Yesterday was my last day off before I had to head back to work, so I decided to make the most of it by doing a relaxing afternoon of geocaching. First one I found was at a park where I once worked as a camp counselor, bringing back fond memories of getting jumped and beaten by a bunch of 10 year old snotheads 5 days a week. Ah yes, memories.

The next one was hidden in a what used to be a creek, long since dried up. The area was now a public plot of land that cut through an entire neighborhood and eventually ended at the grounds of a local high school. After checking the coordinates and looking around for a few minutes, I finally located the hidden cache at the guardrail that separated the park from one of the streets. It was a perfect day, the sun shining and warm enough that no jacket was needed. I felt myself relaxing and enjoying the good weather as I opened up the cache to sign the logbook.

Suddenly, a whale mountain of a hag beast Dede Scozzafava lookalike materializes out of nowhere.

“EXCUSE ME, DO YOU WORK FOR THE TOWN?

“Me? No, just taking a walk here, enjoying the weather.”

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, ARE YOU SCOPING OUT MY HOUSE?? WHAT DID YOU PUT IN THAT GUARDRAIL???”

“Um, no, I’m not scoping anything. Don’t worry about this either, it’s just a geocache.”

“A WHAT? WHAT IS THAT?”

I cheerily explained the concept of geocaching to her. “It’s like a box that contains little trinkets and a logbook. People hide them all over the world, post the coordinates to them online, and then you use a GPS to find it. Sort of like a hi-tech treasure hunt. It’s really fun.”

She didn’t say anything much after that, and went back into a house nearby, so I thought that was pretty much the end of that. I signed the log and went to return the cache.

Then the land whale materializes again.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??”

I tried to explain geocaching again a few more times, including how you use a GPS device to find caches.

“I DON’T WANT THAT THING HERE. TAKE IT WITH YOU NOW.”

“I don’t think I’m allowed to take it, but I can let the owner know if you feel really uncomfortable about it…”

“THEY’RE SPYING ON US, ELLE!!!” She yelled out to someone apparently standing at the door of the house nearby.

“WHO DO YOU WORK FOR???” The lady apparently named Elle yelled out to me.

I explained who I worked for, which in hindsight I’m thinking was probably a mistake. Because when you combine GPS, satellites, and then the revelation that you work for a government agency, that’s not really a good combo to have when trying to explain a harmless pastime to someone, who for all attempts and purposes was acting like a paranoid schizophrenic.

“Look I have an ID here if you’re that concerned, but I really think you’re overre…”

“IDs CAN BE FALSIFIED. I CAN MAKE A FAKE ID TOO WITH MY PRINTER! I WANT THAT OUT OF HERE NOW!!”

“YOU PUT THAT THERE DIDN’T YOU!? ISN’T THAT A TRACKER??”

“Err no, it’s just a simple keyholder with a logbook inside.” I showed it to her.

Soon another neighbor walking her dog passed by and stopped to see what the commotion was about. It wasn’t 30 seconds before she started glaring at me as well like I was Ted Bundy reincarnated.

“Should we call the police?” She casually suggested. “It looks like he’s littering so they could arrest him for that.”

“I am not littering. And I don’t think I’m on private property either. This area here is a public area right?

“IT DOESN’T MATTER, I CAN SEE YOU FROM MY HOUSE!”

“YOU TAKE THAT THING WITH YOU, AND I DON’T EVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?? I SWEAR IF I SEE YOU HERE AGAIN I WILL GET MY SHOTGUN AND BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF! GET THE #%^$ OUT OF HERE NOW!”

“Ok, can I still take a walk in the pa– you know I think I’ll just leave now.”

I quickly walked back to my car, looking over my shoulder every now and then to see if she was in fact going to go back into the house to get her shotgun. Suddenly there were neighbors everywhere, all murmuring and staring at me like I had just landed here from Mars. They continued to glare at me with steely eyes of raging, foaming hatred. I had never seen anything quite like it.

I still had the cache with me, but no way was I putting it back now. I got out of there fast. Afterwards, I pulled into another section of the park area far away from Miss Nightmare on Elm Street, and hid the cache in a guardrail there.

Once upon a time I had gone to school here (not by choice), and I had always known something was just a little “off” with the locals, which is why I minimized any contact with them. They just weren’t… rational, ya know? But I never realized just how bad it really was until now. To be treated like a criminal and have my life threatened, this despite the fact that I was in a PUBLIC park and was parked legally, and so, what, I’m a threat because she saw me from her house from 50 yards away? Seriously? And then to talk about calling the police and working out how they can get me arrested WHILE I’M STANDING RIGHT THERE?

You know, even now I still have a naivete when it comes to befriending people in real life. I always think once I explain things and show I’m not a threat to them, they learn to relax around me. You would think logic and common sense would prevail in the end, right? Well…

The irony of it is that I when I had gone geocaching in Pennsylvania, people had warned of a similar scenario about a cache hidden at another local park there, and how if you parked on the street, one of the neighbors would have a fit and tell you off for parking in front of his house.

But see, that actually makes sense in a way. Here, I’m not merely parking in front of a house to the chagrin of the homeowner. No, I’m actually an agent for the government looking to place a tracking bug in a guardrail so the aliens can come later to murder you in your sleep. Because see, that just makes so much more sense.

Honestly, the more I travel, the more I realize just how badly growing up here had adversely affected the way I see people. I notice everyone around me is batty cracknuts out of their minds, and I assume that’s just how it is everywhere. People are paranoid, hostile, and will spit in your face just for daring to pollute their existence. They will be friendly one day and then come after you with knives the very next. In fact, I’m pretty certain that if I came back to that same place this weekend, they would all be quite friendly to me. Although, I think I’ll refrain from putting that theory to the test.

I should have paid attention when I took psychology at one of the local colleges here, and the professor mentioned that we had one of the highest ratio of mental hospitals than anywhere else in the country.

Now I know why.

Tags: camp counselor, geocache, geocaching, gps, neighbor, neighbors, parked, parking, Pennsylvania, world
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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I’ve had all week off from work due to finagling my time around and connecting Election Day and Veterans Day to my usual time off. One of the reasons October/November continues to be my favorite months.

But then of course, it rains. And rains, and rains, and rains, and rains, and rains… Man, I don’t think I’ve seen the sun since Monday. This dude is not pleased.

So instead, I opt to go to the movies, but this time I wanted to check out one that had closed captioning available. There was only one nearby that captioned a movie I wanted to see (2012), so I decided to check it out.

I knew I was in for another whirly day when my GPS wouldn’t accept the address I put in. Sigh. Instead I drove to the location and of COURSE on the way I run into a MASSIVE traffic jam. Cars upon cars upon cars upon cars, and always the guy in front of me drives too slow while the guy behind me drives too fast. By the time I had reached my destination I was gripping the wheel so hard my knuckles were white. I was about THISCLOSE to flipping my lid and playing real life bumper cars.

By the time I got there the movie was just about to start. Only problem is, I arrived in front of a gas station.

Where between heaven and hell WAS this movie theater? Google Maps says it’s supposed to be right here, and Google never lies, @&%^!

I drove some more, than drove back again. After about a few miles I see a small sign indicating a movie theater was nearby. Turns out Google Maps was about 5 miles off the mark. By the time I had finally gotten to the right spot the movie had already started 30 minutes ago.

Sigh. It was just as well, the theater looked packed, and if there was one thing I could not abide by, it was the obnoxious, ugly weekend crowd of skanky kids, tired looking parents and stupid teenage couples getting all up in my space as I try to enjoy what more than likely turns out to be a sucky movie.

Not really what I had in mind to cap off my last week off from work. Grrrr.

Ah well, I might be able to redeem myself yet if it stops raining tomorrow. I’ll be heading off to Sleepy Hollow then for some geocaching and cemetery exploring. Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig’s graves will be nearby too, so I might go see that as well. My coworker of course will wrinkle his nose at the thought of me going off to see a few Yankee ballplayers, but then again what else can you expect from a disgruntled Mets fan.

Pray I don’t get ticks or run into snakes or anything. I really, really hate bugs, and I really, REALLY hate snakes. Why can’t these people hide geocaches in like a Starbucks or something? Sheesh.

Tags: captioning, cemetery, crowd, geocache, geocaching, google maps, gps, movie, movie theater, theater, traffic, weekend
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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So aside from the poison ivy rashes (which reared its ugly head once I came home), I had a nice time in Pennsylvania for a few days.

I stayed at the Fulton Steamboat Inn, probably THE place to stay at if you’re ever visiting this area (and I don’t merely say that because of the sweet hotel girl I met here.) As soon as you come near you can hear folksy music playing in the background, and the hotel is especially a treat to the eyes at night:

Look at all the purdy lights!

Awesome rooms too:

LOVE

After catching a bluegrass show the first night, it was off to go geocaching for the remainder of my trip there. One of the things that I should have realized about this pastime is that when you go outdoors, you expose yourself to unpleasant, outdoorsy things. Like say, poison ivy.

And course, only me, would catch a BAD case of poison ivy by looking around for a geocache at a Walmart parking lot. Yes, seriously. A week later the rashes have left me weeping in a corner for several days now, while wishing death and destruction on the idiot douche monkey cache owner for hiding this thing in a jungle of this VILE, EVIL WEED. Seriously, who expects to run into poison ivy at WALMART? Oy.

I did fare better on future cache hunts though, the most rewarding of which was hidden at a covered bridge here:

Wow... it really covers!

You would thinking finding a cache here would be easy right? Well, aside from almost getting mowed down by passing cars who liked to drive 300 miles an hour over the bridge, when I realized where I had to look…

Errmm...

Are you kidding me?

Oh boy. There was a tiny ledge underneath the bridge, but the only way to get to it was to swing under by holding one of the wooden beams. I’m telling you, I came THISCLOSE to falling into the water. I was sure the wood was going to give way and I would wind up spending the night at a hospital with splinters and pneumonia. Somehow though I pulled it off, grabbed the cache while holding on to one of the beams, and swung out. Behold:

Who does your Daddy work for now, punk?

Inside were several items known as swag (trade items geocachers leave behind) and a geocoin that came from British Columbia, which I took as my reward. Due to their nature though I can’t hold on to it, so I’ll need to drop the coin off at another cache soon, where it will continue its worldwide journey.

After that near brush with death and swimming with the fishes, I decided to avoid the more riskier caches and opt for those that took me to various areas around Lancaster, preferably those places that didn’t require bushwhacking my way through the forests where evil, dangerous things like groundhogs lurked. Filtering those out, I ended up finding one near a game farm:

What are YOU lookin' at?

And one near an Amish store, where I bought a homemade sausage pretzel from a pretty Amish babe. Mmmmmm, mmmmmm, MMMM! She can do Rumspringa with me anytime.

But anyhoo, *ahem*, I have to say, geocaching is definitely providing some helpful fodder for my blogging, primarily because it leads me to places I normally wouldn’t go on my own. Usually I’m just driving around aimlessly when I’m unsure of what to do, (which is pretty much the case for me 90 percent of the time,) so it’s nice to finally come across a hobby that can provide some much needed focus to my otherwise meandering and boring life.

I have more pictures from the trip by the way, so if you’d like to see them you can check them out at my gallery or on Flickr. Enjoy!

Tags: Amish, blogging, bluegrass, country, covered bridge, geocache, geocaching, hobby, hotel, Pennsylvania, photo, Photos, poison ivy, walmart
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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So I got up early this morning for a 3 day trip to Lancaster County in Pennsylvania, where I would meet up with a few relatives to celebrate a birthday at a bluegrass show. The next few days though would be all about meeeeeeeeeee, as I go off to do some geocaching deep in the heart of Amish Country.

So I have my GPS all set up, and I take off, first with a stop at 7-11 for some coffee.

And yep, I knew things were going to go south the minute I poured Half and Half into my coffee and the cap fell out and landed right into my cup.

“Ow, ouch, ow, ouch!” My fingers burned as I tried to pick the cap out of the sizzling coffee. Finally I wised up and used a pair of stirrers to get it out. The coffee of course tasted flat too.

Afterwards, I start heading south and already my spirits were beginning to improve, knowing I would be out of New York and breathing a bit easier over the next few days from being away from this accursed place. Then I see a road sign:

“Verrazano Bridge Closed.”

Nah, that can’t be right. Who completely closes a major metropolitan bridge anyway? Refusing to accept the warning, I pressed on, thinking the sign meant they only closed a few lanes.

THEY CLOSED THE ENTIRE @#$%^ VERRAZANO BRIDGE WHAT THE @*&$%^ GAAAAYEEARRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

I furiously started tapping the detour button on my GPS, but it kept telling me to take the same route that was now completely BLOCKED by barriers and cops. Livid and ready to mow people down, I turned around and made my way back uptown again. The GPS finally wised up to my location and rerouted me through the Battery tunnel and the Holland. Thank God the traffic was light or I probably never would have made it out of New York alive. Eventually I did make it out and before I knew it I was zipping along on the New Jersey Turnpike at high speed.

I didn’t drive slower than 80-90… (ok maybe 100 at times) until I was finally in Pennsylvania. Breathing a bit easier now that I was out of the craphole that was New York and New Jersey, I noticed there was a geocache right by the rest area, so I decided to take a quick look so I could log this one as a find too.

Unfortunately I didn’t find it, although I did manage to muddy up my shoes and cut my hands too from the blades of the grass I was pulling up to find this bloody stupid cache. Oy! Plus for some reason my cell phone was not cooperating, so I could not access the Internet to get more info either so I could locate it.

I gave up and eventually continued deeper into Pennsylvania, then stopped by a Walmart to pick up a few things. I noticed there was yet another cache nearby the parking lot, so it was off I went. (Yep, I am in fact hooked to this.) This time I managed to find it, though not before stepping around in what I’m pretty sure now was poison ivy. I am really, really hoping that’s not the case, or this mini-vacation is going to take a very miserable turn for the worse in a hurry.

I arrived at the hotel around 3PM and checked in, dragged my suitcase up to my room and tried to open the door. After jiggling around for a minute, the door suddenly swung open and the guy whose room that DID belong to stared curiously at me.

“Whoops, sorry, wrong room.” He had just about scared the living crapola out of me too. Yeesh. I quickly moved away, only to move back again when I realized my room was directly across from his. A few minutes later, after I went out into the parking lot to grab more stuff, I saw the same guy again heading out and waving at me. I happened to notice a sticker on his car too, and it was an emblem that had become all too familiar to me. The guy actually worked for the same agency I did. We were, in fact, coworkers.

200 miles I travel and I still can’t get away from my job.

As soon as I realized it I ran to see if I could catch up to him to find out more, but his car had already left the parking lot. Are these people watching me or something??

Regardless, the whirly day finally began to simmer down as I met up with my folks again and we went off to the bluegrass show. I had a nice time, came back to the hotel, and somehow concluded the evening by having a pretty, sweetheart of a girl stop by my room so she could help light my fire.

But that’s another story.

Anyhoo, that’s it for the day. It’s 1AM, I’m exhausted and I need to get some sleep. Plus I’m starting to itch a little here…

Tags: Amish, coworkers, geocache, geocaching, girl, gps, lancaster county, new york, Pennsylvania, sweetheart, traffic, travel, vacation, verrazano bridge, walmart
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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Today was probably the most fun day I’ve had in a while. I took an extended walk downtown, and armed with my iPod and my steely wits, I was ready to make a second go of geocaching.

I couldn’t locate the first cache on my list, but the second one proved to me why this would be a worthwhile hobby to pursue. It brought me to a little known deck 30 feet high that had a garden and a breathtaking view of the waters. On such a gorgeous day as this, it was truly a major treat for me. Had it not been for geocaching, I never would have discovered this little known spot. It really does provide a great way for me to see the world from a whole new perspective.

Even though my iPod started going boinky on me, I did manage to pinpoint the area where the cache would be, leading me to an inconspicuous looking park bench:

Hmmmmmmmm...

After feeling and groping around the area like a lonely old man at a brothel, my efforts at long last were finally rewarded:

Yes my friends, I am no longer a geocache weenie virgin.

I look around to make sure no one was watching, then pulled out the cache and opened it up. It contained a logbook signed by all the other cachers who had also found the box. No trinkets or coins to be had though, but I was happy enough just to FIND the flipping thing.

I signed my name as well and carefully out it back in its place, then went out onto the deck to a enjoy a splendid view of the city.

And the best thing about all this, was that I didn’t really feel lonely. One of the biggest reasons why I rarely go out these days was because I just can’t stand to watch the world as they walked around in pairs. It always brought me pain and the constant reminder that I was always alone. But I didn’t feel that today. Instead I felt… happy. I was so busy hunting down geocaches and enjoying a view of the city that I had forgotten all about my loneliness, and for the first time in a long while, I could actually enjoy being single again.

Up next for a fun day of cache hunting: Sleepy Hollow! I might be able to pull that off this weekend before I head off to Pennsylvania for a bluegrass show, and yes I realize that also happens to be the same weekend as Halloween, but I’m not worried. I’m much more manlier than Ichabod ever was anyway.

Unless we’re talking the Johnny Depp version, then we’re like, totally even.

Tags: cache, city, geocache, geocaching, ipod touch, loneliness, lonely, park, single
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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While I was researching GPS devices to get for my car, I inadvertently came upon a wondrous thing called geocaching.

The idea behind it is pretty simple: use a GPS device to discover hidden caches around the world that were placed by geocaching enthusiasts. Once you find a geocache, you can sign the logbook to note that you were there, and also post a field note online to indicate your discovery of the cache, and your experiences in finding it too if you so desire. People also sometimes leave items that you can take with you, as long as you replace it with one of equal or greater value.

It’s the kind of hobby that for me would be an answer to prayer. It was becoming a ritual for me to spend my free time by either gluing myself to the Internet in the vain hope that I might finally get a tweet from some smoking hot virginal babe professing her undying love to me, or playing Nancy Drew mystery games and watching movies from Netflix while chowing down on Cheetos. I needed something that would put me out there and give me a reason to move around again, instead of just driving aimlessly around New York with a violent urge to mow down anyone who got in my way.

There were many fascinating geocaches in Lake Placid too, so much that I’m kicking myself for not finding out about it sooner while I was up there, but fortunately, there are tons of local caches in my area to choose from, and I decided my very first geocaching experience would involve finding one hidden in a lamp post somewhere in town.

So off I went for my very first geocaching hunt, and in the dark, cold, pouring rain too! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I arrived at the location, then followed the steps to locate the right lamp post. I had to take a certain number of steps in various directions to find the correct spot, akin to finding buried treasure, and I was exhilarated. Even the bad weather couldn’t bring me down.

Except, I couldn’t find the cache. I looked and looked, retraced my steps, looked again, and still could not find a thing. I ended up looking at each lamp post within a 100 yards of me in addition to the one that was SUPPOSED to hold the cache, and apparently I was getting noticed, as people were starting to stare at me in curiosity as they walked by. I looked up after feeling around under one lamp post to see one group walking by and eyeing me in suspicion.

“Don’t worry, I’m the lamp post inspector, just here to make sure these lights are all working smoothly.” I made a satisfactory gesture as I knocked on the lamp post. They continued walking on.

Where the crap was this @#$% thing already, son-of-a…

So then a police car pulls up near me.

Oh Lord, please don’t tell me these numbnuts actually called the cops on me…

But fortunately it kept moving on. Whoooooo… man, I really have had just about enough of cops getting all up in my space lately too. The last thing I needed was to get yet another stupid ticket, or worse, wind up in jail because I don’t know how to keep my mouth shut for nothing.

Finally, after 30 minutes of getting drenched in the rain and learning how to breathe again after the cop scare, I gave up. I’m convinced somebody had stolen this cache, and that’s what I’m gonna go with, especially considering people had been posting online that this was one of the easiest caches they ever found too, so I’ll insist that the cache was really stolen and not accept the possibility that it was right under my nose all along, and only schmucky idiot buffoons like me would be incapable of finding it.

Sigh.

Ah well, tomorrow’s another day. I’m planning to head down to South Street for a relaxing afternoon by the water, and supposedly there’s another cache right by the seaport that I can go look for. Yeah, we’ll see. I bet that’s probably long gone by now too.

Tags: driving, free time, geocache, geocaching, gps, hobby, lake placid, lamp post, new york, rain
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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