It never ends, and it seems like no matter what and no matter who, women always manage to do those womenly things that piss me right the hell off and makes me want to join some kind of backwards religion that keeps women locked up in chains or some damned thing in order to prevent them from screwing up the world with their evil woman-ness.

But when I touched bases with a female blogger who seemed to acknowledge that women were inherently evil and worthy of endless flogging, I thought, “Finally, someone who gets me and understands my frustration with this abominable creation of nature that is woman.”  After trading a few emails, I ended up helping her monetize her blog with some degree of success (to the tune of a few hundred extra greens a month.)  Why?  Because I am if nothing else, an awesomely nice, studly guy. 

And then I never hear from her again.  I send several more emails.  Nothing.   Months go by.  Promises made by her are unabashedly broken.  I do her a favor, and in return I get plugged up the bonky boons.  Yep, typical woman engaging in typical womanly behavior, only one who admittedly recognized the cattiness and evilness of her gender, and then goes and does the very kind of thing that makes her kind so repugnant and worthy of dropping into a vat of boiling acid to begin with.

Ah well, lesson learned.  I will never befriend or help any kind of woman ever again no matter how decent, charming, or sweet she might be.  You are all the work of the devil and shall now and forever always be treated as such.  Burn in hell, you filthy terrorists of Satan!!!

(Now if you’ll excuse me, my Mommy needs me to pick up some groceries for her…)

Tags: behavior, blogger, devil, email, mommy, monetize, rude, succubus, woman, women, women suck
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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One thing I can’t stand about the effort to drive more traffic to a site is the almost mandatory need to play suck ass to some high traffic megablog in the hopes that maybe, someday, somehow, they might acknowledge your puny existence for one microsecond and throw a fraction of their gazillion readers and visitors your way.

If I write a post I think is particularly funny, charming and relevant, I email a link to it to a couple of high profile bloggers, then pray, beg, sacrifice chickens and hope hope hopey o’ change hope that it doesn’t disappear into the darkest catacombs of that blogger’s inbox, never to be seen again.

Except that of course it does, because I am a speck of dust who can never evolve to the point that I could successfully grab their attention, though mostly I think it’s because I’m not a hot babe who blogs in her underwear (and leaves up a webcam to prove that she does in fact, blog in her underwear.)

Makes me feel like I’m in high school all over again, trying to get into an exclusive, elitist club that nobody wants me to be in, partly because they weren’t even aware of my existence, and if the time should ever come that they did become aware, then they’d rue the day I was born.  It seems that I can only inspire either indifference or sheer, unadulterated hatred.

All I can really do then is watch from the sidelines while these successful bloggers happily fondle each other and share links and traffic and readers, and yet I myself can only but trudge endlessly in the mud of Google irrelevancy.  It all seems so unfair, because really, all I’m asking for is a microcosm of acknowledgment, just a F*%&ING link or two from your millions-of-hits-a-month blog that takes all of two seconds to post, which would at least give me a fighting chance to succeed.  And I’m not even doing it for me, I’m doing it to help my sick, sick Mommy, who I can’t fully care for unless I can find a way to supplement my already heavily taxed salary.  A link for a life.  That’s all it takes, but noooooo, I’m not in your “speeeeeecial” club see, and worse yet, I’m not a half-naked chick prancing around my blog and uploading sultry looking photos of myself to Flickr either, so therefore I’m not worth the poopie poo on your shoe.

Well screw you big boy, and screw this ridiculous internet caste system we’ve made for ourselves.  A-list blogs and B-List blogs and C-list blogs and whatnot?  F&^% that.  I got my own label: the One-of-a-kind, All-night-long, I-am-your-Daddy’s-Master Blog.

And this club can only fit one member, baby:  Me. 

Tags: blog, blogger, bloggers, blogs, caste system, elitism, email, exclusive club, funny, google, Links, traffic
Categories: Comic Relief
 
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I recently came across a post from a blogger asking readers why everyone thought Schmuckabee (uhh, I mean Huckabee) was a conservative in name only. After contemplating the question for a minute or two, I wrote a somewhat lengthy comment that I thought was eloquent, to the point and profoundly expressed how I felt about the man. It took me over an hour to write, but once I get into my groove it’s hard to stop.

So what happens? Neigh on 60 comments go by without anyone mentioning a thing I said.

As the Cookie Monster might so aptly say:

Great, some of my best writing of the week, and it ends up on somebody else’s blog. Ah well, that’s enough of that then. I mean if my writing is going to be ignored and unappreciated, then gosh darnit all, it better be on my own turf, you feel me?

Anyway, here’s a copy of the comment I made on that site, highlighting my own personal case for why Huckabee should not be nominated (and no I’m not linking to the weenie’s site because his PR6 blog gets enough backlinks and traffic, thank you very much):

**************************

I think Huckabee’s biggest problem is his take on immigration. He seems to think it’s the function of the U.S. government to coddle illegal immigrants in the same manner that Bush does. He also seems to show little concern for border security, and does not support using the military to help stem the tide of illegal immigration. At least in this regard, he’s just another Bush.

He also needs to stop wearing his Christianity on his sleeve. We’re not voting for a Christian leader here, we’re voting for a political one, and his mannerisms suggest that he seems to think Jesus Christ Himself sent him to win the Presidency. Attributing his current success to God might be to him an act of humility and a nod to divine providence, but to the rest of us it comes across as arrogant and closed minded. It’s akin to Pat Robertson proudly projecting a Bush landslide victory based on what God “laid on his heart.” How many of us though can really presume to know the mind of God?

This also creates an environment where he could easily accuse anyone of disagreeing with his policies as either being un-Christian or racist, if he hasn’t done so already. He also has a tendency to shoot from the hip without considering all the facts at hand (such as his initial support in lifting the Cuban embargo.)

Ultimately, I think what turns many conservatives off about Huckabee is not so much that some feel he’s the GOP version of Jimmy Carter, but also that he’s a Bush clone. His conservative principles may be sound but are still largely untested in several key areas, appearing a mile wide but only an inch deep, and where he vaults into enacting or supporting policies suspiciously liberal in nature, this is explained away by him having to be a pragmatist. Well Bush was a pragmatist too, and when it came time for him to put his own proclaimed conservatism to the test, he failed miserably.

While Huckabee might seek to limit government in some fashion in accordance to conservatism, it also seems to clear that he wants to expand it as well, and in accordance with nothing more than his own personal Christian beliefs. He wants to take back this nation for Christ? No, what he should be fighting for is taking back this nation for the PEOPLE. That takes a political mind which understands that government, in order for it to serve the people’s interest, must first learn to get out of their way. It recognizes that the government’s function is to enforce the law, not promote Christian charity. Huckabee’s heart might be in the right place, but his mind isn’t.

I say all this by the way as a conservative Evangelical Christian who believes Huckabee does not qualify to be our President.

Tags: best writing, blogger, border security, christian, christian leader, conservative, cookie monster, divine providence, evangelical, groove, humility, illegal immigrants, illegal immigration, liberal, michael huckabee, Pat Robertson, presidency, president, presidential campaign, turf, weenie
Categories: Politics and Poker
 
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I got contacted by a guy via StumbleUpon, and turns out he’s a conservative blogger with a site called the Tygrrrr Express. Writes pretty good (and funny) blogging dissertations ranging from politics to the NFL from what I could tell, and according to his About page, blogging to him is a “shameless ploy to get what I really want, which is to be sandwiched between two hot republican Jewish brunettes.”

Gee, and here I thought I was the only one with such a fantasy.

He’s also in the running for the Blogger’s Choice Awards for Best Political Blog, and amazingly enough he’s actually ahead of Michelle Malkin, currently in fourth place. I’d be happy enough just to see him beat out the fu–, uhh, I mean, the very ugly fartbats at Daily Kos. Go give him a vote if you think his blog measures up.

Tags: awards, blog, blogger, blogging, brunettes, choice awards, conservatism, conservative, daily kos, fantasy, measures, Michelle Malkin, nfl, ploy, politics, stumbleupon, vote
Categories: Politics and Poker
 
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Had a bad dream last night.

I dreamt of having a chance encounter with the very comely Mary Katharine Ham, the conservative journalist and blogger from Townhall.com. We were inside the lobby of a museum, and I somehow managed to engage her in a conversation. Only problem was, I couldn’t understand a word she was saying. My hearing aids completely failed to pick up her speech patterns, so I was left there to helpessly either nod while she talked or give blank stares. She quickly lost interest and blew me off, thinking I was a retard. All I could do was watch while she walked away, knowing I’d never be able to convince her otherwise.

Man was I depressed when I woke up. I think it’s obvious that the new hearing aids I’m trying out has been causing a lot of grief and anxiety for me. I want to hear better so I can engage people in conversation and not be afraid of putting myself out there so I could meet new people and escape this solitary bubble I’ve built for myself. But so far the aids just aren’t living up to expectations. I’m hoping programming adjustments will fix it, but I’ll have to wait till my next appointment before I’ll know for sure.

That dream reflected my worst fears too. People have a tendency to form opinions about me based purely on my disability, and if I can’t communicate with people normally, or have trouble understanding them, it’s automatically presumed that I’m either mentally underdeveloped, or to put it quite bluntly, that I’m just a flipping idiot with the equivalent IQ of a cardboard box. Nothing I say about anything will have any merit. I’m talked down to like I’m 7 years old, and there are times when I’m treated like one too.

Normally I wouldn’t care. But what scares me is the thought that no matter how many single women I meet, they will all look at me the same way because of my hearing loss: like I’m a retard. A handicapped piece of trash unworthy of their attention, much less their love. Whether it’s in dreams or in real life, it’s always been something that weighed heavily on my mind. I fear I’ll never live up to expectations, that I can never be the “perfect guy” they’re looking for, and for that I’ll always continue to be passed over until I’m well into my 70s, living alone in some dinky apartment somewhere with only a few dogs and cats to keep me company.

I can understand why some people settle now. Why they give up all hope and just hitch on to the first person who comes along that pays any kind of attention to them, even if that person ends up being the next Son of Sam. Will that be my future as well?

Crap, I gotta get these hearing aids fixed.

Tags: aids, alone, anxiety, appointment, bad dream, blogger, cardboard box, communication, dating, disability, disabled, dreams, fears, grief, handicap, hearing, hearing aids, hearing loss, iq, journalist, loneliness, love, mary katharine ham, nightmares, nod, single women, social life, tendency, women, worst fears
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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A guest blogger at JohnChow.com challenged the audience in commiting to writing at least one blogging post a day for 20 days. Apparently if you make something a part of your daily routine for about three weeks, it will eventually become a habit and thus a routine that will be easier to stick to.

I decided to answer the challenge as well, since one of the big problems I’ve had in getting this blog going was my history of erratic posting frequency. I have to admit I was actually afraid to link to Chow’s blog because he’s currently in the Google doghouse for engaging in controversial link building. I thought if Google saw that I linked to his site, they would think that I was another evil fan of his and then blacklist me from their search index for all eternity, forever doomed to the dark pits of internet obscurity.

I think I worry too much.

As for what’s holding me back, I think the main reason is TIME. I’m spending a lot of time working at my job, catching up on my news feeds, tweaking my site, reading up on affiliate marketing, learning about microstock photography, gaming, watching TV, staring into empty space, just about everything EXCEPT blogging. I make no time for it at all, and it shows.

There’s another reason for this though: I have nothing to write about. Well nothing that I think will at least interest anybody. I think my writing sucks monkey’s balls too. No matter how good an idea I have for a blogging post, it never seems to translate well on “paper.” Somewhere in the blogging process things get jammed up and the end result is mindless crap. Maybe as I attempt to blog more often things will get better. Maybe not.

Maybe I need a life. Maybe I need a woman too.

Tags: affiliate marketing, audience, balls, blog, blogger, blogging, chow, daily, doghouse, empty space, eternity, google, habit, inspiration, john chow, life, monkey, muse, musing, obscurity, oogle, photography, pits, routine, time, tweaking, watching tv, writing
Categories: Blog Fog
 
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