I lead a charmed life.

So I’m just minding my own business and checking my email, when I get this alert from a Christian pastor I know.  He feels a great calamity is about to occur soon, causing massive fires in New York City that will spread out even to New Jersey and Connecticut, along with lootings and riotings in major cities worldwide.

If it had been anyone else I would have immediately dismissed him as a quack and merrily gone on my way.  But he had warned about the real estate crash and about the financial crisis we’re experiencing now since the early 90s and was right on both counts.  The fires he feels will happen soon is something he had been warning about for several years.  God’s judgment.

Whether you believe this or not, the email left me sinking into a pit of despair, even though it was meant to be sent as an encouragement to believers with the knowledge that God is still in control and will provide even in times of major distress.

But if there’s one thing that could define just why I feel so out of place in this world, that email sums it up.  It’s not something I can share around the water cooler at work with non-believers, lest they think I was dropping acid.  I try talk to other Christians about it but their heads are so far up the hairy flesh balls of Rick Warren that I might as well be speaking Klingon.

I could just say screw it, nothing’s gonna happen, we’re all right as rain here, but in my heart I know it isn’t true.  We’re in for some very hard times ahead, and there is virtually no one out there with whom I can confide in and share my feelings with about this without coming across as a cracknut to them.  And who knows, maybe nothing will happen, and in His mercy God will grant us a reprieve.  But can I not even have a conversation about this with others without getting strange looks or being laughed at?

People are often perplexed as to why I remain single, but this is a big reason why.  I see things that no one else does.  I believe things that no one else believes.  It isolates me from others, and I often have to keep people at arm’s length simply because once they knew the real me, they would either hate me dead or run away, or both.  And that’s fine.  I’m not looking to be the life of the party here.  A friend and a lover is all I’ve ever wanted.  While others need to be surrounded by people to the extent that they even use a ranking system for the best friends they have (BFF1 BFF2, etc. – WT*?!?), I would be more than happy having just one true friend.

We pride ourselves on our individuality, but the truth is most people are sheep, and would choose conformity over being unique so long as it meant not having to be alone.  That’s why most Christians today are merely nominal in their faith.  Their beliefs are so generic and ultimately meaningless that the only way I can get along with them is by completely leaving God out of the picture.  As long as we don’t talk about God or spiritual things, we’re a-ok.  God is somebody they treat as an equal, someone who is reduced to commercial slogans (Got Milk? becomes Got Jesus?) or a drug high, as if the experience of serving the Creator was tantamount to getting a heroin fix.   I’ve never understood this mentality, and yet every time I’ve challenged it, it’s resulted in near violence.  So I simply keep my beliefs to myself in order to maintain the peace.  People don’t want to hear it.

And now I have to deal with these new set of emotions brought on by this possible revelation of calamity that may soon come upon us, topped off with the fact that I’ve been feeling pretty lousy and fatigued for eons now, and facing a bleak future for which it would seem pointless to even hope of building a new life for myself, much less one that would include a special girl who can truly love me for who I am (who I REALLY am.)

I lead a charmed life.

Tags: best friend, calamity, christian, Christians, depression, despair, emotions, faith, feelings, financial, financial crisis, fires, friends, God, health, judgment, new york city, pastor, rick warren, violence
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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I recently caught this article on the BBC:

People’s health could be harmed by social networking sites because they reduce levels of face-to-face contact, an expert claims.

A lack of “real” social networking, involving personal interaction, may have biological effects, he suggests.

He also says that evidence suggests that a lack of face-to-face networking could alter the way genes work, upset immune responses, hormone levels, the function of arteries, and influence mental performance.

This, he claims, could increase the risk of health problems as serious as cancer, strokes, heart disease, and dementia.

“One of the most pronounced changes in the daily habits of British citizens is a reduction in the number of minutes per day that they interact with another human being,” he said.

“In less than two decades, the number of people saying there is no-one with whom they discuss important matters nearly tripled.”

Could be sensationalism sparked by psychologists looking for a little time in the spotlight, but in a way I agree with some of the opinions beng expressed here.

As much as I enjoy using the Internet, I find it to be a highly unsatisfying substitute for real life relationships, and if I had a choice, I would much rather meet people in person and forge relationships that way.  Yet the reason I hang out on here all the time (instead of “out there”) is because I basically have no choice.

If you’ve read the comments after the BBC article, notice how many people with disabilities defended their use of social networking, and for good reason.  The Internet takes away the bias and the barriers those of us with disabilities have to confront and deal with in real life.  In my case it’s being hard of hearing, the kind that puts me right in the gray area between those who hear normally and those who are completely deaf.  The deaf have their own culture and community, one that I can never fit into because I can still hear with the help of aids, and yet I can’t hear well enough to fit in within a society that hears normally either.  I’m caught somewhere in the middle, without a true community of my own.  As if that weren’t enough by itself, I’ve also lived the kind of unorthodox life that absolutely nobody could possibly relate to.  It’s one of the major reasons why I remain single too.

So, I go to the Internet.  Because on here, I don’t have to worry about embarrassing myself because I missed bits and pieces of a conversation.  I don’t have to worry about people forming misconceptions about me because of my disability or my background,  or assuming because I can’t hear it must also mean I’m brain damaged as well.  On the Internet, none of those things matter.

But I also see where it falls depressingly short too.  Those who use the Internet to supplement their already active social lives have no time for me.  I’m unable to bond with them and others in any meaningful way.  I can be reached via email, instant messaging, social networks and even through my blog here, and yet most of the time I find myself twiddling my thumbs, waiting for somebody, ANYBODY, to talk to me.  The hours are long and lonely in between.

And as much as I try to project the full spectrum of my personality into my writings, the Internet can only present certain bits of pieces of who I am, but never the whole.  People who know me through the Internet don’t really know me as I truly am.  Here’s a hint too:  if you find me to be a truly likable person, then you really haven’t gotten to know me at all. 

Truth be told, I find the only people I can truly relate to to via this medium are those who are forced to use it as a subsitute for real life relationships themselves.  Whether it’s because of a disability, or from living in a remote area, or from leading a solitary life that stunted their ability to network and bond with others, being online has become our only recourse to connect with other human beings.  And yet it amazes me how few there are of us, as opposed to those extroverted types who project their already successful social lives onto the Internet (and then feel the compelling need to rub it in our faces too.)  Dweebs.

And now, after having been online for so many years, I’m beginning to accept the sad conclusion that I will never find anyone I can truly bond with, a best friend who would always have time for me and vice versa, or a wonderful girl who would understand me through and through and where I’ve been.  People who totally get me.  I’m of the introverted sort who only needs one best friend and one special girl to be truly content, or perhaps those two rolled  into one.  I don’t need to have eons of acquaintances or casual friends to feel connected and feel like I belong.  But the fact that I can’t even find ONE saddens me to no end.   And I wouldn’t be surprised if all this really did adversely affect my health too just as the article claims.   Oh well.

Oh and if you’re wondering about what might cause the irrational fear of kittens, look no further than LOLcats.  I swear that mindless, idiotic internet fad is going to bring about the demise of civilization, mark my words.  I can never look at a kitten the same way again.

Tags: community, deaf, disabilities, disability, friend, friends, health, health problems, hearing, internet, life, lonely, network, online, people, personality, psychologists, relationship, single, social, social networking, social networking sites, social networks
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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It’s no secret that one of my favorite pastimes is to bash women and their womenly ways on a regular basis, being that I’m an acidic women hating hairy baboon and all.

And yet oddly enough, it only occurred to me recently that most of the people I chat with and consider myself friends with are… women??

So I decided to do some research. I went back and evaluated how many guys and gals touched bases with me over the past year, then cut out those I either hadn’t known long enough or whom I rarely ever spoke with.

As it turns out, over 83% of the people I consider myself friends or good acquaintances with were all WOMEN. The number of women I talk to on a regular basis outnumbered the guys by a ratio of 5 to 1.

Dude, whaaa__?

But I also noticed something else: ALL of the women I knew were married or at least 5 years older than me. In fact, to this day I have yet to make a woman friend who was both single and within the ages of 18-30. Unsurprisingly enough, this also happens to be the same group I reserve all my virulent, bile, acidic hatred for, so much that within the underground women-hating movement I’m widely known under the callsign of KILLBITCH.

I’ve asked around about this, and from what I’ve been told so far, many single, young women are basically stupid-ass creatures who don’t get over themselves until they either hit their thirties, or they get married, or both. And sometimes not even then. Mind you this is women telling me this, but who knows, maybe my misogynism was rubbing off on them.

Anyone else have any theories? Why is it so easy for me to make friends with married or older women, and yet it is a bitch and an ass and a half when they’re single and around my age?

Tags: friends, hatred, married, misogynism, older women, single, woman, women, young women
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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I’ve been surfing through quite a lot of tweetheads at Twitter, and adding a few of them as friends, but for some reason the number of friends for my profile stayed the same no matter how many people I added. I chalked this up for being a time delay before the server updated my profile, but I finally had the presence of mine to try it again using IE7 instead of Firefox.

Yep, you guessed it, adding friends doesn’t work if you’re using the Firefox browser. Not only that, you can’t delete tweets either. WT*??

Give me a flipping break Twitter. Are you guys such anal fart knockers that you can’t even make your website standards compliant for REAL browsers?? Get a fricking clue already you schmucks.

Sheesh, 20 minutes of my life wasted and now I have to do it all over again.

Tags: bug, clue, firefox, friends, issues, knockers, presence, time delay, tweeter, tweetheads, yep
Categories: Blog Fog
 
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As I travel around the blogosphere, I’ve come across numerous tips and advice on how to successfully blog and develop a strong readership. Some of it involves developing a community of friends on social networks that could potentially bring an onslaught of massive traffic to your site. This can be done once you establish a mini-network of friends who can collectively Digg, Stumble or Reddit your blogging content, with you of course agreeing to do the same for them in return (sort of a you scratch my back, I’ll shave yours arrangement).

Some people can be really good at this for whatever reason. Me on the other hand… I can’t make friends in real life, I’m supposed to do it on here? My ass. I begged just ONE acquaintance of mine to stumble my blog so I could get a boost in traffic and of course I got blown off. Obviously this isn’t going to be a winning strategy for me right now. Ahhhhh, if only I were a hot babe, how easier this would all be…..

But anyway…

A few of the blogging experts I’ve encountered also recommended getting an outside web designer to develop the look of your blog for you (and also assist in optimizing it for search engines). Look, I don’t want no designer touching my private goomie gammies, capice? The thought of a third party having access to my code like that just doesn’t give me any warm and fuzzy thoughts, ya know?

But I can understand the rationale behind it. Blogging, or rather, professional blogging is HARD work. You’re basically doing the work of three people largely because it’s a three pronged process: promotion, maintenance and content building, all of which can be full time jobs unto themselves. And because I spent so much time on the former two for the past couple of weeks, I left myself little time for the latter.

Obviously, that will have to change as I try to find a way to balance these three aspects to blogging. But now I’m sorely tempted to just say “You know what? Screw it, it’s time I started BLOGGING, PERIOD.” It doesn’t matter that I still don’t really know who I am as a person, much less what the hell my niche should be. I think I need to just get up and go, and let the words flo’. Maybe this way I’ll somehow be able to create something coherent and interesting enough to attract a readership larger than the 5 people who regularly visit the NPR website.

Tags: acquaintance, blog, blogger, blogging, blogosphere, content building, friends, full time, hot babe, little time, maintenance, networking, onslaught, problogging, promotion, rationale, screw, search engines, social networks, success, third party, three aspects, traffic, web design, web designer
Categories: Blog Fog
 
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A writer at MSNBC recently took a look at the Twitter phenomenon and concluded that Twitter was ultimately boring and stupid. Maybe instead of spending her time clapping her hands and gleefully exclaiming, “Oooooh look at me, look at me! I actually get paid to write the crap I do!” she might see there’s more to it than just announcing to the world when you recently hit the john.

Twitter brings back to life the concept of microblogging, where instead of sifting through long winded blogging entries, we can read a snippet that’s 140 characters or less. For those gifted in the “less is more” approach to blogging, such “tweets” can provide the reader remarkable insight and helpful information without forcing him to sacrifice precious time, a commodity that is becoming even more precious as the inane, white noise of the Internet continues to expand (thanks MySpace!) Check out my latest Twitter friend for an example. Most of her tweets are links to articles she’s been reading, which have proven to be very informative to me and I’m sure a few others as well. The rest are usually witty insights that either makes me snicker or break out laughing.

But besides that, Twitter gives people an opportunity to CARE. It may be vain in some respects, but there’s another part of the equation telling us that when we tweet, people sometimes actually listen. And when they listen, it shows they care. I know with my friends, I’d actually would want to know what they were doing, what they’ve recently been thinking of, how their day’s been going, and so on. If one tweets out a message, “Not feeling well today,” I might be inclined to give them a call and make sure they’re ok. I have an online buddy who recently took an extended road trip halfway across the U.S. She’s not a Tweethead, but had she been one, I would have LOVED to see the kind of tweets she likely would have made during that trip. Her writing has a hilarious and engaging style to it, so there’s no doubt any tweets send to my Twitterbox from her would have been equally as engaging and fun to read. But because I also consider her a friend, anything I read of hers through Twitter would never be considered stupid or boring. And that I think is really the point: Twitter is a tool that can not only enable people to “blog in the moment,” it also helps bring friends and family together. And yes, as with any new technology that comes along, people will always find ways to abuse it or use it to gratify their already bloated egos. Too bad the MSNBC crank who wrote that piece couldn’t get past that to see the value Twitter could truly provide. But then again, this is MSNBC we’re talking about. One can understand why Twitter might seem less than alluring to use should Chris Matthews ever discover it.

Tags: blog, blogging, caring, commodity, community, friends, microblogging, msnbc, myspace, no doubt, phenomenon, precious time, road trip, snippet, social networking, social networks, tweet, twitter, web 2.0, web tools, white noise
Categories: Blog Fog
 
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