I lead a charmed life.
So I’m just minding my own business and checking my email, when I get this alert from a Christian pastor I know. He feels a great calamity is about to occur soon, causing massive fires in New York City that will spread out even to New Jersey and Connecticut, along with lootings and riotings in major cities worldwide.
If it had been anyone else I would have immediately dismissed him as a quack and merrily gone on my way. But he had warned about the real estate crash and about the financial crisis we’re experiencing now since the early 90s and was right on both counts. The fires he feels will happen soon is something he had been warning about for several years. God’s judgment.
Whether you believe this or not, the email left me sinking into a pit of despair, even though it was meant to be sent as an encouragement to believers with the knowledge that God is still in control and will provide even in times of major distress.
But if there’s one thing that could define just why I feel so out of place in this world, that email sums it up. It’s not something I can share around the water cooler at work with non-believers, lest they think I was dropping acid. I try talk to other Christians about it but their heads are so far up the hairy flesh balls of Rick Warren that I might as well be speaking Klingon.
I could just say screw it, nothing’s gonna happen, we’re all right as rain here, but in my heart I know it isn’t true. We’re in for some very hard times ahead, and there is virtually no one out there with whom I can confide in and share my feelings with about this without coming across as a cracknut to them. And who knows, maybe nothing will happen, and in His mercy God will grant us a reprieve. But can I not even have a conversation about this with others without getting strange looks or being laughed at?
People are often perplexed as to why I remain single, but this is a big reason why. I see things that no one else does. I believe things that no one else believes. It isolates me from others, and I often have to keep people at arm’s length simply because once they knew the real me, they would either hate me dead or run away, or both. And that’s fine. I’m not looking to be the life of the party here. A friend and a lover is all I’ve ever wanted. While others need to be surrounded by people to the extent that they even use a ranking system for the best friends they have (BFF1 BFF2, etc. – WT*?!?), I would be more than happy having just one true friend.
We pride ourselves on our individuality, but the truth is most people are sheep, and would choose conformity over being unique so long as it meant not having to be alone. That’s why most Christians today are merely nominal in their faith. Their beliefs are so generic and ultimately meaningless that the only way I can get along with them is by completely leaving God out of the picture. As long as we don’t talk about God or spiritual things, we’re a-ok. God is somebody they treat as an equal, someone who is reduced to commercial slogans (Got Milk? becomes Got Jesus?) or a drug high, as if the experience of serving the Creator was tantamount to getting a heroin fix. I’ve never understood this mentality, and yet every time I’ve challenged it, it’s resulted in near violence. So I simply keep my beliefs to myself in order to maintain the peace. People don’t want to hear it.
And now I have to deal with these new set of emotions brought on by this possible revelation of calamity that may soon come upon us, topped off with the fact that I’ve been feeling pretty lousy and fatigued for eons now, and facing a bleak future for which it would seem pointless to even hope of building a new life for myself, much less one that would include a special girl who can truly love me for who I am (who I REALLY am.)
I lead a charmed life.