I finally found a use for the Restatements of Torts and Contracts that I bought to help prep for law school.

I put some of the books between my mattresses to boost my bed at an angle, which should help with my acid reflux.

It seems fitting too, because I simply don’t give a crap about law school anymore until my chronic acid reflux/heartburn is completely healed. I’m beginning to realize attending law school this year is going to take a miracle anyway, beginning with my health problems going away, dropping all the excess weight I’ve been carrying around, and seeing all the pieces fall into place, from my class schedules to being able to prep enough material in advance of school. Then of course there’s the money involved. I have tentatively decided I will not attend law school until and unless every dime of it is already paid for. Ironically enough I would probably end up being more useful to the human race being debt free and without a law degree, than I would be if I were a newly minted attorney who also happened to have a $100,000 loan he’ll have to repay for the next 30 years.

Oh well. I believe in miracles, so it can all certainly happen in time for autumn, but if not, I could always fall back on my original career plan: winning the lottery.

I know I haven’t been blogging worth a skinny minny for the past few weeks, but I just have nothing to write about that would be appropriate for a blog. I usually spend most of my online time on a conservative forum, and I’ve met some great people there who genuinely make it a fun place to visit (no single hot chicks though). As a result, I have far less incentive now to blog here, where I generally have no audience, and where I’m simply unspired to write more than a paragraph or two of my personal thoughts.

My interest in law school has also begun to seriously wane as well. I simply don’t see the point in plunging myself $150,000 in debt for a career that I now only have a mild interest in. As much as my current job annoys me, I enjoy far too many perks now that I know I’d probably never enjoy again should I decide to become a lawyer. The whole idea behind my becoming an attorney anyway was to provide legal assistance to people at little or no cost, but more importantly, under MY terms (without having to toe the line with any firm that employs me). As I look at things now, I just don’t see how it could be done. I’ll wait until I hear from the local law school before I make a formal decision, but right now it looks like I won’t go through with it after all.

It may be that I’ve gotten too comfortable and complacent. Other than not having a social network or a girlfriend (which some people would say is a GOOD thing), I generally have everything I need: a beautiful car, a place to live, a smokin’ fast PC, a kick-butt laptop, and an easy going work schedule that allows me to work only four days a week. What more do I need really?

Instead, I should probably focus on getting myself healthy again and paying off all my debts, which is probably one of the best things I could do right now. If I continue to save for a year or so, I’ll eventually be completely debt free. That’s not an accomplishment many people can boast of, and it’s one of the things that preclude me from taking the law school plunge. Becoming debt free for the first time since I graduated high school, only to sink deeply once again into the red because I took the law school plunge is not something that sits well with me.

So as things are right now, my career prospects are at a standstill, though that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

After weeks of despairing over whether I should attend law school or not, I eventually began to forget why I even wanted to become a lawyer in the first place. Then a few things happened this week:

A friend and co-worker of mine is currently dealing with an out of control boss who recently got in his face the other day. From what I hear, she was one unstable psychopath who got transferred to his department because HQ couldn’t deal with her. She had a history of micromanaging others, emotional outbursts and other inappropriate behavior. One day she was pulling her usual stunts and when my friend confronted her (nicely) about it, she went ape. Got up and wagged her finger in his face, literally screaming her head off. My friend was afraid for his safety, because not only was she acting completely unhinged, she was also packing a gun. Not a very healthy combination if you ask me.

So now my friend has to have a meeting with the higher ups along with union reps and other parties to sort this crap out. I asked him if he felt she was going to hit him when she got in his face, and when I did my mind immediately started thinking, “She may have assaulted him, since she placed him in an imminent apprehension of a battery. He has a legal cause of action here.” Suddenly, it was like several lights had gone on inside my head. I was beginning to remember.

Considering what my friend now has to deal with because of this incident, it occurred to me: what he needed was a good lawyer.

Then I had another friend who was applying to take a civil service exam as a typist. The exam only required one year’s clerical experience, and since she had been in the workforce for so many years doing all kinds of jobs, including those that required clerical skills, she figured there’d be no problem.

They rejected her. Took the application fee she paid and rejected her for lack of experience. !??!?!?! It wasn’t a mistake either. This is a woman with a college education, and she was barred from even TAKING the civil exam for lack of clerical experience?? She felt her civil rights had been violated.

Once again it occurred to me: what she needed was a good lawyer.

Now I remember why I wanted to be an attorney: JUSTICE. I wanted justice for these people. They had been WRONGED, and as I listened to these stories, I was the guy who wanted to make it RIGHT again. For me, being an attorney wasn’t about making money. It wasn’t about drawing up wills, or working corporate law, or working in a big time law firm so I could make partner after sweating blood for 10 or 20 years.

No, it was all about making things RIGHT again. It was about bringing peace where chaos existed, finding reconciliation between two aggrieved parties, defending the defenseless, and protecting the rights of the poor.

It was about JUSTICE.

I always knew what I wanted to do in life, and I realized that itself was never the problem. It was finding the proper medium in which I could fulfill these lifelong desires that had been the subject of so much agonizing and confusion. What field could help me make the kind of difference I was seeking to make? As I realize the answer to that question, I also realize that this is an endeavor that can only succeed if God blesses it.

Where there is no God, there is no justice. If I choose the legal profession, I need to be able to choose it with the knowledge that God will be int it, and that he will honor the desires of my heart to make things right again.

There are times when I’m only mildly annoyed at the thought of having to come into work. And then there are days where the mere mention of work has me foaming at the mouth. This is one of those days.

One of the most annoying things about my job is the blaring ring the phone gives off: an obnoxious bullhorn of a ring that has the same grating effect as fingernails scraping a chalkboard. After 6 years of hearing these rings, the mere sound now evokes thoughts of homicidal violence. Methinks it’s time either for a new phone, or a new job. I think I’ll go with the latter.

Not that this job doesn’t have perks mind you. I get four days off every other week, have excellent medical benefits, as well as ample time on the books for when I want to take vacations (which is always). The work may be about as exciting as watching paint dry, but there’s not much to it, and if I get done early, I can relax for the rest of the day.

And yet, I hate this job. Truly, utterly, HATE it. It was precisely the kind of job I had gone to college to avoid… and yet, here I am. But now with law school on the horizon, my life would obviously change drastically, and the day would come where this job will at long last be a thing of the past.

But would things change for the better?

I’ve often asked myself what would be better: a job that I would LOVE doing, but had no perks, or a job I’d hate doing, but had many perks? I’ve always believed that if I truly loved my job, then nothing else would matter. Yet what scares me about the career choice of becoming a lawyer is that I would not only end up in a job I’d utterly despise, but one that would have no perks either. Things may suck now, but the possible future of being saddled with a six figure debt in a profession I’d end up hating just as much as the job I have now absolutely terrifies me.

The truth is, I’ve gotten comfortable. As much as I hate the boring, mundane routine of life I’m living now, it’s a life I’ve gotten used to. Here, I’m safe. Out there, I’m not, and by deciding to take a chance here in making such a drastic career change, I run the huge risk of losing the very security I enjoy now. If I end up leaving the nest, would I fly, or would I fall?

I don’t know what to do. You would figure this would be the part where God would come in and show me the way, right? Nope. It’s been proven over the years that God could give a rat’s ass about me, in spite of my pleadings for just a LITTLE direction, just a little something to at least show me that I’m not making the biggest mistake of my life by choosing to go to law school, but He’s too busy helping Benny Hinn and Rick Warren make their millions to be bothered by the likes of little old me.

So, I’m on my own. Should I, or shouldn’t I? Take a chance, or suck it up and count my blessings?