So I come across a blog post discussing a certain theological topic the other day, and since I had a few minutes to spare I posted a comment and used the example of an episode I saw on a sci-fi show to illustrate my point. This pastor dude then comes on and starts belittling me for watching sci-fi shows and using them as an authoritative source on Christian teachings (which wasn’t true, I was just using it as a metaphor.)

I got cheesed off, so I retorted in my usual charming way by calling him a pedantic weenie and that he should be thankful I didn’t attend his church, or I would have thrown salmonella infested tomatoes at him while he tried to give his coma inducing sermons.

Or something like that I think. I can’t remember the exact words I used.

What really frosted my chocolate chip cookies though was that the blogger wrote a new post the next day emphasizing a lesson he learned from watching a STAR TREK episode. So does this same pastor dude jump on his case too for daring to use a heathen, secular show to illustrate a biblical point? Nope, he praises him for providing an “excellent illustration.”

I can’t win. Anybody else, saying exactly what I would have said would have been lauded for their boundless wisdom, but for some reason the Christian community at large seems to think I have the mark of Cain, and in some freakish supernatural way, somehow they all know who I am too. I could be a complete stranger on the street and yet I can always tell who the Christians are because they’re the ones running away from me.

“Great Caesar’s Ghost, it’s Lincoln! RUN!!“

If anyone wants to know why I have such a smart mouth now, this would be one of the reasons. There’s only so much of this a man can take in his lifetime before he dispenses with the niceties and decides, “To *&%$ing hell with tact.”

Deep down I’m still a nice guy though. If I had any friends you could ask them.

Tags: christianity, Christians, comment, cynical, hypocrisy, illustrations, mark of cain, sci fi, tact
Categories: Christians Gone Wild
 
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In spite of how difficult it’s become trying to find a nice Christian girl with enough moral fiber not to go a-whoring around town every night, I’ve always believed that if I just dug hard enough through the compost heap of life, I’d eventually find my jewel.

With that in mind, there’s an old-time Christian artist I listen to that I thought only the most devout of Christians would appreciate, mainly because his songs are so God focused and consistently admonish us to stop sinning and live a holy life. So if I found a girl who particularly liked this singer, it was a major plus for me.

Yesterday I came across this inactive dating profile where the girl mentioned her love for this same artist. Total awesomeness, dude. In addition, she writes:

My life is God’s first and foremost! I am also a Messianic Jew.

Awesome.

I am madly in love with my hubby…

Ah well, it was an inactive profile after all.

and our fiance too! She is the wife of my heart.

… … … … … … … Huh?

We have an equal and closed triangle triad (people who practice polyfidelity would understand), and I am really happy to have them in my life.

What… in the… blue… F*&%?

Not to detract from the subject, but I’m curious to know what the bedding arrangements are here. Do they go for a full on king size, or is there a schedule involved?

But, really, what the F*&%?

Do Christians even bother to read their Bibles anymore? Or are you all using The Message instead, assuming it’s just as good a transliteral work of the originals? (just in case you’re a really dense moron of a Christian here, The Message is a very loose paraphrase of the Bible.)

I think what galls me more than anything about this is not so much this bizarre adulterous arrangement they got going here, but the fact that they managed to find a girl who would actually agree to it. The hubbie must really be loving his two for one deal, that’s for sure.

To cap it off, this was on top of recently learning about a transsexual who found love and “married” another transsexual. Really, isn’t it just wonderful how all these lovebirds can find each other with relative ease? And here I am, a simple guy who just wants a decent girl to love (and who understandably prefers that she not be batdroppings bugnuts insane), yet it’s like trying to find Sasquatch. Did she ever really exist to begin with?

But, whatever. Reading that sealed it for me. I am absolutely done with you Christian asshats. Because let’s face it, if you weren’t already busy engaging in a frolicking threesome, then you’d be busy convulsing in holy laughter, or running down the aisle to “get some” with Todd Bentley, or amassing a dozen degrees in seminaries to spout some fatalistic Calvinist crap, or attending a Rick Warren seminar to find your purpose in life, or cheering on your pastor as he screams GOD DAMN AMERICA!!!!!!!

I know there are a few of you left who haven’t completely lost your minds, but collectively speaking, you are all… truly… nuckin’ futs.

I can never abandon my faith, because I know God is real and that His Word is real, but I can no longer associate myself with any Christian group, much less attend any of its churches. You all feel free to continue as you were though, and let the “Spirit” continue to slay your silly, stupid asses as much as your wee little hearts desire. I choose to follow another path.

As for my soulmate, I guess I’ll still always be searching for the girl of my dreams, but I recognize now that the perfect girl won’t be a Christian. She’ll be something better: sane.

Tags: adultery, apostasy, apostate, christianity, Christians, dating, despair, insane, religious fads, soulmate
Categories: Christians Gone Wild
 
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I recently got temporarily banned from a “conservative” forum after challenging one of the members for making disgusting comments regarding his lifestyle. He basically bragged about being a heavy drinker and for sleeping around with as many women as he could mathematically fit within a day.

Normally this would get a yawn from me. I am from New York after all. But here’s the thing: he called himself a Christian, and a devout one at that.

Say what now?

Since when did God start giving thumbs up for behaving like a drunkard and a sex maniac? Was there a footnote I missed in Revelation that said, “Oh by the way, all those commandments I mentioned earlier about living a sinless life? Just kidding!”

Dudes, seriously, what is this? It was so outrageous I initially thought he was just joking. When it became clear that he wasn’t, and even worse tried to defend it, I finally called him out on it. I wasn’t nasty about it (though I could have been), and even used Scripture to back up my points and explain why I felt he was wrong.

So what happens? The board starts coming after ME. Well one “Christian” in particular, who I’m sure had also expressed the same reservations and concerns about this guy behind closed doors, yet decided to take his side and attack me because of an unrelated post I had made a few days earlier that she thought was distasteful. So, my lacking tact was somehow worse than a guy who brags about smelling like the women he slept with the night before?

O-kaaay.

Then another “Christian” (who also happened to be a mod) starts blasting me in private messages (PM), telling me that I go too far, that I should have taken it to PM, yadda yadda yadda, blah blah bladdy blah blah. Not one person, NOT ONE, ever considered the idea that maybe, just maybe, I might have had a point. And I did have a point, but I was the only one who was actually willing to say anything about it publicly.

I’m not the kind of guy who likes to murmur behind closed doors. I’d rather bring things out in the open, that way there’s no doubt as to where I stand on things. And believe me, there was no doubt then when I made that post. But once again, because I said what I felt was the truth, I get my arse put in a sling. So much for contending for the faith once delivered to all the saints.

The cowardice and hypocrisy of that board astounds me to no end. They were perfectly willing to express the very same concerns I did behind closed doors, but to actually tell it to Man Whore’s face was another matter, and even worse, they pretend to be on his side through it all. These are Christians? Good grief, the word has lost all meaning.

Hypocrites, In-Your-Face Perverts, and Cowards. That’s what the church today is all about, and why I no longer want any part of it. Yet in spite of it all, I really do believe there are good Christians out there, some of who even frequent this blog, and while they’re not perfect, they’re still trying to do the best they can in a screwy, psycho world. I have nothing but heartfelt admiration for them. I only wish we weren’t so spread out away from each other in distant lands. Oh well. At least I know they’re out there.

And yeah, I admit I’m hoping that amongst them all, the girl of my dreams is still out there as well, waiting for me.

Tags: adultery, alcoholism, apostasy, christian, christianity, church, closed doors, conservative forum, cowardice, cowards, drunk, drunkard, drunkards, few days, footnote, fornication, forum, girl of my dreams, God, hypocrisy, hypocrites, lifestyle, message board, revelation, Scripture, sexual sins, yawn
Categories: Christians Gone Wild
 
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Source: Tominthebox News Network

This image, originally meant as a subtle dig at Ergun Caner, instead beautifully illustrates the fallacy of “Reformed” theology, at least to me. The “Not Available to Certain Individuals” quote especially was priceless.

By the way, I don’t know who Caner is, but the fact that he recently preached on TBN (the television network home to whack jobs like Benny Hinn) probably tells me all I need to know about him.

Tags: benny hinn, calvinism, calvinists, caner, christianity, Christians, ergun caner, fallacy, heresy, jobs, reformed theology, satire, tbn, television network
Categories: Christians Gone Wild
 
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I hate that kid. I hate his nerdy glasses, I hate his friends, I hate his friend’s friends, and I hate his stupid broom too.

But worst of all, I hate people who are willing to camp out for days at their local bookstores just so they can get the latest and greatest copy of the book starring, whose else, but that wand wielding little twerp.

I mean seriously people, what is this, Star Wars? Get a frakking life already.

Honestly, it’s not that I’m opposed to the idea of reading the Harry Potter series (or watching the movies), and getting a cheap thrill out of doing so. But when I see you wearing the wizard hat and pulling up your bedsheets with its Harry Potter icons while you snuggle down with one of J.K. Rowling’s books for a good read, (and you’re in your 40s for crying out loud), I don’t see someone who merely has a hobby he or she loves. I see someone who’s gone completely around the bend and is a prime candidate for drugs and lots of therapy.

And this is just the Christians I’m talking about. Really, go here and tell me if you don’t find this obsession just a little bit disconcerting.

I really don’t get this. Maybe it’s because overhyped fiction has always been a turnoff for me, a personality trait that also proved to be one of the reasons why I’ve never seen the movie Titanic either. Whatever everybody and their mother did, I tended to do the exact opposite, if for no other reason than just to maintain my individuality. Worldly fads simply didn’t appeal to me, and following after it with any degree of enthusiasm always left a bad taste in my mouth.

And yet Christians go bonkers just as much as the world does whenever there’s word that a new book or film is coming out. So let me ask you Christian Potterheads: why does Harry Potter, a fictional character no less, thrill you and move you more than Christ does? Why isn’t it enough to simply read one of the books in the series and go, “Hmm, that was interesting?”

Nope, can’t stop there. You have to camp out at bookstores, turn your bedroom into a museum of Harry Potter paraphernalia, scream like a banshee at people who threaten to reveal spoilers, and whenever you get the chance to talk about it, (which is every 5 seconds), it’s Harry this and Harry that, and Harry, Harry, Harry, HarryHarryHarryHarry…

Obsessed, MUCH? Some of you I swear need to get a good smack upside the head… with by a 2×4.

Do you not see anything wrong with this at all? Do you not even feel a teensy weensy bit embarassed? Forget about the witchcraft and the occultic elements and the controversy therein. This is about taking a hobby and pushing it to the point of obsession, an obsession that even goes so far as attempting to demonstrate Christian symbolism in Rowling’s works, as if by doing so it would somehow be seen as a validation of sorts for Christians to continue obsessing over literature that revolves around magic and witchcraft.

Please. I’m sure I myself could find Christian imagery in the Rocky and Bullwinkle Show if I looked hard enough. “Ooooooo, see Rocky flying and coming to save Bullwinkle?? Just like the Lord Jesus came to save us!”

In the end, I have to say there’s something truly disconcerting about living in a world where not having read a single Harry Potter book makes ME the weird one.

Tags: 40s, apostasy, bookstores, broom, cheap thrill, christian, christianity, Christians, craze, fads, fictional character, harry potter, harry potter series, hobby, hype, imagery, individuality, insanity, j k rowling, j.k. rowling, magic, mania, obsession, personality trait, symbolism, turnoff, witchcraft, worldly
Categories: Christians Gone Wild
 
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Slate isn’t yet on my block list, which is why I was able to come across yet another one of their lame articles, this one espousing on the issue of sex and religion in the lives of American teenagers.

The central emphasis of the article of course was on the usual liberal notion of how promoting abstinence encourages even more booty calls. But then I found this particular gem:
 

What really matters is not which religion teenagers identify with but how strongly they identify. After controlling for all factors (family satisfaction, popularity, income), religion matters much less than religiosity. Among the mass of typically promiscuous teenagers in the book, one group stands out: the 16 percent of American teens who describe religion as “extremely important” in their lives. When these guys pledge, they mean it.

So let me see if I have this right: those who actually take their religion seriously are far less likely to be plowing the field. And this is newsworthy… why again?

If anything, it only reinforces the rather obvious point that a large number (if not the vast majority) of young people claiming to be Christians today are pretty much full of it. They may pay lip service to God, attend church regularly, and speak the language of “Evangelese,” but they are about as much Christian as this bottle of Pepsi I’m drinking here. Look, you guys want to roll around in the hay, or get hammered at college frat parties and wake up in strange places the next day, or flash truckers driving the opposite way, or unabashedly drop f-bombs because it makes you feel like a Soprano, then go right ahead. Just don’t call yourself a Christian. It really frosts my cookies when you do.

I think part of the reason why I get all bent out of shape over this is because it doesn’t exactly make my search for THE ONE any easier. I want to meet a nice CHRISTIAN girl, but now that even bra burning, baby killing streetwalkers are touting themselves as children of the kingdom, this sort of makes my efforts to find a virtuous snuggly pie a little daunting, to say the least. Honestly, if the profiles from dating sites like Match.com were to be believed, then just about 99 percent of the women on there are Christians. But if I’m to be the 31st guy in the supermarket express line that is the sex life of many of these “Christian” Match girls, then I think they might want to do a little more soul searching to discover just what exactly their true religion really is.

Tags: abstinence, american teens, christian girl, christianity, Christians, dating, girls, hypocrites, lip service, lukewarm, match.com, matchmaking, online dating, pepsi, poll, promiscuous, religion, religiosity, slate, soprano, streetwalkers, survey, teenagers, truckers, virtue, virtuous, women
Categories: Christians Gone Wild, Romance and Relationships
 
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