  I’m sure she’ll find somebody else too, and I can continue to pine after her in my perfect fantasies where I have super powers and perpetually rescue her from the dark, evil forces of the Znorg Empire, and if I ever get bored of that, then I can always get lost in my collection of my favorite Nancy Drew mystery games.  You see?  It’s all win-win baby. 

… … … … … right? 

Tags: air supply, discipline, dream, dream girl, dreams, fantasies, girl, girl of my dreams, God, health, imagination, man, misery, reality, relationship, revelation, safe place, Valentine
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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