Tag Archives | God

Achieving The Impossible

Written by on January 20, 2010
Filed Under Politics

Well, Brown did it.

The irony of what transpired last night is so rich not even a German chocolate cheesecake could compete. Consider that this election took place in Massachusetts, in the bluest of blue states, where the seeds of the first revolution began, where the first tea party took place, and which resulted in a Republican taking over what was once the Liberal Lion Ted Kennedy’s seat after a 35 POINT SWING in the polls, just in time for Obama’s one year anniversary since he took office.

If that doesn’t tell you that there is a God, and that He has a sense of humor, I don’t know WHAT will. This was divine providence, and only the most hardened atheist would deny it.

So I guess I’m going to Beantown after all. Or perhaps Wrentham, Brown’s home town. This place seems to be the sight of miracles, so maybe a visit there could get me some left over magic dust so I can achieve the impossible too, and find the girl of my dreams. :-D

I’ll tell you one place I probably won’t visit again: the Berkshires. Based on the map I linked to, just about all of the eastern half of Massachusetts (save for Boston and Martha’s Vineyard) went for Brown, while the western half persisted in living in la-la land. I had gone to Stockbridge in December for a Christmas weekend, and the town there went for Coakley by a margin of 75% to 25%. Gees, no wonder everyone was so unfriendly. I KNEW I wasn’t imagining it.

Fortunately, Braintree/Quincy, the sight of John Adams’ hometown both went for Brown. Yay! If I go one of the first things I plan to do is to go visit his house (now a national park) and take a walk into the past. I can’t wait!

Thank you Scott Brown for affording me the opportunity to visit a Kennedy-free state at long last, to breathe in the aromas of a new revolution.

Comments { 0 }

Hey Pat Robertson, how about a nice big cup of SHUT THE $%^& UP?

Written by on January 13, 2010
Filed Under Christianity

Dear Assface Robertson,

Devil pact, really? You’re going to tell me that a pact supposedly signed eons ago would still affect the spiritual fate of millions of Haitian descendants who had nothing to do with it even today?

Let me explain something to you, you shriveled up, senile, dumb

We have ALL sinned, and because we are ALL sinners, none of us are immune to calamity. If a tsunami threatens to engulf me and all my cool gadgetry toys I can assure you it’s not because an ancestor of mine had a voodoo ceremony and sacrificed a pig. And no, it’s not because of global warming either, which incidently enough you also happen to believe in, basically because once again, you are a shriveled up, senile, uglied up, ass-faced jackass.

But I do have some news for you to chew on: God’s judgment will eventually come, but it will first begin in HIS HOUSE. Those who purport the name of Christ will be judged before the rest of the world, so might I suggest you ponder over that while you’re lifting 500 pound weights in your crapped up, landfill university Regents or putting on your makeup and lipstick before going live on the 700 club? Just a thought.

Love,

Lincoln

Comments { 8 }

My first ever post of what will be the most exciting year evaaaahhh!!!11

Written by on January 1, 2010
Filed Under Romance and Relationships

Yawn.

So, basically, I brought in the new year by watching old episodes of Heroes from Netflix and popping Ferrero Rondnoirs. I hadn’t even realized it was 2010 until 3 minutes past midnight. I also refused to turn on the TV to see the ball go down because I am just not a fanboy of watching stupid, drunken revelers gyrating all over each other to the tune of crap metal devil music. Plus Dick Clark is a weenie.

Next year I hope will be a different story. Instead of gouging myself on chocolates, I hope to ring in the near year with my first ever new year’s kiss. With a woman. :-D It’s going to happen, because if I can’t get some stupid, skanked up, self-absorbed, two-bit whore to cooperate and see what a great, sweet guy I am by then, then I’m just gonna hire me a hooker to give me a kissy wissy when the clock strikes 12.

Oh by the way, women SUCK.

No wait, I’m going somewhere with this. I’ve been having a fascinating discussion on a forum about relations between men and women, and some female newcomer talks about how she hates virgins and thinks they are creepy, dysfunctional, and like, totally uncool, and that only men with experience are worth chasing after. So naturally I called her a whore.

But that got me thinking. I always assumed the reason women who slept around were called whores while men who did the same were called studs was due to the byproduct of living in a patriarchal society. But now I see that women are completely to blame for these stereotypes. Why? Because while men respect women who are chaste/virgins, women however do not respect men for being the same. They in fact HATE THEM. A guy who sleeps with 50 women will be adored in the eyes of these skanks, while a virgin is shunned and derided.

As a Christian, I believe sex outside of marriage is wrong, and therefore chose to honor God and practice abstinence until I found “the one.” I’ve had several opportunities in my life to get on the funky, but I was so repulsed by the women who tried to… seduce me(?) that the decision to say no was easy. Back then I was really an ignoramus, I just couldn’t understand how women could proposition me without knowing anything about me, without any romance, without any emotional bond. They just slept around like it was no big deal.

Nowadays it’s even easier to remain a virgin, because now NOBODY wants me. :-D Only I think part of it was because I so freely talked about my virginal background. I’ve never been with a woman, but I always assumed saving myself for “the one” would endear me to them even more. It never really occurred to me that it had just the opposite effect. Even those that purport to be Christian I suspect still subconsciously shun me and lose respect for me because I am not a player.

So how then can I attract women now? Well it’s simple: LIE. If anyone asks, I have had 20 women in my life, and they ALL want me back.

That’s why I say women don’t want honesty, they want the right answers. I give them the wrong answer because stupid me thinks they might appreciate honesty, and they will run away like a thief in the night. It doesn’t matter who I am as a person, it only matters that I am only desirable to them if OTHER women also found me desirable. That’s why married men are more attractive to women than single. That’s why men with built-in harems are more attractive to women than men who practice monogamy.

The truth is I can’t reveal anything about my past, because I don’t see anything in it that could allure a girl. Everything I say about myself WILL be used against me in the court of romance and wubs. I have to lie, at least until I can get her emotionally invested in me, because the sad truth is, it’s the only way I can get any kind of woman to be interested in me. In the meantime, I might ask some of you to fake call me while I’m out on a date and like, cry on the phone and stuff over how badly you miss me and want me back. I’ll put you on speaker so she can hear it too.

Yep, I can’t see how my revised approach here to lie my way into a new relationship could possibly go wrong.

Comments { 27 }

Merry Christmas all, God bless us everyone!

Written by on December 24, 2009
Filed Under Personal Reflections

Time and space precludes me from getting in touch with each and every one of you, but I wanted to wish all my readers and online friends a very wonderful and Merry Christmas! The most blessed present I could ever get would be you guys for continuing to read my site and for putting up with my incoherent nonsense. Because of your support I have enjoyed unparalleled success this year, and now what was once unthinkable (living off my blog exclusively) has now been pushed to the realm of the possible. Who knows what next year might bring?

Thank you all for your kindness, your encouragement, your friendship and most of all, for recognizing my supreme awesomeness.

God bless you all!

Christmas Lighthouse

Comments { 8 }

The Obligatory “What Am I Thankful For” Post

Written by on November 25, 2009
Filed Under Personal Reflections

Another Thanksgiving draws near, and once again it’s time to reflect on what I should be thankful for.

… well I got nothing. :-D

No seriously, I do have a lot to be thankful for, especially this year. This was after all the year I finally became debt free, after having paid off my credit card, car and my college loan. It was the year my earnings from this blog reached inconceivable heights, making it possible for me to travel more frequently now and enjoy life in a way I never could before. For this I have you, my readers to thank. I still can’t quit my job just yet, but the extra income coupled with a debt free existence has made it possible now for me to go out and experience new and different things, and better yet, write about it too.

My health has also gotten much better as well. I thought I would be too tired, too sick to take on exhausting road trips and weekend getaways to God only knows where, but instead it’s become the exact opposite. The more I moved around, the better I felt and the more energy I had. In a way it broke my depression and lifted me out of this mental prison that I’ve built for myself for so long.

I’m thankful for finding a new hobby in geocaching too, to keep things interesting on my trips and find new places to explore that never would have occurred to me otherwise.

I’m thankful for my parents, who are all that I have left of a once huge family that had been lost through hate, estrangement and betrayal.

I am thankful for my beautiful and reliable SUV, which continues to guzzle gas and proudly leave it’s wide load of a carbon footprint for all to see. :-D

I am thankful for Yankee Candles, pizza and cupcakes. And occasionally brownies too.

And of course, I am thankful to God my Father and my savior Jesus Christ, who has made all of the above things possible.

And I am thankful for the new year to come, the endless possibilities it might bright, and a hope that refuses to die, the hope that I will someday soon meet my dream girl. :)

Comments { 6 }
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