Other posts related to destiny
Shooting for the stars!
Lincoln Adams | August 31, 2009 @ 7:01 pmIt was a dark and stormy night.
Actually no, it was a sunny and illuminous day here, with the weather dipping to the low 70s and the skies dancing with the billowing remnant clouds of Tropical Storm Danny. What a great way to end August and unofficially, the end of summer.
This was my week to leave the office for what we call THE RUN. Basically it involves stopping at a slew of government offices for pickups and dropoffs, and while I’m usually not crazy about this part of my job, I definitely welcomed the opportunity today. If you’re quick about it, The Run usually takes about an hour and 45 minutes to do, so naturally it takes me about 3 hours. It also gave me a chance to enjoy the weather and get away from the office’s resident hens, who cannot help but talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk talk talky talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk…
So I’m driving around far and away from the mindless, white noises of the office, and I’m thinking about things. I had been so desperate to move out on my own that I hadn’t really thought about another possibility: What if I could move out of state for real?
I was ready to give up on the idea that I would ever get another job or move out of state, and in that frame of mind I was looking around for any kind of apartment I could find simply to get away from my parents, resigning myself to the reality that my job now was the only job I’d ever have, and while I was lucky to have it, in another sense it was a blackhole too. There’s no promotional path, no training seminars, no chance to expand my skill set at all. In 9 years, I have learned nothing new. And because of it I was pretty much unemployable as far as the private sector goes.
But the public sector… well now, they actually EXPECT you not to have any skills whatsoever. 
It also occurred to me that I was in the most ideal place you could ask to be in if your objective was to make a life altering, dramatic move and career change. I have no wife and kids, no debt, no property that I owned, not even furniture. I could up and leave a moment’s notice, literally. And while I’ve been building up my nest egg in preparation to move out, I wonder now if I should stick around for the time being and invest in something even bigger, not simply just to move out and find my own place, but move out of my job and my state altogether.
I always thought the Feds would be my ultimate destiny, mostly because since I graduated it had been my dream to work as a special agent for a law enforcement agency, whether it was the FBI or somebody else, a dream I had to give up on partly because of my disability, and partly because I’m, well, pretty much an idiot.
But now there’s no better time than the present to shoot for the stars again, and maybe even if I couldn’t work as a sworn agent, I could still serve in a civilian capacity somewhere. I have the luxury now of being able to apply and go to any job in the country (except New Jersey, cuz, ewwww). I could also take a salary hit without feeling the squeeze now that all my debts have been taken care of as well.
I think I owe it to myself to at least give it a try before accepting the sentence of life imprisonment in New York. Maybe there is a faux log cabin and a bonnie lass waiting for me in Colorado after all. 
Tags: apartment, career, debts, destiny, dream, government, job, law enforcement, life, new york, parents, public sector, weather, white noise
Categories: In The Coal Mine
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Loading ...Owner of a Lonely Heart!
Lincoln Adams | February 14, 2009 @ 9:00 amMOVE YOURSELF!
You always live your life,
Never thinking of the future…
PROVE YOURSELF!
You are the move you make,
Take your chances winner/loser…
I was planning to blog a short series of posts given the unusual lineup of Friday the 13th being followed by Valentine’s Day this year. Ironically enough both days have significant meanings to me. One of the worst days of my life happened on Valentine’s Day, while my career plans to attend law school effectively ended on a Friday the 13th.
Instead I got caught up staring at my server logs all day long because my blog kept going down in flames during heavy traffic spikes, and I couldn’t figure out why. It got to the point that I was ready to quit blogging once and for all. That’s how upset I was.
In a way I feel like this is it, the last option I have in weaving a career and a life that I could be happy with. And given the times we live in today, I don’t think I could have picked anything as monumentally stupid to stake my future on than this. But I felt like I had no choice. God had closed every other door I tried, to the point that it seems like my destiny will amount to nothing more than working a deadend job and living with Mommy dearest until I die of a brain tumor.
And just to make sure I absolutely know what a miserable failure I am, let’s have a blogging success story that I can only dream about thrown in my face the very same day I spend hours crying and tearing my hair out over my own malfunctioning blog. Yes, let’s do that, because God knows my batter and bruised esteem simply hasn’t been stomped on enough throughout the years.
Why does that happen anyway? Am I imagining this? Because it seems like whenever I’m at a pivotal point where I endure a major setback or failure, right at my lowest moment I get bashed over the head by the prosperity and success of others close to me. What the hell, dude.
It seems like the entire universe is conspiring together to either drive me to suicide or a catatonic state where I spend the rest of my days staring at the wall of a padded room at the Sunshine and Happy Happy Home. I don’t get it. I don’t get why all of life is determined to crush whatever hope is left in me, and that it actually seems to step up its efforts to do so on Valentine’s Day.
SEE YOURSELF!
You are the steps you take,
You and you – and that’s the only way…
SHAKE - SHAKE YOURSELF!
You’re every move you make,
So the story goes…
There does come a point where I have to shake the hurt off and move on though. And I guess this year is going to be all about accomplishing just that. I can either move forward and push just as hard as life keeps pushing me until I finally prevail, or I can lay down and die, both spiritual and physically. But no matter how beaten down I’ve been, that hope that’s still flickering somewhere inside me continues to survive, and as long as it’s there, I don’t think I’ll ever truly give up. I may despair and cry and whine and wail at times (ok, a lot of times), but though I am cast down, I am not defeated, and my heart may be lonely, but it isn’t broken yet.
So go blow it out your ying yang Valentine’s Day, and whatever dark forces that keep conspiring to put an end to me, because I am not going to go silently into that good night. Bring on the noise. 
WATCH IT NOW – the eagle in the sky,
How he dancin’ one and only…
YOU – lose yourself,
No not for pity’s sake,
There’s no real reason to be lonely…
BE YOURSELF - give your free will a chance,
You’ve got to work to succeed!
Tags: blog, blogging, career, career plan, conspiracy, destiny, failure, fight, friday the 13th, future, God, job, law school, life, lonely, meaning, server, success, Valentine
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
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The Six Thousand Dollar Man
Lincoln Adams | September 19, 2007 @ 8:00 amToday I get fitted with my new $6000 hearing aids, the Destiny 1600 by Starkey. I’m not expecting miracles, or the ability to hear conversations from 100 yards away, but it would be nice to have a normal conversation in noisy settings for once without finding myself trapped in a puffy shirt situation.
I grew up hoping with each new generation of hearing aids that passed, that the technology would finally advance enough to give me the level of hearing I so desperately needed and wanted. I wanted to be able to hear someone whispering in my ear at the movie theater, or the sound of crickets chirping in the early hours of the morning, or the sound of my car jingling its merry little tune whenever the keys were left in the ignition. I wanted to be able to carry on a decent conversation in places like the subway, or at ballparks, or anywhere I happened to be.
But most of all, I no longer wanted to be afraid. Afraid that if someone asked me for help, I wouldn’t be able to tell them because I’d have no idea what they were saying. Afraid to approach beautiful women I saw in everyday life, not so much because I was shy and ugly, but also because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to hear a single thing they said to me.
But after 27 years of wearing all different kinds of hearing aids from all different kinds of manufacturers, I still have yet to realize those dreams.
Will today be the day? After so many years of disappointments and heartaches, has the moment finally arrived where I can at long get my life back?
We shall see.
Tags: aids, audiology, ballparks, beautiful women, conversations, crickets, destiny, everyday life, hearing, hearing aids, hearing loss, life, movie theater, new generation, puffy shirt, social, social life, starkey, subway, technology
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
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The Price of Hearing
Lincoln Adams | September 9, 2007 @ 5:32 pmI just came back from the audiologist and learned how much my new hearing aids would cost.
$5,700. 
Fortunately health insurance is footing roughly half of the bill, but I’m still out close to 3 grand. @#%$ man, and I was getting so close to paying off my credit card debt too. 
These are supposed to be the top of the line hearing aids though, something called the Destiny 1600 which is made by Starkey. Hopefully they’ll prove to be far superior to the ones I’m wearing now. Hell for 5700 bucks I better fricking believe they were sent from heaven.
One of the reasons why my social life is so nonexistent has been partly because I just couldn’t participate in conversations when it took place in noisy environments (which is basically everywhere). I could only go “Mmmmhmmm, uh huh, interesting, uh huh, mmhmmm” meanwhile not having the first bloody clue what the the person was saying. Sometimes I got lucky and could get away unscathed. Most of the time I didn’t. What surprised me about it all was that I thought it would be different once I went from analog to digital hearing aids. Nope. It was all still pretty much the same.
However, from what they say about these new hearing aids, they’re promising the moon. We’ll see. At the very least I’ll finally be able to get away from my current crook of an audiologist, who always found new and creative ways to pad her bills so I’d end up having to pay out of pocket for some of the repair expenses, even though my hearing aids were insured. Now I’m going back to the audiologist I had before her, a good guy who had always been straight with me, and whose warranty covered everything for 4 years and more (instead of the only two years that I had with this money grubbing ho). The only reason I went with another audiologist after him was because he only dealt with Starkey hearing aids, and they still did not have digital aids available for someone with my profound degree of hearing loss, even though it was what I wanted and I badly needed to replace the 6 year old analogs I’d been wearing back then. Oy, if I only knew, I would have bit the bullet and waited just a little while longer.
Now it looks like Starkey not only have digitals now, but even leapfrogged the competition with all these crazy new advancements to their technology. I’m still guarded about how effective the new aids will be, but for the first time in a long time I have hope. Maybe these new aids will finally be able to help me get back a part of my life that I’ve been missing for so long.
Tags: aids, analog to digital, audiologist, audiology, clue, conversations, credit card debt, crooks, deaf, destiny, extortion, extortionist, health insurance, hearing aids, hearing loss, heaven, moon, social life, starkey, top of the line, warranty
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
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