Update: How about them GIANTS, eh Patriots fans?

Even though it already seems to be something of an American tradition, I’ve always been one to root for the underdog, which is partly why I’ll be rooting for the New York Giants to win the Super Bowl this Sunday, so they can finally wipe the smug expressions off the faces of those arrogant Patsie snotballs.

It’s always gratifying to see a team or a person accomplish something that nobody on this planet expected them to achieve, because if they can do it, it makes you believe you can to.

My own life has been the life of an underdog as well. Because I had an idiot for a father, and because I had several disabilities holding me back, it was expected that I wouldn’t amount to much when I grew up. Teachers were already recommending that I be put in Special Resources, (which to put it uncharitably, is where they dump all the retards.)

I quickly exceeded expectations though, and when it became obvious I wasn’t being challenged enough, I kept moving up the tracks until I found myself taking honors-level classes. When high school came around, I even took advanced classes that helped me earn college credits before I graduated. By the time I finished my academic career, I had already earned two college degrees. In addition, during the time I spent contemplating a career as an attorney, I had scored above average on the LSAT and had been accepted to several law schools.

Not bad for a retard, eh?

Yet even now, I’m still treated like an underdog. I’m never taken seriously, and whenever I come across people looking for aid, help or advice, they take one good look at me and decide I’m not worth their time.

And then when something happens that completely defies their biased perception of me, they’re left in a state of complete and utter shock.

Eh, whatever. I sort of like being the underdog now. Being the guy who continuously proves everyone wrong. Being the guy who can succeed in the face of a world who had already declared him a hopeless failure.

Despite my unexpected accomplishments, if they still think I won’t ever amount to much, then I have only one thing to say to them:

GO GIANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tags: american tradition, disabilities, disabled, education, law school, new york giants, perception, retards, school, super bowl, underdog
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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Had a bad dream last night.

I dreamt of having a chance encounter with the very comely Mary Katharine Ham, the conservative journalist and blogger from Townhall.com. We were inside the lobby of a museum, and I somehow managed to engage her in a conversation. Only problem was, I couldn’t understand a word she was saying. My hearing aids completely failed to pick up her speech patterns, so I was left there to helpessly either nod while she talked or give blank stares. She quickly lost interest and blew me off, thinking I was a retard. All I could do was watch while she walked away, knowing I’d never be able to convince her otherwise.

Man was I depressed when I woke up. I think it’s obvious that the new hearing aids I’m trying out has been causing a lot of grief and anxiety for me. I want to hear better so I can engage people in conversation and not be afraid of putting myself out there so I could meet new people and escape this solitary bubble I’ve built for myself. But so far the aids just aren’t living up to expectations. I’m hoping programming adjustments will fix it, but I’ll have to wait till my next appointment before I’ll know for sure.

That dream reflected my worst fears too. People have a tendency to form opinions about me based purely on my disability, and if I can’t communicate with people normally, or have trouble understanding them, it’s automatically presumed that I’m either mentally underdeveloped, or to put it quite bluntly, that I’m just a flipping idiot with the equivalent IQ of a cardboard box. Nothing I say about anything will have any merit. I’m talked down to like I’m 7 years old, and there are times when I’m treated like one too.

Normally I wouldn’t care. But what scares me is the thought that no matter how many single women I meet, they will all look at me the same way because of my hearing loss: like I’m a retard. A handicapped piece of trash unworthy of their attention, much less their love. Whether it’s in dreams or in real life, it’s always been something that weighed heavily on my mind. I fear I’ll never live up to expectations, that I can never be the “perfect guy” they’re looking for, and for that I’ll always continue to be passed over until I’m well into my 70s, living alone in some dinky apartment somewhere with only a few dogs and cats to keep me company.

I can understand why some people settle now. Why they give up all hope and just hitch on to the first person who comes along that pays any kind of attention to them, even if that person ends up being the next Son of Sam. Will that be my future as well?

Crap, I gotta get these hearing aids fixed.

Tags: aids, alone, anxiety, appointment, bad dream, blogger, cardboard box, communication, dating, disability, disabled, dreams, fears, grief, handicap, hearing, hearing aids, hearing loss, iq, journalist, loneliness, love, mary katharine ham, nightmares, nod, single women, social life, tendency, women, worst fears
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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