A conversation I had on IM today:

Lincoln: so hey i see that bailout is working wonders

Casey: what did I tell you? It would make things worse

Casey: We’ve just socialized much of Wall Street, and a good portion of our financial system…a further economic collapse will have a liberal government taking over transaction and payment systems…something clearly foretold as an end-time event…you cannot buy or sell without the mark of the beast.

Lincoln: Thank you Mister Sunshine

Lincoln: Could we possibly hold off the end of the world until after I get a girlfriend?

To the visitor who found my blog using the search term:

“my girlfriend stays out till 4am”

Newsflash: Your girlfriend dumped you. You just don’t know it yet, and apparently your mind must be so hazy that you’ve had to resort to doing a Google search just to figure out why a girl might want to stay out till the wee hours of the morning rather than stay in with her honey snuggles.

But if you still need some convincing, here’s a couple of solid reasons why you’re hugging the air instead of a warm body at 3AM in the morning:

Your one true love has another boyfriend(s). Yep, after spending the entire evening telling you just how much she yearns for you in your absence and how you complete her, she then casually leaves you as you snore away to go see her other true loves, Bob, Mike and Omar, so she can tell them all how much she yearns for them in her absence and how they complete her too.

Or… your girl is a strip dancer at the local hoinkie boinkie bar. While you dream of gingerbread men dancing on your head, your darling sugar pie is shaking her gimmy-gam gum-gums in front of a horde of drunk, strange men, one of whom she takes back home with her for a witching hour special.

But perhaps I’m being too unreasonable here. Maybe your girl is simply just a light sleeper, and sometimes likes to take 5 hour long walks in the park so she can clear her mind and think about how truly blessed she is to have you in her life. That’s gotta be it right?

Simple Mindz couldn’t resist tagging me with yet another one of those damned memes, but she’s hot, so I forgive her.

Alllllrighty then, here are the rules:

• Link to the person that tagged you.
• Post the rules on your blog.
• Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
• Tag six random people and the end of your post-link to their blogs.
• Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
• Run from the stampeding mob that ensues.

And here’s my personal list:

1. I am addicted to Starbucks Hot Chocolate.
2. I gave my car a name… and talk to it too.
3. I have a pillow girlfriend named Isabella that I hug every night for comfort.
4. I have more disco and neon lights in my bedroom than the local rave club does.
5. I’m a complete klutz when I’m around beautiful women.
6. Movies make me cry sometimes.

And now to tag six victims.

• Butterflyfish
• Just Something I Was Thinking About
• The IgNoble Experiment
• Casey’s Critical Thinking
• For Serenity’s Sake
• Joie de Vivre

Enjoy!

Jingle bells, Britney smells,
Jamie laid an egg….

Yep, in what seems to be the beginnings of a Spears tradition, the 16 year old sister of Britney Spears now has one baking in the oven, the result of being the live-in girlfriend of some 19 year old dweeb she met… at church.

What was that about saying I should be going to church if I want to meet a virtuous, pious girl who could be my better half? Brilliant, F___ing “A” strategy there my man.

“Dude, why can’t I find a girlfriend?”

“Well you have two problems: your looks and your personality.”

So how are ya Linc?

Well, gee let’s see here, I’m eating triple chocolate Nestle ice cream, which has melted messy drips onto my keyboard and sullied my what used to be brilliant white t-shirt, checking my email every 15 seconds in the vain hope that the girl I just contacted on Match.com will soon get back to me, even though it’s been 10 days already and she’s probably married by now, so I am left to face yet another cold dark night by myself with only my pillow girlfriend Isabella to keep me warm.

How’s your night going?