After taking tabs of the new friendships I’ve been able to make on and off the Internet in the past few weeks, I noticed the people I seem to relate to the most are…. military wives and 50-year old mothers.

What the hell is wrong with me??

Tags: friendships, hell, military wives, mothers, people, relate, tabs
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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I finished cleaning up my blog and watching my shows, so I’m left here surfing the Internet to nowhere in particular. I can still feel that annoying lump in my throat (caused by my acid reflux) and an occasional heartburn, all of which has considerably darkened my mood. Yet as late as it is, I have no desire to go to bed, even though I really am tired, and the only time I get relief from my acid reflux issues is when I finally turn in. It’s also the time where I get a chance to fantasize about the girl of my dreams, conjuring up all kinds of scenarios on how we might first meet, fall in love, and develop that “perfect” relationship.

But for right now, I have only the glow of my monitor to keep me company. It’s times like this when the reality of my solitary existence really hits me, yet once upon a time I actually used to like being alone. I could do what I wanted to, when I wanted to, and I didn’t have to worry about accommodating or considering other people’s feelings. My life was my own.

But ever since my best friend and I have parted ways, I also have no one to talk to either. No one to my share life experiences with, watch a movie with, have dinner with, or just hang out with. Part of it has just been the circumstances of life, but part of it has been my own doing as well. Now that I’m in the process of picking up the pieces of my broken life and trying to put it back together again, I’m hoping this time around things will be different. But I also know it takes time to build relationships and friendships, and wisdom to know how to build them with the right kind of people. I don’t know if I even have what it takes anymore to get out there and connect with the world again. But I do know I can’t live the rest of my life as a virtual hermit either.

So what to do? Just take it one day at a time, I guess.

Tags: acid reflux, best friend, blog, circumstances, dating, day at a time, desire, feelings, friendships, heartburn, hermit, loneliness, lump in my throat, one day at a time, picking up the pieces, relationship, rest of my life, scenarios, social life, wisdom
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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I usually start making plans for my vacation around this time of year, and unlike those who usually have their main vacations during the summer, mine takes place in October, which is by far my absolute favorite month out of the year.

This time though, I’m breaking with tradition for a few reasons. One, I’ve grudgingly accepted the fact that I desperately need to save money to pay off my loans so I’m more financially prepared for law school. Two, taking vacations by myself seems to have run its course. In the beginning I used to really enjoy vacationing by myself, being only slightly peeved by that ever omnipresent young couple that always seemed to find me wherever I went, holding hands and playing suck face while I did my darnedest best to try to ignore them.

Now though, it’s gotten tiresome. I’m tired of going back to an empty motel room at the end of the day. I’m tired of visiting a fascinating tourist attraction while having no one to share that experience with. I’m tired of using a tripod just so I can take pictures of myself. I’m tired of walking around by myself while the rest of the world walks in pairs. I’m @#$%-ing sick and tired of it all. So the last time I came back from vacation, I resolved that I would never do it again until I met the girl of my dreams. Yeah yeah, I can hear the critics now: “You’re gonna be a lonely mother for a long, long time, Linkie.” But I can’t do it anymore. Ironically enough it’s made me more anti-social as a result, because now I’m losing the desire to even leave the apartment, much less take a vacation somewhere. It simply pains me too much to put myself out there these days. I have to get over it though, especially considering that I’m not gonna be meeting anybody any time soon if I continue to hide under the bed all the time. *sigh*

Ah well, worse comes to worse, there’s always escort services.

Tags: apartment, dating, desire, escort services, friendships, holding hands, last time, law school, loans, loneliness, lonely, long long time, pairs, rest of the world, single, smile, soulmate, time of year, tourist attraction, tripod, vacation, vacations
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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When Hell vomited forth its presence onto the Internet, the net result was the creation of Myspace.

I’m no stranger to online social networking, but what goes on at Myspace can only be adequately described as some drug induced psychotic nightmare that even the marginally sane among us would do best to avoid. At one time I had actually thought this might be a good place for networking and meeting reasonably intelligent, morally upright women. Good God, what the hell was I thinking?

But what truly irks me is not so much the neon green text on a yellow background layout that some brain damaged Myspacer thought would look cool, or the auto-streaming of some lame urban rap song AND a music video all at once (?!?!?!), or the appalling mass of bloated crap Myspacers upload to their pages that could cause even IBM’s Deep Blue to grind to a screeching halt. Instead, it’s the utterly obnoxious, completely unhinged, whacked out to the freaking gills mentality these Myspacers exhibit. Having all the grace of parentless teenagers on crack, the contents of the Myspace universe are often lewd, obscene, vulgar, and at times downright disturbing.

The only redeeming quality I could see in using Myspace is if you want to look up people from your college or high school days. There were about 400 people in my graduating class in high school, but I found less than 30 of them were on Myspace. I pretty much didn’t recognize any of them either. Either the rest of my classmates hadn’t caught on, or they turned out to be very smart people. So much for me connecting with my old high school buddies.

I have to admit, scouting sites like Myspace can be a very depressing experience, especially when my only desire here is to find a network of likeminded people who I could truly connect with. That and of course, finding the girl of my dreams. It’s not just Myspace though, it’s also the many other networking and matchmaking sites that turn out to be utter crap. My personal favorite out of this bunch has to be eHarmony though, of which I filled out three personality tests at various times in the past and got back three different results. Either I have multiple personalities, or eHarmony’s questionaire isn’t worth a bucket of warm spit. For this they charge 50+ dollars a month?

Apparently though, I’m not the only one who’s been getting frustrated over this. A recent article indicated that social isolation has been steadily increasing for quite a while, in spite of the rapid rise of online social networking. Even with the Internet, people are more disconnected from each other today than they ever were before.

This quote by the way from a Slashdot commentator was quite telling:

I agree and I face this situation on a daily basis. Every potential social outlet has been closed off in the face of shopping malls and such and it seems like the only place to meet anyone is at the bar where you have the choice between the girl with tatoos or one of the girls… {uhh, no more need be said about these sort}. It’s getting quite desperate. It’s actually getting me to think about going back to school or joining some type of community service organization just to meet people. The world has turned into a lonely, lonely place. Online socializing isn’t the solution though, I’ve learned that much. But it is the symptom of a larger problem that will probably not be going away anytime soon.

In spite of the declining number of social outlets that could possibly suit me, the sobering reality is that I’m going to have to put myself out there more often and as much as possible, even though it requires far more work… and far more risks as well. It’s so easy for me to just plop down in front of a computer and try to network that way, but I can’t help but feel it’s an ass backwards way of developing a genuine social network of friends. It seems more ideal that I meet and connect with people first in real life and then continue that correspondence online, as so many others have successfully done.

Instead of expecting it all to be handed to me on a silver platter, it looks like I’m gonna have to actually put some muscle and effort into this. I may even have to, God help me, start talking to people as well. Oh the depths to which I must now sink in order to find my true love! Will there be no end to this atrocity???

Tags: classmates, college, crack, dating, eharmony, friendships, good god, graduating class, high school, love, matchmaking, mentality, music video, myspace, nightmare, rap song, romance, social networking, soulmate, stranger, teenagers, urban rap
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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