Other posts related to affection
In Defense of Men: Tim Challies and Richard Phillips Not Included
Lincoln Adams | March 1, 2010 @ 4:06 pmThere’s no love lost between me and mainstream Christian writers, especially those whose shoddily written books sell a bazoolion copies simply because their audience are complete morons who just vacu-suck in everything their pastor spoonfeeds them without an individual thought of their own.
But every now and then somebody comes along and says or writes something that just begs for a smackdown by yours truly. Case in point, a relatively obscure blogger named Tim Challies quotes from a book written by an even more obscure Christian author:
“One of the biggest problems in the church today is the failure of young adult men to value and pursue marriage.”
Apparently the quote is lifted from Phillips’s book, “The Masculine Mandate: God’s Calling to Men,” which is yet another book that purports to tell men how they’re supposed to behave and act using disjointed scriptural references and quotes from pop culture TV shows like Seinfeld. Or was that “Wild at Heart?”
Challies’ endorsement of this quote would typify the behavior that one finds in the modern metrosexual male. Like clones of Max Lucado, Challies and Phillips seem to me to be the kind of feminized men who write in pink notebooks and breastfeed their own children. The perpetually and nauseatingly effeminate manner in which they criticize men for every evil in the world demonstrates that “regeneration” apparently did nothing to divorce their attitude towards men from how the rest of the world perceives us. Which is, as amphibian bio-waste that needs to be neutralized from existence.
Tim Challies’s quote from Rich Phillips is ironic considering the misogynist overtones of Scripture (not that the verses are in fact misogynistic, it just appears that way) especially in Ecclesiastes. We are told that for every thousand righteous men, there is only one righteous woman in that same bunch, if even that. And Solomon would know a thing or two about that, having gone through at least 700 wives.
(Ecclesiastes 7:26-29)
Phillips/Challies appear to be too numbnutted to believe that the failure of a marriage might actually involve two people instead of just the man. Indeed, it seems to me the primary perpetrators of evil in our increasingly feministic society are women, not men. The divorce courts favor women, while our laws give women special status in almost every aspect of their lives. Women can also falsely accuse men of rape and destroy their lives with absolutely no risk of consequence. The entertainment industry also constantly denigrates and insults men at every turn. How could this relentless bombardment of male bashing not seep into the thinking of even well intentioned women (including Challies)?
And they wonder why men might not value marriage anymore? Seriously?
Personally, I’ve given up on the idea of marriage or even dating. I have accepted that there is simply no single woman out there left that is worth my time and aggravation. The neurosis (teh crazies!!1), the self absorption and the utter sense of supremacy gets old after a while. Who can find a virtuous woman? Certainly not I. As a result, I have admittedly become very bitter about it, but I am slowly learning to accept that Paul was right, I am in fact better off single. Of course women who see this will say the reason I haven’t found anyone is because I’m bitter, or ugly or otherwise undesirable. They have absolved and divorced themselves of any accountability in regards to their despicable behavior whatsoever. It is ALWAYS the man’s fault. I’m single? Gotta be my fault and my fault alone. Women are but darling cherubs of light to which it is nigh on impossible for them to do any wrong. Right. And I got two bridges in Brooklyn I’d like to sell you.
Since our supposedly Christian stalwarts of the community appear completely vacuous in their analysis of what ails marriages today, I’ll try to fill in the void with my common sense approach to the matter.
Marriage is a two way street. It’s not about pleasing yourself, it’s about pleasing your spouse and doing what makes him OR her happy. Women should not go ahead of their husbands and should let him take the lead. Men in return should not treat their wives as doormats but with love and respect, and should not be afraid to make command decisions either. Each spouse should have their due affection rendered them, whether it comes in wumpsy snugglies or other things. Let the strength of one complement the weakness of the other.
See? How fricking hard was that? It certainly beats the advice of telling men they need to camp out a lot in the wilderness like that schmuck for brains John Eldredge does in his book “Wild at Heart.” Oy.
Maybe I should write a book myself. 
Tags: affection, analysis, books, christian, christian author, church, divorce, effeminate, husband, male bashing, man, marriage, marriages, men, metrosexual, misogyny, relationships, Scripture, wife, woman, women, women suck
Categories: Christians Gone Wild
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Missing The Target on Wubs
Lincoln Adams | November 23, 2009 @ 11:15 amSo this morning I go to the range to get my Beretta on and shoot up some paper, pretending the targets were the very things I loathe most in this world, such as terrorists, songs sung by Jessica Simpson, and broccoli.
I do this every month since I’m part of a gun club that includes a close relative and some people I know from work. It’s usually the same old group of 50-60 year old guys that I have nothing in common with, except that we all like to shoot (them more than me though.) Today however was a little different.
I walked in, and as soon I approached the target room I saw a feminine shape standing by and watching the other guys shoot.
What the… there’s like, a GIRL here?
Who the…
Then she turned and saw me right away, waving. It was Karen from work, a girl I used to majorly crush on once upon a time, though it was a crush that was sadly unrequited. She had quickly met and married another coworker within the span of a hockey season afterwards too. I wrote the backstory on this a few times before, but I won’t repeat it here or I’ll just start crying again.
I quickly got over the initial shock of seeing her and managed to greet her warmly. “Hey, how are you?”
We chatted for a bit while I set things up. She was wearing protective glasses and ear muffs, her long brown hair tied up, looking positively adorable. There were some new dudes here too, and Karen had pointed out that one of them was her husband.
I had never met the guy before, even though ironically enough, the Beretta I own now actually used to belong to him. Here was my chance to finally meet the man that I was passed over for (at least in my own self-loathing mind.)
He looked decent enough, a few inches taller than me and older too, which surprised me. I had seen pictures of him before but he looked much older to me in real life. He also completely disregarded my presence too, which was… awkward. My relative had to formally introduce us before I finally registered on his radar.
“Hey, nice to meet you dude, heard a lot of great things about you!”
He just shook my hand, said a few words, and then went back to shooting. Um… I tried to get his attention again and chatted up some more, using my trademark humor that you have all come to know and love. 
“Oh, just wanted to thank you for the Beretta, it’s taken care of so many problems for me, especially now that I’ve learned how to dispose of the bodies properly.”
Blank stare.
“Um, so… hey, has this weather been awesome or what? Think I might go to Little Italy today since it’s been so good.”
Blank stare.
“Okay… so… … I’m… just gonna go back to shooting here.” I walked back to my post and started loading my clips.
Yeah so ok, the man has a personality of a stone. Seriously, she married HIM? I don’t know about you honey, but that 1000 yard stare would creep me out just a wee bit. Maybe he’s just shy though, I dunno. But sheesh dude, work with me a little here.
I watched as Karen and him would sometimes alternate between shooting sessions, and Karen would awkwardly try to shoot a Smith and Wesson six shooter, completely missing the target even at 5 yards.
“I think I know what you’re doing. You’re missing the target on purpose, practicing your warning shots right?” I grinned.
She laughed and giggled. “I think I hate this gun.”
“Yeah the handle’s awful.” I picked it up and the handle was so short I could only grip it with two fingers. Weird. I had no experience with shooting anything other than the Beretta though, so other guns were unfamiliar to me. I let her know that too, and that I just wasn’t big on the gun culture, only coming here to practice and humor my relative. I had to admit I was glad she was there. She probably felt out of place, but I actually did too, and it was nice to have that camaraderie for once.
“Oh, do you need another target?” She quickly walked over the table and picked up another target for me.
I thanked her and she held my arm and smiled. Somewhere in the distance I heard a heavenly choir singing, lifting their voices higher and higher…
“Hey, you wanna try shooting my gun? You might end up doing better.”
“Sure!” She walked over and I loaded a clip and pulled the slide. “Ok you’re good to go, just point and shoot.” I held her arms up so she had a better sight on the target. I happened to glance over and saw her husband chatting with the other guys there like good old boys. Oh, so THEM he talks to no problem? Schmuck monkey.
“Ok, fire away.” I stepped back to watch. She started shooting low but her aim was much better this time. “Just a little bit higher, there you go!” Eventually she was hitting black and had already gone through two clips. She was positively beaming at the end.
“I think I like this one!” She laughed again. My relative had been watching too. “Yep, everybody loves the Beretta,” he grinned.
“See, you just need a little practice. I think you’d end up shooting better than me too, because I’ve been doing this for months and I still can’t shoot the broad side of a barn.”
“Aw, you shoot awesome though!” She laughed and leaned her head on my arm. Her perfume was light and but they still sent me someplace distant and happy. I could feel her warmth, and wondered how she could feel so at ease with me like that. Women, seriously, STOP DOING THAT. These platonic gestures of affection are like burning acid to a love starved dweeb nozzle like me.
But then again… hey, if ya GOTTA do it, who am I to say boo? 
Somehow, I managed to get back to planet Earth and we mingled and shot up some more paper until our time was finally up. Her husband picked up the ammo box while she picked up the target paper, the guns and a duffel bag, completely loaded down. I waited to shake her husband’s hand but he had gone back to not acknowledging my existence again and simply walked out. To be fair, it was the same deal with most of the new guys there that I hadn’t met before, and really it’s how most people here behave, so I’ve become used to it.
I turned back and waved to Karen. “I’ll see you tomorrow at work, dear!”
She tilted her head, smiled and held her gaze at me, and for a second I might have seen just a hint of sadness in her eyes.
And then she was gone.
Tags: affection, beretta, camaraderie, coworker, gun, guns, husband, karen, range, shooting, unrequited
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
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When does yearning turn into dweebish neediness?
Lincoln Adams | June 3, 2009 @ 8:30 amAs I chat and connect with more and more people online (read: hot babes), there are times when I sorely miss talking to someone and I have to consciously make an effort not to barrage them with IMs, emails, texts, phone calls and whatnot just to get some attention.
I guess it’s normal for me to yearn for female companionship and friendship, but I wonder at what point it gets to be too much. I’m always groping in the dark trying to gauge whether it’s ok to reach out to someone, or whether I’m just being a pest. Women though (at least from what I’ve seen so far) seem to be like total camels here. I mean sheesh, if I didn’t reach out to them every now just to remind them that I’m still alive I’d be lucky if I ever heard from them again. I know a lot of people lead very busy lives, so I do take that into consideration, but it sucks the sucky suck when I’m left to sit here by myself twiddling my thumbs because there’s no one sane enough to talk to. Why am I always the yearner but never the yearnee? Or is it simply because I am a weenie-ish little poopiehead who is just not yearn-worthy enough for the wimmins? 
Women have created some very strange criteria in this regard too. On one hand they want a guy who’s independent and doesn’t need a woman to be happy, but then they get upset when said guy never calls them precisely BECAUSE he is in fact an independent brutha who doesn’t need a woman to be happy. If he doesn’t need a girl’s company, then chances are he’s not going to yearn for her either.
But then there’s the other extreme. I have a dear lady friend who seems to be surrounded by guys that bring neediness to levels I didn’t think were even possible. I thought I was bad? Holy crap. There’s one guy that texts, IMs, tweets and calls this poor woman every fricking minute of every fricking day, all day long, nonstop. And then another that does the same, only when he doesn’t get a response within 5 minutes he completely FLIPS THE %$^ OUT, getting all huffy and mad and bent out of shape because she didn’t INSTANTLY return his messages.
Seeing that crap does help me understand why women want a guy to be a bit more… free spirited, but that can be just as bad too. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t give you a second thought for weeks at a time? I sure don’t. There has to be a balance somewhere, and it makes me wonder what exactly started this mess. Have men always been clingy balls of mush, or did we start getting this way because our women have gotten more and more aloof and cold-hearted with each passing generation? Or have women become more aloof because they can’t deal with men’s growing insecurity?
Really, why can’t people yearn for each other in a normal way without overdoing it? Is that even possible anymore? All I ever see is this unequal balance where people are either too clingy or too aloof with each other, and I see the destructive impact it has on relationships too. One guy needs the girl more than the girl needs the guy (or vice versa), creating an inequitable bond that can only lead to ruin.
As for me, maybe I simply got old, but I’m starting to see a change in myself where I just don’t give a flying leap anymore. I think this is the product of years of unrequited love and the need for survival, reaching the tipping point where I finally end up as one of those free-spirited guys who have embraced and married the single life, though at the cost of losing all natural affection for the opposite sex. And while “physical needs” may still die hard, that can easily be satisfied by perusing the services of the world’s oldest profession. 
I have to admit, it sounds like a GREAT life. 
Tags: affection, companion, companionship, female companionship, free spirit, friendship, independent, relationship, single, unrequited, unrequited love, women, yearning
Categories: Romance and Relationships
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I hate dating experts. You can’t find a more execrable lot who dispenses either the kind of common sense advice that even a monkey with half a brain wasted on whiskey would know, or a truckload of compost heap designed to liberate you of your wallet money before you realize you’ve been had, and no, Pickup Step #12 wasn’t the sure winner they said it would be after all. Dating experts are like lawyers, they over complicate what should be simple matters, because if they didn’t, there’d be no business for them. This is why they should all be rounded up and sent to some death camp somewhere (Florida, maybe?)
Still, I was bored today and ended up reading this series of interviews with 3 popular male dating experts.
And now I feel like blowing sh__ up.
You get advice like don’t be altruistic because women won’t find it sincere, or if I end up getting stuck in the friend zone I should get a new haircut and maybe change my cologne, or my personal favorite, I should try withholding my name intentionally when introducing myself to a girl, that way if she asks me what it is, I’ll know she’s interested, and if she doesn’t, then that means I should move on.
Because you know, there’s just no way to tell if a girl is into you right off the bat without being a rude little bastard.
BUT, it’s agreed that I can still be myself… only the best part of myself that is. The bad parts I should be burying in secrecy until we tie the knot, at which point I can then safely make known the depths and widths of my obscenely ugly personality.
Yes I can see myself getting far with these little gems of wisdom.
Oh, and the niceness thing? We gotta knock that crap off:
Because nice guys are weak guys. They wear their heart on their sleeve and they don’t make the girl work for it. …What happens is that the guy says, “I had a good time, did you? Can I see you again? You’re really a nice girl! You’re sure good looking.” This girl is 28, she’s good looking, and ever since she was 12, guys have been telling her she’s beautiful. So, what effect does that compliment have? It’s a negative.
You know, there’s a difference between being nice and being a weenie, but unfortunately the two often get lumped together as being the same. If a girl is really into me, of course I’d want to treat her like a queen because she’s genuinely interested in me, not because she’s a blowtorch of a man hater with plans to dominate me and crush my precious balls so she can win another one for the home team. She cares about who I am. That in itself is a trait so rare that it behooves me not to respond in a showering of wubsy wubs and affection.
And really, complimenting her is not a negative, dumbass. You know why it was a negative before? Because all those guys telling her how beautiful she was said it because they wanted to get into her pantie wanties. If a decent guy says it and actually MEANS it though, she should pick up on that and realize she’s finally got something genuine here, and she’ll appreciate his kindness because they come straight from the heart.
Because seriously dude, if she can’t handle being treated like gold by a nice guy (who’s not a weenie), isn’t that an indication that there’s something wrong with HER? So why does all of mankind have to adapt themselves to accommodate this particularly large segment of fruity nuts bitchdom? I know why, because you are all a bunch of disgusting horndogs who will do and say anything to get laid. MEN. They are the most damned stupidest piggish pig-like pig-borking piggyback pigger pigs to have ever graced creation, honest to God. When they’re not busy scratching and rubbing their 9 months pregnant sized hairy ass bellies, they’re busy letting one fly while they expound on the intricacies of the latest scores in sports or how they’d like to hit every walking thing within 100 yards that passes for a female, and yet they profoundly believe this is what passes for intelligent discussion.
Ok, that got away from me a little.
Back to the women bashing here. I noticed they wrap things up by conceding what we’ve known all along, that women are in fact attracted to money and power, only here they try to soften the blow by saying women are attracted to guys with wealth and status, which translates into, uh, money and power.
Sigh. Remember back when life was simpler and marriages were arranged and we could all marry our cousins and sisters without anyone blinking an eye? I miss those days.
Tags: advice, affection, dating, dating experts, dating gurus, love, men, nice guys, personality, women
Categories: Romance and Relationships
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Who needs wimmins…
Lincoln Adams | April 21, 2007 @ 12:57 pm….when I can now enjoy the fresh episodes of Stargate SG-1 and Atlantis? 
I got my tub of Blockbuster popcorn, a nice tall glass of Diet Cola, and the easy chair all geared up and ready to go. Ahhh, a Friday night all to myself. Maybe now I’ll be able to forget about how Uptown Girl strung me along for months and then finally blew me off, the no-good lying backstabbing Babylonian harlot may she choke on her own vomit.
But I’m not upset about it.
I kinda knew deep down that things wouldn’t get very far with her. Not so much because we came from two different worlds, but also because she gave off the vibe of being an emotionally cold, self indulgent woman. If she truly had a kind heart, one that showed a genuine care and concern for others, then why was she working for a law firm that catered only to rich clients? Why wasn’t her heart drawn to helping less fortunate people, victims of wrongdoing who never see justice only because they simply couldn’t afford it? Why didn’t she take time to volunteer for charitable work? Where was that trait I was so earnestly looking for, of a woman who was willing to stretch forth her hand to the poor and needy? She just didn’t have it.
It was clear instead that she enjoyed living the good life. Sipping wine, vacationing to exotic places, tanning on beaches, jacuzzis, massages, and so on, the kind of life she could only sustain by working for an affluent law firm. Yet, I don’t begrudge her for doing these things. I think there’s a time and place for recreation and fun, but I also think there’s a point where your life becomes so hedonistic that it can corrupt your soul. And even though she professed to be a Christian, spirituality to her was something that was summed up in attending church once a week, and nothing more. She was not one I could share deep discussions about my faith with. And this was a maddening mentality I’ve seen repeatedly before which I could never understand. How can people truly expect to placate God by only dedicating a few hours on Sunday to Him, and then completely forget about Him for the rest of the week? Can they honestly believe He is pleased by this display of lukewarm spirituality?
Through my emails I opened my heart up to her, and though she claims to have been touched by it, I knew she really wasn’t. There was no empathy, no concern for my well-being, no genuine interest in how I was dealing with the aggravation and problems I was currently experiencing in my life, even though I was certainly interested in what her daily afflictions might have been. But the thing is, she didn’t have any. Suffering for her was not being able to sip wine on her patio because it rained.
She wasn’t a bad person though. But she wasn’t a good person either. I began to realize all this early on, but I guess I held on anyway, hoping against hope that maybe she would surprise me. Maybe she would indeed have a soft and gentle soul, tuned in to the suffering of others, with a fire inside her that yearned to alleviate their burdens and comfort those that needed comforting. Maybe the apparent coldness she seemed to give off was just borne out of an understandable hesitation to open up to me. Maybe for once, my sixth sense was just wrong here.
Or maybe not. 
Now it’s back to enjoying Friday nights all by myself again, with only a tub of popcorn and a teddy bear named Homer to keep me company.
Tags: affection, atlantis, blockbuster, caring, charitable work, christian spirituality, christianity, Christians, church, cold, comfort, concern, diet cola, email, empathetic, firm, gentle, girl, God, harlot, hedonistic, kind heart, law, life, love, massages, popcorn, romance, self indulgent, shallow, soul, spirituality, stargate, stargate sg 1, TV, two different worlds, uptown girl, vain, vomit, woman, women, women suck
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log, Romance and Relationships
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Sailing Unknown Waters
Lincoln Adams | April 7, 2007 @ 12:08 pmEver since Uptown Girl wrote back to me, I’ve gone through a myriad of emotions. I wanted more than anything to meet her in person and see if we could hit it off right away, but I knew I wasn’t ready just yet. I was also afraid once she saw me in real life she would become extremely disappointed and that would be the end of it. By keeping our correspondence online for the time being, I could at least maintain the facade of being the kind of guy she was actually interested in.
But now that it’s been a week since I last heard from her, I’m wondering all over again whether I’m just being humored here. She did indicate that she would have a busy week at work, but was that just an excuse? Was she already looking elsewhere but just didn’t have the heart to tell me she was no longer interested? Maybe she’s already dating someone else even. Or maybe…. she really was just busy this week.
But I wonder, does she think about me? Does she wonder about the kind of person I am, about my past, whether I would be a good lover and friend to her? Or am I the last thing on her mind? On the flip side, I wonder what she’s looking for. Does she really want someone like me to be not just a part of her life, but an important part? Would I inspire the kind of affection that she would clear a whole weekend just so she could spend time with me? Or would I merely be someone to fill in the gaps of her otherwise busy life?
I also realized her world was totally foreign to me. She grew up with several siblings. I was an only child. She went to a prestigious school and graduated with honors. I went to a no name college and garnered modest grades. She has a healthy circle of friends going back to her school days. I was a loner who had parted ways with his last and best friend over 5 years ago. She lives on her own. I still lived with my parents. She was a fitness addict. I was a couch potato. She loves to go out all the time. I usually spent most of my time on the Internet. She worked for a renowned company in the private sector. I was a civil service employee working in a dump of a department that apparently seems unconcerned that it’s violating several health codes.
The fact is, we were worlds apart. And I am totally scared that once she gets a glimpse of my world, she’d definitely run for the hills. In a way though, a lot of this hasn’t been my doing, but just the circumstances of life, which apparently for some reason has it out for me. All I can hope for is that she’ll be understanding of it all and give me a chance anyway. If she does just that, I could love her forever. I went through life where very few people, and certainly not any beautiful women were willing to give me a chance to prove my worth. I was always written off, abandoned, or discarded like doggie poo. Facing the possibility that a beautiful and accomplished woman would, despite all my flaws, want to be with me is a concept utterly alien to me. And with it I find myself groping in the dark trying to figure out the proper etiquettes of how to move forward from here. How often to email her? Do I only email her when she emails me? Should I call her first or wait for her to call me? Should I avoid going Dutch altogether on dates? Are flowers appropriate for a first date? Is a hug ok, or would a kiss on the cheek do? And what do we talk about? Will the conversation flow, or will things get awkward. Compounding things even more, will I be able to understand her speech since I’m hearing impaired? Or will she have the kind of low voice I’ll barely be able to understand?
These thoughts and more invade my mind at breakneck speed. I’m constantly analyzing myself and every word she’s written to me, trying to make sense of it all. It’s enough to drive even the most mild mannered of people crazy. I definitely need to slow down and take it easy with all this. But when you’re a guy like me who has far too much time on his hands, even the most trivial of things can weight heavily on our minds.
As things stand right now, I guess the next important step is to talk on the phone. For normal people, this would usually be the first thing they do, but because I’m hearing impaired, me and the phones don’t get along too well. I put it off afraid I wouldn’t be able to hear her clearly and hence embarrass myself. But I get the feeling she is more of a phone person than an email one, and this is something I may just have to risk, especially if it helps us connect more and determine whether this is something worth pursuing any further.
I’m reminded of a phrase I’ve heard once before: “Life is nothing without risks.” I think it’s time I need to start getting out of my shell and start taking chances. If I get burned…..AGAIN…. well, so be it.
Tags: affection, best friend, circle of friends, correspondence, couch potato, dating, email, emotions, etiquette, excuse, facade, fear, flip side, gaps, heart, insecurity, internet, loner, love, myriad, parents, risks, romance, siblings, uptown girl, women, worlds apart
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
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Killing me softly
Lincoln Adams | November 24, 2006 @ 8:36 pmMy life has lately consisted of getting up in the morning, only to see yet another day go by without me experiencing the slightest bit of womanly affection. Eventually it’s gotten to the point where I’ve become so love starved, that even the slightest platonic gesture addressed in my general direction puts me in a state of temporary euphoria. A friendly smile by a pretty girl might be all it would take to turn me into another sad case of pitiful puppy love. I gobble up these random acts of friendliness and kindness like a starving man wolfing down just enough crumbs of bread to stave off death for one more day.
A sweet girl might put her hand on my shoulder just to say hello, next thing you know I’m camping out on her lawn:

As I think about this, I wonder how my tendency to overly react to these random moments of feminine affection would affect my future relationship(s). Would it freak her out, or will she be flattered by it? I mean I just wouldn’t be able to get enough smoochie smoochies, hugs and snuggling together to ever put me at ease. I have a lifetime of romance and love to make up for, and I suspect it would break like a dam the minute the first girl who actually bothers to pay any attention to me comes along.
Sad that I would find my love life (or lack thereof) reduced to such a pathetic state. I only wonder if I’ll ever be able to crawl out of this lonely abyss. 
Tags: abyss, affection, dating, euphoria, freak, friendliness, gesture, girl, kindness, love life, love starved, pretty girl, puppy love, random acts, romance, smile, tendency
Categories: Romance and Relationships
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