After giving my first podcast a try, I noticed I couldn’t get the “Show/Hide Player” and “Popup” to work. It was already past midnight, but rather than just turn in and try again in the morning, I resolved to work on it until it was fixed.

I spent three hours on the problem and finally gave up at 3AM. Man was I cheesed. I hated it when something wasn’t working right, but the more I kept at it, the more it seemed to break. When I woke up the next morning, I sat down and resolved the issue inside of 5 minutes. Sheesh. I need to learn how to let things go until I can come back to a problem with a better frame of mind.

I had other issues to fix though, but nothing really urgent (an invalid feed here, a few poor link colors here, etc..) Still, I spent the better part of my day just doing blog related housekeeping. I hadn’t even eaten till around 4.

I think I need a life. With my plans of attending law school shot to hell, I guess with nothing better to do I’ve been turning my focus to blogging again, even though I’m still not really sure what my niche should be. Hearing the success stories of how some bloggers have managed to monetize their blogs to the point that they could quit their full time jobs has me wistfully yearning for the same. With few exceptions, there’s nothing I’d like more than to travel the states and abroad, living the life of a nomad without being tied down to a job that keeps me in one place. And wherever I went, I’d use my newfound freedom to try to help people. It was the kind of life I could only dream about.

Theoretically, such a life could be possible by being a professional blogger (or writer). But the problem with me is that I have nothing interesting to offer (which also explains why no woman wants me either). I don’t have the kind of material that could draw a large crowd, and I’m just not smart enough or creative enough to build content that could land me a sizable audience. The really sad thing is that I consider writing to be one of my better talents, and I still suck at it. Ugh.

I guess even after 30 years on this planet, I still don’t know who I am, what I like, what I should do, or what I’ve been made to do. This sense of helplessness and lack of purpose is what continues to fuel the suspicion that maybe I wasn’t meant to be born after all. But if I was, then the question remains: who am I? Am I a writer? A preacher? A musician? An actor? A lover? No…. definitely not a lover.

I guess hiding under a rock for most of my life has made me completely ignorant of what really matters to me. Maybe the more I put myself out there, the more I can come to know where my niche really lies.

After going back and forth with the local law school that accepted me into their part time program, I finally made a decision.

I will not attend law school.

I knew if it was meant to be, the pieces would fall into place. Instead, my school absolutely refused to give me any leeway in granting me a schedule that wouldn’t conflict with my working hours. After conferring with my admissions counselor, the director of admissions, the assistant dean, and finally the dean himself, they flatly stated I must adhere to THEIR schedule, and I would be unable to change it should I be assigned to classes that fall within my working hours. For $25,000 a year and a debt load that will surpass more than a $100,000, this is how they’re going to treat me?

Up yours, law school.

Let’s get one thing straight: I don’t play by your rules. If I should ever attend law school sometime in this life, it will be under MY terms. The bottomline is, you’re all full of crap. You perpetuate a system that robs people of their financial freedom, commit academic fraud by doing virtually nothing to prepare your students for the real world of lawyering, and encourage the use of a grading curve that promotes back stabbing competition, as well as the false notion that students are doing well in classes when in fact they are HORRIBLE students, and are only surviving school because of their inflated grades.

Simply put: You SUCK.

I wanted to be a lawyer for charitable reasons, but I finally had to come clean and concede that I don’t really love the law enough to survive the perils of law school, and especially the legal profession itself. It does interest me at times, but it’s certainly nothing I’m passionate about. I don’t like the idea of writing dry memos and briefs all day long, and certainly not as a junior associate slave for some two bit law firm. Reading legal material is absurdly boring as well, mostly because it’s hard to digest the pompous and sometimes godawful writings of judges and attorneys who had probably failed third grade English during their adolescent years.

I also realized my debt load would severely limit my options and would make me a slave to my loans unless I somehow struck it rich with a case or won the lottery. By not attending law school, I will be completely debt free in the space of a year, and at that point I will be beholden to no one. I can probably do more good as a non-lawyer who is debt free then as a practicing attorney who is over $100,000 in debt.

However, life can be a funny old dog sometimes. While I have decided not to attend law school now, it doesn’t mean the door won’t suddenly open up later on in life. There’s a saying in Scripture where God promises His people that they would be “the head, and not the tail.” I know the time will be right for me when I can attend law school as a head beholden to no one, rather than a tail who would be at the mercy of a corrupt and perverse legal establishment.

Though I’m a bit disappointed, I do feel like a heavy burden has been lifted from my shoulders. Now I can focus on getting myself healthy again, exploring interests and hobbies that I could truly be passionate about, and of course last but not least: finding the girl of my dreams.