I just spent the last few days squashing some of the remaining bugs on my site, and I’m telling ya, these were cyber cockroaches from hell. I stomp one bug, and another one shows up, stomp that one, then another shows up.

It’s the kind of thing that could suck up whole days of my life if I’m not careful. I see a problem and I think “ohh, let me just tweak this one lil’ thing, shouldn’t take more than a few seconds…” Next thing I know it’s Wednesday, and I had started tweaking that lil’ thing on Sunday. Whether it’s some coding error with a plugin, a flickering bug in IE6, or the layout being a few pixels off in browsers like Safari, I was just resolved to fix every remaining issue on my site so I could finally put it behind me and delve into my real passion, which had always been writing (blogging).

As for web design and all that that entails, it was a good learning experience but man, I have just about had enough of this crap. Next time I want my blog redesigned, I’m hiring a super web guru from Silicon Valley to do it for me. I of course expect to be making some money off my blog by that time, so I should be able to afford it when the time comes.

I hope.

Here’s a scene you probably never want to see at your job:

When we got our computers upgraded, they opened up the ceiling and yep, down came the mouse crap, cradle and all. Then they just left the ceiling open like that. Are they nuckin’ futs???

When I went to see about contacting OSHA to clean up this mess, it turns out we’re not even within their jurisdiction. Instead, I had to contact an agency that belongs to the same local government I was employed by, you know, the very one that refused to do anything about these health code violations in the first place? Well that’s just… perfect.

In the end, I flipped off my useless supervisor and quarantined the area, then set up a nice, clean new desk for the coworker who usually sat in that spot. I may have to close up the ceiling myself, but since it’s directly above the next section as well, maybe I can get the supe there to bring maintenance down and clean it up instead before sealing it again.

Then I called up ISD and suggested in a polite tone what their mothers really did for a living, and if they wanted to restore the family honor perhaps they could come down and pick up our now useless 30 year old terminals and printers?

Turns out it wasn’t really their equipment to begin with (so they say). So I asked around and found out as long as I inventoried the terminals, I could gather it all up and dump them in the basement to be scrapped. So I filled out the inventory forms and asked my supe to sign it.

Sure enough, he refused to sign it. Evidently he doesn’t like his name being associated with anything other than his paycheck, so I shrugged my shoulders… and went over his head. I got the bureau head to sign off on it instead, grabbed a cart, and cleared our section out of all the old equipment we weren’t using anymore, then had maintenance come down and vacuum up everything that was left over. There must have been three inches of dust everywhere, and we were breathing this crap too. BUT, finally, after over a year of this nonsense, our section was cleaned and almost looked like an office again.

I was dirty and sweaty by the time everything was finished, but in the end I had accomplished more in one day than my supervisor ever did in the 12 months that he’s been here. I could already feel the morale lifting in my section. If my coworkers were happy now, then I was happy.

Just to spice up our section a little bit more though, I put up my lava lamp and pretty party lights again. I think I’ll also get one of those fog machines from Party City and install it under my supervisor’s desk. Our section might be clean now, but it does need some… atmosphere, ya know?

I didn’t write anything about 9/11, because after 6 years, I’m starting to get a little tired of the morbidity of it all.

“Let us remember, blah blah blah, those who tragically died, blah blah blah, and join our hands in prayer, blah blah bladdy blah blah….”

Screw this crap.

You know what I want? I want that goat banging turdface’s head on a @#$% stick. I want my skyline whole again, and none of this nonsense about gay looking freedom towers that will never match the magnificence of the twin towers. I want a Who’s-Your-Daddy missile silo installed at the base of the towers and programmed to fire up the ass of anything that even remotely looks at the WTC buildings a little funny.

I want the government to stop being so bloody damned politically correct and checking up the skirts of 80 year old grandmothers at airports because they’re afraid of offending the Muslim community.

But most of all, I want people to stay mad. REALLY mad. A piece of our national heritage was taken away from us on that day, and I want all of us to have the fire of someone who had just lost something very precious, and is prepared to unleash hell on earth until he gets it back again.

That’s what I want.

Honestly, I don’t know how some people do it. It took me literally all day just to check out places like Digg, Reddit, MyBlogLog, and so on. Just to read the latest feeds from my newsreader sucked up so much time that before I knew it, it was 3AM and my brain was fried from fatigue and an overload of information. How do people find time not only to sift through the all the crap out there, but also blog 20 posts a day AND work a full time job on top of that? My goodness.

I mean really, go here and tell me if you don’t just feel a little overwhelmed. Not that I wasn’t finding anything worthy of interest, it was just that I was finding too MUCH. Just last night I found an article pointing me to Orb, which might be the perfect solution for streaming my music, videos and photos from my home PC.. If they ever block Launchcast at my job, I have an alternative source for streaming music to keep me from going bat crazy with boredom (unless the schmucks block Orb too). But that little detour alone kept me busy for over an hour, and there were still dozens of other noteworthy items and links that were coming in a mile a minute.

Man, I’m gonna have to find some way to streamline all this content if I want to avoid getting brain tumors from processing too much info. In the meantime, I concluded my little blogging experiment to see what submittals I made to the social networking sites out there drew the most traffic. The undisputed champion was StumbleUpon, which easily brought in over 1000 visitors to my blog in just one day. In my blogging prime, the most traffic I had ever seen on a given day was 500 visits, so you can imagine my reaction to this shocking revelation. I also noticed StumbleUpon visitors logged much higher page views than any other referring source as well (an average of two page views per visitor). Reddit was a distant second, bringing in about half the traffic StumbleUpon did with a 1:1 pageview ratio. So while people using StumbleUpon stuck around for a while, the Reddit crowd were mostly hit and run. Snobs.

Digg on the other hand brought in a whopping 15 visits. It was kinda funny to digg one of my posts here and then watch as it literally showed up on page 16 of Digg’s Upcoming/Newest Stories a mere 10 seconds later. Apparently there seems to be some competition here. It seems promotion through Digg is more rewarding for people who already have high traffic volumes (and therefore a lot of potential Digg voters) than those who don’t. But for those occasions when I experience a random moment of clarity and piece together a brilliant, stunning work of literary art such that the world has never seen before, I might try having it stumbled first and then putting up a Digg button, so StumbleUpon visitors who sat gaping in breathtaking awe of my brilliance can Digg it as well. It might be enough to create a second wind effect that could bring in even more traffic. But that’s a job and an an idea for another day.

Submitting my posts to Del.icio.us, NewsVine and a smattering of other sites resulted in zippo hits. I’ll probably still use Del.icio.us (or Ma.gnolia) for its bookmarking services, but networks like NewsVine looks waaaay too convoluted and news-oriented for my tastes. Blinklist, Meshly and maybe one or two other places actually brought in some modest traffic counts, so I may continue to use these services and see how it goes.

Perusing all these sites by the way may have been a real time sucker, but it was also a great learning experience for me. It’s given me a much better handle on how I can properly promote my blog and some of my writings, especially to a targeted audience. And now that that’s over, maybe I can finally get back to doing some actual blogging.

So… uh…. how YOU doin’?

There’s nothing more frustrating than having to fight an illness that manifests itself for no other reason than because I was a stupid dumbass.

For years I developed the extremely bad habit of eating too much, at too late an hour, so much that when I went to bed I could feel the stomach juices sloshing around as my digestive system bravely tried to make sense of the mess I just inhaled. I knew it was unhealthy, everyone else reminded me that it was unhealthy, and yet still I kept doing it. Over the years it was clear that I was an emotional eater, taking solace in the joys of chowing down during those times when everything else in my life amounted to crap. Which was usually most of the time.

Food was my companion. It was my friend. When I dined in a restaurant, alone as I usually did, the food would always be there to lift my spirits.

But now food has betrayed me. Or rather, I betrayed myself. During the past few months I’ve been suffering daily heartburn and acid reflux, though fortunately not the kind that makes me scream in agony the minute it hits me. Still, it was the bothersome kind that created a dull burning sensation in my chest everytime I ate. And yet, unbelievably, until only recently I ignored it. I just figured it would quickly go away once I dropped a few pounds. But then I continued to eat and eat, which would make any rational person wonder: when exactly would I knock it off and drop those few pounds like I promised myself I would do?

Eventually I had to come to terms with my eating life. I had been so used to getting pre-prepared foods either from the market or from the drive-thru, that I was completely unaccustomed to cooking and preparing my own meals. It was a skill I was going to have to relearn if I was going to nip this problem in the bud and prevent similar problems in the future.

In the meantime I still had to deal with my heartburn, which has now progressed into giving me that wonderful “globus sensation,” the feeling that there is something stuck in my throat. It is a GODAWFUL feeling, almost as if someone were gently choking me, and I feel it all day long. The good thing is that I can still swallow and breathe easily, though I noticed after I get up in the mornings and blow my nose, a little bit of dried blood comes out. It’s obvious the reflux is aggravating my sinus areas as well, though the damage is only minor (compared to the horror stories I’ve heard from other people who suffered acid reflux problems). I’ve used Mylanta, Pepto-Bismol, Tums along with certain supplements I got from the Vitamin Shoppe to try to alleviate the symptoms, but they’ve only had a minimal impact on the heartburn issues.

It’s funny how quickly one remembers God the minute we get physically ill. I knew I had to repent and confess my sins, and I suspected God was allowing this to happen to shake some sense into me. I only hope it’s not too late, since chronic acid reflux can be a sign of GERD (Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease), which is usually due to the lower esophageal sphincter (LES) no longer closing properly to keep the acid from entering the esophagus. If that’s what I have, and the LES doesn’t eventually straighten itself out, I am so screwed. I’d have to rely on medicating myself one way or another ad infinitum, or having major surgery done to artificially correct the LES so it closes properly again.

It’s been suggested that losing weight may eventually clear up these problems, so I’m hoping if I drop enough pounds and enough time passes, my digestive system might return to normal. It will require my finally abandoning my gluttonous ways, finding a new and healthier way to eat, and eventually finding an exercise regimen that I can actually stick with. And then, should I be able to accomplish all that and be rewarded for it all by still having problems with heartburn, then like I said before: I am so screwed.

I had to appeal to God for his grace and mercy. Yet it seems stupid to ask Him not to endure the consequences of my own stupidity, but I knew (at least I hope) that I was genuinely sorry for living the kind of lifestyle that I did. I regret what it did to me, and I regret it more because in this condition I am of little value and use to God, or anyone else for that matter. I needed another chance to make things right. So I prayed. And I pray continually, asking the LORD to forgive me, to give me the grace to accept this burden that I brought on myself, and for Him to eventually heal my digestive system.

In my heart I knew that conventional medicine would not bring the cure I was looking for. For people who suffer chronic acid reflux or GERD, the host of treatments available generally only masks the symptoms rather than cure the disease. Of all the drugs out there designed to treat GERD, the most powerful are called PPI drugs (proton pump inhibitors), such as Nexium. They function by basically shutting down the stomach’s ability to produce acid, which in turn alleviates heartburn. All well and good, except that we kinda need that acid. The stomach acid is what breaks down foods for digestion, and yet the typical doctor/pharmaceutical industry’s answer to curing heartburn is to turn off that very acid, the one thing that makes it possible for us to absorb the essential nutrients we so desperately need. Brilliant. And yet despite the warning on the label indicating that such drugs should not be used for more than a couple of months, I’ve heard of people who have been using them for YEARS.

There has to be a better way. I believe with all my heart that if God wanted to, He could cure me, but there’s something I need to learn in this before that happens. Scripture warns of us catering to the flesh, but it also has a promise:

Galatians 6:8-9 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

In the meantime, I’m praying for the wisdom to find the best medicinal aids I can find in order to give my esophagus a chance to heal itself. As agonizing as this search has been, I’m realizing that some answers just don’t come easy without a lot of seeking, asking and knocking. It’s so against my nature to behave this diligently in seeking the help I need, but I’m left with little choice. But as I continue to search, seek and knock, I’m slowly beginning to uncover a few of the gems that God has brought to my attention, buried in the mountain of disinformation that exists on the Internet.

One, there is an orange peel extract available (called Citrus sinesis) that’s been reported to help alleviate heartburn. I just started using it last Saturday, and the effect has been amazing. My heartburns haven’t disappeared, but they were significantly reduced after just taking two capsules over three days. This thing did what gobbling and downing Tums, Mylanta and Pepto Bismol couldn’t do all put together. I’m supposed to take them every other day for 20 days, so hopefully my symptoms will improve even more by then.

Two, DGL (Deglycyrrhizinated Licorice), which can coat and soothe an esophagus suffering acid reflux, as well as promote healthy digestion. I haven’t taken it yet, but plan to tomorrow, since I heard it can also relieve the globus sensation (the lump in the throat feeling) that I’ve been getting.

Three, a couple of tablespoons of lemon juice has also been reportedly helpful. Since I’ve had a habit of flavoring my water bottles with lemon juice anyway, this will be pretty easy to add to my regimen.

Four, a garlic supplement every day. I bought this on a whim at the vitamin store, and completely forgot about it until now. It has plenty of benefits, but it’s also been reported to have positive effects against acid reflux. I have a feeling about it, so I’m going to start taking it and see if it helps.

Five, of course would be to lose the weight. LOSE THE WEIGHT. GOD**** MOTHER****ING LOSE THE WEIGHT. It’s destroying my health, not to mention that a) I have no energy because of the extra baggage I carry around, b) no women on this planet will ever possibly love me because of it, c) no fancy clothes will look good on me, and d) I will forever and truly be deprived of a normal, active lifestyle until I get up off my fat ass and STOP trying to slowly commit suicide, which is what I’ve been doing for far too long.

So now, the climb out of the deep and dark abyss begins. Only question is, am I too far down to get out?

…never to upgrade a blogging script the minute the developers release a major new version. I just wasted a whole day trying to upgrade this blog to the latest and greatest, only to see it crap out on me with all sorts of buggy errors. I thought I had a handle on it by making some adjustments in the background, but the problems proved to be too much. Instead, I’ll just comb through the plugins and see if any of them can be updated instead. Wordpress does have its advantages, but organized developments of the script is not one of them.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go collapse now.

After weeks of despairing over whether I should attend law school or not, I eventually began to forget why I even wanted to become a lawyer in the first place. Then a few things happened this week:

A friend and co-worker of mine is currently dealing with an out of control boss who recently got in his face the other day. From what I hear, she was one unstable psychopath who got transferred to his department because HQ couldn’t deal with her. She had a history of micromanaging others, emotional outbursts and other inappropriate behavior. One day she was pulling her usual stunts and when my friend confronted her (nicely) about it, she went ape. Got up and wagged her finger in his face, literally screaming her head off. My friend was afraid for his safety, because not only was she acting completely unhinged, she was also packing a gun. Not a very healthy combination if you ask me.

So now my friend has to have a meeting with the higher ups along with union reps and other parties to sort this crap out. I asked him if he felt she was going to hit him when she got in his face, and when I did my mind immediately started thinking, “She may have assaulted him, since she placed him in an imminent apprehension of a battery. He has a legal cause of action here.” Suddenly, it was like several lights had gone on inside my head. I was beginning to remember.

Considering what my friend now has to deal with because of this incident, it occurred to me: what he needed was a good lawyer.

Then I had another friend who was applying to take a civil service exam as a typist. The exam only required one year’s clerical experience, and since she had been in the workforce for so many years doing all kinds of jobs, including those that required clerical skills, she figured there’d be no problem.

They rejected her. Took the application fee she paid and rejected her for lack of experience. !??!?!?! It wasn’t a mistake either. This is a woman with a college education, and she was barred from even TAKING the civil exam for lack of clerical experience?? She felt her civil rights had been violated.

Once again it occurred to me: what she needed was a good lawyer.

Now I remember why I wanted to be an attorney: JUSTICE. I wanted justice for these people. They had been WRONGED, and as I listened to these stories, I was the guy who wanted to make it RIGHT again. For me, being an attorney wasn’t about making money. It wasn’t about drawing up wills, or working corporate law, or working in a big time law firm so I could make partner after sweating blood for 10 or 20 years.

No, it was all about making things RIGHT again. It was about bringing peace where chaos existed, finding reconciliation between two aggrieved parties, defending the defenseless, and protecting the rights of the poor.

It was about JUSTICE.

I always knew what I wanted to do in life, and I realized that itself was never the problem. It was finding the proper medium in which I could fulfill these lifelong desires that had been the subject of so much agonizing and confusion. What field could help me make the kind of difference I was seeking to make? As I realize the answer to that question, I also realize that this is an endeavor that can only succeed if God blesses it.

Where there is no God, there is no justice. If I choose the legal profession, I need to be able to choose it with the knowledge that God will be int it, and that he will honor the desires of my heart to make things right again.