One of the reasons it’s been so difficult for me to find dates is because I don’t have a very active social life (which is to say, I have no social life whatsoever to speak of.) I used to have a close knit group of friends that carried me through high school and beyond college for a while, but eventually we began to drift apart for various reasons, until…..

Ever gone to work without your pants?

When I first started my job we were all supposed to get new uniforms, but unfortunately there was a severe pants shortage at the time, so some of us had to place them on backorder. My pants finally did arrive though… 9 months later. And they were ladies’ pants too, though the tailor assured me there was no notable difference between…..

I have a coworker named Prue. I hate Prue. Prue takes to my desk like it’s her personal kitchen, leaving me a mess of Hurricane Katrina-like proportions that I have to clean up every time her shift finally and mercifully ends. Since I’m forced to share my desk with her due to the cramped conditions of our section, I have to endure a daily ritual of fumigating…..

Came into work today:

“Hey Linc, Happy Valentine’s!”

“Bite me.”

“Yo, Linc, got any special plans for valentine?”

“Sit on it, assface.”

I sit down at my desk, and Mick my coworker approaches me. “Say, Linc….”

“Look, snothead, I swear to God if you so much as even hint at mentioning Valentine’s I will vomit the contents of my last meal all over your nice shiny uniform. I do not care about Valentine’s, understand?…..