Balls | The Habitation of Justice

When You Want Something Done…

Lincoln Adams | October 16, 2007 @ 8:00 am

Lately I’ve been trying to understand the nuances of office politics, and man, I’m telling you this is some messed up jojo that can seriously mess with your mojo. I have a supervisor that I’ve talked about before under different names, but for today I’ll refer to him as Sergeant Assfart. Sgt. Assfart has proven himself to be one of, no, scratch that, THE worst supervisor I have ever had. Our section is in shambles now because of his incompetence and laziness, and as a result it got me thinking about what course of action we should all take to at least minimize the damage he’s been causing.

One option would be to simply do nothing, and maybe even scale back on our job performance so our section REALLY implodes. The idea here is that the worse things get, the more likely the powers that be would notice and boot Assfart outta here. In fact this was more or less the approach we adopted, but as our section gradually continued to deteriorate over the months, nobody so much as batted an eye. I shouldn’t have been surprised though, I mean this is the same department that let a man die under their watch while they were all too busy scratching their balls.

But anyway, the second option would be to take the initiative and clean up the section on our own, or more accurately, MY own. The problem with this approach though is that the more work you do, the more they seem to expect of you. It also basically entailed doing the supervisor’s work for him, and worst yet, if things started to improve, guess who’s gonna take credit for it? I have to admit I understood how my coworkers felt. They didn’t want to go that extra mile because they didn’t want to do ANYTHING if it wound up making our supervisor look good. But our current approach wasn’t doing much either, and now our morale has sunk to the lowest it’s ever been since I started working here.

So for today, I finally thought, “Screw this,” and decided to clean up a few things. First up, one of our computer desks had been plagued with mouse droppings that were falling from the ceiling for months now. We kept waiting for FEMA to show up and quarantine the area, but I think our expectations turned out to be a little too high. We kept pleading, asking, begging Assfart and anyone else who’d listen to do something, ANYTHING to clean out the area. Nothing.

I took a look at the desk, went “hmmmm,” then went out and bought some extension cables. Came back and ripped out the phone, PC and monitor, then cleaned up a new desk and placed them all there. Then I hooked up the extended cables and wrapped it around the floor and under the cubicles so they remained out of sight. It took a couple of hours, but in the end I managed to set up a fresh new desk nice and far enough away from where the mouse poo were coming from. Then I printed up a big sign that said “WARNING: MOUSE DROPPINGS ZONE” and taped it on the wall next to the old desk. That might cheese off the Assfartster, but too bad.

I stepped back to inspect my work and sighed happily. This was the first time in a long time that I ever felt a sense of real accomplishment, but there was still plenty more left to be done. Next up, there are literally stacks of old computers taking up space in our section because our esteemed boss can’t be bothered to keep calling ISD (Information Systems Division) so they can pick up this crap. Our area looks like a junkyard for IBM for crying out loud, but incredibly, these old computers have been lying around here for a YEAR now. ????? So, I plan to call ISD, and call, and call, and call, then call them at home and on weekends, and if that doesn’t work, then I show up in person, in my underwear, where I will proceed to stalk them until they get the message.

And once that’s over with, then I’m gonna have a little fun. I’m planning to hit the local gag shop and buy up some seriously nasty items I’ll be using on our beloved supervisor. If he’s gonna stick around, then I might as well have some fun tormenting him till the cows come home. :naughty:

Tags: balls, boss, computers, corruption, extra mile, incompetence, initiative, job, jojo, laziness, lazy, mojo, mouse droppings, nuances, office politics, scratch, sergeant, shambles, supervisor
Categories: In The Coal Mine

( Print This Post | | 853 views )

(No Ratings Yet)

Loading ...

7 Comments »

Holding Nothing Back: The quest to make blogging a permanent part of my daily routine

Lincoln Adams | September 6, 2007 @ 8:00 am

A guest blogger at JohnChow.com challenged the audience in commiting to writing at least one blogging post a day for 20 days. Apparently if you make something a part of your daily routine for about three weeks, it will eventually become a habit and thus a routine that will be easier to stick to.

I decided to answer the challenge as well, since one of the big problems I’ve had in getting this blog going was my history of erratic posting frequency. I have to admit I was actually afraid to link to Chow’s blog because he’s currently in the Google doghouse for engaging in controversial link building. I thought if Google saw that I linked to his site, they would think that I was another evil fan of his and then blacklist me from their search index for all eternity, forever doomed to the dark pits of internet obscurity.

I think I worry too much.

As for what’s holding me back, I think the main reason is TIME. I’m spending a lot of time working at my job, catching up on my news feeds, tweaking my site, reading up on affiliate marketing, learning about microstock photography, gaming, watching TV, staring into empty space, just about everything EXCEPT blogging. I make no time for it at all, and it shows.

There’s another reason for this though: I have nothing to write about. Well nothing that I think will at least interest anybody. I think my writing sucks monkey’s balls too. No matter how good an idea I have for a blogging post, it never seems to translate well on “paper.” Somewhere in the blogging process things get jammed up and the end result is mindless crap. Maybe as I attempt to blog more often things will get better. Maybe not.

Maybe I need a life. Maybe I need a woman too.

Tags: affiliate marketing, audience, balls, blog, blogger, blogging, chow, daily, doghouse, empty space, eternity, google, habit, inspiration, john chow, life, monkey, muse, musing, obscurity, oogle, photography, pits, routine, time, tweaking, watching tv, writing
Categories: Blog Fog

( Print This Post | | 1,274 views )

(No Ratings Yet)

Loading ...

2 Comments »

Hotlinking, SEO and BackLinks, Oh My!

Lincoln Adams | July 16, 2007 @ 9:14 pm

Look people, how much effort does it take to download an image from my blog, upload it to a Photobucket or ImageShack account, and then hotlink it from there? 30 seconds worth? If you’re going to hog my bandwidth and directly link my images (without credit mind you), could I not at least have the flipping courtesy of a backlink, you bunch of lazy leeching butt balls? Sheesh.

This has been an ongoing issue for me for some time now, and initially I had been using .htaccess to block visitors from hotlinking my files. The only problem with this approach is that my images don’t show up in online feedreaders, and despite the hotlinking abuse, I still wanted Google and other search engines to index my images. Image based search engines are often an overlooked source for SEO purposes and bringing in more traffic to your site, so I wasn’t quite ready to toss in the towel just yet.

Interestingly, Blogstorm came up with a novel way to offset the damages of hotlinking, by designing a plugin that stops hotlinkers from right-clicking and grabbing the image’s url. Instead, when they right click an image, a window will pop up with a snippet of alternative code that they can use to link the image. The code actually wraps the image in a link, providing a legitimate backlink that hotlinkers can use for… whatever. The more savvy Internet user can find ways around this of course, but it seemed to be an excellent way to encourage backlinking and thus boost your site’s search engine rankings.

Unfortunately the plugin only worked sporadically on my site. It didn’t work at all in IE7, and in Firefox the window containing the alternative code would always pop up at the top of the screen, so if the image in question was located at the bottom, visitors would have to scroll up again to see the window. There were also some unexpected issues when an image was lightboxed, and it also caused some weird things to happen with my AdSense ads. Alas, I had no choice but to uninstall the plugin.

This project is still in its infancy though, so I’m hoping the developers will be able to build on this idea and work out whatever kinks there might be to create what would be surely be an extremely popular plugin. After all, if people are going to hotlink images, we might as well derive some benefit from it. Savvy?

Update: In the meantime, it looks like Thiefinder has a cool little PHP script that can save considerable time in checking your logs for hotlinking. If it works it would be a godsend for me. :banana:

Tags: adsense, backlink, backlinks, balls, bandwidth, blog, blogstorm, damages, google, google image search, hog, hotlink, hotlinking, htaccess, IE7, image, images, imageshack, novel, photobucket, plugin, rankings, search engines, seo, snippet, traffic, weird things
Categories: Blog Fog

( Print This Post | | 2,856 views )

(No Ratings Yet)

Loading ...

4 Comments »

Do Ugly Men Get Some Loving After All?

Lincoln Adams | May 23, 2007 @ 1:17 am

Yeah yeah, there’s been some talk about butt faced men getting some serious cuddle time from hot women around the blogosphere, so naturally I had to chime in.

First of all, this is the Sun we’re talking about, you know, the UK tabloid Brits fondly refer to as a shag-rag, and which also sport fascinating headlines such as “Double Decker Bus Found on Moon!” As soon as I found out the source right away I knew this article was going to be a load of crap. I mean seriously, the dudes in the photos didn’t even appear all that ugly. They’re no Ben Afflecks, but they’re certainly don’t look like a bunch of butt balls either (though one of them could use a real haircut).

Was this really supposed to make Elephant men like me feel better? To me it just conveys the message, “Wow, lookie here, even the skanky ones are getting some loving, so there must REALLY be something wrong with you if you can’t match their success!” Thanks guys! Here, come a little bit closer so I can use an ice cream scoop to rip out that part of your throat box giving you that snooty British accent. Trust me, I’ll feel better if you do.

I sound bitter. Am I bitter?

Tags: balls, beautiful, beauty, blogosphere, british, british accent, brits, butt, dating, double decker bus, dudes, elephant, elephant men, haircut, headlines, hot women, little bit, love, moon, Photos, rag, romance, skanky, Sun, tabloid, ugly, ugly men, women
Categories: Romance and Relationships

( Print This Post | | 1,342 views )

(No Ratings Yet)

Loading ...

4 Comments »

When Women Emulate Men

Lincoln Adams | April 19, 2007 @ 11:58 pm

One of my slim shady friends shared a link (warning: profanity) listing the terms and rules of a forum for Marine wives.

Wow. Nothing quite like seeing a bunch of catty women making like they also carry a set of balls and a rifle just cuz they married a Marine.

I don’t know about you, but I for one happen to LIKE a snuggle filled, Happy Kitty Hug Land. This world is an ugly, mean and nasty place, multiplied by a factor of 10 if you’re a Marine. Coming home to Happy Kitty Hug Land can help remind us that there are still some good things left in this world. We cherish the kind of innocence, love and affection that only a good womanly woman can provide.

Here’s some advice for you gals. Whether we’re Marines or not, we likes our wimmins to be, well, wimmins. We like you to keep your hair long and bat your eyelashes at us and wear dresses and do cute, adorable girlie things. If we were drawn to those who take pride in picking their noses, letting one rip and dropping f-bombs when the team we’re rooting for is losing, we wouldn’t be sharing our beds with you. So please, save the profanity, the spitting, and the ass scratching for us men, and be the ladies that us men so desperately need you to be.

Tags: balls, beds, bombs, catty, coming home, dresses, eyelashes, forum, gals, innocence, kitty, kitty hugs, ladies, love and affection, marine, marines, mean, men, noses, pride, profanity, snuggle, wives, women, world
Categories: Romance and Relationships

( Print This Post | | 3,350 views )