Tag Archives | funny

Celebrating Valentine’s Day in Misery

Written by on February 1, 2011
Filed Under Romance and Relationships

Since we’re getting close to Single Awareness Day, thought I’d add one more item to my collection of anti-Valentine’s Day postings from my favorite teddy bear of all time: The Misery Bear!

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I think Hyundai’s Marketing Department Needs to be Cluebatted

Written by on August 23, 2010
Filed Under Personal Reflections

So I get my mail today and I notice I received a letter from Hyundai:

“Hyundai USA has recently implemented a quality benchmark for all it’s [sic] vehicles. Part of this initiative is to reimburse customers for the amount spent on servicing their Hyundai.

Lincoln, on 1/11/10, you spent $56.48 servicing your Hyundai Santa Fe. Hyundai USA would like to take this opportunity to reimburse you this entire amount…

Alright!  Go Hyund-

… toward the lease or purchase of a new Hyundai.

Dude… wait what? 

Hyundai Reimbursement Check

What?  Did they seriously send me a letter saying I would get a $57 price break off the purchase of a brand spanking NEW VEHICLE??  Wow, let me go out right now and grab a me a Tucson!  I’ll hardly feel the hit of coughing up $25,000 now that you’ve sent me this awesomely awesome fake reimbursement check for $57.  Wheeee!

Good grief. 

Really, why send me a letter like this?  Because now, after having invested over $30,000 to purchase and maintain my shiny Santa Fe, and receiving this insulting $57 rebate that I can’t even use unless I buy a new car, guess what I’ll  eventually do?  I’ll just go buy a new car from somebody else.

Bang-up job promoting brand loyalty, Hyundai. 

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A Bear of a Laugh

Written by on August 23, 2010
Filed Under Comedy

It’s almost like BBC followed me around on of my last trips and decided to make a video out of it. If this doesn’t capture perfectly the kind of experiences I often have when I’m on vacation, down to the couple playing suck face in front of me at the beach, I don’t know what does.

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Hello, my name is Lincoln, and I hate women.

Written by on March 11, 2010
Filed Under My Job

So today I came across this video:

Have you noticed, whenever you can see the driver, it’s always a woman? Watch the last one too, you just KNOW that was a dude who did it. Awesome.

So anyway, I show it to my male coworker, and we get to a discussion about how women are pretty much the dumbest, worthless, most good for nothing creatures ever.

“God, I seriously hate them, you know? I hate working with them, I hate looking at them, I just HATE them.” I made a spitting motion to the ground.

“I hear ya, how much better would this place be if if it were just us men. Then we’d REALLY be getting things done.”

“A-fracking-men. I am so done with them, seriously.” I looked over and noticed Karen was approaching us (a girl I once crushed on.) Oh crap, she probably overheard us and was going to give us the third-

“Do any of you guys have change for a dollar?”

“Of course, honey!” I ran to my desk and got out some quarters. “Are you getting a soda? They raised it to a dollar twenty-five, so I’ll give you an extra quarter if you need it.”

“Yeah, actually, you don’t mind? I’ll pay you when I get change again.”

“Of course, sweetie, don’t worry about it.” I smiled.

“Thanks, you are such a doll.” She left, and I turned back to my coworker.

“What?”

“You… disgust me.”

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Angry White Men Black Women

Written by on January 20, 2010
Filed Under Politics

So I’m in court today (don’t ask), waiting to take the elevator down so I can head out and buy more brownies, when this black lady walks up to wait with me, and starts ranting away about something, presumably on the cell phone. We got into the elevator, and she continues to keep on ranting as we went down. Loud too. The only thing I could catch was something about “Brown” and “white people” in “Massachusetts.”

When I caught that, I had to stifle a grin. But then I realized something else. She wasn’t on the phone. I thought she had been railing away on the cell via a bluetooth headset, but she was actually just ranting out loud to no one in particular.

When I realized that, it was all I could do not to burst out laughing. I moved to the corner of the elevator, desperately trying to hold my face together with my hand. Finally the doors opened up and she walked out, still railing away. “….&*#$ white people!!”

I just broke out laughing from there, then headed out the doors, taking in the cool air and the warm sunshine. My brownie will be extra tasty today. :-D

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