Well, I did have a nice six day reprieve from work, but that ends tomorrow (uhh, make that today.) Joy joy, joy joy joy.

Seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever hated my job as much as I do now. An awful boss running us into the ground, an awful coworker whose useless, fat wide load of an ass takes up valuable real estate in our section, a workload that’s spiraling out of control, and colleagues with frayed nerves that makes me wonder if my bullet riddled carcass might soon end up on the news.

I guess it’s no surprise then that I’ve thrown everything into getting this blog off the ground, not only to boost traffic levels, but also to make some serious coins out of it so I can get the holy hell outta here. 7 years I’ve been at this job, with no end in sight. Something’s gotta give.

I really thought I had something going though by deciding to apply for law school, and I can’t believe how it all turned to crap, even in spite of almost two years of praying, seeking, knocking and begging for answers. Instead of being shown the way, I get jerked around by a God who really seems to be doing His darndest best to show me how much He hates my filthy hide.

Fine. Message received. Way to show the world how You take care of your own by screwing them over when they need Your help the most. Sheesh. I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not Lord, but I’m feeling pretty fricking abandoned and betrayed right now.

Ok, calm down Linc…. breathe in… breathe out… serenity now…

To be honest, it really is disconcerting to feel this deep seated rage boil up within me whenever I think about the events of the past few years, from getting evicted out into the streets, to getting stuck in a dead end, soul sucking job, to watching my health deteriorate and my prospects dry up, even while everyone else around me find their true loves, marry up and move on to greener pastures, and here I am, still stuck in first gear, partly because I was stupid enough to believe God had something better prepared for me, and that I need only be patient enough to wait for it. Sure, all fine and good, until I finally realized that only applies to people He actually gives a rip about.

Well ok then, how about this: You hate me, I hate You, so let’s just stay out of each other’s way from now on, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to salvage the remaining pieces of my almost completely destroyed life, mmmmkay?

Lies, betrayal, and deceit at long last put the final nail in the coffin of my law school dreams.

Well I wanted an answer, and after 18 months I finally got it in spades. When it happened, my anger once again reared its ugly head as I began to shake my fist at God for all the grief He’s allowed me to endure, but afterwards I began to resign myself to my fate. In a way I’m glad it’s over. While I may be destined to drift through life with no sense of purpose or meaning, I was at least relieved of the trauma 3-4 years of law school would almost certainly have brought me.

But after taking communion and reflecting on the events of the past week, I was directed to read Psalms 73 and Psalms 92, verses that talk about God taking vengeance on our enemies. So maybe this isn’t quite over just yet.

In any event, I wonder why I had to enter my thirties still without any clue as to what career might best suit me. I grew up falling in love with the notion of solving mysteries and clearing cases, and because of it I always thought law enforcement was where I belonged. For whatever reason I loved the idea of justice, of being the guy who could help put right where people did wrong. The shows I watched and the books I read all fed my passion of uncovering hidden truths, exposing lies, solving crimes, and of course, catching the bad guys.

I started college with my heart set on what I thought was the right profession. I had dreams, aspirations, and eagerly looked forward to a promising future in the career of my choosing. I saw myself being well established in the profession by the time I turned 30, married to the love of my life, and perhaps even a father to several wonderful children.

Instead, graduation from college would see me become unemployed for almost 2 years, then evicted illegally onto the streets, and finally trapped in a dead end job as a no name clerk. At 30 years of age, I had accomplished nothing. I was a failure. I was nothing more than a vagabond with a job, a helpless prey to my enemies.

It was evident that only God could salvage the mess that I had made of my life. And it is what I hope for, in spite of all the fist shaking.