Another coworker of mine is getting married, this time it’s a woman with cerebral palsy.  Very nice person too, and when she talked about her fiance, she indicated that he had a similar disability as well.   She showed us all her lovely new ring.

“Wow, that’s probably about as close as I’ll ever get to an actual real diamond,” I said.

“See Linc?  You never know.”

“Unfortunately, I have found that I am the exception to every rule, no matter what that rule is.”

Indeed, it seems lately that every time I look around, I’m always seeing somebody being paired up with their own.  If I see a Chinese girl, she’s holding hands with a Chinese guy.  If I see a black guy, he’s holding hands with a black girl.  Now here’s someone with a disability who is getting hitched to someone else with a disability.  How in a horse’s wide load are these people finding each other?

For my part, all I can seem to attract are women who, oddly enough, look like men.   Does that mean I’m really gay and this is God’s way of trying to tell me to own up to it?

Really quite sure that’s not the case here, but frankly, I’m running out of plausible reasons to explain away this anomaly.

Lately though, I’ve been settling on what I call the “My Man Genes Were Pounded to Fossilized Dino Droppings” theory.  This theory extrapolates that I was somehow born with a genetic defect that precludes a particular demographic of women from being able to see me.  Like, at all.  In other words, if I’m at the supermarket, they will run right through my righteous ass with their carts not because they’re being rude, but because they just couldn’t see me.

The more I think about it the more things start to make sense.  If I hold a door for a girl and she walks right on through without acknowledging me or saying thank you, it wasn’t because she was being rude.  Again, she just couldn’t SEE me.  It also explains why when I’m talking to a girl, she’s always looking past me, like I’m not actually there.  Really, is it conceivable that every woman in creation would be that rude?  Doesn’t it make more sense that they were simply unable to physically see me at all?

I think I need to head down to Harvard with this.  This definitely merits a closer look and possibly conducting controlled studies so this phenomenon can be observed in action.  I’m talking fully funded with grants and the whole works, and lots of hot girls to use as test subjects too.

Seriously, it’s for science. 

My mind has been working overtime coming up with new (and sometimes borrowed) Sarah Palin facts, so rather than have it disappear into the abyss that is my mind, I’m posting them here for your enjoyment.  I’ll update the list as I think of more fun facts worthy of adding. 

• Sarah Palin is the only person Chuck Norris fears.
• Sarah Palin can drill for oil with her bare hands.
  
• Sarah Palin is the reason why Bambi can’t find his mother.
  
• Sarah Palin uses a hair dryer made by Smith and Wesson.
  
• The Olympics Russian hockey team forfeited a game when they found out they were playing Sarah Palin.
  
• Sarah Palin’s glasses were forged in the fires of Mordor.
  
• Sarah Palin’s lipstick is actually a spent .357 magnum shell.
  
• Sarah Palin doesn’t wear slippers, she shoves her feet up the rear ends of two polar bears and uses them instead.
  
• When God said let there be light, He first asked for Sarah Palin’s permission.
  
• Sarah Palin uses Chuck Norris’s beard to file her nails.
  
• If at first you don’t succeed, you are not Sarah Palin.

Update: Heh, looks like someone made a whole blog out of Sarah Palin facts too.  They’re also twittering Sarah Palin facts using the pretext, “Little Known Fact:” as well.  Since I didn’t use that my facts didn’t get included.  Ah well, if I think up more I’ll post them on Twitter so at least those make the list. 

For the first time ever, my blog has made over $100 in one month! 

Fitting that I should announce this on Labor Day too.    A few mild traffic spikes and a $10 commission from Clicky helped put me over the top, giving me a total profit of $114.63 for the month of August.

Breaking the $100 ceiling was a significant accomplishment for me, as I read a long time ago that this was the benchmark amount for determining whether your blog has the capacity to bring in a respectable income.  I have a relatively good setup going here to help me achieve that now, so the only thing I need is the traffic to help scale those profits until my goal of making $1,000 a month is finally realized.  If that day ever comes, who knows, from there I might eventually arrive at a time when I can make an actual living just from blogging/writing.  Do I dare to dream?

In the end, I have to believe that with God on my side and a little imagination, all things are possible:

It’s no secret that I’ve been raging against all things estrogen for the better part of the year now, having given up on the female race as being entirely irredeemable and utterly given over to the cause of evil.

And then someone like Sarah Palin comes along and helps me restore my faith somewhat.  Maybe, just maybe, all is not completely lost.

McCain’s astonishing VP pick (and current governor of Alaska) is gorgeous, articulate, smart, conservative, accomplished, and by all appearances a devout Christian too.  She’s also a member of the NRA.    Oh, and she’s gorgeous as well.  Did I mention she’s gorgeous? 

In short, she’s everything I could have ever wanted in a woman.  Someone who embraces her femininity, but is still a tomboy of sorts who would grind you to ashes if you ever did her dirty.  They don’t call her Barracuda for nothing after all.    More importantly, her attractive appeal is grounded in her intelligence and principled beliefs, demonstrated in one part by in her refusal to abort her child she knew would be born with Down’s syndrome.  Meanwhile others who profess to be Christians have no moral aversion to supporting a candidate like the Obamanation, who stops just short of endorsing mass infancitide. 

Being awash in a sea of underwhelming females who spend half their days with their noses buried in Vogue magazines and their heads up Obama’s goomie gumbos, Palin arrives like a breath of fresh air.

Thank you Sarah Palin.  Thank you for helping me believe once again for the impossible, that there may just be another one like you out there, and that maybe someday soon, God will finally bring us together. 

There are some days when God just seems to smile on me… almost as if He had forgotten that I was supposed to be a marked man and as a result let a blessing through by accident. 

This one came in the form of only having to pay $300 for auto body work which would have normally cost me as much as $1,900 had I gone with somebody else.  They even polished it too!

So I was outside cleaning up my sleek black ride afterwards, and putting a new hitch cover in when I heard, “Wow that’s a NICE ride!”

I looked up and it was an old dude.  “Yep, sure is.”

He then hooked me into a conversation, and after chatting a bit about my baby, he seemed surprised that I had gotten the car out of state.  That was the only way I could get it for under the invoice price though, which is virtually unheard of in this town.

“My daughter is looking to buy just this car too,” he said.

“Is she seeing anybody?”  I quickly asked.

“Uh, no…, um, she’s married and has two kids.”

“Oh.”

Awkward silence.

“Well it was nice talking to you.  Again, nice car!”  He quickly walked away.

Was it something I said? 

Hmmmm….

Members of the East Central Narcotics Task Force arrested a West Hartford man was arrested after a short chase in South Windsor Thursday evening.

According to police, Almighty Supremebeing Allah refused to stop for a marked cruiser and was detained about a mile down the road after the initial stop.

Witnesses reportedly heard the deity cry out as he was being subdued by police:  “Infidels!!!!  FILTHY INFIDELS!!!  I, the Supreme Being am not subject to your human laws!  Release me at once so that I may continue to bestow my loyal servants with fresh supplies of my homemade white powders!!!  AND GET THAT FILTHY DOG AWAY FROM ME!”

Upon hearing the news, President Bush hastily called a press conference to declare victory and an end to the war on terror.

Barack Hussein Obama also commented on the arrest during a campaign stop in Moscow.  “This is not the god I thought I knew,” he said, while expressing suspicion that the charges may have been driven by what he termed “spiritual racism,” and made a public plea for donations to have Allah released on bond.

“We must learn to respect the actions of these deities, regardless of how evil their actions might seem.  Indeed, the only true evil that exists in our world today is the evil of intolerance.  And Republicans,” he said.

Several journalists reportedly fainted at the sound of Obama’s voice while he made these comments.

Meanwhile, Muslims have begun a worldwide phenomenon of praying away from Mecca and towards the prison center currently housing the Supreme Being.

I might have made some of this up by the way.

Does it really surprise anyone at all that Allah would be caught hanging out in West Hartford?