Ok, so I was daydreaming yesterday on having a successful encounter with a cutie at the supermarket, right? Well today reality saw an opportunity to bite me in the ass for daring to pollute its existence with my fantasies.

I was at Starbucks and waiting in line for a gingerbread latte, and I happened to notice a girl two bodies ahead of me in line. Petite, tastefully dressed, wearing adorable winter boots, with long flowing brown hair. Yep, another brunette, just like in my fantasy. I watched her as she placed her order and then moved ahead to the pickup area for her drink. A few minutes later I placed my order, then casually walked up next to her.

Man was she pretty, I was so intimidated by her beauty, but I was right next to her, and it was as good an opportunity as any to try striking up a conversation.

“So what did you order?” I asked cheerfully.

She looked over at me, made a half smile but didn’t say anything. Ok… awkward. I tried again.

“Boy I can’t believe how fast and cold it got this week.”

She glanced my way again and nodded her head, a forced smile again. “Yeah it’s been really cold.” She then looked at her watch.

“So um, do you come here regularly?”

“I have a boyfriend,” she said quickly.

“Oh…. I’m… sorry…” I stammered. “Just trying to be friendly.”

She nodded again, when her drink finally came up. She grabbed her drink and quickly walked out. And that, was that.

I hate my life.

Tags: brunette, conversation, daydreaming, dream, dreaming, fantasies, fantasy, girl, reality, starbucks
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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It was a dark and stormy night.

Actually no, it was a sunny and illuminous day here, with the weather dipping to the low 70s and the skies dancing with the billowing remnant clouds of Tropical Storm Danny. What a great way to end August and unofficially, the end of summer.

This was my week to leave the office for what we call THE RUN. Basically it involves stopping at a slew of government offices for pickups and dropoffs, and while I’m usually not crazy about this part of my job, I definitely welcomed the opportunity today. If you’re quick about it, The Run usually takes about an hour and 45 minutes to do, so naturally it takes me about 3 hours. It also gave me a chance to enjoy the weather and get away from the office’s resident hens, who cannot help but talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk talk talky talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk…

So I’m driving around far and away from the mindless, white noises of the office, and I’m thinking about things. I had been so desperate to move out on my own that I hadn’t really thought about another possibility: What if I could move out of state for real?

I was ready to give up on the idea that I would ever get another job or move out of state, and in that frame of mind I was looking around for any kind of apartment I could find simply to get away from my parents, resigning myself to the reality that my job now was the only job I’d ever have, and while I was lucky to have it, in another sense it was a blackhole too. There’s no promotional path, no training seminars, no chance to expand my skill set at all. In 9 years, I have learned nothing new. And because of it I was pretty much unemployable as far as the private sector goes.

But the public sector… well now, they actually EXPECT you not to have any skills whatsoever.

It also occurred to me that I was in the most ideal place you could ask to be in if your objective was to make a life altering, dramatic move and career change. I have no wife and kids, no debt, no property that I owned, not even furniture. I could up and leave a moment’s notice, literally. And while I’ve been building up my nest egg in preparation to move out, I wonder now if I should stick around for the time being and invest in something even bigger, not simply just to move out and find my own place, but move out of my job and my state altogether.

I always thought the Feds would be my ultimate destiny, mostly because since I graduated it had been my dream to work as a special agent for a law enforcement agency, whether it was the FBI or somebody else, a dream I had to give up on partly because of my disability, and partly because I’m, well, pretty much an idiot.

But now there’s no better time than the present to shoot for the stars again, and maybe even if I couldn’t work as a sworn agent, I could still serve in a civilian capacity somewhere. I have the luxury now of being able to apply and go to any job in the country (except New Jersey, cuz, ewwww). I could also take a salary hit without feeling the squeeze now that all my debts have been taken care of as well.

I think I owe it to myself to at least give it a try before accepting the sentence of life imprisonment in New York. Maybe there is a faux log cabin and a bonnie lass waiting for me in Colorado after all.

Tags: apartment, career, debts, destiny, dream, government, job, law enforcement, life, new york, parents, public sector, weather, white noise
Categories: In The Coal Mine
 
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You know, I seriously hate my job.

But before going any further, let’s run through the gamut of why I should be so grateful to have a job first, just to give the dweeb monkeys out there the satisfaction before they start berating me over why I should kiss the sky for still being gainfully employed in this craptastic economy, and if my job is something less than ideal then too bad, I should just shut the flip up and be grateful anyway.

Are we done?  Good.

You know, I seriously hate my job.

How did I end up in a career where the most critical assignment I’ve been tasked with is to shuffle papers and stare at the wall all day?  My job didn’t even require a college degree, which is why you’ll usually see me on the floor convulsing in spastic fits every I make my usual monthly payment towards my school loan.

Sigh, I remember what it was like when I was still in school and had a dream.  I was going to work for the FBI and specialize in solving computer crimes, or something.  I tailored my education toward that end too, and started networking with people already in the field to learn as much as I  could about this growing industry.  It was an industry that was in strong demand, and I knew I was in good shape to land on my feet once school ended.

And then I graduated.

There are times I wish could go back to that 19 year old boy I once was and beat the living snot out of him for coming up with the most ass backwards, uninformed career ambitions ever. I mean, really.

And now here I am, in a recession-proof job with plenty of good perks, great dental plan, decent pay….. and I’m completely miserable. It is bar none one of the most unfulfilling jobs I could have ever ended up in, with no promotional path at all and no room to maneuver. I just marked my 9th anniversary yesterday, and my title is exactly the same as it was my first day on the job.

9 years…. gees, where did it all go??

And now of course, I’m completely lost. I don’t know what I want to do anymore, except maybe win the lottery. I’d love to make a living blogging maybe, but it will never happen. Everything I tried to bring more traffic to this site failed miserably. And while I enjoy writing, but I’m not as prolific a writer as I’d like to be, especially when my muse abandons me like a cheap ho and I’m left to stare at the empty screen on my monitor because I have no idea what the flippo dinks I want to write about.

Maybe thing swill get better once I finally pay off my school loan. With that much more breathing room I’ll have more freedom to enjoy life, travel and do…. something. Anything. Put myself out there and see if I can’t finally find what I’ve been looking for.

Maybe that’s all I need.

Tags: ambitions, anniversary, blogging, career, college, dream, economy, education, fulfillment, job, life, living, work, working
Categories: In The Coal Mine
 
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So I’m bored out of my mind at work, and just for fun I decide to do a Google search for “girl of my dreams.” 

One of the hits I happened on led me to a Facebook group started by a British dude who also had a dream about meeting “the one,” and then drew a sketchy (nay, make that VERY sketchy) picture of her after he woke up.  He has been looking for her ever since and even traveled to the States to find her.  Oy.  But what grabbed my interest was the completely random Facebook ad that showed up when I viewed the page:

Tell me that you don't see any similarities here.

Yep, it sure looks like Mr. British was snogging himself a Snorg Tees girl doesn’t it?    But you be the judge.

I decided to email the guy:

Dear Hopelessly Romantic Citizen of the United Kingdom of Weenies,

Take a gander at my site, because I think you dreamt about a Snorg Tees girl.  If that’s the case, I will laugh, and laugh, and laugh and remember to tell this story around the campfire one day for an endless bout of jolly good laughs that will entertain me and all my slim shady friends for additional years to come.  But if it’s true and by some astounding miracle you meet and marry her, I will hate you forever and pray to no end that you will some day spontaneously explode into a puss filled ball of fiery death.

Kindest regards,

Lincoln

I dunno, his group sure seems to have gotten a lot of attention though, and if the photos are any indication, there are some mighty fine bespectacled babes there that all seem to be vying for his attention (this one’s particularly attractive).  Maybe he’s on to something.

Whatayathink? Should I start my own Facebook group based on the personal dream I had and see if Dream Girl comes a-running?  Or maybe someone else can start one for me, that way I can avoid coming across as the desperate lonely man at the end of his rope that I am. 

Tags: ads, british, dream, dream girl, facebook, facebook group, girl, girl of my dreams, google, photo, SnorgTees
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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I have finally arrived at the magic number of 500 posts!  

It’s hard to believe that I managed to stick it out even when there were so many times I was tempted to hang it up and stop blogging for good.  But writing is in my blood evidently, and blogging has always been a good outlet for me to express myself in a linguistic sense.  With 2009 also on the horizon and a new plan possibly in the works to really get some traffic going, who knows, I might finally be able to realize my dream of actually making some serious money off this blog.

Yet what if that were to really happen though?  What if… I were able to honestly blog for a living?  Should I give up my job for good and blog full time, and do what I’ve always been pining to do, which was to travel across America and write about my experiences?

Doing so would mean giving up a dull job that otherwise offers a lot of benefits, from being able to work only 33 hours, 4 days a week, to enjoying excellent medical and dental plans, including additional perks like longevity pay, education stipends, ample vacation/sick time, being vested in a retirement and additional medical plan, not to mention the fact that it is laid back enough that I can surf the Internet for most of the day while still getting my work done.  Heck, I don’t even have a supervisor either (at least not for a long while, since I scared them all away.)      And since it’s a government job, it offers the kind of job security that could easily survive the recession as well (as long as crime doesn’t go out of business.)

There’s also the fact that if I succeed in monetizing my blog, I would effectively have two incomes as long as I keep my current job.  In a few years I could buy a condo or even a home in another state without even taking out a mortgage.  Such a possibility had never even occurred to me until I considered what I’d be able to do if I pretended my second income didn’t exist at all, and just let it pile up in my savings account for a few years.  I could afford a home for my parents.  A real home.  I could fund their accounts so they’d no longer have to work full time and can enjoy some kind of semi-retirement lifestyle.  I could really help people, good people who are just going through a hard time and could use a little financial charity.  I’d be able to provide for a family too if I had one.

And the only sacrifice I had to make was to simply put up with my ultra-boring, soul sucking job, and God help me, the stupidest bloody coworkers that could have ever graced creation.  And of course, continue living in the worst, most disgusting leftist-riddled state in the entire union. 

You know, as much security as  my job would offer me now, there’s something to be said for being completely self-sufficient and self-employed, with an online income that doesn’t require you to be tied down to any one location.  It offers the kind of freedom most people can only dream of, and for it to even be a distinct possibility for me is a miracle unto itself.  Maybe I can somehow find a way to live the best of both worlds though.    Ultimately, it all hangs on what happens in the next year or so.

In the meantime, here’s to another 500 posts, and promises of a better future that sees this blog not only enrichening my life, but the lives of many others as well. 

Tags: blog, blogging, coworker, dream, family, financial, freedom, income, job, job security, life, living, monetizing, money, online, parents, travel, work
Categories: Blog Fog, In The Coal Mine
 
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I’ve been pining for the girl of my dreams ever since I was a wee one and had my heart broken by an 8 year old who tore up my Valentine’s card and then kicked me in the shinny.  Since then, over the years my dream girl had always become nothing more than a part of my fantasies, a figment of the imagination, an image in my dreams, yet never someone who was truly real.

But what if… she were?

Something happened a few days ago that made me realize it was not only possible, but it was indeed a reality, a reality that God Himself was going to make happen.  It was no longer a question of whether she existed or not, but when she would finally reveal herself and change my life forever.

She IS real.  The revelation of that was finally beginning to dawn on me.

So why am I so panicked about it? 

In a way I think I’ve grown comfortable in my misery.  It was a safe place to be, absent of any responsibility or any obligation whatsoever of having to work at a real, honest-to-goodness relationship.  That she would exist meant my life as I knew it was soon going to end, and I no longer had an excuse to be a bum anymore.

It meant I had to get my act together and start training myself to be the man she needed me to be.  Strong, healthy, loyal, disciplined, loving, caring, confident… you know, all those things I’ve never been before?

Hmmmmm…

As I think about it, if she really is the girl of my dreams, someone who is gorgeous, warm-hearted, virtuous, humble, loving and gorgeous, then why should she be punished for ending up with someone like me? 

I might just decide not to change my life after all, only because I wouldn’t want her life ruined for being stuck with a mooch-ball like me.  She deserves better.  She deserves a REAL man, not some dweeb monkey who swoons to the melodic sounds of Air Supply.

Yep, I think I’m actually behaving like a real man’s man here by taking the easy way out, that way I can continue living the self destructive life I’ve been living for oh, 10 odd years now.  I’m sure she’ll find somebody else too, and I can continue to pine after her in my perfect fantasies where I have super powers and perpetually rescue her from the dark, evil forces of the Znorg Empire, and if I ever get bored of that, then I can always get lost in my collection of my favorite Nancy Drew mystery games.  You see?  It’s all win-win baby. 

… … … … … right? 

Tags: air supply, discipline, dream, dream girl, dreams, fantasies, girl, girl of my dreams, God, health, imagination, man, misery, reality, relationship, revelation, safe place, Valentine
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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