So I’m in court today (don’t ask), waiting to take the elevator down so I can head out and buy more brownies, when this black lady walks up to wait with me, and starts ranting away about something, presumably on the cell phone. We got into the elevator, and she continues to keep on ranting as we went down. Loud too. The only thing I could catch was something about “Brown” and “white people” in “Massachusetts.”

When I caught that, I had to stifle a grin. But then I realized something else. She wasn’t on the phone. I thought she had been railing away on the cell via a bluetooth headset, but she was actually just ranting out loud to no one in particular.

When I realized that, it was all I could do not to burst out laughing. I moved to the corner of the elevator, desperately trying to hold my face together with my hand. Finally the doors opened up and she walked out, still railing away. “….&*#$ white people!!”

I just broke out laughing from there, then headed out the doors, taking in the cool air and the warm sunshine. My brownie will be extra tasty today.

Tags: angry, black women, brownies, cell phone, election, funny, Massachusetts, Scott Brown
Categories: Politics and Poker
 
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Well, Brown did it.

The irony of what transpired last night is so rich not even a German chocolate cheesecake could compete. Consider that this election took place in Massachusetts, in the bluest of blue states, where the seeds of the first revolution began, where the first tea party took place, and which resulted in a Republican taking over what was once the Liberal Lion Ted Kennedy’s seat after a 35 POINT SWING in the polls, just in time for Obama’s one year anniversary since he took office.

If that doesn’t tell you that there is a God, and that He has a sense of humor, I don’t know WHAT will. This was divine providence, and only the most hardened atheist would deny it.

So I guess I’m going to Beantown after all. Or perhaps Wrentham, Brown’s home town. This place seems to be the sight of miracles, so maybe a visit there could get me some left over magic dust so I can achieve the impossible too, and find the girl of my dreams.

I’ll tell you one place I probably won’t visit again: the Berkshires. Based on the map I linked to, just about all of the eastern half of Massachusetts (save for Boston and Martha’s Vineyard) went for Brown, while the western half persisted in living in la-la land. I had gone to Stockbridge in December for a Christmas weekend, and the town there went for Coakley by a margin of 75% to 25%. Gees, no wonder everyone was so unfriendly. I KNEW I wasn’t imagining it.

Fortunately, Braintree/Quincy, the sight of John Adams’ hometown both went for Brown. Yay! If I go one of the first things I plan to do is to go visit his house (now a national park) and take a walk into the past. I can’t wait!

Thank you Scott Brown for affording me the opportunity to visit a Kennedy-free state at long last, to breathe in the aromas of a new revolution.

Tags: Beantown, berkshires, boston, divine providence, dream, dreams, election, God, john adams, Massachusetts, Obama, polls, revolution, Scott Brown, stockbridge, tea party, ted kennedy
Categories: Politics and Poker
 
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While I’ve been thinking about ways to get more traffic and links to my site here, something occurred to me: there was one particular way that I could have easily gotten a huge spike in traffic and finally put my blog on the map.

I could have gone to Massachusetts and volunteered for Scott Brown’s campaign. Seriously. A mad dash to Worcester just for the weekend would have put me in the middle of all the action and given me so much blogging fodder that people would have been hard pressed to ignore me then. Think of the possibilities: me blogging live while I meet and greet Brown supporters at rallies. Or posting photos of me shaking Scott Brown’s hand. And then photos of me flirting with his daughter Ayla Brown, begging for her phone number. And then photos and vids of Scott Brown punching my lights out after flirting with said daughter.

Oh, the possibilities…

I could have done it too, except ironically enough my money was already tied up in launching a marketing campaign. Um, whoops?

It was a missed opportunity, but I’m sure others will come along, especially as we get closer to the 2010 elections. I’m glad I had this revelation now though. In order to breathe life into my blog, I really do have to put myself out there, instead of waiting for the action to come to me. I even thought about going down to Haiti too, hitching a ride with Red Cross and just going down there to help out wherever I could. And then of course, I’d blog about the experience. And blog, and blog, and blog…

That’s been my objective for a while, to somehow bridge the desire to help others with my love for writing, but I had been so narrowly focused on trying to bring more traffic to my site that I had failed to consider the possibility that maybe, just maybe, the traffic would take care of itself if I instead focused on writing and living life the way I’ve always wanted to. So I’m not self-employed just yet, but I can certainly ACT like I am.

Maybe instead of chasing the dream, I should be LIVING the dream, and the rest will fall into place. The battle is already won, the race already done, the future made, the foundation laid, and I need only claim the victory.

Tags: blog, blogging, campaign, election, epiphany, future, Haiti, life, living, marketing, marketing campaign, Massachusetts, revelation, Scott Brown, traffic, writing
Categories: Blog Fog, Politics and Poker
 
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Maybe. Depends on whether Scott Brown wins the election or not. If he does, I’ll not only visit, I’ll disavow the Yankees as the work of Satan that they are and don a Red Sox cap and shirt. If he loses, then I might simply decorate my car with New York Yankees – 2009 World Champions banners and decals, then take a visit to Fenway Park and obnoxiously honk my horn at everyone, laughing all the way.

Why yes, I do in fact have a death wish, thanks for asking!

I have to admit my thinking really doesn’t make sense here, since the idea behind me traveling was to put myself out there beyond the loveless dead zone that is New York so I can increase the odds of my meeting cuddly, sweet and wuvable country girls. And yet, I would be getting away from the left-tarded man-faced hag beasts here only to be arriving at the one place even more crazypants liberal than the blessed city of New York: Boston.

But meh, maybe I’ll just pass through and head to New Hampshire instead. I dunno. I still need to upgrade my ancient desktop rig and printer into a respectable home office, plus pick up a new MacBook Pro once I get my tax refund (maybe), and I just spent a small fortune getting my marketing campaign into gear, so money will be tight for a while. I may have to forgo the trip altogether. If only there were holidays in March and April where I could tie those in and get some extended time off to take my trip then, but noooooo, we all gotta be complete heathens here in the early springtime.

Ah well, we’ll see what happens. I’m getting antsy here, and I need to do something soon to break the monotonous routine before I start getting violent and calling people names.

Tags: Beantown, campaign, election, fenway park, girls, holidays, home office, marketing, marketing campaign, new york, new york yankees, routine, tax refund, travel, upgrade
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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I love blogging, especially when it gives me the opportunity to read some of my old posts and have a good laugh at what a stupid moron I am.  Case in point: check out my new year’s eve post from a year ago:

Still, there’s something about the coming year that makes me think I may be in for something different this time. The number 8 is said to symbolize new beginnings, and man, after this awful stretch I’ve been in since the turn of the millennium, a new beginning sounds just like what the doctor ordered.

Here’s what I hope I’ll be able to accomplish in 2008:

1. Clear up my health problems and get strong again (vith ripplin’ mosscles to impress de vooomen.)
2. Generate a stable income of at least $1250 a month via my blog.
3. Get out of my dead end job and find a new career, whether it’s with another agency or by becoming self employed.
4. Move somewhere else, either out of state, or to nowhere in particular, depending on how successful I am in earning a living off the Internet.
5. Meet the girl of my dreams.

What in crap’s name was I smoking that day.

Yeah, I think it’s pretty much safe to say now that I have accomplished absolutely none of these things.  In fact a month later my health got even worse, starting with my hands suddenly going numb, then my right foot, then my tongue.  It was like somebody had poured Novocaine on parts of my body or something.  Weirdest, most unsettling feeling ever too.  Then flecks of blood would come out every time I blew my nose, and I started having weird breathing problems as well.  Then I had a neck cramp, where if I turned my head slightly to the left, I would shriek like a 6 year old girl in pain, and man, that cramp stuck around for several months before it finally went away.  Through it all I was always fatigued and completely without energy.  It really killed whatever aspirations I had for the year, and yet for whatever reason I refused to see a doctor.  I guess going through all that made me kind of give up on life in general, not to mention all the goals I had.

And then of course, the economy blew up in our faces and the Antichrist’s little mini-me won the election.  Great year, huh? 

So yeah, I’m very much glad that this sucky-mcducky suck-a-butt crapfest of a year is finally over.  But in spite of all the major setbacks I experienced, I have the oddest feeling that 2009 is going to be the year that 2008 wasn’t.  I’m finally planning to see a doctor in January to get myself tested every which way so I can find out what’s wrong with me, and force myself to get back on the path to being strong and healthy again.  I also have something in the works to bring myself the traffic I need so I can finally earn money through this blog, and I’m also on an accelerated repayment plan to pay off my car loan and college loan, making me completely debt free by July.  Once that happens I’ll be making plans to move as well.  Maybe it won’t be out of state, but at least it will be far, far away from the awful memories of this evil town.

And then of course, there’s the event that made me truly believe that the girl of my dreams was real, and that she will be there waiting for me once I decide to stop being such a weenie.

So… 2009 will have to be the year that I man up for real.  The world is after all in grave danger, and desperately needs a hero now more than ever.  I for one am just studly enough for the job, ready to ride on my Black Stallion to save the day and get the girl, all to the tune of INXS, but of course. 

Happy New Year!

Tags: aspirations, black stallion, blog, debt, election, failure, fatigue, girl of my dreams, health problems, hero, new beginnings, new year, number 8, resolutions, world
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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So now that we’ve elected a mini-me version of the Antichrist, I think it’s high time I finally start working to move to a town that’s right for me.  A town that’ll keep me movin’ and keep me groovin’ with some energy. 

Even though I talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, talk about it…  I gotta move on. 

Seriously, I gotta move on.

Right now I’m going over which states might offer the best prospects, and I’m starting off with three basic requirements: the state should have no income tax, the gun laws should be flexible, and it should have lopsidedly voted against the communist demon of the underworld in the last election.

So far I have 5 options:

• Wyoming
• Alaska
• Tennessee
• Texas
• South Dakota

Climate and terrain wise I would prefer to live where there’s mountains and temperate seasons (the most important being autumn) AND little humidity.  VERY little humidity.  Seriously, there’s a reason why I refer to humidity as “Satan’s Breath.”  Just… no.

That puts Tennessee at the top for now, especially the eastern part where the Appalachian/Smokey Mountain range begins.  And since it’s the closest I’d be able to put together a road trip to visit the area and check it out.  The only remaining question is being able to find a job.  I have a background in computers and government and finished my undergraduate education a ways back, so I should be good for something besides shoveling horse manure, right?  What do you think?  Or should I try for another state?

As for the others, I like Wyoming because it has the Rockies, but again the problem is jobs, and it’s also out of driving reach.  I’d have to either fly or do a cross country trip just to scout the state.  Same deal with Alaska (as much as the thought of being near Sarah Palin thrills me), and the other 2 states, Texas and South Dakota.

If I remove the “no state income tax” requirement however, I have a few more options:

• Idaho
• Utah
• Oklahoma
• Nebraska
• Kansas
• Arkansas
• Louisiana
• Mississippi
• Alabama
• Kentucky
• West Virginia

I would drop all of the southern states because of the humidity and lack of mountains, but I hear the girls are so smokin’ hot in places like Alabama and Mississippi that I just have to keep these states on the list for now. 

Idaho and Utah might be good options, but I don’t particularly care for the high Mormon demographic.  It’s not that I hate Mormons or anything, I just can’t stand them.  Kansas and Nebraska have no mountains and seem boring overall, while Oklahoma might be too humid.  West Virginia is on the list, but I drove through the entire state once and the scenery was just awful.  Kentucky might be the best choice so far all things considered, but still, I have very little intel about any of these states frankly, which is why I’d like to visit them and see for myself.

In the meantime, what do you think is my best bet?  Let me know in the comments.  I’ll also include a poll too, because I’m awesome like that. 

Help me find my Funkytown!

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Tags: Alabama, Alaska, Appalachian, autumn, climate, cross country, election, funkytown, girls, humidity, Idaho, job, Kansas, Kentucky, live, Louisiana, Mississippi, Nebraska, Oklahoma, poll, road trip, sarah palin, smokey mountain, song, South Dakota, tennessee, terrain, Texas, town, Utah, West Virginia, Wyoming
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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